Love Letter
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TO MY DEAR WIFE:
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to muss your new hair-do
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because 6 times you just layed there, 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished, and one time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.
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TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to fuck the cat
36 times you did not come home
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
Of the times we did get together the reason I laid still was because you missed and were fucking the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was ,"Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe. -
MODERN LOVE LETTER
Dearest Girl :
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Tuesday, the 03th of April 2001. With reference to the meeting held between us on the 31st of March 2001 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on-the-relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us . Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account. I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer .
Thanking you in anticipation.
Yours sincerely,
[Boy]
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MODERN REPLY OF MODERN LOVE LETTER
Dear Boy :
Please refer to your letter dated today. I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for romance.However, you should be informed that there are certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects are to my satisfaction. However, please enlighten me as to your retirement benefits. Gratuity should be generous. I also need to be assured that there is sufficient security with regards to this commitment.
If there is any chance at all of retrenchment or consequent disinterest on your part, then I should receive monetary compensation according to union standards. Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will agree that an expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the 'VIP'. I shall be entertaining. In addition, housing and transport allowances should be in order and nothing less than a placed luxury condo and a Jag are in order. Please also note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions on myself.
If you are still interested in the relationship, please reply on an urgent basis as other prospective lovers have sent indications of interest . Please also note that my sister is happily employed.
Yours perhaps,
[Girl] -
Originally posted by www:
isn't it more like "i didn't succeed the 329 times becos u had a headache!!"?
[b]TO MY DEAR WIFE:
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to muss your new hair-do
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because 6 times you just layed there, 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished, and one time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to fuck the cat
36 times you did not come home
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
Of the times we did get together the reason I laid still was because you missed and were fucking the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was ,"Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
[/b]
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now that you mention it... yeah, i think headache fits in better.Originally posted by jOhO:isn't it more like "i didn't succeed the 329 times becos u had a headache!!"? 
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Originally posted by www:
it's always a winner...
now that you mention it... yeah, i think [b]headache fits in better. [/b] -
like writing a formal letter like tat sia...Originally posted by www:MODERN LOVE LETTER
Dearest Girl :
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Tuesday, the 03th of April 2001. With reference to the meeting held between us on the 31st of March 2001 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on-the-relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us . Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account. I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer .
Thanking you in anticipation.
Yours sincerely,
[Boy]
----------------------------------------------------------------------
MODERN REPLY OF MODERN LOVE LETTER
Dear Boy :
Please refer to your letter dated today. I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for romance.However, you should be informed that there are certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects are to my satisfaction. However, please enlighten me as to your retirement benefits. Gratuity should be generous. I also need to be assured that there is sufficient security with regards to this commitment.
If there is any chance at all of retrenchment or consequent disinterest on your part, then I should receive monetary compensation according to union standards. Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will agree that an expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the 'VIP'. I shall be entertaining. In addition, housing and transport allowances should be in order and nothing less than a placed luxury condo and a Jag are in order. Please also note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions on myself.
If you are still interested in the relationship, please reply on an urgent basis as other prospective lovers have sent indications of interest . Please also note that my sister is happily employed.
Yours perhaps,
[Girl] -
Originally posted by www:
now that you mention it... yeah, i think [b]headache fits in better. [/b] scare me tot u writing to me 
dun worry i seldom hv headache
but will u always drunk?
nv cum home?
nv cum?
or came too fast??? -
but will u always drunk? noOriginally posted by Si|verGer: scare me tot u writing to me
dun worry i seldom hv headache
but will u always drunk?
nv cum home?
nv cum?
or came too fast???
nv cum home? no
nv cum? no
or came too fast??? no
like that got pass? -
Originally posted by www:
Familar.....
[b]TO MY DEAR WIFE:
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to muss your new hair-do
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because 6 times you just layed there, 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished, and one time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to fuck the cat
36 times you did not come home
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
Of the times we did get together the reason I laid still was because you missed and were fucking the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was ,"Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
[/b]
i receive this as Email... recently...
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he writing to u...Originally posted by Si|verGer: scare me tot u writing to me
dun worry i seldom hv headache
but will u always drunk?
nv cum home?
nv cum?
or came too fast??? 
-
Originally posted by www:
got pass u like top or bottom?
but will u always drunk? [b]no
nv cum home? no
nv cum? no
or came too fast??? no
like that got pass? [/b] -
Originally posted by Ah^ken:he writing to u...
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Cheeze...
*Smilez*