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-links removed-Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one
said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business
when a
Beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the
ground,
took off all her
clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly,
"Good choice; the clothes wouldn't have fit anyway."
Lesson: Don't bother to drop even the most obvious hint, they
can't
catch anyway.
(This is a reality! If you don't believe, test them!)
Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the
glass
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it
needs to
be.
Lesson: There is no philosophy to talk abt but calculations and
calculations...
Comprehending Engineers -Take Three
A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning
for a
particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been
waiting
for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
ineptitude".
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have
a word
with him." "Hi John. Say, what's with that group ahead of us?
They're
rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a
fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
Then the pastor said, "That's so sad I think I will say a
special
prayer
for
them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact
myophthalmologist
buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer, after much thought said, "Why can't these guys
play at
night?"
Lesson: No emotions please, only practicality works here.
Comprehending Engineers -Take Four
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build
targets.
Lesson: They build and build and build and build and... to
compliment
one another.
Comprehending Engineers -Take Five
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing
the
possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the
joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous
system
has
many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else
would run a
toxic waste
pipeline through a recreational area?"
Lesson: All of them have their own theories. None for
believing!
Comprehending Engineers -Take Six
"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet."
Lesson: They are complicated and twisted.
Comprehending Engineers -Take Seven
An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing
whether it was
better to spend time with a wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a
solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of
the
passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like
both."
"Both?" "Yeah," replied the engineer. "If you have a wife and a
mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the
other
woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
Lesson: Gals, NEVER fall for an engineer!!!
Comprehending Engine! ers - Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out
to him
and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The
frog
spoke up again
and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful
princess, I
will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned
it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and
turn me
back into a beautiful princess I'll stay with you and do
ANYTHING you
want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it
back into
his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've
told you
I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week
and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said,
"Look I'm
an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a TALKING
frog,
now
that's cool!
Lesson: Once again, gals, NEVER fall for an engineer!!!!!
===============================================================
Now we know why so many engineers are single. ahahaha...
Engineers,
please don't be offended, this is just a joke, we all know you
are
GREAT
people. 8-)
Strange But True(EXTRACTED FROM THE WEB)
The two-foot long bird called a Kea that lives in New Zealand likes to eat the strips of rubber around car windows!
Most lipstick contains fish scales!
Scepticisms is the longest word that alternates hands when typing!
One ragweed plant can release as many as one billion grains of pollen!
It's illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while you're sitting on a curb in St. Louis!
The first product to have a bar code was WrigleyÂ’s gum!
No piece of square dry paper can be folded more than 7 times in half!
A group of geese on the ground is a gaggle; a group of geese in the air is a skein!
Over 2500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right handed people!
There are more than 10 million bricks in the Empire State Building!
If you counted 24 hours a day, it would take 31,688 years to reach one trillion!
Taphephobia is the fear of being buried alive!
A crocodile always grows new teeth to replace the old teeth!
The sun is 330,330 times larger than the earth!
Clinophobia is the fear of beds!
A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second!
Porcupines float in water!
Pinocchio is Italian for "pine eye"!
The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog." uses every letter of the alphabet!
The average life span of a major league baseball is 5-7 pitches!
The Mint once considered producing doughnut-shaped coins!
The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is "uncopyrightable"!
The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds!
The sloth (a mammal) moves so slowly that green algae can grow undisturbed on its fur!
Cat urine glows under a black-light!
The world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1!
The electric chair was invented by a dentist!
Windmills always turn counter-clockwise. Except for the windmills in Ireland!
A hedgehog's heart beats 300 times a minute on average!
Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand!
The placement of a donkey's eyes in its head enables it to see all four feet at all times!
Human teeth are almost as hard as rocks!
A mole can dig a tunnel 300 feet long in just one night!
Ancient Egyptians slept on pillows made of stone!
A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall child inside!
A quarter has 119 grooves on its edge; a dime has one less groove!
A hummingbird weighs less than a penny!
Until 1796, there was a state in the United States called Franklin. Today it's known as Tennessee!
The Earth weighs around 6,600,000,000,000,000,000,000 tons (5,940 billion billion metric tons)!
A Cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off - it dies from starvation!
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie!
The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year!
It's against the law to pawn your dentures in Las Vegas!
One in every 4 Americans has appeared on television!
The average American/Canadian will eat about 11.9 pounds of cereal per year!
It's against the law to burp, or sneeze in a certain church in Omaha, Nebraska!
YouÂ’re born with 300 bones, but when you get to be an adult, you only have 206!
Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete!
7% of Americans don't know the first 9 words of the American anthem, but know the first 7 of the Canadian anthem!
5% of Canadians don't know the first 7 words of the Canadian anthem, but know the first 9 of the American anthem!
Over 10,000 birds a year die from smashing into windows!
The state of Florida is bigger than England!
There are more than one million animal species on Earth!
In Natoma, Kansas, it's illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suits
It was once against the law to have a pet dog in a city in Iceland!
Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day!
Thomas Edison, light bulb inventor, was afraid of the dark!
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
A crocodile can't stick it's tongue out.
A shrimp's heart is in their head.
People say "Bless you" when you sneeze
because when you sneeze, your heart stops
for a millisecond.
If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib.
If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can
rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck
and die. if you keep your eyes open by force,
they can pop out.
In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period
of 80 years, no one reported a single case
where an ostrich buried its head in the sand
(or attempted to do so - apart from Bones ).
It is physically impossible for pigs to look up
into the sky.
A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
Between 1937 and 1945 Heinz produced a
version of Alphabetic Spaghetti especially for
the German market that consisted solely of
little pasta swastikas.
More than 50% of the people in the world have
never made or received a telephone call.
Rats and horses can't vomit.
Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two
rats could have over million descendants.
The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is
said to be the toughest tongue twister in the
English language.
Wearing headphones for just an hour will
increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
If the government has no knowledge of aliens,
then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the
Code of Federal Regulations, implemented
on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens
to have any contact with extraterrestrials or
their vehicles?
In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman
somewhere.
The cigarette lighter was invented before the
match.
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal
ads for dating are already married.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows
why.
23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are
caused by people sitting on them and photocopying
their buttocks.
In the course of an average lifetime you will,
while
sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.
Most lipstick contains fish scales.
Cat's urine glows under a black-light.
Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is
different.
Over 75% of people who read this will try to
lick their elbow.