THE TALE OF THE VOODOO DICK.
There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long
business
trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try
to get
her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't
much
like the idea of her screwing someone else.
So he went to a store that sold sex toys and looked around. He thought
about
a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him.
He was
browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please
his
wife, and started talking to the man behind the counter.
He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really
know of
anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special
attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her
occupied for weeks, except -- " and his voice trailed off.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the voodoo
dick.'"
"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden
box,
carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very
ordinary
looking dildo.
The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks like
every
other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He
pointed to
a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of
its
box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The
whole
door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle.
Before the door could split, the man said "Voodoo dick, get back in
your
box!"
And the voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there,
quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally agreed
to
$700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a
special
dildo and tha! t to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my
pussy."
He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was
gone.
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She
thought
of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she
remembered
the voodoo dick! She took it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!"
The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was a
religious
experience - she'd never experienced anything like this before!
However. after three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried
to
pull it out. But it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and
tried
to get rid of the damn thing, but nothing worked. Her husband had
forgot to
tell her how to shut it off.
So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put
her
clothes on, got in the car and drove to the hospital, quivering with
every
thrust of the dildo.
On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she
was
pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked
how
much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she
hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy,
and
wouldn't stop screwing.
The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yeah Right -
VOODOO
DICK MY ASS!!!!"