Grads among S'pore wives who whack their men 85% of men whacked had secondary education, some were grads
Men suffer more severe injuries than women By Ng Wan Ching
THE doctors in the emergency
department (ED) were surprised.
Tan Tock Seng Hospital doctors surveying female abuse victims were startled to find men were abused by their wives as well.
About one out of 10 abuse victims who went in for treatment was a man.
Said Dr Foo Chik Loon, ED registrar: 'It was a surprise because we were not expecting any male victims.'
The mini study was put together by Dr Foo and ED head Dr Eillyne Seow.
Said Dr Foo: 'Out of the 149 domestic violence victims surveyed, 14 were men.'
But what kind of a man is likely to be beaten by his wife?
Said Dr Foo: 'Our results show that male domestic violence may be more common among well-educated couples.'
Twelve or 85 per cent of the male victims had at least secondary school education - and five had tertiary education.
Ten of the 14 female assailants had at least secondary education - and three had tertiary education.
And the men tended to suffer more severe injuries than the women.
Seven of the 14 men were attacked with weapons.
Only 14 of the 135 female victims were attacked with weapons. Most suffered body blows.
But women in a rage are more likely to hit out with 'weapons' at hand such as a golf club, broom or a walking stick, perhaps knowing their husbands are likely to be stronger than them.
The men usually suffered the abuse silently.
While most female victims reported their abuse early, most men put up with it as long as they could.
The study showed that:
Three out of four men came forward to report only after multiple attacks; and
The male victims tended to be older than the female. Six men were more than 50 years old, representing 42 per cent of the male victims, while only eight women were older than 50, representing 6 per cent of the female victims.
One reason why male victims tended to be older and came with more severe injuries could be that they put up with the abuse as long as they could.
MEN NEED HELP TOO
'The perception is that if you are a man, you should be able to take care of yourself,' said Dr Foo.
But men need help too.
He feels there should be dedicated hotlines and shelters for men, just as there is now women.
He warned: 'With the narrowing economic gap and the level education playing field between men and women here, the problem of male domestic violence is expected to grow.'
The female abuse victims' study is now being considered for publication in a medical journal and the doctors prefer not to talk about it yet.
But they are presenting the Profile of Male Victims of Domestic Violence today and tomorrow at the National Healthcare Group's Annual Scientific Congress at the Raffles City Convention Hall.
The study was carried out between October 2002 and March 2003.
It came to a halt early because of the Sars outbreak.
'But when we looked at the figures again this year, we felt we had enough to show a snapshot of the situation here,' said Dr Foo.
The doctors thought male victims have received little attention and protection compared to women victims, hence the decision to bring it out in the open.
The doctors are not alone in their concern for male victims.
Mr Benny Bong, 47, a family therapist, has also seen more violence against men by their partners in the last eight years.
Out of every 10 cases of abuse, three would involve both partners abusing each other and perhaps one would be a straight out case of the man being the sole victim.
'But the men are not coming forward to tell me about it. Instead it is only when I make an effort to inquire about the kind of conflict they are having that it comes out,' he said.
One reason why few so men are stepping forward to talk about it is the common perception that the laws are very pro-women.
'They have heard about the Women's Charter, but there is no Men's Charter. Many don't understand that the Women's Charter does provide provision and protection for men as well,' said Mr Bong.
Certain types of people are more prone to being abused than others.
Dr Lionel Lim, consultant psychiatrist at Mount Elizabeth Hospital, said the victim is usually the subservient partner in the relationship.
The abused husbands usually present themselves in a state of depression and when he probes carefully, he finds that there is a history of physical abuse at the
hands of their spouses.
'The man who is depressed usually feels quite helpless and hopeless that they can't change their situation,' said Dr Lim.
The wives are usually assertive, aggressive and have very high standards.
'The woman expects the husband to obey her and match her exacting standards. If the husband is unable to do so, she will get upset. This can start with her verbally abusing the husband and it can escalate to physical abuse,' said Dr Lim.
Just like abused women, abused men need to recognise that this sort of relationship is not healthy and they need to come forward for help.
'Many of them become emotionally affected, depressed and can show many other types of symptoms,' said Dr Lim.
'They can become very distressed and sometimes even suicidal. It will also affect their efficiency and performance at work,' he added.
His advice to them is to reach out to any family counselling centres, general practitioners, psychologists or psychiatrists who will all be able to help.
'Just speak out,' he said.
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Men suffer in silence THE male victim tends to suffer silently because:
He feels it's unmanly to complain.
'If the man wants it to stop, he feels that he should act on it rather than run to the police or counsellors to get help,' said Mr Bong.
He fears his own strength
'He may be afraid of his own physical strength, believing that if he hits his wife, she won't be standing after the blows,' said Mr Bong.
He feels partly to blame.
'I know men who let their wives punch and pinch them and slowly this violence escalates to something more serious like being hit by an object or being scalded.
'Maybe they have been neglectful and have had another woman, so they take it as their punishment,' said Mr Bong.
He fears rocking the marriage.
'Some men don't want to go to court, because they see that step as the marriage coming to an end. It's almost the same reason as that given by women who don't want to seek protection,' said
Mr Bong.
He isn't surprised that less educated couples are more likely to exchange blows.
'It's the more you hit me, the more I'll hit you back.
'But among the more educated couples, there's more feeling of pride among the men,' said Mr Bong.
'They tend to tolerate it, don't want to raise too much of an uproar as they feel it's a matter of losing family pride.'
