One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!".
The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit".
The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my dick I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina."
The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said "Yes, yes, whatever, just get on with it."
So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper".
So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement, she began to moan and groan aloud, "Oh doctor, doctor!" she shouted. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself.
He then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises.
The husband, at this point, suddenly became very annoyed and shouted. "Now wait a minute, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" he blasted.
The doctor, still concentrating, replied: "Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the bastard!!"
An elderly couple were driving across the country.
The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"
The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He says you were speeding!"
The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks again, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman gave the officer her license.
The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time
there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever
seen."
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
And the old man yells, "He said he knows you!"
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the
doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and
examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned,
asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.
"Breast fed," she replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did.
He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while, in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."
I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
He asks, 'What are you doing?'
She answers, 'I'm moving to Nevada . I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free.'
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom &
sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he's
going, he replies, 'I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800 a
year"
A man walks into his office box on a Monday morning. He checks his e-mails and sees one from his neighbor.
it reads, "Do you have any naked photos of your wife?"
Outraged the man replies, "NO I DO NOT!!!!"
Shortly after he receives a second e-mail from his neighbor.
Expecting an apology he opens the e-mail.
It reads, "Want to buy some?"
The train was quite crowded and a U. S. Marine
walked the entire lengthlookingfor a seat.
There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed
French woman,but whenhe got there, he saw it
was taken by the woman's poodle.
The war-weary Marineasked, "Ma'am, may I
have that seat?"
The French woman sniffed and said to no one
in particular, "Americans are sorude. My little
Fifi is using that seat."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but
the only seat available wasunderthat dog.
"Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired."
She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude,
you are also arrogant!"
This time the Marine didn't say a word;
he just picked up the little dog,tossed
it out the train window and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Someone defend me!
Put this American in his place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up.
"Sir, you Americans seem to have apenchant
for doing the wrong thing.
You hold the fork in the wrong hand.
You drive your autos on the wrong side of
the road.
And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the
wrong bitch out the window.