i need guy's views on this
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Depends on individuals...scope's too big to be determined..Originally posted by StarPuppy:its also pretty common in life and relationship between parents and friends
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we can all really care and ask everyone on how they are feeling but as time goes by...its only the duty and no more the feeling of caringOriginally posted by dcx:Depends on individuals...scope's too big to be determined..
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Not really....maybe majority, but not all....Originally posted by StarPuppy:we can all really care and ask everyone on how they are feeling but as time goes by...its only the duty and no more the feeling of caring -
Love can exist in any situation. No matter how shaky the foundation may be, love between 2 pple can exist but rationally, it may not be meant to be.
It's difficult to determine how much the guy still loves the girl after this while. Whether he has been burnt by another girl n going back to that girl(spare tyre), no one really knows. The real question lies on whether that girl still loves the guy. Whether she wants to give another try.
As from my 1st para, since things didnt work out more den once, it's juz not meant to be. Take for example my 1st romance. A couple of weeks after I was rudely cast aside, she wanted to get back. Though I was bitter n destraught n that i really wanted her back, I knew things wont be the same as before. The trust was irreversibly shattered. I painfully chose to walk away.
Today, I can tell u that it irks n maybe pains me when I face her. The scar still remains, but at least I've healed and that I didnt carry on sth tt i truly believe tt wasnt meant to be. -
i'd say, just be frens 1st n see if they 2 relli can be together. dun rush into bf gf relationship cuz it will cause deeper pain if the relationship doesnt work out.. just my suggestion. =)
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Yep, matters of the heart cannot be forced. As the saying goes, only fools rush in.Originally posted by bluewinged:i'd say, just be frens 1st n see if they 2 relli can be together. dun rush into bf gf relationship cuz it will cause deeper pain if the relationship doesnt work out.. just my suggestion. =) -
they got chemistry because they can identify with each other's shynessOriginally posted by starblue:say you once loved this girl a lot, even though you dunno why. you dun really do things with her, or talk to her face to face. but somehow there is chemistry. the two of you tried to get together, but there are always problems. fate just keeps playing with you. you havent met her for 6 plus months, you stopped smsing or calling her for 1 month (and she also dun contact you).
can you still say you love her and want her back after so long of no-contact? what is your "love" founded on since the two of you never really got down to facing each other, not really in each other's lives, right from the beginning?
i do not understand how a guy can still say so adamantly that he still loves a girl he hasnt met for so long or made contact for so long. the "love" doesnt seem.... solid enough. one can not see where it came from, neither where it is going....
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you see, before they broke contact one month ago, they were getting along fine as "friends". the gal thought they both reached a psychological contract, never to step over the line of friendship, that is is "safe" to rely on his as a friend, cos the guy also kept his distance ( as in, got a bit of aloofness so as to seem not too into the gal lah) and kept reminding the gal that he will not be there forever for her, and she has to learn to rely on her other friends someday....Originally posted by bluewinged:i'd say, just be frens 1st n see if they 2 relli can be together. dun rush into bf gf relationship cuz it will cause deeper pain if the relationship doesnt work out.. just my suggestion. =)
so gal took his advice and stopped contact for that one month lah... dun want to feel like she's holding him back or wad lah.. cos he must have his own life and she cant possibly always bother him with her life mah... but then suddenly he just calls and ask for a chance to chase her again... that this time he doesnt need any reciprocation, just needs that hope...
aiya.. dunno lah... it's always like that between them... break, form break form. everytime they say they will never contact each other again, within 2 months, sure will get in touch again.. somehow there is always this cosmic force that just... overwhelms circumstances.. but i guess it's mainly the girl's fault.... dunno if this time is really the last time or not... anyway, the gal has to learn not to rely on a single person too much.... problems always arise whenever that happens...
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it still boils down to whether both parties still have feelings for one another..if they still do den make it happen. a relationship doesnt always have to be a smooth sailing one. it involves lotsa commitment n hardwork to get to know one another better n to give n take. afterall both parties are brought up in different ways so there is bound to be some differences between them =) learn to overcome the gap.
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First, the girl must ask herself thisOriginally posted by starblue:you see, before they broke contact one month ago, they were getting along fine as "friends". the gal thought they both reached a psychological contract, never to step over the line of friendship, that is is "safe" to rely on his as a friend, cos the guy also kept his distance ( as in, got a bit of aloofness so as to seem not too into the gal lah) and kept reminding the gal that he will not be there forever for her, and she has to learn to rely on her other friends someday....
so gal took his advice and stopped contact for that one month lah... dun want to feel like she's holding him back or wad lah.. cos he must have his own life and she cant possibly always bother him with her life mah... but then suddenly he just calls and ask for a chance to chase her again... that this time he doesnt need any reciprocation, just needs that hope...
aiya.. dunno lah... it's always like that between them... break, form break form. everytime they say they will never contact each other again, within 2 months, sure will get in touch again.. somehow there is always this cosmic force that just... overwhelms circumstances.. but i guess it's mainly the girl's fault.... dunno if this time is really the last time or not... anyway, the gal has to learn not to rely on a single person too much.... problems always arise whenever that happens... 
Does she have any feelings for this guy? As in, does she truly feel for him as someone more than friends?
Secondly, she must ask herself this Since this has happened many times before, is she willing to go into a r/s with the guy and never regret or blame herself if history repeats itself?
Thirdly, I suggest that both of them sit down and have a good talk. Talk about what they want from each other. Be honest, do not hide behind the facet of friendship. If she truly just wants to be friends because she could see no future in this r/s, then tell the guy so and dun keep him hanging. But if she wants to be in a r/s with him, then ask him if he thinks this will last, not just something that both of them go in at the spur of the moment, because it involves both parties' feelings and hearts.
Be firm and stand by whatever decision she might make, and remmeber "if only" is the stupidest phrase in the world
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yup yup. *clapsOriginally posted by rainee:First, the girl must ask herself this Does she have any feelings for this guy? As in, does she truly feel for him as someone more than friends?
Secondly, she must ask herself this Since this has happened many times before, is she willing to go into a r/s with the guy and never regret or blame herself if history repeats itself?
Thirdly, I suggest that both of them sit down and have a good talk. Talk about what they want from each other. Be honest, do not hide behind the facet of friendship. If she truly just wants to be friends because she could see no future in this r/s, then tell the guy so and dun keep him hanging. But if she wants to be in a r/s with him, then ask him if he thinks this will last, not just something that both of them go in at the spur of the moment, because it involves both parties' feelings and hearts.
Be firm and stand by whatever decision she might make, and remmeber "if only" is the stupidest phrase in the world
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love is not about seeing each other and contacting each other frequently. Some love are kept in the heart. I had been liking this gal for 8 years , since our secondary school days. The 8 years have been rocky, and there was once when we became very close but some misunderstandings arose, and nothing ever came out of it. But now we still keep in touch(although not frequent), and i can tell u straight in the face there was never once i questioned myself if i still like her, even if along the way someone else appear from time to time.Originally posted by starblue:i do not understand how a guy can still say so adamantly that he still loves a girl he hasnt met for so long or made contact for so long. the "love" doesnt seem.... solid enough. one can not see where it came from, neither where it is going....
there are some people who will leave a impression on u from the first time u meet, and nothing can take that person away from u in the heart. Never question someone's feelings for u, but question urself if he is worthy of u loving him. if u say yes, then go tell him how u feel. -
Hey friend, you were right when u mentioned - "what is your "love" founded on since the two of you never really got down to facing each other, not really in each other's lives, right from the beginning?"Originally posted by starblue:say you once loved this girl a lot, even though you dunno why. you dun really do things with her, or talk to her face to face. but somehow there is chemistry. the two of you tried to get together, but there are always problems. fate just keeps playing with you. you havent met her for 6 plus months, you stopped smsing or calling her for 1 month (and she also dun contact you).
can you still say you love her and want her back after so long of no-contact? what is your "love" founded on since the two of you never really got down to facing each other, not really in each other's lives, right from the beginning?
i do not understand how a guy can still say so adamantly that he still loves a girl he hasnt met for so long or made contact for so long. the "love" doesnt seem.... solid enough. one can not see where it came from, neither where it is going....
Being in love is totally a different thing from being a lover of someone. When I love someone, it is not the distance; nor the physical aspects (environment, background etc... u name it..) that determines the love I have for her or whether we are really in love with each other.
#1: Love is about commitment
Without a level of sacrifice, there is no love at all. Love doesn't exist when there's no sacrifice. And the highest level of sacrifice in a relationship is commitment. It is also the hardest task for many people out there (esp guys).
Which, reminds me of another point below...
#2: Love is spelled as T-I-M-E
First of all, life is about love. And when you love someone, you need to give your time to be with that someone. Going out of contact for too long isn't an excuse for missing that someone. Because, in love, one must spend loads of time together. There must always be a fellowship; connection so that the relationship can be built up.
#3: Relationships must have a foundation
Relationships can never be built up without spending quality time together. And furthermore, to build it up, it needs a strong friendship and bond as a foundation. It is just like building a skyscraper. Without a strong foundation, any stormy whether can shake it and topple it.
In conclusion, if ever a guy has no commitments, afraid to commit or even sacrifice part of his precious time to be with u, then I would say that he's too immature for you and in loving you. -
man... u know what guyz? this is why we r still in love with each other. it is pure honesty and total purity in the relationship that keeps us strong till now.Originally posted by rainee:First, the girl must ask herself this Does she have any feelings for this guy? As in, does she truly feel for him as someone more than friends?
Secondly, she must ask herself this Since this has happened many times before, is she willing to go into a r/s with the guy and never regret or blame herself if history repeats itself?
Thirdly, I suggest that both of them sit down and have a good talk. Talk about what they want from each other. Be honest, do not hide behind the facet of friendship. If she truly just wants to be friends because she could see no future in this r/s, then tell the guy so and dun keep him hanging. But if she wants to be in a r/s with him, then ask him if he thinks this will last, not just something that both of them go in at the spur of the moment, because it involves both parties' feelings and hearts.
Be firm and stand by whatever decision she might make, and remmeber "if only" is the stupidest phrase in the world
this is one of the reasons y i love her.
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I would like to comment (well, a general comment IMO..) that this guy doesn't know what he wants. And that girl... doesn't know what she wants also. And because of indecisiveness in this "friendship", it keeps wavering like a tower without a strong foundation.Originally posted by starblue:you see, before they broke contact one month ago, they were getting along fine as "friends". the gal thought they both reached a psychological contract, never to step over the line of friendship, that is is "safe" to rely on his as a friend, cos the guy also kept his distance ( as in, got a bit of aloofness so as to seem not too into the gal lah) and kept reminding the gal that he will not be there forever for her, and she has to learn to rely on her other friends someday....
so gal took his advice and stopped contact for that one month lah... dun want to feel like she's holding him back or wad lah.. cos he must have his own life and she cant possibly always bother him with her life mah... but then suddenly he just calls and ask for a chance to chase her again... that this time he doesnt need any reciprocation, just needs that hope...
aiya.. dunno lah... it's always like that between them... break, form break form. everytime they say they will never contact each other again, within 2 months, sure will get in touch again.. somehow there is always this cosmic force that just... overwhelms circumstances.. but i guess it's mainly the girl's fault.... dunno if this time is really the last time or not... anyway, the gal has to learn not to rely on a single person too much.... problems always arise whenever that happens...
Do u see the pattern here?
And I would suggest that they both sit down and talk it out. Resolve it ASAP. On the guy's side, he needs to take responsibility and make a quick decision about resolving this issue. On the girl's side, she needs to be final in her decision regarding of what she really wants out of this "relationship" or "friendship". -
Ya know... whenever I heard abt these kinds of stories, it always reminds me of soap oprahs. And soap oprahs are long and irritating. why make things so complicated???
And PLEASE, oh puh-leez.. follow ur heart but don't follow blindly. One must know what their heart is hungry for. -
dubicated post...
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in doubt, ask. ask him why didn't he contact you for a month and now suddenly come to u and ask you for a r/s. if he can provide you with a good answer supported by evidence then maybe he could be just shy... like you know that daniel's song? ai ni duo ni.
sometimes, when a guy likes a girl and if he is the shy type, he wont know how to express himself then when he finally gathers enuf courage to go forward, plp doubt his sincerity.
love is something which cannot be explained using logic. try giving him a chance i'd say. A chance meaning, say for a month, go out with him, talk to him etc to see how good is he to you. if he remembers things that you say, u can be rest assured that he is serious.
after that month, gather ur tots and derive a conclusion. gd luck. -
the guy says he didn't contact the girl for one month cos in that one month he was in conflict with himself, whether or not to ask for another chance... that he had to sort things out with himself, what he really wants. and to gather the courage to pop the question again.Originally posted by dibilo:in doubt, ask. ask him why didn't he contact you for a month and now suddenly come to u and ask you for a r/s. if he can provide you with a good answer supported by evidence then maybe he could be just shy... like you know that daniel's song? ai ni duo ni.
sometimes, when a guy likes a girl and if he is the shy type, he wont know how to express himself then when he finally gathers enuf courage to go forward, plp doubt his sincerity.
love is something which cannot be explained using logic. try giving him a chance i'd say. A chance meaning, say for a month, go out with him, talk to him etc to see how good is he to you. if he remembers things that you say, u can be rest assured that he is serious.
after that month, gather ur tots and derive a conclusion. gd luck.
actually, the girl is just a very troublesome girl. she finds the guy someone she can rely on (for she cannot just rely on anybody. in fact, there are only 3 guys in the world she can rely on, including this guy.). and so she doesnt want to lose someone she can rely on. just as a friend. everytime they decided to disappear from each other's lives so that the other party can lead his/her own life happily, somethings happen. and the girl faces a major catastrophy in her life and she really cannot handle it alone, and she feels she cannot go to the other two guys.. she feels there is only one person she can turn to, and it's him... but still, she hesitates.. she always fears the unknown that will happen because of her actions.. yet, circumstances worsen, she really needs someone... and finally she will call the guy and pour out her soul into him. and the entire thing begins again...
she needs him to rely on. yet she fears to go into anymore more than friendship with him. he is too intense for her to feel somfortable around him. he always makles his love feel very heavy. sometimes resorting to making the girl feel guilty for certain things, make her feel obliged to take care of his feelings. (i love you so much.. why are you doing this to me?) how she wished they could at least start as friends. go out together for dinner without that heavy burden in her heart that he is consistently hoping for something more. at least not until they have built a true friendship. a foundation.
but no!! the guy doesn't get it. it's either she gives him the hope of being together, or nothing. that he can't see her as a friend no matter what. he wouldnt even try to build things from scratch. the girl has hinted, even took a step towards him, saying that she hopes she can still rely on him, even though she will be always feeling guilty cos she canot promise him hope (but at least they will still be in touch)... but nope. he dismisses it altogether. says he cant do it. says if there isnt a clear cut hope from her, he cant let her rely on him as a friend cos it hurts him to be just friends.
gal gets pissed. and walks away after calling the guy the biggest idiot she has ever met. -
he is an idiot then. but this case is of course normal. he may have loved you and waited for this moment for a very long time thats why, when he finally opened himself up to her, the love or the passion is intensified.
what both of them/you must do now is, to know and understand if they are true to one another. the girl, if still cannot confirm her feelings can, tell him that she is feeling so pressured from his persistance and cannot breath. sometimes, guys are blinded by their passion and forgot to give the one he loves a breathing space... especially if that guy is those not too sensitive type.
tell him "please if you really like me, wait for me, let us progress slowly. we may be able to work something out but i have to know you as a person 1st." this will give him something to hold on to rather than to let him dangle in mid air.
but 1 thing to keep in mind, if he keeps only talking but no show at all, it could mean that he is not real to you either so, for the moment, observe his actions. does he care for you, does he thinks about you and does he dare to do things like going out with ur friends or bringing you to show his close friends etc. -
how come so drama wan?
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haha drama meh? all i can say is that she is not the only one who has been through this drama.Originally posted by browniebaobao:how come so drama wan? -
the strongest love starts as friendship. Because you wud need that as a base for the r/s. That is why the greatest lovers are also the greatest friends for each other.Originally posted by starblue:the guy says he didn't contact the girl for one month cos in that one month he was in conflict with himself, whether or not to ask for another chance... that he had to sort things out with himself, what he really wants. and to gather the courage to pop the question again.
actually, the girl is just a very troublesome girl. she finds the guy someone she can rely on (for she cannot just rely on anybody. in fact, there are only 3 guys in the world she can rely on, including this guy.). and so she doesnt want to lose someone she can rely on. just as a friend. everytime they decided to disappear from each other's lives so that the other party can lead his/her own life happily, somethings happen. and the girl faces a major catastrophy in her life and she really cannot handle it alone, and she feels she cannot go to the other two guys.. she feels there is only one person she can turn to, and it's him... but still, she hesitates.. she always fears the unknown that will happen because of her actions.. yet, circumstances worsen, she really needs someone... and finally she will call the guy and pour out her soul into him. and the entire thing begins again...
she needs him to rely on. yet she fears to go into anymore more than friendship with him. he is too intense for her to feel somfortable around him. he always makles his love feel very heavy. sometimes resorting to making the girl feel guilty for certain things, make her feel obliged to take care of his feelings. (i love you so much.. why are you doing this to me?) how she wished they could at least start as friends. go out together for dinner without that heavy burden in her heart that he is consistently hoping for something more. at least not until they have built a true friendship. a foundation.
but no!! the guy doesn't get it. it's either she gives him the hope of being together, or nothing. that he can't see her as a friend no matter what. he wouldnt even try to build things from scratch. the girl has hinted, even took a step towards him, saying that she hopes she can still rely on him, even though she will be always feeling guilty cos she canot promise him hope (but at least they will still be in touch)... but nope. he dismisses it altogether. says he cant do it. says if there isnt a clear cut hope from her, he cant let her rely on him as a friend cos it hurts him to be just friends.
gal gets pissed. and walks away after calling the guy the biggest idiot she has ever met.
What is love if there is no friendship? Why does he only want her as a lover but not as a friend? There is something that even I can't fathom there.
And he is also rather selfish in my opinion. Everything must be done because he is hurt, because he can't accept the girl as a fren first in his life. Has he ever thought about how the girl would feel?
Think very carefully if she wants to go into this r/s. After all, being in a r/s means being able to count on each other all the time, being able to be best friends toward each other as well as soulmates,. -
It's not love. It's either admiration, or lust.Originally posted by starblue:say you once loved this girl a lot, even though you dunno why. you dun really do things with her, or talk to her face to face. but somehow there is chemistry. the two of you tried to get together, but there are always problems. fate just keeps playing with you. you havent met her for 6 plus months, you stopped smsing or calling her for 1 month (and she also dun contact you).
can you still say you love her and want her back after so long of no-contact? what is your "love" founded on since the two of you never really got down to facing each other, not really in each other's lives, right from the beginning?
i do not understand how a guy can still say so adamantly that he still loves a girl he hasnt met for so long or made contact for so long. the "love" doesnt seem.... solid enough. one can not see where it came from, neither where it is going....
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actually, this is exactly what puzzles me... i dun understand why the guy is so insistent on the girl giving him hopes. i mean, if the girl is the kind of person who dun promise whatever she is not confident of keeping, then is there no other alternative the guy can compromise to?? either this is major communication problem between them two, (they don't understand what the other party needs and is thinking about, or concerned about), or they are just being too different..Originally posted by rainee:the strongest love starts as friendship. Because you wud need that as a base for the r/s. That is why the greatest lovers are also the greatest friends for each other.
What is love if there is no friendship? Why does he only want her as a lover but not as a friend? There is something that even I can't fathom there.
And he is also rather selfish in my opinion. Everything must be done because he is hurt, because he can't accept the girl as a fren first in his life. Has he ever thought about how the girl would feel?
Think very carefully if she wants to go into this r/s. After all, being in a r/s means being able to count on each other all the time, being able to be best friends toward each other as well as soulmates,.