>>I Dieci Perfetti<<
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if i asked them to stay, they will feel uneasy seeing i'm just keeping quiet.. sometimes i just need someone to be sitting there with me while i mull over things in my own head. but they get very uneasy, i see feel it... so i just tell them i will be fine tomolo, ask them to go home first...Originally posted by rainee:sometimes they think they shud leave u alone ma...cos maybe they sense from ur reaction that you dun like them to be around when you are feeling sad...
so u need to not fear abt asking them to stay if dats wat u really want...dun contradict your own feelings... -
I also feel weird if I get hugged...Originally posted by starblue:wad u mean???
i guess in my family, there are not overt displays of affection or concern. especially for me, cos i am always the big sis, capable of taking care of myself. so i dun get direct concern wadsoever. so when there is too much concern, i just feel... wierd.
but have to learn to get used to it next time when I have met my ai ai...
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if you look carefully, the skeleton background actually fits into your elaboration of your problems now... you can't get attention because your dad does not want any second opinions from you guys, because he may think that he is right or somewhat may...Originally posted by starblue:u dunno my family background, so something u said are off the point. u see, it has a lot to do with my dad, the way he brought us up. we were never allowed to question, to raise views contradictory to his. so even if we do disagree, we have to suppress them. heck, my brother cant even really argue with anyone, he will jsut burst out crying. i was liddat once too, cos it feels like... i got so much i wanna say to you, but i just cant. cos all along i have to suppress my own thoughts, so much so tha tnow even if i wan to argue out loud, i cant. only tears will come.
but i am more "fortunate" in a sense cos i am the eldest, i am the spokesmen for my bros. they used to tell me things they wanna say against dad but never did. so little by little i started to express my own thoughts and my brother's for them. of cos being very tame and mild in the beginning. but dad saw that as rebellion. and i am hence forth labeled as that.
i can tell u that even now, whever i argue with my dad, i will still cry. it's that strong instinct of suppression yet wanting so much to express things that is so.... painful sometimes...
that is why until now, i'd rather supress things than to fight against it and express it. i can express myself much better on writing than in speech... but that doesnt help much.
...though there is a point there that doesn't fit...
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"stay"
and if they do, it says a lot -
hmm then just tell them that...Originally posted by starblue:if i asked them to stay, they will feel uneasy seeing i'm just keeping quiet.. sometimes i just need someone to be sitting there with me while i mull over things in my own head. but they get very uneasy, i see feel it... so i just tell them i will be fine tomolo, ask them to go home first...
tell them that you would like some peace and quiet to think things over, but you would like it if they stay there with you...
trust me, a true fren wun find this too troublesome...
i shud know, cos I asked my ai ai to do this for me quite a lot of times le...
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pple is a perfectionist...tatz y it still doesnt fit..Originally posted by renorenal:if you look carefully, the skeleton background actually fits into your elaboration of your problems now... you can't get attention because your dad does not want any second opinions from you guys, because he may think that he is right or somewhat may...
...though there is a point there that doesn't fit... -
meaning who do you feel weird for... for yourself or for the person who hugs you... nvm, i got my answer...Originally posted by starblue:wad u mean???
i guess in my family, there are not overt displays of affection or concern. especially for me, cos i am always the big sis, capable of taking care of myself. so i dun get direct concern wadsoever. so when there is too much concern, i just feel... wierd.
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i do voice my opinions now. that is why i no longer tolerate in silence whenever my dad works up. but my mum and bros arent helping. whenver my dad and i are 'quarreling", my bros just stand behind me and let me take the heat alone. and my mum makes me apologise.Originally posted by rainee:you must learn how to break out of this routine yea...
I am also trying...
cos in my family, I am also not taught to argue back...my mom expects me to just agree with everything she asks of me...if I argue, I might get beaten...
but after I got here, I learn how important it is to be able to stand up for urself, for your own opinion, to voice them out when you want to instead of contradicting your heart's desire and just suppressing them... -
everyone else is not your parents
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true...Originally posted by alfagal:pple is a perfectionist...tatz y it still doesnt fit.. -
really???Originally posted by rainee:hmm then just tell them that...
tell them that you would like some peace and quiet to think things over, but you would like it if they stay there with you...
trust me, a true fren wun find this too troublesome...
i shud know, cos I asked my ai ai to do this for me quite a lot of times le... -
but the reflex is there. for 20 years.Originally posted by the Bear:everyone else is not your parents -
then try to reason with your mum...Originally posted by starblue:i do voice my opinions now. that is why i no longer tolerate in silence whenever my dad works up. but my mum and bros arent helping. whenver my dad and i are 'quarreling", my bros just stand behind me and let me take the heat alone. and my mum makes me apologise.
try to make her see that you are not in the wrong to stand up for urself...
tho it might lead to arguments la...
better dun say anymore otherwise i mite lead u astray...
cos back home there was once I got very fed up with my parents' controlling everything I do...
so I flared up...and then they let me chose the major I am in now..
i wish I can regain that courage...
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define trust.Originally posted by alexkusu:Starblue, basically ur problem is like this
You should trust others more and open up yourself gradually. Fear of trusting someone because you may think that someone maybe gone in the future. What is life without risk? How bout coming out of that shell of yours? Have high expectations on yourself and expect others to reciprocate to it. People are different. Thats what make them unique -
really really...Originally posted by starblue:really???
wait I get my ai ai to come in and say sth...
he is busy redesigning his blog now...but I will tell him to verify this -
yup...
just like i had a long time ago...
trick is.. making a conscious effort to tell yourself that all the time.. after a while, your subconscious will listen and get it right..
sort of what i tell people... you have to decide to be happyOriginally posted by starblue:but the reflex is there. for 20 years. -
try to curb that reflex...Originally posted by starblue:but the reflex is there. for 20 years.
dun just predict that it will last that long...
sometimes we gotta help ourselves -
she says he is dad, so i must respect him. i mustnt show him sttitude. prob is, respect from me must be earned, daddy or not. and i cannot pretend to "like" someone when i in fact loathe him.Originally posted by rainee:then try to reason with your mum...
try to make her see that you are not in the wrong to stand up for urself...
tho it might lead to arguments la...
better dun say anymore otherwise i mite lead u astray...
cos back home there was once I got very fed up with my parents' controlling everything I do...
so I flared up...and then they let me chose the major I am in now..
i wish I can regain that courage... -
wait har i go and dfig out my HR notesOriginally posted by starblue:define trust. -
sometimes.. its too tiring fighting against some things...Originally posted by the Bear:yup...
just like i had a long time ago...
trick is.. making a conscious effort to tell yourself that all the time.. after a while, your subconscious will listen and get it right..
sort of what i tell people... you have to decide to be happy -
then just say to her that you are entitled to ur own opinion...try to argue with your Dad in a nicer way lor...dun involve shouting and screaming...will need lots of self control and patience...which I admit I also lack, cos everytime my argument with my parents will end up in screams and yellings...Originally posted by starblue:she says he is dad, so i must respect him. i mustnt show him sttitude. prob is, respect from me must be earned, daddy or not. and i cannot pretend to "like" someone when i in fact loathe him. -
yes. it's true that i stayed by her side when she needs a listening ear. tt's something i would always willing to sacrifice for when she's in need.Originally posted by starblue:really??? -
of cos it is tiring, but u know u gotta try, for ur own sake...Originally posted by starblue:sometimes.. its too tiring fighting against some things...
it is like exercising, u know it is tiring, but u gotta go it for ur own health... -
thereOriginally posted by The Emperor:yes. it's true that i stayed by her side when she needs a listening ear. tt's something i would always willing to sacrifice for when she's in need. -
yeah.. but to quit would be worse...Originally posted by starblue:sometimes.. its too tiring fighting against some things...