>>I Dieci Perfetti<<
-
good grace, no... that is why my "quarreling" is in inverted commas... i have to speak in a revered tone to my dad or he will get violent. but this "respectful" expression of my opinion to my family is as good as quarreling... even my brothers believe that as children, we should just let our parents say what they want.Originally posted by rainee:then just say to her that you are entitled to ur own opinion...try to argue with your Dad in a nicer way lor...dun involve shouting and screaming...will need lots of self control and patience...which I admit I also lack, cos everytime my argument with my parents will end up in screams and yellings...
-
she got half of it right. like it or not, he is still dad. but, i too believe that respect is earned. in the army, i sometimes tell my friends, i'm respecting the rank, not the person. the person hasn't done anything to earn my respect. but before others respect me, i must respect others.Originally posted by starblue:she says he is dad, so i must respect him. i mustnt show him sttitude. prob is, respect from me must be earned, daddy or not. and i cannot pretend to "like" someone when i in fact loathe him. -
...often enough, the family hierarchy works that way, as long as they are paying your tuition fees, giving you food and a shelter over your head, they will by all means exert their power on you ( only certain parents, not all ), but you already know that they are resistant to it, going against resistance will only tear your ownself up aggravating the condition that you are already on...Originally posted by starblue:she says he is dad, so i must respect him. i mustnt show him sttitude. prob is, respect from me must be earned, daddy or not. and i cannot pretend to "like" someone when i in fact loathe him.
...sometimes it's just best to let in one ear, out another... -
you'll be out of it soon.Originally posted by starblue:good grace, no... that is why my "quarreling" is in inverted commas... i have to speak in a revered tone to my dad or he will get violent. but this "respectful" expression of my opinion to my family is as good as quarreling... even my brothers believe that as children, we should just let our parents say what they want. -
i gave him all the respect i can ever master liao... and u dun see me going to pick on his many shortcomings that are eye sores to me. he is the one who always comes to find fault with me.Originally posted by Othello_Red:she got half of it right. like it or not, he is still dad. but, i too believe that respect is earned. in the army, i sometimes tell my friends, i'm respecting the rank, not the person. the person hasn't done anything to earn my respect. but before others respect me, i must respect others.
and sometimes he flares up over tiny things, and break things. and guess wad i found out.... everytime he flares up at me, is cos he doesnt get sex from mum.
Fuck. -
then tell her that you do not think that is right...say that you are already an adult and you know how to think for yourself, and that they are not right all the time. Even if they are your parents,they are still human beings so they are also prone to mistakes...Originally posted by starblue:good grace, no... that is why my "quarreling" is in inverted commas... i have to speak in a revered tone to my dad or he will get violent. but this "respectful" expression of my opinion to my family is as good as quarreling... even my brothers believe that as children, we should just let our parents say what they want. -
it actually depends on how you fight against it...Originally posted by starblue:sometimes.. its too tiring fighting against some things... -
The definition of trust is subjective and varies from person to person. It comes in many forms and many colours. Lets say you trust me to take care of this forum. How do you defined that trust? Or you trust rainee with a particular juicy gossip. How do you defined that trust as well? These two 'trust' are not the same right? The question is, even if trust can be properly defined and categorised, are you willing to listen to the advices or will you be stubborn and close your mind towards them?Originally posted by starblue:define trust. -
i am no longer living off them. i can move house anytime i want and be totally independent. but my mum threatens me against it.Originally posted by renorenal:...often enough, the family hierarchy works that way, as long as they are paying your tuition fees, giving you food and a shelter over your head, they will by all means exert their power on you ( only certain parents, not all ), but you already know that they are resistant to it, going against resistance will only tear your ownself up aggravating the condition that you are already on...
...sometimes it's just best to let in one ear, out another...
and trust me, i have let in one ear out the other for as long as i can tolerate it. u cannot imagine the things he say about me. but nvm, i dun care if he says bad thigns about me. but he has to go overboard and say thigns about mum also...
but pray, let's not go into my dad, he is not the main issue here... the main issue is still my problem. and i have no idea how to get over them. -
lol...sounds like he is just being childish ...Originally posted by starblue:i gave him all the respect i can ever master liao... and u dun see me going to pick on his many shortcomings that are eye sores to me. he is the one who always comes to find fault with me.
and sometimes he flares up over tiny things, and break things. and guess wad i found out.... everytime he flares up at me, is cos he doesnt get sex from mum.
Fuck.
-
girl, you're old enough to know what's the best next step for you. you've survived this long. you'll make it thru all this.Originally posted by starblue:i gave him all the respect i can ever master liao... and u dun see me going to pick on his many shortcomings that are eye sores to me. he is the one who always comes to find fault with me.
and sometimes he flares up over tiny things, and break things. and guess wad i found out.... everytime he flares up at me, is cos he doesnt get sex from mum.
Fuck. -
That's ventilation... since he can't get something he want, he will put it out on others by any means...Originally posted by starblue:i gave him all the respect i can ever master liao... and u dun see me going to pick on his many shortcomings that are eye sores to me. he is the one who always comes to find fault with me.
and sometimes he flares up over tiny things, and break things. and guess wad i found out.... everytime he flares up at me, is cos he doesnt get sex from mum.
Fuck. -
that one try already. and you do not want to hear what dad has to say about that.Originally posted by rainee:then tell her that you do not think that is right...say that you are already an adult and you know how to think for yourself, and that they are not right all the time. Even if they are your parents,they are still human beings so they are also prone to mistakes...
-
like wad? move out and always be afraid of when he will act up and kill mum??Originally posted by Othello_Red:girl, you're old enough to know what's the best next step for you. you've survived this long. you'll make it thru all this. -
well, ur problems seem to be related to the way you are treated in ur family..Originally posted by starblue:i am no longer living off them. i can move house anytime i want and be totally independent. but my mum threatens me against it.
and trust me, i have let in one ear out the other for as long as i can tolerate it. u cannot imagine the things he say about me. but nvm, i dun care if he says bad thigns about me. but he has to go overboard and say thigns about mum also...
but pray, let's not go into my dad, he is not the main issue here... the main issue is still my problem. and i have no idea how to get over them.
but actually it is kinda simple...but it will need to start from urself. you have to make the effort and decision to want to change. otherwise whatever we said here will just go to waste...
first u need to learn to trust. and u need to stop thinking abt burdening others when you share your thoughts and problems with them. -
sometimes i feel he just wants to control me, so that next time i will feed him in his retirement, and that my brothers will follow me (like how they used to follow me when we were younger).... he just wants to assert himself over me.Originally posted by renorenal:That's ventilation... since he can't get something he want, he will put it out on others by any means... -
wat did he say?Originally posted by starblue:that one try already. and you do not want to hear what dad has to say about that. 
-
Starblue, you know what? You need rest. You are most likely exhautsed.
-
everyone else on the outside will have an opinion on this. but at the end of the day, it is still up to you as frankly, you know best.Originally posted by starblue:like wad? move out and always be afraid of when he will act up and kill mum?? -
Originally posted by rainee:wat did he say? nothing that i wanna say here... just one thing... that night, he made me kneel in front of him. while my brothers and mum were standing there.
-
lolz.. somehow i fear i might have said too much this evening...Originally posted by Othello_Red:everyone else on the outside will have an opinion on this. but at the end of the day, it is still up to you as frankly, you know best. -
+1Originally posted by Othello_Red:everyone else on the outside will have an opinion on this. but at the end of the day, it is still up to you as frankly, you know best. -
rainee, i don't think that'd be a good idea.Originally posted by rainee:wat did he say? -
true... your dad seems to have a hard type personality that is crushing onto you and making you who you are now... a dilemma is a dilemma, you can either choose to move out (but that's not the solution), or choose to stay on... either way... u need to know what's best for you...Originally posted by starblue:i am no longer living off them. i can move house anytime i want and be totally independent. but my mum threatens me against it.
and trust me, i have let in one ear out the other for as long as i can tolerate it. u cannot imagine the things he say about me. but nvm, i dun care if he says bad thigns about me. but he has to go overboard and say thigns about mum also...
but pray, let's not go into my dad, he is not the main issue here... the main issue is still my problem. and i have no idea how to get over them. -
how do u learn to trust?Originally posted by rainee:well, ur problems seem to be related to the way you are treated in ur family..
but actually it is kinda simple...but it will need to start from urself. you have to make the effort and decision to want to change. otherwise whatever we said here will just go to waste...
first u need to learn to trust. and u need to stop thinking abt burdening others when you share your thoughts and problems with them.