is there any point in friendship?
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is there something wrong with me or wad? why cant i seem to maintain friendships? heck, i dun even know the meaning of true friendship anymore.
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its fated.
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wadever.
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what's wrong?Originally posted by starblue:is there something wrong with me or wad? why cant i seem to maintain friendships? heck, i dun even know the meaning of true friendship anymore.
sometimes, you don't need a huge number..but a small group of close buddies. 
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how do you define true friendship? those that you are willing to open your hearts to and they too? if that is so, i have a few...
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Aiya.Originally posted by starblue:is there something wrong with me or wad? why cant i seem to maintain friendships? heck, i dun even know the meaning of true friendship anymore.
Are you reading too much into it?
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Just need to maintain one or two really true friendship can liao.
Dun think too much -
you need to love yourself. i think u hate ur life and everything u r doing. if u continue to do that, you'll find it hard to love others.Originally posted by starblue:is there something wrong with me or wad? why cant i seem to maintain friendships? heck, i dun even know the meaning of true friendship anymore.
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You're asking something I'm still pondering about today.
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ur sec sch friends?normally i feel that they're the ones that last..
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I don't even have any close friend in sec school.Originally posted by stellazio:ur sec sch friends?normally i feel that they're the ones that last.. -
depending of which period of ur lfie, friends comes and goes..Originally posted by starblue:is there something wrong with me or wad? why cant i seem to maintain friendships? heck, i dun even know the meaning of true friendship anymore.
people change over time.. the same person u know and treated as a friend might not be the same 5 yrs down the road..
at the same time, people have different likings, hobbies..
there are people who have specific group of friends for the various things they like to do....
Sometimes it might be ur fault or it might be their fault.. must give and take a bit.. after all u are friends..
my theory is very simple de.. those friends i like, i mix more with them.. those friends i dun like so much, just mix with them lesser.. there is no harm knowing more people..
and i will not tolerate so called friends who shout at me or show me their tempers etc.. to me.. if u are not happy, shout at someone else.. we are friends only.. not happy, fuCX off.. i dun need u too~ i dun treat this sort of buggers as friends~
Hope it give u a bit of insight here~ -
I used to be like a rolling stone - gathering no moss, drifting through my early years without acquiring genuinely close friends. From primary school to secondary to JC, I tended to have just one or two "buddies" whom I had closer relationship to. But when I left the school, I just sort of lost touch with them. But now, through university, I've acquired a group of four or five close friends, whom I still keep in touch with after we've graduated. But still, I don't hang out with them every weekend. We only just occasionally get together.
Well, I don't feel the need to have many friends, though it might be a good thing to have lots of contacts when you go out to work. But in the end, one true friend is still better than a thousand fair-weather ones. -
..... Maintaining a friendship need effort from both parties, you must want to be a friend first and let the other person response, liked putting the ball on the other side of the court. If he/she hit the ball back, you response in kind, if not, no matter how you scream or shout, the ball will never move and the game of friendship is over.
The reasons you can't keep a friendship might dued to some emotional baggages you are currently carrying. Is it that you had a bad childhood, or is there any misgivings between you and any of your family members or have you been abused by someone closed to you?
These are some of the reasons that can caused dis-trust in you, you are always suspect of people who really meant well to you. This alone would kill off any potential friendships. Trust in friendship, don't think people are always out to harm you. Also must willing to accept your friends' faults and flaws, nobody is perfect. The most important thing is to accept yourself first, get in touch with your feelings, find out the root of the problems. You can't expect your friends to act and think like you do, no two humans are aliked. Accept that each and everyone is different. The more you expect what your friends are supposed to do, the outcome is only one word....disappointment. From disappointment came resentment on your part and then the friendship turned sour. Learn how to trust yourself and your feeling first......... 
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cool! i like this reply!Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:..... Maintaining a friendship need effort from both parties, you must want to be a friend first and let the other person response, liked putting the ball on the other side of the court. If he/she hit the ball back, you response in kind, if not, no matter how you scream or shout, the ball will never move and the game of friendship is over.
The reasons you can't keep a friendship might dued to some emotional baggages you are currently carrying. Is it that you had a bad childhood, or is there any misgivings between you and any of your family members or have you been abused by someone closed to you?
These are some of the reasons that can caused dis-trust in you, you are always suspect of people who really meant well to you. This alone would kill off any potential friendships. Trust in friendship, don't think people are always out to harm you. Also must willing to accept your friends' faults and flaws, nobody is perfect. The most important thing is to accept yourself first, get in touch with your feelings, find out the root of the problems. You can't expect your friends to act and think like you do, no two humans are aliked. Accept that each and everyone is different. The more you expect what your friends are supposed to do, the outcome is only one word....disappointment. From disappointment came resentment on your part and then the friendship turned sour. Learn how to trust yourself and your feeling first......... 
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excuse me.. those i call my real friends, i will trust them with my life. so i dun think distrust is an issue here. it's more like.... they dun take initiative in maintaining contact, or the friendship. and i always grow weary being the one to do things. and i eventually give up trying and we drift away. or until crack occur and things sour.Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:These are some of the reasons that can caused dis-trust in you, you are always suspect of people who really meant well to you. This alone would kill off any potential friendships. Trust in friendship, don't think people are always out to harm you. Also must willing to accept your friends' faults and flaws, nobody is perfect. The most important thing is to accept yourself first, get in touch with your feelings, find out the root of the problems. You can't expect your friends to act and think like you do, no two humans are aliked. Accept that each and everyone is different. The more you expect what your friends are supposed to do, the outcome is only one word....disappointment. From disappointment came resentment on your part and then the friendship turned sour. Learn how to trust yourself and your feeling first.........
actually i also dun really know the problem. i can only venture to guess. afterall, i no longer can "read" what those friends really feel anymore, after we sort of... drifted away. wadever... -
Friends come and go...some will jsut disappear from your life once a phase in your life is over, even though you make effort to stay in touch with them...
Not your fault, it is just the way life goes... -
u dun ned alot of frens, u ned jus some good frens. tian xia mei you bu shang zhi yan xi. all things will come to an end, tat includes frenship. dun feel sad, jus b urself i feel tats wats impt.
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u can have friends but true frens stay with u forever
i dun have much frens in sgF also
alot have changed.....
frens are always there but true frens take years to develop and show themselves....its like a relationship
~+Cheers+~
StarPuppy -
take it easy with such 'friends'.Originally posted by starblue:excuse me.. those i call my real friends, i will trust them with my life. so i dun think distrust is an issue here. it's more like.... they dun take initiative in maintaining contact, or the friendship. and i always grow weary being the one to do things. and i eventually give up trying and we drift away. or until crack occur and things sour.
actually i also dun really know the problem. i can only venture to guess. afterall, i no longer can "read" what those friends really feel anymore, after we sort of... drifted away. wadever...
such ppl are not worth fretting over.
such ppl are actually just acquintances in a passing phase who forge diplomatic ties to convenience shared goals such as, say a group project or something.
but there are some friends who will meet up with primary, secondary school friends even when not seeing 1 another in school any more.
such friends will follow us through life and are worth treasuring.
but they're very few and far between -
..... Congrats!! for having friends you can trust with your life. But then why are you still so worked up? It shows that you are in self denial. When a person has real friends in their life he/she should feel blessed, joyful and happy. The person's life is enriched. Whenever you think of your real friends it put a smile on your face. If you have so called real friends and they wore you down liked your case, something is wrong somewhere.Originally posted by starblue:excuse me.. those i call my real friends, i will trust them with my life. so i dun think distrust is an issue here. it's more like.... they dun take initiative in maintaining contact, or the friendship. and i always grow weary being the one to do things. and i eventually give up trying and we drift away. or until crack occur and things sour.
actually i also dun really know the problem. i can only venture to guess. afterall, i no longer can "read" what those friends really feel anymore, after we sort of... drifted away. wadever...
I guessed you are trying too hard, so when you didn't get the results you wanted, you felt disappointed, you felt been let down. Change your approve in maintainning your friendships, don't need to contact them so often, let them be themselves, let them handle their own problems. If they need you and still treat you as their true friend they will come looking for you. Don't have to worry too much about them too, get on with your life. Real friends don't need to keep or meet up that often, when you know you have real friends, life is a breeze and should be able to concentrate on your work or study.
To know who your real friends are, try to be assertive and know what your boundaries are. Priroritise those you think that value and appreciate you. Those that kept running away even though you have try very hard, just let them go. Accept and let go of friends who no longer place you as part of their life. Even real friends can turned and became strangers. Sad but true, don't think just because you are reliable and trustful, your friends will do the same. Life is not like that, simple as you may think. Chances are you all share the same friendship but not the same values. -
you will have to try who is the truest to you. those friends are worth to be friends. those who keeps calling ppl not to friend you or keeps bad mouthing you, they are not your friends le. they are just using you only. know the differnece man.
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friendship cannot survive where there is no contact. that has been my firm belief. i dun see how u can still call someone a "friend" when u havent seen him/her (or even smsed) for months. which is a truly sad thing for me, cos my friends seem intent on not keeping in touch if i didnt initiate phonecalls or wadnots. i dunno wad to make of it. i am no longer confident of telling myself that these few true friends that i might believe i have will remain in touch with me years after graduation (and we no longer see each other in school)and we having our own lives to cope with.
will you not contact your true friend outside of school/project/work time? if not just for a cup of coffee or a simple lunch.
i have been deeply depressed over these thoughts but i just brushed them aside for now. i dun think i want to inhabit these grey areas while i still have them by my side. yet, something compels me to "prepare" myself should that (losing them after graduation) happens. -
i can relate to your sentiments.Originally posted by starblue:friendship cannot survive where there is no contact. that has been my firm belief. i dun see how u can still call someone a "friend" when u havent seen him/her (or even smsed) for months. which is a truly sad thing for me, cos my friends seem intent on not keeping in touch if i didnt initiate phonecalls or wadnots. i dunno wad to make of it. i am no longer confident of telling myself that these few true friends that i might believe i have will remain in touch with me years after graduation (and we no longer see each other in school)and we having our own lives to cope with.
will you not contact your true friend outside of school/project/work time? if not just for a cup of coffee or a simple lunch.
i have been deeply depressed over these thoughts but i just brushed them aside for now. i dun think i want to inhabit these grey areas while i still have them by my side. yet, something compels me to "prepare" myself should that (losing them after graduation) happens.
but pragmatic people are too preoccupied with their daily dealings and choose to contact only the people they need. such acquintances can only fulfill short-term needs. after which they lose interest in friendship. they don't warrant too much time and maintenance because they're only task motivated anyway.
true friends are long-term investments and should be given top priority in relationship development. they can be confidants in many situations unlike acquintances who must share vested interests before they care.
but why do you regard those mentioned as true friends? which of their qualities convinced you they are true friends? -
Like I have said, if you have made effort to keep in touch with them but they never responded for a long time, that means they might have already moved on with their own life. People have different friends from different phases of their life. Some stay with them, some are gone because of circumstances. So don't beat yourself up because of this...just know that if you have made an effort, then that's the best you can do.Originally posted by starblue:friendship cannot survive where there is no contact. that has been my firm belief. i dun see how u can still call someone a "friend" when u havent seen him/her (or even smsed) for months. which is a truly sad thing for me, cos my friends seem intent on not keeping in touch if i didnt initiate phonecalls or wadnots. i dunno wad to make of it. i am no longer confident of telling myself that these few true friends that i might believe i have will remain in touch with me years after graduation (and we no longer see each other in school)and we having our own lives to cope with.
will you not contact your true friend outside of school/project/work time? if not just for a cup of coffee or a simple lunch.
i have been deeply depressed over these thoughts but i just brushed them aside for now. i dun think i want to inhabit these grey areas while i still have them by my side. yet, something compels me to "prepare" myself should that (losing them after graduation) happens.