is there any point in friendship?
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..... Ic ic..you're studying in uni now. As I a had mentioned earlier, don't have to try too hard, just make an effort will do. Most probably your friends took you for granted, because all these times you have been doing the calling, so it has become a habit for them to not to make the initiative. To see wheather they care and value you as a pal, contact them less often. If they realised that suddenly you hardly call them or you do not call them as often as before, real friends will certainly contact and check on you. In this way you will know who is real and who is fake.Originally posted by starblue:friendship cannot survive where there is no contact. that has been my firm belief. i dun see how u can still call someone a "friend" when u havent seen him/her (or even smsed) for months. which is a truly sad thing for me, cos my friends seem intent on not keeping in touch if i didnt initiate phonecalls or wadnots. i dunno wad to make of it. i am no longer confident of telling myself that these few true friends that i might believe i have will remain in touch with me years after graduation (and we no longer see each other in school)and we having our own lives to cope with.
will you not contact your true friend outside of school/project/work time? if not just for a cup of coffee or a simple lunch.
i have been deeply depressed over these thoughts but i just brushed them aside for now. i dun think i want to inhabit these grey areas while i still have them by my side. yet, something compels me to "prepare" myself should that (losing them after graduation) happens.
I did contact my friends out for a drink or dinner at times. There are some, no matter how many times I called them they always got excuses to turn me down. The worst is they said they will call, but never do, and yes they are my true friends..this is what I thought. Since then I had cut them off . It's nobody's faults, people changed that's all. Move on make new friends that come along your way. Make friends with people who truely want to be your friends, its a two way traffic.
Cherish the time now with your friends, you can't predict the future. Those that treasure you will definately will want to keep your friendship. Don't get so worked up, you can't force them if they don't want to. Enjoy, pamper yourself, buy a CD, learn to play guitar, smell the roses but don't sniff in a bee (I had warned you)...
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they have been my friends for many years now. they stuck around when other have long given up on the quest to get into my heart. they earned that special place in my heart because they have always been there, sort of.Originally posted by boy in blues:i can relate to your sentiments.
but pragmatic people are too preoccupied with their daily dealings and choose to contact only the people they need. such acquintances can only fulfill short-term needs. after which they lose interest in friendship. they don't warrant too much time and maintenance because they're only task motivated anyway.
true friends are long-term investments and should be given top priority in relationship development. they can be confidants in many situations unlike acquintances who must share vested interests before they care.
but why do you regard those mentioned as true friends? which of their qualities convinced you they are true friends?
i am a very difficult to get to gal, i admit that. many have stopped at once when they merely encounter my icy top layer. i dun blame them cos no one likes to touch ice. but there are these 6 people who didnt stop there. i knew them at different points in my life. 3 of them have been with me for 7 years. the other 4 for 3, 4 years. but most have..... drifted away.
now i only see one gal regularly cos we take classes together. she is most dear to me i know her family, and they know me. she knows my family and they know her too. she visited me when i was down with chicken pox. i helped look after her sisters in her house when she had to go out. a terribly good friend. but i fear the day we graduate will be the day we see less of each other. then i will truly be left with no one else.
i dunno.. i'm just despondent i guess. too disappointed to want to make anymore close friends. too in despair to want to let myself allow someone in my heart again. although there is this one new gal friend.... but i dunno... wad is the point of making another close friend just to have them drift away again?
i am utterly disappointed. -
I used to think like this oso...but then I thought to myself...people come and go in life, those who are destined to be with you will be, those who are not will drift away. It doesn't stop me from making frens tho, because at least even when they are no longer with me, I will have memories of them to cherish later in lifeOriginally posted by starblue:they have been my friends for many years now. they stuck around when other have long given up on the quest to get into my heart. they earned that special place in my heart because they have always been there, sort of.
i am a very difficult to get to gal, i admit that. many have stopped at once when they merely encounter my icy top layer. i dun blame them cos no one likes to touch ice. but there are these 6 people who didnt stop there. i knew them at different points in my life. 3 of them have been with me for 7 years. the other 4 for 3, 4 years. but most have..... drifted away.
now i only see one gal regularly cos we take classes together. she is most dear to me i know her family, and they know me. she knows my family and they know her too. she visited me when i was down with chicken pox. i helped look after her sisters in her house when she had to go out. a terribly good friend. but i fear the day we graduate will be the day we see less of each other. then i will truly be left with no one else.
i dunno.. i'm just despondent i guess. too disappointed to want to make anymore close friends. too in despair to want to let myself allow someone in my heart again. although there is this one new gal friend.... but i dunno... wad is the point of making another close friend just to have them drift away again?
i am utterly disappointed.
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..... it hurts real bad losing your trusted friends. Perhaps you may stop for a moment and reflects what might have gone wrong. Is it something you had said? Are you been too pushy? your behaviours or they got tired of your icy facade? What lost you cannot get it back. Keep the happy memories, learn from the positive sides of the experience. Since they are not making an effort, there is nothing you can do. You alone cannot make a friendship works. Reconcile with yourself and reality. Calm down your thoughts and move on. There are lots of nice people out there waiting to be your friends. Don't lose hope, just keep on going and going and going......Originally posted by starblue:they have been my friends for many years now. they stuck around when other have long given up on the quest to get into my heart. they earned that special place in my heart because they have always been there, sort of.
i am a very difficult to get to gal, i admit that. many have stopped at once when they merely encounter my icy top layer. i dun blame them cos no one likes to touch ice. but there are these 6 people who didnt stop there. i knew them at different points in my life. 3 of them have been with me for 7 years. the other 4 for 3, 4 years. but most have..... drifted away.
now i only see one gal regularly cos we take classes together. she is most dear to me i know her family, and they know me. she knows my family and they know her too. she visited me when i was down with chicken pox. i helped look after her sisters in her house when she had to go out. a terribly good friend. but i fear the day we graduate will be the day we see less of each other. then i will truly be left with no one else.
i dunno.. i'm just despondent i guess. too disappointed to want to make anymore close friends. too in despair to want to let myself allow someone in my heart again. although there is this one new gal friend.... but i dunno... wad is the point of making another close friend just to have them drift away again?
i am utterly disappointed.
Meanwhile take consolation that you still have a real friend around. Do what you suppose to do as a real friend, you seem to know what a quality friend consist of liow. Don't need to try too hard, you will appeared too pushy, thats make people very uncomfortable. If she treat you as a true friend, she will definitely make an effort. Remember also, she got her own sets of pals too, respect her territory and feeling.
Whats gone is gone liow, sulking won't reward you with friends, but will add a few more lines on your face. It's time to look forward not backward and don't worry about the future. Live for the moment, there are so many good things out there for you to discover
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Go easy on life and life would be easy on you... BGR love or friendship love... There're common things within... The TIGHTER you GRAB ON to them, DEFINES and DEMAND from them... The FASTER they BURST APART...Originally posted by starblue:is there something wrong with me or wad? why cant i seem to maintain friendships? heck, i dun even know the meaning of true friendship anymore. -
People will come and go in your life, usually because your goals or interests have changed. I've had several good friends too whom I have lost contact with already. What's important is not really whether you remained best friends forever but that everyone had good times together and to keep those memories close.
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I moved to another room my ex-roomie already never asked me to go out with her or anything...last time used to always asked me one.
Goes to say that nothing stays the same forever. -
sigh.... nothing stays the same forever... i resent this fact.. sometimes this alone discourages me from making new friendships, or even, to go beyond one-way admiration for any guy.... sigh....
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have you heard of this saying?Originally posted by starblue:sigh.... nothing stays the same forever... i resent this fact.. sometimes this alone discourages me from making new friendships, or even, to go beyond one-way admiration for any guy.... sigh....
Change is the only constant.
Ironic, but that's life -
..... don't dwell on your lost friendships for too long. Beware of losing your self esteem and go into depression. Pick yourself up, have faith that your new friendships will be better and more fulfilling than the previous one.Originally posted by starblue:sigh.... nothing stays the same forever... i resent this fact.. sometimes this alone discourages me from making new friendships, or even, to go beyond one-way admiration for any guy.... sigh....
Treat friendship as watching a movie, you enjoy the show very much and do not wish it to end. Eventually it does, but in your mind you know that there are better one coming up soon.
If you feel discourage of what you don't have, then it is a waste of what you have. Be glad that you have your health, family, education and goals in life.
Don't need to wait until you have a boyfriend then you start to be happy. Find happiness within yourself first, when you are happy and full of life, guys will admire you from afar. So the best day to be happy and enjoy life is NOW!! -
yeah... you're right... i guess things will somehow work themselves out in the end, whether it is a renewed friendship or a necessary end. i shall not let myself be too......bothered by the inconsistencies in life...Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:..... don't dwell on your lost friendships for too long. Beware of losing your self esteem and go into depression. Pick yourself up, have faith that your new friendships will be better and more fulfilling than the previous one.
Treat friendship as watching a movie, you enjoy the show very much and do not wish it to end. Eventually it does, but in your mind you know that there are better one coming up soon.
If you feel discourage of what you don't have, then it is a waste of what you have. Be glad that you have your health, family, education and goals in life.
Don't need to wait until you have a boyfriend then you start to be happy. Find happiness within yourself first, when you are happy and full of life, guys will admire you from afar. So the best day to be happy and enjoy life is NOW!! -
its ok to feel shortchanged when you've given your all to maintain a relationship and the other party fails to measure up. most people are pragmatic and won't appreciate your efforts, the good news is that when you chance upon someone like you (which won't happen often, by the way), you'll both stand right out from the common horde and clique together. trust building takes time, and going through thick and thin together assures each other of the endurance of the relationship and benefits of investing in it long-term.Originally posted by starblue:yeah... you're right... i guess things will somehow work themselves out in the end, whether it is a renewed friendship or a necessary end. i shall not let myself be too......bothered by the inconsistencies in life...
as for that friend of yours, you can develop closer friendship with her by means of common interests like say, attend same church. it gives added motivation to meet every sunday.
maybe you should consider go NIE teaching career. high starting pay, job stability, special rates for home tuition for considerable side income are pragmatic incentives to enroll NIE.
your job performance is gauged more from students' appraisal of you rather than HOD's and also the value-addedness of your teaching service. so you can be assured of impartial judgement unless you antagonize whole class of students.
main thing is there's no conflict of interests between you and students, unlike among colleagues where people steal credit and back-stab one another to make themselves look good while others look bad -
In this world, nothing is permanent. Even true friends will sometimes drift apart although unlikely. And if they do, its just life.
Part of the process of life is to meet new people, make new friends, open up new horizons And who knows, the new friends you meet may turn out to be true friends after all.
Anyway, uni for me is also a changing phase. I had friends who were nice during the first year. But as time goes by, we became very busy and slowly drifted apart.
Its not that we didn't make an effort to keep in contact, but sometimes circumstances play a part, and its part of life, so we moved on. -
Yes there is a point in friendships when you had a very close bonding with the friends but most of the time, it hard to find them especially at our age ( i assume u are aroudn 20+) but there does not mean there isn't.
Sometime it is just not fated to be friends/close friends forever. Even if there are really such things as friends forever, it's rare few especially when we have became adults. Sometime, it can take an instant moment to find someone who you can click with instantly but the next moment, no chemistry. Human relationships can have complicated issue. Partly, everyone changes at certain phrase in life.
I also felt dejected once about friends but i realise after there, i don't grasp at relationships or has a high or false expectation about it. I think i can let go of a break up easily.
Sometime, im so busy that i don't have the time to meet up or nuture the friendships but i do sms them once in a blue moon and so are them. It also take effort to maintain friends and whether the other party will make there effort so. -
haha me too...Originally posted by starblue:sigh.... nothing stays the same forever... i resent this fact.. sometimes this alone discourages me from making new friendships, or even, to go beyond one-way admiration for any guy.... sigh....
scared the pain of losing someone but can u bear the pain of loneliness? -
o.O church... o.OOriginally posted by boy in blues:as for that friend of yours, you can develop closer friendship with her by means of common interests like say, attend same church. it gives added motivation to meet every sunday.
maybe you should consider go NIE teaching career. high starting pay, job stability, special rates for home tuition for considerable side income are pragmatic incentives to enroll NIE.
your job performance is gauged more from students' appraisal of you rather than HOD's and also the value-addedness of your teaching service. so you can be assured of impartial judgement unless you antagonize whole class of students.
main thing is there's no conflict of interests between you and students, unlike among colleagues where people steal credit and back-stab one another to make themselves look good while others look bad
and hor... why talk until NIE there??? wad has a teaching career got to do with friendships??? do enlighten me. -
i dunno about you guys... but i dun really like the uni environment. and i refer to the social aspect of it. i dunno, maybe some will think me to be..... pessimistic. but uni is so not conducive to make real friends. when you are good in a module, people stick to you in affinity groups and study with you. when you suck at it (stats for example), they ditch you and go on with the group assignments as if you were not there, not even bothering to check if you are following the discussion. in other words, they let you die.Originally posted by DriftingGuy:Anyway, uni for me is also a changing phase. I had friends who were nice during the first year. But as time goes by, we became very busy and slowly drifted apart.
Its not that we didn't make an effort to keep in contact, but sometimes circumstances play a part, and its part of life, so we moved on.
ah well... it is a cruel world out there. got to do everything by yourself. i am by nature a very trusting person. maybe too trusting for my own good. i say, i have to learn not to rely on "close" friends i make in uni from now on. even with the new friend whom i mentioned i recently got to know... i am beginning to see her.... selfish side. and i dun blame her.
ren bu wei ji, tian zu di mie.
if only the world isnt so pragmatic. it is difficult to keep giving if yourself to a friend when you see that they don't do the same. and dun talk about "giving without the prospect of returns". it aint about that. i'm sure you know wad i am talking about if you are in my shoes. you just dun feel appreciated. -
lolz... loneliness isnt painful. on the contrary, it is numbing.Originally posted by Isis:haha me too...
scared the pain of losing someone but can u bear the pain of loneliness?
in that light, i think i am becoming a social vegetable. -
Ah but not everyone in uni is like that... although alot of them are... its just that everyones fighting for their grades, and its a bell-curve system out there.. If someone gets an A, chances are someone else will get a C.Originally posted by starblue:i dunno about you guys... but i dun really like the uni environment. and i refer to the social aspect of it. i dunno, maybe some will think me to be..... pessimistic. but uni is so not conducive to make real friends. when you are good in a module, people stick to you in affinity groups and study with you. when you suck at it (stats for example), they ditch you and go on with the group assignments as if you were not there, not even bothering to check if you are following the discussion. in other words, they let you die.
ah well... it is a cruel world out there. got to do everything by yourself. i am by nature a very trusting person. maybe too trusting for my own good. i say, i have to learn not to rely on "close" friends i make in uni from now on. even with the new friend whom i mentioned i recently got to know... i am beginning to see her.... selfish side. and i dun blame her.
ren bu wei ji, tian zu di mie.
if only the world isnt so pragmatic. it is difficult to keep giving if yourself to a friend when you see that they don't do the same. and dun talk about "giving without the prospect of returns". it aint about that. i'm sure you know wad i am talking about if you are in my shoes. you just dun feel appreciated.
As a result of that, you have people backstabbing others, letting them pad the bottom while they grab their As... or the befriending of A students...
Its hard to differentiate who are the ones... but there are others who are not like that and they too wish to make real friends.. one must not give up the trust but gets wiser on whom to trust -
me oso puzzledOriginally posted by starblue:o.O church... o.O
and hor... why talk until NIE there??? wad has a teaching career got to do with friendships??? do enlighten me. -
..... of coz you will feel some pain losing a true and trusted friend. We are human, we got feelings. Remember to pratice strict quality control on who you let in to your heart. Our heart is a sacred and fragile place, when someone walked out of it, it took a piece of you too, and it gonna hurts liked hell. Not al friends will accompany you through-out the journey. Just take your time in building up your new friendships, a true friend will reveal him/herself. Don't isolate yourself for too long though, it will turned you into a recluse....Originally posted by starblue:yeah... you're right... i guess things will somehow work themselves out in the end, whether it is a renewed friendship or a necessary end. i shall not let myself be too......bothered by the inconsistencies in life... -
Originally posted by starblue:
..... hope it is not bittergourd
lolz... loneliness isnt painful. on the contrary, it is numbing.
in that light, i think i am becoming a social [b]vegetable. [/b] -
o.kay.. i just spent like 30 minutes reading through every single thing... n i am starting to get dizzy. Ur questino about 'Is there any point of friendship?' well.. i ask u this.. Is there anypoint in being a loser ? OF COURSE! Blessed are the losers.. cause they are the ones who determine the winners!
Everyone needs friendship.. unless u are not right in the head. U will need at least. 1 friendship. Thats the way it is. Like they said , Good friends , true friends , best friends. . its how u categorise them n then put know which ones to put more attention to n which ones u fudge them.. or even use them. Who cares.. they use u too. So its like a two way thingy.
Anyways, u cant hold on to ur friends forever. In the end of the day.. there is only those selected few.. less then 10. But trust me.. even distance will not seperate the friendship, because i know , n i have seen it. Now it seems that things just seems to drift away.. so hazy. But u will see the light at the end of the tunnel.. n hence know the true meaning of friendship n those that are most dear to you shall reveal themselves in time.