Fairy Tales are just found in books
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things are really farking up big time for me. first, i have 4 exams hanging over my head and i've only studied half way for one of them. the rest have to leave to saturday to study. second, there are two projects and oral presentations clawing away at me and is the main reason why i cant be studying for my exams until sat. and finally, the champion of it all, my dad.
now that one's a real bustard. his debtors went to church to chase him for the money. and it triggered a family meeting where all 3 of his brothers came to my house to reason with him. the main purpose of it was to convince him to shut down his business before incurring even more debts, or at least to fire that asshole of an employee whom mum feels will suck him dry and kill him and hang him out to dry. to both accounts, the farker refused. and he got the cheek to say that he will go to the loansharks if his brothers dun help him. my uncles shouted at him and made him promise he wun, but mum says he will do it if he said he will. so on top of all the study monsters i have to slay, i will now live in constant fear that one fine day i might be forced into.... the unthinkables. and you know what's farking hilarious? it's the fact that the whole extended family can see the doom that my family's sinking into, and the only way to stop it is to kill the farker.
my first brother has boycotted speaking to the asshole. as have i, a long time ago. i have seen, from the time he plunged into his farking business against all disapproval, that he is beyond reason. no amount of convincing or coersion will slap him out of his pride. my mum even got fed up with me once cos the farker complained to her that i am not paying respect to him. PUI!! respect my ass. i cant even call him "father" without the urge to stick a knife up his anus. for some time now, i have only been able to grunt out monosyllabic replies to his questions, like so:
farker: you going to school?
me: mmmm (but i'm going to the movies)
farker: how is your day, daughter?
me: fine (mentally snarling at the "daughter")
farker: why are you not speaking to me?
me: nothing (there, i've spoken to you)
farker: you know, you should take every opportunity to speak with me (hinting that he will not be around long) (and yes, he's really said that a couple of times. wad? does he expect me to grovel at his feet and ask pardon for not worshipping the ground he walks on?)
me: mmmm (walks off, rolling my eyes big time. this fucker's got an ego the size of the Andromeda galaxy. who would want to speak to him when nothing can get past that fucking thick pride of his? say until like i'm going to regret not talking to him.)
so there, my beautiful undergraduate life. one flowing with milk and honey. one where you can get a bf from school and go to lectures and tutorials and labs and movies and lunches with, and live happily ever after.
you know, i reckon i will not be around much longer. i have been as strong as i could, always picking up the pieces and wiping all the tears and snot and carrying on with life in front of my friends as though nothing big's happening. but now i see it. everytime my mask breaks down, i can only glue it up that far. i fear that one day, the pieces will become too small to piece up again. what will happen then? will it be Goodbye Cruel World? or will it be I Dont Farking Care Anymore?
i think i should get my ears pierced. and maybe my navel too. and i wanna highlight my hair. and the peer pressure to join my friends in their pubbing routine looks very enticing. i should get a guy and try some premarital (protected) sex sometimes too. maybe i'll take them two at a time, just to see how it's like. and ah... of cos... i think i might finally go over and ask for his phone number and chat him up. it's been a year and a half since i started crushing on him, afterall. and maybe i'll go get a new set of wardrobe. you know.... trying out tube tops, miniskirts.
yeah... i might wanna live my life upside down for once. you know, get a new perspective on life.
alright!!! now i'm going to get off my butt and go to the library and do some studying. it's a pity the world doesnt stop spinning when your life stops spinning. -
i wonder wad business is dat?
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press on xiao mei
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sigh..
life is too cruel sometimes...
there are times when I feel like breaking down as well...when my heart feels like it is breaking to pieces, when there are too many words that can no longer be expressed because they are way past their due dates...yes, words do have their due dates too. Once the moment is gone, there won't be another chance to say them out.
I guess, for all of us, there is a path laid before us for us to walk on, and no matter how painful it might be, there is no choice but to tread on that path, and see where it will carry us. -
Jia you Starblue...
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Ditto.Originally posted by Simple_Bear:Jia you Starblue...
Really, don't give up. There's always a ray of hope at the end of the road. -
Keep your chin up starblue!
Sometimes a person is too blind (or too stubborn to admit) that he is walking into a ravine and ignore the alarm bells going off. As they always say "Kill the messenger".
Anyway, stay as positive as you can and not let your surroundings pull you down into a downward spiral. Maybe just bury yourself in your studies. -
i've finished studying for tomolo's exam. i think. now have to worry about the rest of the plate.
you know, someday i think i might crack and "accidentally" stab him to death. i mean, one can only take that much of pressure and sht. ah, till then, i shall bury myself in the forum. -
haiz good luck. and you mom is stil supporting him. oh well just study hard now, get a job and take care of your siblings
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You need a bf. fast.Originally posted by starblue:i've finished studying for tomolo's exam. i think. now have to worry about the rest of the plate.
you know, someday i think i might crack and "accidentally" stab him to death. i mean, one can only take that much of pressure and sht. ah, till then, i shall bury myself in the forum.
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/raises hand to volunteerOriginally posted by CoolMyth:You need a bf. fast. -
you got how much cash?Originally posted by hisoka:/raises hand to volunteer -
she just cant see that he is beyond hope. she kept trying to see her point and close down the business. but it's really no use. if his brothers cant convince him, a woman will never even get past his auditory neurons. but she just dunno how to give up. i dun blame her. he's her spouse.Originally posted by hisoka:haiz good luck. and you mom is stil supporting him. oh well just study hard now, get a job and take care of your siblings -
Originally posted by starblue:you got how much cash?
must inspect the goods first -
Originally posted by hisoka:
must inspect the goods first
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when i'm desperate then i look for u again. wad's your number?Originally posted by hisoka:
must inspect the goods first -
you are not welcomed here.
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Originally posted by starblue:when i'm desperate then i look for u again. wad's your number?
so i only suitable for bf when starblue is desperate
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Better than nothing, right?Originally posted by hisoka:
so i only suitable for bf when starblue is desperate Good luck! -
When you're desperate enough let me know. My brother looking for gf
(My brother will kill me if he sees this post ) -
sorry hor... i dun really fancy being QCed, so pardon my nasty desposition.Originally posted by hisoka:
so i only suitable for bf when starblue is desperate -
How about showing your brother's picture so starblue can inspect frst?Originally posted by elindra:When you're desperate enough let me know. My brother looking for gf
(My brother will kill me if he sees this post ) -
your brother how old? is he handsome? is he rich? does he own a cat?Originally posted by elindra:When you're desperate enough let me know. My brother looking for gf
(My brother will kill me if he sees this post ) -
Originally posted by elindra:When you're desperate enough let me know. My brother looking for gf
(My brother will kill me if he sees this post ) -
Sadness fills my heart as I read your post.....
Everyone in e forums will be here for you.... not very familiar with your situation so i can never say i understand how you feel but if u need to scream out your frustrations... we shall be there for you...me included.....
Actually,his situation resembles that of 2 tarot cards...the fool and Tower..... a fool for having a foot over the ravine n a dog barking at him n still not having any response..... Tower Card... everyone is abandoning to the falling fotress n he is still holding on hoping for a miracle that is going to happen.... There is a slight possibilty that he has the demon card hiding behind this collapse.Obvioulsy ,someone was there to tempt him into making wrong decisions with the lure of fast cash.... either that or that someone has something on his hands that he is making use of to threaten your dad,causing him to be unable to pull away.
In any case, if you do decide you need time away from the situation.... I shall open the doors of my house to you..... we all need a break sometimes.
May the light shine on those who believe.