What do you find the most challenging in a r/s?

• rainee

  22 Aug 06, 21:22

  Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:

  .....Now i got the picture here are two questions;
  
  Your boyfriend of two years and a closed guy friends of five years who lost their job simutaneously and both were very miserable. Which one do you concole and give more attention to?
  
  You also mentioned that you had some close guys pal. What happened if one of them you know for say.. three years show an interest in you. But you ONLY want to be just friend. How will you handle in such a situation?
  
  ( 2nd qn abit off topic hope thread starter don't mind )

  is okie good to see everyone is engaging in a thought-provoking discussion in this thread
• rainee

  22 Aug 06, 22:13

  Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:

  ..... Hmmm.. very trusting indeed. Does your trust extend to revealing of information like, must your boyfriend inform you that he got an extra handphone(for work purposes) but wouldn't want you to know the number. Or he subscribed to other internet accounts or e-mail accounts without wanting you to know. Will you probe into it or have full trust that all these are innocence?

  for me i oso used to think i cud be this trusting...but after some bad experiences...now i cannot be dat trusting anymore
• BadzMaro

  22 Aug 06, 23:36

  
• starblue

  23 Aug 06, 08:14

  Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:

  ..... Hmmm.. very trusting indeed. Does your trust extend to revealing of information like, must your boyfriend inform you that he got an extra handphone(for work purposes) but wouldn't want you to know the number. Or he subscribed to other internet accounts or e-mail accounts without wanting you to know. Will you probe into it or have full trust that all these are innocence?

  honestly, he can do whatever he wants with his life. i'll appreciate that he tells me on his own accord (about the handphone), but if i see it, then i'll just ask him loh.
  
  i'm pretty trusting in a rs. cos the insecurities come BEFORE i decide to get attached. so it means that who ever i get attached to, must have already shown me that he can be trusted with my heart.
  
  but infidelity is an absolute taboo with me. if i find out....... he might find his groin in a precarious position.
• starblue

  23 Aug 06, 08:17

  Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:

  .....Now i got the picture here are two questions;
  
  Your boyfriend of two years and a closed guy friends of five years who lost their job simutaneously and both were very miserable. Which one do you concole and give more attention to?
  
  You also mentioned that you had some close guys pal. What happened if one of them you know for say.. three years show an interest in you. But you ONLY want to be just friend. How will you handle in such a situation?
  
  ( 2nd qn abit off topic hope thread starter don't mind )

  my guy first loh. the situations are the same. the number if years do not matter to me. besides, i think in this kinda situation, any close guy friend of mine will understand that i need to tend to my guy first.
  
  as for the sec qn, if u asked me a year ago, i'd say, "i'll probably feel very awkward around him and tend to move away from the friendship so that i don't feel obliged in anyway." but now, i guess i'll just tell him politely that he can only be a friend to me. and let him decide if he wanna just withdraw into his cave and cool down before resuming his best friend position, or he wants to slowly fade away from my life because it's just too painful (or wadever)/
• NeverSayGoodBye

  23 Aug 06, 17:10

  Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:

  Well... in severe cases, depression IS a matter of life and death....

  ..... True, but the question of the matter is not about mental health, just two guys having a bad day
• NeverSayGoodBye

  23 Aug 06, 17:20

  Originally posted by rainee:

  for me i oso used to think i cud be this trusting...but after some bad experiences...now i cannot be dat trusting anymore

  .....i guessed you need to gain back your sense of trust before embarking on a r/s, or else it's going to be very stressfull. Imagine every little things your boyfriend did is subject to some kind of suspiciousness. Trust need to be cultivated over times, it's better to get to know a person well first before moving to the next step. Trust also a two ways street, the person you trust must also trust you in total
• NeverSayGoodBye

  23 Aug 06, 17:30

  Originally posted by starblue:

  honestly, he can do whatever he wants with his life. i'll appreciate that he tells me on his own accord (about the handphone), but if i see it, then i'll just ask him loh.
  
  i'm pretty trusting in a rs. cos the insecurities come BEFORE i decide to get attached. so it means that who ever i get attached to, must have already shown me that he can be trusted with my heart.
  
  but infidelity is an absolute taboo with me. if i find out....... he might find his groin in a precarious position.

  ..... In what circumstances and stages then can a guy is abled to gain your full trust?
  
  Talking about infedelity, you meant that as long as your boyfriend allow you to kick his groin whenever he cheated on you, so that everythings are settled? Or you are trying to say that if you caught your boyfriend cheating on you, not only he got kick in the groin but the relationship is over. No need for explaination and second chance? Caught him once and it is all over?
• rainee

  23 Aug 06, 17:30

  Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:

  .....i guessed you need to gain back your sense of trust before embarking on a r/s, or else it's going to be very stressfull. Imagine every little things your boyfriend did is subject to some kind of suspiciousness. Trust need to be cultivated over times, it's better to get to know a person well first before moving to the next step. Trust also a two ways street, the person you trust must also trust you in total

  hmm...question is how much can you trust a person until they will start to take advantage of your trust and say that you are naive instead?
  
  Of cos I do trust my dear...there are times that my insecurities and watnots get into the way, but I will always try to calm down after a while and try to reason with myself. If I still can't become rational after that, I will have a talk with him reg. this
• alfagal

  23 Aug 06, 17:37

  Originally posted by alwaysdisturbed:

  i believe these are the basic blocks for a stable r/s

  yes i agree, but i guess these are also e most impt things that are also challenging, cos usually e most basic things are e harderst to achieve...
• NeverSayGoodBye

  23 Aug 06, 17:42

  Originally posted by starblue:

  my guy first loh. the situations are the same. the number if years do not matter to me. besides, i think in this kinda situation, any close guy friend of mine will understand that i need to tend to my guy first.
  
  as for the sec qn, if u asked me a year ago, i'd say, "i'll probably feel very awkward around him and tend to move away from the friendship so that i don't feel obliged in anyway." but now, i guess i'll just tell him politely that he can only be a friend to me. and let him decide if he wanna just withdraw into his cave and cool down before resuming his best friend position, or he wants to slowly fade away from my life because it's just too painful (or wadever)/

  ..... for a moment i thought you gonna said your close friend first
  
  What if you told him liao and he still persistently going after you?
  
  Ok.. when you said "can only be friend" it's the best way to say it. On the other hand, if this close friend who is interested in you happen that you also got feeling for him, how do you response then?
• olala

  23 Aug 06, 17:45

  last boss.....?
• binZ

  23 Aug 06, 17:56

  
• starblue

  23 Aug 06, 23:07

  Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:

  ..... In what circumstances and stages then can a guy is abled to gain your full trust?
  
  Talking about infedelity, you meant that as long as your boyfriend allow you to kick his groin whenever he cheated on you, so that everythings are settled? Or you are trying to say that if you caught your boyfriend cheating on you, not only he got kick in the groin but the relationship is over. No need for explaination and second chance? Caught him once and it is all over?

  to tell you how a guy can gain my trust is as good as telling you hpw to chase me. lolz. pardon me for keeping that a trait secret.
  
  infidelity will only result in the ending of a rs. once is enough. of cos, i will not base my conclusions on a single source. if there are enough evidence, or if i see it for myself, then more often than not, it's over.
• starblue

  23 Aug 06, 23:09

  Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:

  ..... for a moment i thought you gonna said your close friend first
  
  What if you told him liao and he still persistently going after you?
  
  Ok.. when you said "can only be friend" it's the best way to say it. On the other hand, if this close friend who is interested in you happen that you also got feeling for him, how do you response then?

  he wanna pursue i also cannot do anything. i will just treat him as per normal and hopefully, he will move on to greener pastures. if not, he's only wasting hi time. of cos, i'm not totally ignoring the possibility that he MIGHT get through to me eventually. for no one knows the future.
  
  if i interested in him also then we'll get together lah. simple mah. what's there to debate about this? but of cos, the trust thing comes into play lah.
• alwaysdisturbed

  24 Aug 06, 02:30

  Originally posted by alfagal:

  yes i agree, but i guess these are also e most impt things that are also challenging, cos usually e most basic things are e harderst to achieve...

  yea, its hard to achieve when it requires effort frm 2.
• NeverSayGoodBye

  24 Aug 06, 12:20

  Originally posted by rainee:

  hmm...question is how much can you trust a person until they will start to take advantage of your trust and say that you are naive instead?
  
  Of cos I do trust my dear...there are times that my insecurities and watnots get into the way, but I will always try to calm down after a while and try to reason with myself. If I still can't become rational after that, I will have a talk with him reg. this

  .....i thought when you love someone you will trust him/her wholeheartedly. Is there a calculated value and limitation on trust? It says so much of that person if he/she think you are naive to trust him. Then this person clearly has his/her own issue to deal with.
  
  You mentioned you had a blog, i always find it weird to have a blog when having a r/s. Imagine you wrote " Today i had a terrible day in the office, quarrel with my co-worker, argue with my boss and coffee spilt on my work papers........" So the next day your boyfriend/girlfriend ask you " Hey dear, you had a bad day in the office yesterday why didn't you tell me. The whole world knew about it except me. You mean you don't trust me enough to tell me your problem that i had to find out from your blog?"
  Do you think such misunderstanding will occured?
  
  
• NeverSayGoodBye

  24 Aug 06, 12:24

  Originally posted by starblue:

  to tell you how a guy can gain my trust is as good as telling you hpw to chase me. lolz. pardon me for keeping that a trait secret.
  
  infidelity will only result in the ending of a rs. once is enough. of cos, i will not base my conclusions on a single source. if there are enough evidence, or if i see it for myself, then more often than not, it's over.

  ..... No problemo, yeah i shared the same view on the 'Infidelity' part. If my girlfriend cheat on me once, just once and god's know it's all over
• shinta

  24 Aug 06, 12:26

  Originally posted by SGpork:

  lol..shinta..u n his brother problem again
  
  cute lei i find that he actually did add some colour..
  
  

  he contributed to my stress level
  
  and also to the colour of my language
  
  nel commented i've been throwing out vulgarities more n more often...
  
  i told him... before i met ur brother... i stop the habbit of addin vulgarities to my sentences. after i met him.. my habit came back
• NeverSayGoodBye

  24 Aug 06, 12:27

  Originally posted by starblue:

  he wanna pursue i also cannot do anything. i will just treat him as per normal and hopefully, he will move on to greener pastures. if not, he's only wasting hi time. of cos, i'm not totally ignoring the possibility that he MIGHT get through to me eventually. for no one knows the future.
  
  if i interested in him also then we'll get together lah. simple mah. what's there to debate about this? but of cos, the trust thing comes into play lah.

  .....So if the guy perservere still got chance lah
• shinta

  24 Aug 06, 12:33

  Originally posted by rainee:

  Our soulmate is not perfect, but he/she is perfect for us

  
  
  some ppl dun understand why i'm together with nel...
  
  they saw a lot of "bad" points... but those bad points they pointed out... i have them oso ahahaha
• rainee

  24 Aug 06, 14:28

  Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:

  .....i thought when you love someone you will trust him/her wholeheartedly. Is there a calculated value and limitation on trust? It says so much of that person if he/she think you are naive to trust him. Then this person clearly has his/her own issue to deal with.
  
  You mentioned you had a blog, i always find it weird to have a blog when having a r/s. Imagine you wrote " Today i had a terrible day in the office, quarrel with my co-worker, argue with my boss and coffee spilt on my work papers........" So the next day your boyfriend/girlfriend ask you " Hey dear, you had a bad day in the office yesterday why didn't you tell me. The whole world knew about it except me. You mean you don't trust me enough to tell me your problem that i had to find out from your blog?"
  Do you think such misunderstanding will occured?
  
  

  Erm, what if you are together with a guy who is sumhow like, blatantly lying to you? Everyone knows that he is two-timing a girl for instance, although of course he hides it from his gf by telling her lies after lies. And maybe one day, the girl's best friend saw the bf with another girl behaving intimately sumwhere and told the girl about it, but still she decided not to pay caution to that and decided to continue to trust him. That's a bit naive isn't it? At least she should check it out and see if what her friend saying is true?
  
  There can be some red flags in a r/s that one has to watch for. Like if you are with a man who keeps refusing to give you his phone number or refuses to let you visit him or call him at home, do you continue to trust him wholeheartedly and throw aside any doubts or will you go to find out the reason behind his reluctance?
  
  And about the blog, I dun see anything wrong with having a blog while I am in a r/s. Similarly my dear has a blog as well, and I go there often to read his entries. He does the same for mine. It is just another way of communication between us. There are things that I will tell him directly, but there will be times when one of us is busy and the other has sth that he/she would like to talk about, so why not write it in the blog first? Then at least when I am free, I can go there and take a look, and know what he is thinking about at the time I was busy. At that time I will bring up the issues written in that particular entry in the blog and see if he would like to continue to talk about it.
• rainee

  24 Aug 06, 14:30

  Originally posted by shinta:

  
  
  some ppl dun understand why i'm together with nel...
  
  they saw a lot of "bad" points... but those bad points they pointed out... i have them oso ahahaha

  Me oso
• shinta

  24 Aug 06, 16:15

  Originally posted by rainee:

  Me oso

  
  
  meaning same case as me? or u dun understand why me n him are together?
• rainee

  24 Aug 06, 16:18

  Originally posted by shinta:

  
  
  meaning same case as me? or u dun understand why me n him are together?

  same case as u