What do you find the most challenging in a r/s?
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.....yeah the trust was clearly been corrupted in the first two stories. Need to scan with spywareOriginally posted by rainee:Erm, what if you are together with a guy who is sumhow like, blatantly lying to you? Everyone knows that he is two-timing a girl for instance, although of course he hides it from his gf by telling her lies after lies. And maybe one day, the girl's best friend saw the bf with another girl behaving intimately sumwhere and told the girl about it, but still she decided not to pay caution to that and decided to continue to trust him. That's a bit naive isn't it? At least she should check it out and see if what her friend saying is true?
There can be some red flags in a r/s that one has to watch for. Like if you are with a man who keeps refusing to give you his phone number or refuses to let you visit him or call him at home, do you continue to trust him wholeheartedly and throw aside any doubts or will you go to find out the reason behind his reluctance?
And about the blog, I dun see anything wrong with having a blog while I am in a r/s. Similarly my dear has a blog as well, and I go there often to read his entries. He does the same for mine. It is just another way of communication between us. There are things that I will tell him directly, but there will be times when one of us is busy and the other has sth that he/she would like to talk about, so why not write it in the blog first? Then at least when I am free, I can go there and take a look, and know what he is thinking about at the time I was busy. At that time I will bring up the issues written in that particular entry in the blog and see if he would like to continue to talk about it.
Back to the blog, i think it is good idea from the way you explained. It served it's purposes. Instead of telling you his problem at the wrong time when you yourself is facing difficulties and stress, will be better to write in a blog. I guessed a blog is still better than your partner telling his problem to his close friends. At least in a blog you still can find out his problem and concious about it, rather than he told his friend and you will be kept in the dark. One disadvantage about blog is that a sense of mystery is lost?
Here's a side question, was talking to a friend few days ago. He told me when a girl made a mistake(some misunderstanding) and say sorry, the guy will most likely say no problem and forget it. But if it's the guy who made a mistake and say sorry, the girl will need to take a few days to forgive. He told me there is a reason behind this, if the girl forgive the guy very fast, that means she only treat him as normal friend( not to hurt or offend him). BUT if it is the guy who she is interested in(vice versa), she would expect him to put in more effort before she forgive him(don't reply his msg or e-mail for a few days), show that he is sincere in pursuing her. I find the explaination very logical. Perhaps can get a girl's point of view on this?
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/raises eyebrow.Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:.....So if the guy perservere still got chance lah
i just don't want to rule things out absolutely. nothing in this world is for certain. but in my case, if at first i don't like you (in that way), then most likely i will never like you in that way. be thankful for my friendship instead. for if you got it, it'll stick with you probably for the rest of your life. -
i suppose that is one way of looking at it. another way of looking at it is this. if a girl really like the guy, then whatever he did must have hurt her a lot more than if she didnt like the guy. afterall, who cares if someone you don't care that much about say wrong things about you? so perhaps that is why a gal finds it harder to forgive a guy she likes than a normal friend. and not because she wants the guy to display his sincerity.Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:Here's a side question, was talking to a friend few days ago. He told me when a girl made a mistake(some misunderstanding) and say sorry, the guy will most likely say no problem and forget it. But if it's the guy who made a mistake and say sorry, the girl will need to take a few days to forgive. He told me there is a reason behind this, if the girl forgive the guy very fast, that means she only treat him as normal friend( not to hurt or offend him). BUT if it is the guy who she is interested in(vice versa), she would expect him to put in more effort before she forgive him(don't reply his msg or e-mail for a few days), show that he is sincere in pursuing her. I find the explaination very logical. Perhaps can get a girl's point of view on this? -
I am okie with my dear talking to his close frens abt his problems...but sooner or later I will get to know of the problem cos it will come up out in our conversations anywayOriginally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:.....yeah the trust was clearly been corrupted in the first two stories. Need to scan with spyware
Back to the blog, i think it is good idea from the way you explained. It served it's purposes. Instead of telling you his problem at the wrong time when you yourself is facing difficulties and stress, will be better to write in a blog. I guessed a blog is still better than your partner telling his problem to his close friends. At least in a blog you still can find out his problem and concious about it, rather than he told his friend and you will be kept in the dark. One disadvantage about blog is that a sense of mystery is lost?
Here's a side question, was talking to a friend few days ago. He told me when a girl made a mistake(some misunderstanding) and say sorry, the guy will most likely say no problem and forget it. But if it's the guy who made a mistake and say sorry, the girl will need to take a few days to forgive. He told me there is a reason behind this, if the girl forgive the guy very fast, that means she only treat him as normal friend( not to hurt or offend him). BUT if it is the guy who she is interested in(vice versa), she would expect him to put in more effort before she forgive him(don't reply his msg or e-mail for a few days), show that he is sincere in pursuing her. I find the explaination very logical. Perhaps can get a girl's point of view on this?
Sometimes I talked to my close frens abt my problems as well, esp if it is a problem reg. the r/s, to get a clearer view you know? Because sometimes someone who is not involved in the r/s is able to see things better than the people who are having the problems...so it helps to get a third party's opinion at times But of cos I will tell my dear abt the problem as well
About the side issue, it depends on what kinda mistakes he made. I am not someone who will start a cold war w/o a good reason. I would have discussed the mistake he made first and then if he realizes his mistake, I will warn him not to do it again and let it go. But as I said just now, it depends on what kinda mistake...for instance, if I find out he has been two-timing me, that's the end of it. -
.....why raises eyebrow?Originally posted by starblue:/raises eyebrow.
i just don't want to rule things out absolutely. nothing in this world is for certain. but in my case, if at first i don't like you (in that way), then most likely i will never like you in that way. be thankful for my friendship instead. for if you got it, it'll stick with you probably for the rest of your life.
yeah, your friends should be lucky to have friend like you. You must have lots of close friends the way you treat friendship.
On the other hand how would you react when one fine day your boyfriend of one year told you he had a crush on someone?
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...... hmmm very trueOriginally posted by starblue:i suppose that is one way of looking at it. another way of looking at it is this. if a girl really like the guy, then whatever he did must have hurt her a lot more than if she didnt like the guy. afterall, who cares if someone you don't care that much about say wrong things about you? so perhaps that is why a gal finds it harder to forgive a guy she likes than a normal friend. and not because she wants the guy to display his sincerity. -
so the question now is in reality are the girls just cruel and punitive pple who like to torture their loved ones by making them suffer and waste time + effort, or are they easily hurt/slow to recover/ petty??Originally posted by starblue:i suppose that is one way of looking at it. another way of looking at it is this. if a girl really like the guy, then whatever he did must have hurt her a lot more than if she didnt like the guy. afterall, who cares if someone you don't care that much about say wrong things about you? so perhaps that is why a gal finds it harder to forgive a guy she likes than a normal friend. and not because she wants the guy to display his sincerity. -
...... seems like you know very well how to make a r/s worksOriginally posted by rainee:I am okie with my dear talking to his close frens abt his problems...but sooner or later I will get to know of the problem cos it will come up out in our conversations anyway Sometimes I talked to my close frens abt my problems as well, esp if it is a problem reg. the r/s, to get a clearer view you know? Because sometimes someone who is not involved in the r/s is able to see things better than the people who are having the problems...so it helps to get a third party's opinion at times But of cos I will tell my dear abt the problem as well
About the side issue, it depends on what kinda mistakes he made. I am not someone who will start a cold war w/o a good reason. I would have discussed the mistake he made first and then if he realizes his mistake, I will warn him not to do it again and let it go. But as I said just now, it depends on what kinda mistake...for instance, if I find out he has been two-timing me, that's the end of it.
That means not everything must tell to your boyfriend first?
On the trust issue, say after a conversation with your dear on saturday you asked him wheather is he free to go for lunch and do some shopping on sunday. But he said he got something on and quite tired too, so you leave it as that. Then on monday night you discovered from his blog that on sunday he went to the zoo or bird park with other friends. How do you react?
Furthermore i think the most challenge in a r/s came from those who are in a non-conventional r/s. Couple with big age gap, different religions, different social status or educational level.
Society is very accepting to a couple who the man is much older than the woman. But scorn on couple who the woman is say ten over years older than the man. -
Hmm, for the first question: If I found out, I will ask him about it...and then ask him why he went to the zoo or bird park with his frens instead. Cos if he puts it in his blog, that means he wants me to know abt it?Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:...... seems like you know very well how to make a r/s works
That means not everything must tell to your boyfriend first?
On the trust issue, say after a conversation with your dear on saturday you asked him wheather is he free to go for lunch and do some shopping on sunday. But he said he got something on and quite tired too, so you leave it as that. Then on monday night you discovered from his blog that on sunday he went to the zoo or bird park with other friends. How do you react?
Furthermore i think the most challenge in a r/s came from those who are in a non-conventional r/s. Couple with big age gap, different religions, different social status or educational level.
Society is very accepting to a couple who the man is much older than the woman. But scorn on couple who the woman is say ten over years older than the man. Cos it is public information anyway -
no. i do not have lots of close friends. not many people can stick around long enough (and bear with my erratic-ness and the initial boh chap demeanour) to get to me. in fact, there have only been wad??? 6 such people in my life, out of which only 2 remained as such. i don't make CLOSE friends easily. but yes, i have quite some closer than aquaintance friends with whome i hang out, go lectures and meals and KTV together.Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:.....why raises eyebrow?
yeah, your friends should be lucky to have friend like you. You must have lots of close friends the way you treat friendship.
On the other hand how would you react when one fine day your boyfriend of one year told you he had a crush on someone?
how would i react? very hurt of cos. i'd wanna know when he started to like her. what made him like me less. what does he want to do now.
since we're on this, i'd like to ask you guys... what are the signs that you will display if you are falling for another girl when you're already attached? -
since he already said he got something on, then it would include a trip to the zoo, or hanging out with friends. i mean, that's like for certain right? and since he doesnt have the energy to go out with me on the same day, then so be it. it's not like we only have that sunday together right?Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:On the trust issue, say after a conversation with your dear on saturday you asked him wheather is he free to go for lunch and do some shopping on sunday. But he said he got something on and quite tired too, so you leave it as that. Then on monday night you discovered from his blog that on sunday he went to the zoo or bird park with other friends. How do you react?
Furthermore i think the most challenge in a r/s came from those who are in a non-conventional r/s. Couple with big age gap, different religions, different social status or educational level.
Society is very accepting to a couple who the man is much older than the woman. But scorn on couple who the woman is say ten over years older than the man. unless that sunday is my birthday, in which case, he will find himself wishing for death but finding none. 
in addition to unconventional rs, i think the next difficult kind is the long distance kind. my friend is currently in one, and i'm kinda worried for her. ah well.... -
Yes...Originally posted by starblue:in addition to unconventional rs, i think the next difficult kind is the long distance kind. my friend is currently in one, and i'm kinda worried for her. ah well....
I have to go report to my sponsor this coming Tuesday...if I got posted to sumwhere far away...I have made up my mind abt sth...dun even know if it is the right decision or wrong... -
from my past experience...the guy will start talking abt the other girl, then keep mentioning her good points and comparing them to the girlfren. then will spend less time with the gf...Originally posted by starblue:since we're on this, i'd like to ask you guys... what are the signs that you will display if you are falling for another girl when you're already attached? -
.....sounds very understandingOriginally posted by rainee:Hmm, for the first question: If I found out, I will ask him about it...and then ask him why he went to the zoo or bird park with his frens instead. Cos if he puts it in his blog, that means he wants me to know abt it? Cos it is public information anyway you are the sort that is not so emotional. Girls with emotional issues can be hard to handle. When you are facing an emotional problem like having a bad relationship with your brother who you are very close to. Things between you and him is tearing you apart. You resort to drinking beer and get drunk. At this point of time do you wish that your boyfriend could help you out or prefer to solve it alone? Does his interference in your family affair make him look like he is controling you? -
..... maybe you are a bit too emotional, but hey you still got two close friend that's not too bad. Real friends are hard to find these days.Originally posted by starblue:no. i do not have lots of close friends. not many people can stick around long enough (and bear with my erratic-ness and the initial boh chap demeanour) to get to me. in fact, there have only been wad??? 6 such people in my life, out of which only 2 remained as such. i don't make CLOSE friends easily. but yes, i have quite some closer than aquaintance friends with whome i hang out, go lectures and meals and KTV together.
how would i react? very hurt of cos. i'd wanna know when he started to like her. what made him like me less. what does he want to do now.
since we're on this, i'd like to ask you guys... what are the signs that you will display if you are falling for another girl when you're already attached?
..... you felt hurt that's understandable, but a crush is liked an infactuation, it will faded in no time. When he said he had a crush on someone, that doesn't meant he love you less. He is honest enough to tell you, this is the time for your r/s to put to the test. If he told you he really like someone or fall for someone then this is a big problem liao.
The sighs are i.e He started to groom himself up when you know that he never bother to fashion up. When you talk to him he is not listening and seems distracted most of the time. He started to touch you less. He pay less attention to you, how's your day, how you dress, he don't show the kind of care as before. Look at the ways he behaves when someone message or call him. Talking to you had became a chore.
Can think of these right now, there might be more........ -
..... this is one of them too.Originally posted by rainee:from my past experience...the guy will start talking abt the other girl, then keep mentioning her good points and comparing them to the girlfren. then will spend less time with the gf... -
.....Originally posted by starblue:since he already said he got something on, then it would include a trip to the zoo, or hanging out with friends. i mean, that's like for certain right? and since he doesnt have the energy to go out with me on the same day, then so be it. it's not like we only have that sunday together right? unless that sunday is my birthday, in which case, he will find himself wishing for death but finding none.
in addition to unconventional rs, i think the next difficult kind is the long distance kind. my friend is currently in one, and i'm kinda worried for her. ah well....
It's a fact that long distance r/s failure rate is high. But there were few who came out triumphant. -
haha wrong leh, I am in fact VERY emotional lolzOriginally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:.....sounds very understanding you are the sort that is not so emotional. Girls with emotional issues can be hard to handle. When you are facing an emotional problem like having a bad relationship with your brother who you are very close to. Things between you and him is tearing you apart. You resort to drinking beer and get drunk. At this point of time do you wish that your boyfriend could help you out or prefer to solve it alone? Does his interference in your family affair make him look like he is controling you? Sometimes I think I can be quite hard to handle, esp during my PMS time But I think the only thing that make me go over the top with my emotion is when I feel the other party is not making efforts and I am making all of them to make sure that the r/s is working, and after a while I will start to feel tired, and when I get into that state, I will start to become too emotional and irrational. Of course I am still trying to learn how to get rid of this bad side of me 
Oh...now you brought up an issue which is close to heart Cos I always have a lot of problems with my parents and they always stress me out until I feel like pulling out my hairs sometimes But anyway I share those problems with my dear and to his credit, he did try to help me solve them cos he said he hates seeing me so stressed out because of my parents. But sometimes, maybe this is where guys and girls are different? Because guys will always try to find a solution when a girl approaches him with a problem, but actually the girl is in fact, not looking for a solution. Not all the time anyway. All she is looking for is a pair of listening ears, which will listen to her patiently. And even though the problem is still unsolved at the end of the day, she will still feel better cos she has already found someone to share her burden together with her -
Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:.....
It's a fact that long distance r/s failure rate is high. But there were few who came out triumphant. -
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i'm sorry rainee jie, for bringing it up...Originally posted by rainee: -
[quote]Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:
..... maybe you are a bit too emotional, but hey you still got two close friend that's not too bad. Real friends are hard to find these days.
..... you felt hurt that's understandable, but a crush is liked an infactuation, it will faded in no time. When he said he had a crush on someone, that doesn't meant he love you less. He is honest enough to tell you, this is the time for your r/s to put to the test. If he told you he really like someone or fall for someone then this is a big problem liao.
The sighs are i.e He started to groom himself up when you know that he never bother to fashion up. When you talk to him he is not listening and seems distracted most of the time. He started to touch you less. He pay less attention to you, how's your day, how you dress, he don't show the kind of care as before. Look at the ways he behaves when someone message or call him. Talking to you had became a chore.
Can think of these right now, there might be more........ [/quote
i think you're not a very good judge of character. you say rainee jie is not emotional, but she is. and you say i am emotional, but i am not. at least, i do not show emotion easily.
if the guy is still as much in love with me as before he "liked" the other gal, why would he have told me he like that gal? personally, i cannot like two guys at the same time (in the romantic way). if i start to like another guy, then it only means i'm loving my guy a lot less than before). if my guy say he can like two gals at the same time, and that it doesnt mean he loves me any less, then i'm not sure if i want him anymore....
or maybe we're defining things differently, and are talking about different things??
when a guy is straying, he will pay less attention to you, you say?? then i have a question. after the honey moon period, where the rs gets to the plateu phase, does the guy still show that he pays as much attention to you as before?? i think such things will "dampen" down a bit. and the amt of attention he seems to pay is not a very accurate assessment of straying. that's my opinion. what do the guys have to say about this?
honestly, where are the other guys in SH??? we need your imput also leh... -
mew?Originally posted by starblue:[quote]Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:
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*cropped*
honestly, where are the other guys in SH??? we need your imput also leh... -
mmmm...
more input ?
=X -
Originally posted by starblue:
Just to answer the question about the honeymoon bit , after ur honeymoon, meaning getting married already , meaning u will be pretty much spend ur life together until divorced , or one of yous died... or both dead. So i guess such a loooooooong time together will surely .. 'dampen' the 'passion' for each other. THen again maybe it doesnt ? Thats why the process of dating n a long relationship slowly builds up understanding each other so as u are married knowingly knowing u want and can be married to each other.. till death do us part. But of course ammout of attention given is not really an accurate assessment of straying i agree in that. My friend married with wife n a kid still goes Karaoke , GRO's but still loves the wife. I dont see anything wrong with that btw..~
[quote]Originally posted by NeverSayGoodBye:
[b]
..... maybe you are a bit too emotional, but hey you still got two close friend that's not too bad. Real friends are hard to find these days.
..... you felt hurt that's understandable, but a crush is liked an infactuation, it will faded in no time. When he said he had a crush on someone, that doesn't meant he love you less. He is honest enough to tell you, this is the time for your r/s to put to the test. If he told you he really like someone or fall for someone then this is a big problem liao.
The sighs are i.e He started to groom himself up when you know that he never bother to fashion up. When you talk to him he is not listening and seems distracted most of the time. He started to touch you less. He pay less attention to you, how's your day, how you dress, he don't show the kind of care as before. Look at the ways he behaves when someone message or call him. Talking to you had became a chore.
Can think of these right now, there might be more........ [/quote
i think you're not a very good judge of character. you say rainee jie is not emotional, but she is. and you say i am emotional, but i am not. at least, i do not show emotion easily.
if the guy is still as much in love with me as before he "liked" the other gal, why would he have told me he like that gal? personally, i cannot like two guys at the same time (in the romantic way). if i start to like another guy, then it only means i'm loving my guy a lot less than before). if my guy say he can like two gals at the same time, and that it doesnt mean he loves me any less, then i'm not sure if i want him anymore....
or maybe we're defining things differently, and are talking about different things??
when a guy is straying, he will pay less attention to you, you say?? then i have a question. after the honey moon period, where the rs gets to the plateu phase, does the guy still show that he pays as much attention to you as before?? i think such things will "dampen" down a bit. and the amt of attention he seems to pay is not a very accurate assessment of straying. that's my opinion. what do the guys have to say about this?
honestly, where are the other guys in SH??? we need your imput also leh...[/b]