I'm having another of my "low-points" in life.
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Okay, how shall I phrase this? Maybe this'll end up pretty long, so kindly bear with me.
I just can't seem to have the motivation for doing anything recently. This includes work/assignments that needs to be done or even the stuff that I do to de-stress myself, like reading my comics, playing games lah or even snacking.
I used to have similar events like that in the past and then eventually, after a few days or a week, I'll be back to normal or something. This time, however, I really can't see me picking myself up, to be enthusiastic in the things that I do and I felt there are several reasons why.
As some of you may know, I'm approaching the end of my days being a student. I can almost see the end of the path now. The end of the days where all I need to do was go to campus, attend lectures/tutorials, gossiping around with friends etc, somehow makes me depressed.
On one hand, I have always see this coming but on the other hand, I feel I am definitely not ready to step out of this monotonous routine and propel myself into the working (or "dog-eat-dog") society. Will it be hectic and stressful there? Will I have to watch myself everyday, in the event that someone, for some reason, decides to stab me in the back. Will I even get a proper job and have a fairly stable income? After all, truth be told, although my family currently have the financial means to survive, we do not have any financial difficulties like what you read in the newspapers everyday. But the current status will only remain assuming I can get a proper job at the most, a few months after my graduation. If not, we may meet some financial difficulties come the end of next year.
The main problem, as I see it now, is footing the monthly installments for the HDB flat our family has just moved in two years ago. My parents' CPF accounts have been depleted and currently, we're using the profits from the old flat to pay the monthly installments for the new one. At present, this amount will be used up by the end of the next year, which is where problems, as I said, will set in. Another bill that I'm thinking about is of course, to pay back monthly the tuition fee loan that I took when entering university. Of course, to add on, my parents are unemployed (getting old) and my elder sisters are helping out by giving my parents a monthly stipend. I have no income currently of course.
So, the solution seems simple enough. When I graduate, I'll get a job and then when I am stable enough, I will take over the payment of the HDB flat. (When applying for the flat, I am listed as one of the co-owners, to take advantage of the 30-years HDB loan period in buying the new flat). So, what is the problem?
As said, I have entirely no confidence in stepping out what is to be the next phase in my life. Though my parents have only mentioned to me from time to time, and in a very casual manner, about my future plans and stuff, somehow, I can feel a growing pressure building up in me, the pressure of getting a stable job or face the consequences. I have never worked before, being instilled from young by my parents. that my priority was to study hard and not worried about other matters. After my NS, my thoughts was to enjoy as much as I can, as I told myself, that when working life comes, I will never have the opportunity or time to do whatever I want. I do think I have a lazy streak in me as I am the type of person who can laze around an entire day without doing anything constructive. So, now it has almost come to that time where I have to force myself to be what most people does in my situation. Graduate, get a job, have a stable income and helping out in the family. Can I do it? I wonder.
I have not started writting my resume yet. I have gathered some stuff on resume-writing, got resumes of friends etc to help me write my own out. But as I read the resume of one of my illustrious friends, it has struck into me that really I have nothing much to write about in my own resume. Not exactly a potential employer will want to see in a resume, right? No past working experience, internship, awesome results etc. If I had to write my own resume right now, it will peharps stretch to 3/4 of a page and that's it. How pathetic of me.
Or well, typing all the above out has make clearer my thoughts and it is indeed making me feel slightly better. Maybe I am not making much sense here. Maybe I am overexaggerating my "problems" of which there are none, which I am quite capable of, as my friends like to point out from time to time. But if you have really read every single word of the above, I humbly thank you for your time spent. How shall I end this post....? Oh yeah, -
long time no see u here
Read thru wat you have written...can kinda understand wat you are going thru ba...cos now i m like the sole breadwinner in my family. My family has retired so now up to me to pay for all the bills and also the living expenses of my parents...and also have to cover for my own expenses...plus i m not earning much...
Last time I also fear when I have to step out into the working world...part of me was excited yes, but part ofme was also afraid. But so far I think I am doing okie at work...what I can tell you from my meagre experience so far is to trust no one. No matter how close you might get with one of your colleagues next time, do not trust him or her wholeheartedly...otherwise this person mite use watever you tell him or her to get back at you...
Yea it is a cruel world, but just need to be street smart to survive it...and this is something we do not get to learn in school...can only get to learn it thru experience -
Alfred: "Why do we fall, Master Bruce? Why do we fall?"
"So that we can learn to pick ourselves up" -
Jia you. Hope you find a job soon. By the way, you can try the online job search.
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*puts some eye mo into his eyes*
I only read long posts in SBH... feel honoured that i actually read every word that u wrote.he he.. N here is what i got to say
U are now facing.. the dread.. the inevitable.
Judging by the things u said, financially , its almost impossible to study a second degree or Masters ur current one. So i guess u just gotta work either way.
But in order to make things easier and have a more positive outlook of the working adult life , take these few months off by doing.. nothing. Or just go around , exploring stuffs.. researching about the market, maybe stuffs related to ur degree. Ur problems are shared by many , as many out there are having the same problems as u. Its abuothow u work it out and able to move in and adapt to the new working environment.
Your responsibility will be to find a job that will suit and like you. Office politics and being back stabbed is all part of the package. Risks , office relationships, its how u deal with it. U can ignore it , be in ur own little world.. shut of from the rest of the ppls... some do that.. or u can adapt, but in a world where dog eats dog.. its a war zone out there , in NS u are taught about it militarily right ? well... in the real its exactly like that.. just that no one dies... unless u somehow discovered a new method converting water to power. Then maybe u get assinated by the oil giants alliance conglomorate. Which i doubt ... he he..
I reckon working in SG's environment is a lot better. Know that u are the lucky 20% on the planet living in a good working environment based on meritocracy and all that good stuff. U can take my position.. i promise u , you wont last 1 month in office. I dread work.. hell i even dread it now. Just dont de-stress urself like me.. all the money i earn.. almost half of it goes to things that numb the stress and the bs everyday.
Anyways, like i said , its a transition , a phase u going through. Take a few months to gather urself.. the momentum. Who cares if ur resume is empty , everyone's was empty before too! take it easy.. chill.. its inevitable... jst look at the light at the end of the tunnel. Thats what i always tell myself.. Or i wouldve already killed myself and quit my job.
Peace.~ -
cool, i havent come to that stage of my life yet, so i might not identify fully with what you are going through right now. but believe me, one thing that i can safely say i identify with is financial pressure.
everyday for the past year or so, i carried on my back the fear that one day, my dad's debtors will come after me for his debts. my dad had the cheek to tell me that he is not scared he will incur loses in his business (for which he borrowed a lot of money), because if everything fails, he still has his daughter to help him pay his debts. imagine the kind of pressure the creep puts on me. and he doesnt even know it, the bustard.
and he expects me to give him money once i graduate, conveniently forgetting that i have my loans to pay, the household expenses to support and that he should be the one to do all that.
he doesnt earn anything, and so mum has to use up all her monthly earnings to pay the bills. by hook or by crook, i have to work to support myself and my brothers. have been doing that for 3 years now, but it is wearing me thinner and thinner as the months go by. everytime i got sacked from a tuition, i worry about money. everytime i had to buy the freaking 52 bucks concession pass, i had to redo all my budget for the month to make sure i still have a certain amount to save for that month, for future contingency (like that basket's debts).
it is not easy, to know what kind of burden you have to bear before you actually bear it. the kind of apprehension that you have about what will happen if you fail to come up to the expectations is immense. i know. because i have it each and every day.
but believe me, when you finally are forced to take on the burden, you will find a way. humans are miraculous. no matter how tough the going becomes, it seldom kills anyone. we all live on. somehow or rather, we all do.
take heart. be strong.
and know that we love you. -
im in my low point right now too. if i can make it through, i'll be so happy, i don't know how to express it.
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I may be 2.5 years from graduating, but believe me, the pressure is getting to me to get good grades and hopefully a good starting job with the Civil Service(based on what I'm studying, that maybe the logical path) so that I can pay off my education loan.
Although I do freelance photography, it's not a stable part-time job because of time constraints.However, I am thankful for it, because it's a pretty practical skill to possess.
When I was a kid, I went through some tough times, especially during the financial crisis ten years ago. At that time, I really saw how terrible we sunk into, and I always thought that life couldn't get any worse. It was a huge drop in living standards for me, and that wealthy, comfortable life of mine was gone. Although we're pretty much well-off now, I never forgot the stress and emotional pressure my folks faced.Still, they are getting old, and I do want to provide for them and not let them retire at a shameful age of 70.
That is something that still pushes me today, but at times when I do not reach the heights of ambition I set out to be, I ask myself, is that who I am, or have I aimed too high for my own good.Perhaps pressure is good to a certain extent, good for pushing you away from complacency. Just don't let it worry you until you are frozen stiff..
We all start from scratch after graduation, and it's there we finally start our race. Some of us have an unfair advantage, some of us have to run 110%, and although I don't like the fact that I have to move on into the working world in the near future, there's very little damned much I can do about it..
Cool, try and get those grades first.. Worry not too much about the future, because what you do today, can influence it, no matter how small.
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Okay I'm not sure if I was helpful, but I felt like saying something from my heart.