sudden awareness---a ranting session
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it's like this.... recently, i invited a friend over to my house to study together. when she stepped in, and sat on the sofa, she was like totally pensive and withdrawn. and i suddenly realise something.
i've been to her house, and it was really huge compared to my 4 room apartment. i guess she must be feeling very stiffled in my house. i asked her very straightforwardly if that was the case, and she said yes.
and then, i thought about all my friends' houses which i've visited before. and i suddenly realise that yeah, my house is really really tiny relative to theirs.
and then i thought about the times when we discussed about our family incomes. and our daily allowances. and our expenditure. etc etc..... suddenly, it all came to me. that i am really born in a poor family, with parents in the working class. that my entire family's income (including mine) is even less than what any one parent of my friends' have. this awareness has never been so bared before me prior to this.
and i must admit that this isnt a very good feeling. mind, i'm not upset that my friends are richer than me. yet i cant help but feel a bit bitter about having to work that much harder to get the same, if not less than what my friends can get without effort. i cant help but feel a slight resentment towards my dad.
if only he could get a stable job. even if it pays only 1000 a month. hell, even if it's just 800. if our family had that additional income, then i would have been able to just rely on my parents for allowance in my university years, like all my friends are. i wouldnt need to force myself to work, or worry whenever i lost a tuition assignment, or wadever sht there is concerning money. i could have had much more time for myself, for club activities, for socialising, for getting a boyfriend etc etc.
sigh....
bu4 tong2 ren2 bu4 tong2 ming4. it is so unfair. -
Once you graduate and get a job liao.. then you can start building up your life.. hang in there -
i've been thru those shyt beforeOriginally posted by starblue:it's like this.... recently, i invited a friend over to my house to study together. when she stepped in, and sat on the sofa, she was like totally pensive and withdrawn. and i suddenly realise something.
i've been to her house, and it was really huge compared to my 4 room apartment. i guess she must be feeling very stiffled in my house. i asked her very straightforwardly if that was the case, and she said yes.
and then, i thought about all my friends' houses which i've visited before. and i suddenly realise that yeah, my house is really really tiny relative to theirs.
and then i thought about the times when we discussed about our family incomes. and our daily allowances. and our expenditure. etc etc..... suddenly, it all came to me. that i am really born in a poor family, with parents in the working class. that my entire family's income (including mine) is even less than what any one parent of my friends' have. this awareness has never been so bared before me prior to this.
and i must admit that this isnt a very good feeling. mind, i'm not upset that my friends are richer than me. yet i cant help but feel a bit bitter about having to work that much harder to get the same, if not less than what my friends can get without effort. i cant help but feel a slight resentment towards my dad.
if only he could get a stable job. even if it pays only 1000 a month. hell, even if it's just 800. if our family had that additional income, then i would have been able to just rely on my parents for allowance in my university years, like all my friends are. i wouldnt need to force myself to work, or worry whenever i lost a tuition assignment, or wadever sht there is concerning money. i could have had much more time for myself, for club activities, for socialising, for getting a boyfriend etc etc.
sigh....
bu4 tong2 ren2 bu4 tong2 ming4. it is so unfair.
it sux
but hor but hor... when u work lyk shyt hor.. and u get better results than ur peers.. the feelings... wah seh
especially when u hate them to the core
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results?? what results?? they dun have to work at all, or fend for themselves. and i have to do all the sht.Originally posted by shinta:i've been thru those shyt before
it sux
but hor but hor... when u work lyk shyt hor.. and u get better results than ur peers.. the feelings... wah seh
especially when u hate them to the core
i've asked my mum if i could drop everything and just concentrate on my honours year, and just rely on her for allowance. and she said no. then when i ask her why bro can spend his entire vacation going to this camp that camp instead of getting a job, she say nvm lah, he still young. wtf? when i was his age, i've been feeding myself for at least 5 months.
dunno lah... recently just feel that my life is really a bit ku3.
/weak laugh/ -
look on the brightside, you would probably do better than her in life seeing what you had to go though.
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gambatte..
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That's true.Originally posted by alexkusu:look on the brightside, you would probably do better than her in life seeing what you had to go though.
Do keep your chin up Bleu..
and good luck for your exams.
I've been on both sides of the fence, things will always look up and turn out for the better. Look at it this way, you now have the drive to succeed and to will yourself to turn out better than your folks. -
first of all.. for thinking like that ... i wouldve slapped u for being so narrow minded.Originally posted by starblue:it's like this.... recently, i invited a friend over to my house to study together. when she stepped in, and sat on the sofa, she was like totally pensive and withdrawn. and i suddenly realise something.
i've been to her house, and it was really huge compared to my 4 room apartment. i guess she must be feeling very stiffled in my house. i asked her very straightforwardly if that was the case, and she said yes.
and then, i thought about all my friends' houses which i've visited before. and i suddenly realise that yeah, my house is really really tiny relative to theirs.
and then i thought about the times when we discussed about our family incomes. and our daily allowances. and our expenditure. etc etc..... suddenly, it all came to me. that i am really born in a poor family, with parents in the working class. that my entire family's income (including mine) is even less than what any one parent of my friends' have. this awareness has never been so bared before me prior to this.
and i must admit that this isnt a very good feeling. mind, i'm not upset that my friends are richer than me. yet i cant help but feel a bit bitter about having to work that much harder to get the same, if not less than what my friends can get without effort. i cant help but feel a slight resentment towards my dad.
if only he could get a stable job. even if it pays only 1000 a month. hell, even if it's just 800. if our family had that additional income, then i would have been able to just rely on my parents for allowance in my university years, like all my friends are. i wouldnt need to force myself to work, or worry whenever i lost a tuition assignment, or wadever sht there is concerning money. i could have had much more time for myself, for club activities, for socialising, for getting a boyfriend etc etc.
sigh....
bu4 tong2 ren2 bu4 tong2 ming4. it is so unfair.
how about the 80% population living below the poverty line and less then what u and ur parents are earning? So its up to u to up the standard..
think of it as.. behind , u just need some catching up.. n that means studies, work, attitudes , and your perception to life and this world and the hardship u will have to endure and how u WILL overcome it no matter the cost.
trust me. there are things u compare to and not to make u feel weak but to beat it and to overcome it. If they can do it.. so can u. but of course , ur morals n principles will apply in how u achieve it. sometimes having a big house.. money to spend..etc etc.. is not worth it. I know..
what your dad couldve been n couldve done is the past. Nothing can be done n only time will tell that he will show remorse and regreted n try to make amends even though its too late like my dad. With all the money dont expect his sons n daughters to come back to him when they see him as an example of all the money n a failed marriage n as a father that has never been there. -
your dad earns less than 800 a month?!?!?
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same feeling here. My family not that bad off, btu then when compare to my colleagues and friends really quite sad(alot of them are those rich, stay in condo, landed, eat good stuff kind)
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80% of the population. what population? the world? why is it that some people will always tell me to feel grateful for being better off then those impoverished countries? what is the sht use of that when by singapore's standards, i'm among the 80%?Originally posted by BadzMaro:first of all.. for thinking like that ... i wouldve slapped u for being so narrow minded.
how about the 80% population living below the poverty line and less then what u and ur parents are earning? So its up to u to up the standard..
i dun think you understand. it's not the i-wanna-stay-in-big-houses-spend-big-money-eat-sharksfin-every-meal kinda mentality that makes me feel bad. the kind of lifestyle i want is one where i dun have to f_ _ king left ponder right think to see if it's a good idea to buy something whenever i see something i like.
do you understand that?
do you?
it is precisely because i have to work to get my money that i always have to think carefully how i spend it. that pinch i feel whenever i go for a swensons outing with friends. the hesitation when friends say "hey, you've got great taste, that bracelet looks really nice on you. why dun you buy it?".
and all the while, i see my friends having none of that sht.
do you understand how that feels?
do you? -
i really dunno how much he earns. some months, he claims he earns 800. some months, he doesnt get anything. he works whenever he feels he needs the money.Originally posted by the.owl:your dad earns less than 800 a month?!?!?
he can come and tell me that his business has "broke even" already when he hasnt repaid all the debts he incurred trying to set the business up. -
Originally posted by LazerLordz:That's true.
Do keep your chin up Bleu.. and good luck for your exams.
I've been on both sides of the fence, things will always look up and turn out for the better. Look at it this way, you now have the drive to succeed and to will yourself to turn out better than your folks.
Soo.....
are you going to lay down your arms and follow my teachings
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most out of whatever comes their way. -
Hmm i am sure many of us experience the same feelings that you have and many more have gone thru much worst, but thats not the point.
It is actually wise of you to acknowledged that you have this kind of bitterness, if not it will eat into you bit by bit. So your next step is to decide how to deal with this feeling.
Are you going to rough it out and work for the better at your own pace and ability or do you let the bitterness consume you and make u miserable for the rest of your life.
Best Wishes. -
so?? when u compare peanuts to abalone, of course u feel inferior...
why compare to others, your life is yours... it may be bitter but u make your own life... whether it is going to be good or bad in the future, u have the chance to shape it... so just work hard to achieve your goals...
and not many ppl feel stifle going into a home smaller than their own...
i think your fren is just snobbish... the house may be small...
but it's the people inside that count... -
*oops.. dropped my pen.*
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to certain extent, i feel the same way.
hab to worry this, worry that.. sometimes make me bery tired. when i think of the future, it seems bery dim. i oso abit dunnoe wad to do liao.
suan le, we men shi ku ming ren.
ren ming ba. -
There are people... whom although have little money, squander like there's no tomorrow. Compared to them, starblue is a very sensible and responsible girl leow worr.
Be thrifty, but do allow yourself a treat once in a while minus all that guilt. It's a reward!
Besides, those things that you like and want to buy without having to "left ponder right think" might just end up being stuff that take up space once their novelty wears off... or once they're no longer trendy... -
That's why I never invite my friends to my humble shack.
Even though stats say otherwise, it seems most people's circle of friends are fairly high up there in the status ladder.
Oh well, that's over for me anyway. No lessons, friends etc to look forward to. Only exams to look forward to now.
Why not just graduate this sem, and then start building up your own worth? -
Err sooner or later they've got to work and spend their own money baOriginally posted by starblue:i dun think you understand. it's not the i-wanna-stay-in-big-houses-spend-big-money-eat-sharksfin-every-meal kinda mentality that makes me feel bad. the kind of lifestyle i want is one where i dun have to f_ _ king left ponder right think to see if it's a good idea to buy something whenever i see something i like.
do you understand that?
do you?
it is precisely because i have to work to get my money that i always have to think carefully how i spend it. that pinch i feel whenever i go for a swensons outing with friends. the hesitation when friends say "hey, you've got great taste, that bracelet looks really nice on you. why dun you buy it?".
and all the while, i see my friends having none of that sht.
do you understand how that feels?
do you?
sooner or later they've got to think left right centre when they see something they like and walk away mebbe
i come from a reasonably well to do family
but due to my work choice, i earn very little now compared to all my friends
who came from middle income to lower income families
they live in bigger houses than me now
Earn twice my pay
But I guess the biggest thing that prevents me from feeling frustration bla bla
is that I do have meaning in my life DESPITE that all
I used to earn more and think less when I want to eat a buffet or buy clothing
Now hardly anymore buffets! and far more consideration for any purchases.
SO I think the answer to happiness need not necessarily be money
but sure feel free to feel frustrated and rant over not having enough
I do tt all the time
but once u treat money as the goal to happiness... then u might realise contentment may still prove elusive. -
Hi TS.Originally posted by starblue:it's like this.... recently, i invited a friend over to my house to study together. when she stepped in, and sat on the sofa, she was like totally pensive and withdrawn. and i suddenly realise something.
i've been to her house, and it was really huge compared to my 4 room apartment. i guess she must be feeling very stiffled in my house. i asked her very straightforwardly if that was the case, and she said yes.
and then, i thought about all my friends' houses which i've visited before. and i suddenly realise that yeah, my house is really really tiny relative to theirs.
and then i thought about the times when we discussed about our family incomes. and our daily allowances. and our expenditure. etc etc..... suddenly, it all came to me. that i am really born in a poor family, with parents in the working class. that my entire family's income (including mine) is even less than what any one parent of my friends' have. this awareness has never been so bared before me prior to this.
and i must admit that this isnt a very good feeling. mind, i'm not upset that my friends are richer than me. yet i cant help but feel a bit bitter about having to work that much harder to get the same, if not less than what my friends can get without effort. i cant help but feel a slight resentment towards my dad.
if only he could get a stable job. even if it pays only 1000 a month. hell, even if it's just 800. if our family had that additional income, then i would have been able to just rely on my parents for allowance in my university years, like all my friends are. i wouldnt need to force myself to work, or worry whenever i lost a tuition assignment, or wadever sht there is concerning money. i could have had much more time for myself, for club activities, for socialising, for getting a boyfriend etc etc.
sigh....
bu4 tong2 ren2 bu4 tong2 ming4. it is so unfair.
Not here to ask u to think positive or empathise with u. I just wanna say this.
I know several people that work through their poly, uni years to pay for their own fees and expenditure. I know how hard it was, I had seen it, as well as seen several going through it. I myself am lucky not to have gone through it, although I do work for my own pocket money.
What I can tell u is these people who gone through all this are very responsible, very streetwise, and are tough chicks and guys (Couldn't think of a word to replace guy). They know how about planning, about how to care for themselves.
Of the handful of 5-6 friends I can recall who work through their schooling years, all of them, in their career, are now some senior people or on the career path towards some senior position.
I strongly believe they got to where they are due to their experiences and strong character forged during their student working years.
I believe you can be one of them too. BUT, u may be caught in a fork path now judging from ur 1st post. Blaming ur family, looking down on urself and general self pity will lead u down a spiral path down down down into quicksand. This is one way u would not wish to go to. It's good to know how u fair, how ur family fair when compared to others. This is realism. However, u'll have to get out of it and let you experiences, streetwise-ness, people handling, and strong character shine.
Else nothing can save u.
$0.02 -
i think Starblue is trying to say about NOW. like the age now.. where the luxuries of not needing to worry so much about work n spending while in the studying life. Cause there is a difference between now which u are in your study years , your prime VS older.. working able to have that feeling n now is different lo.
*wonders* mmmmm~~ yup.. -
Something to ponder, what if an individual had a good life initially, relatively wealthy family and all, then suffered a huge financial crisis, had to work and study at the same time, and then circumstances improved dramatically back to pre-crisis days, then he or she suddenly feels that maybe they deserve to live a good life after 7-8 years of trying to get by..
Ponder that.
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unfortunately it is the philosophy you build NOW that will affect your attitude and priorities in the future.Originally posted by BadzMaro:i think Starblue is trying to say about NOW. like the age now.. where the luxuries of not needing to worry so much about work n spending while in the studying life. Cause there is a difference between now which u are in your study years , your prime VS older.. working able to have that feeling n now is different lo.
*wonders* mmmmm~~ yup.. -
[quote]Originally posted by starblue:
[b]it's like this.... recently, i invited a friend over to my house to study together. when she stepped in, and sat on the sofa, she was like totally pensive and withdrawn. and i suddenly realise something.
i've been to her house, and it was really huge compared to my 4 room apartment. i guess she must be feeling very stiffled in my house. i asked her very straightforwardly if that was the case, and she said yes.
and then, i thought about all my friends' houses which i've visited before. and i suddenly realise that yeah, my house is really really tiny relative to theirs.
and then i thought about the times when we discussed about our family incomes. and our daily allowances. and our expenditure. etc etc..... suddenly, it all came to me. that i am really born in a poor family, with parents in the working class. that my entire family's income (including mine) is even less than what any one parent of my friends' have. this awareness has never been so bared before me prior to this.
and i must admit that this isnt a very good feeling. mind, i'm not upset that my friends are richer than me. yet i cant help but feel a bit bitter about having to work that much harder to get the same, if not less than what my friends can get without effort. i cant help but feel a slight resentment towards my dad.
if only he could get a stable job. even if it pays only 1000 a month. hell, even if it's just 800. if our family had that additional income, then i would have been able to just rely on my parents for allowance in my university years, like all my friends are. i wouldnt need to force myself to work, or worry whenever i lost a tuition assignment, or wadever sht there is concerning money. i could have had much more time for myself, for club activities, for socialising, for getting a boyfriend etc etc.
sigh....
bu4 tong2 ren2 bu4 tong2 ming4. it is so unfair.
.....i am sadden not in your predicament but the way you thought of it. As a person who is having her higher education to think this way is even harder to comprehend. You gotta get a grip, remember that life is not always fair. Take difficulties as a teacher giving you a lesson in life. Why compare with others? you are your own master, you have the power to choose light or darkness. Consider yourself lucky that you still have the freedom and means to do so, that's your good health and fountain of smart.
So what if people have bigger house, more money, bigger car or high paying jobs, that doesn't mean their life is as challenging or fulfilling as yours. Seems like you're suffering from low self-esteem. It's time to focus on your strengths and not your weaknesses. I can give you my sympathy, but it won't get you anywhere.
Work on your self esteem, if not even if you got your degree, you will still feel inferior to others. Hope in times to come, you can look back with sweetness and not anger.