Why We Love Children
> 1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was
>dead.
>
> "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
>
> "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
>innocently.
>
> You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
>
> "You know,"explained the boy,
>
> "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and
>
> it didn't move."
> 2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
>
> Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
>
> "What?"
>
> "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
>
> "No, You had your chance. Lights out."
>
> Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
>
> "WHAT?"
>
> "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
>
> I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
>
> Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
>
> "WHAT!"
>
> "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
> 3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
>
> finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
>
> The boy thought it over and said,
> "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door
> until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
> 4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
> a mother was tucking her son into bed.
> She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his
>voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
>
> The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
> "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
>
> A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
> "The big sissy."
> 5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
>children's
>
> sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
> One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and,
> as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,
>
> "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
>
> The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
>
> "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
> 6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
>
> came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into
>
> the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
>
> I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her
>tummy."
>
> "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
> 7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
>
> "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
>
> Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
>
> His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
>
> The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
>
> "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
>
> "Yes," he answered.
>
> Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
>
> teaching my son in math?"
>
> The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
>
> The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that
>son
>
> of a bitch is four?"
>
> After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them
>was,
>
> two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH , is four."
> 8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
>Little
>
> to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little
>tried
> to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken
> Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is
>falling!"
>
> The teacher paused then asked the class,
> "And what do you think that farmer said?"
>
> One little girl raised her hand and said,
> "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
>
> The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
> 9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
> "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
>
> Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane
>Sugarbrown."
>
> The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
> "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
>
> She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
> 10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the
>boys?"
>
> Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too
>rough."
>
> The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
> "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
> 11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
> She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut,
> eating a snack cake
> The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your
>Twinkie."
>
> She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."
