Let's crack a joke
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Reviving it.
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The maddies have a flair
Of building castles in the air
After building they begin to live in them
And the psychiatrist go round collecting the rent -
Nil
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striper felt?Originally posted by lemuelkoh:What is S.T.P.R.F.L.T ? -
why is 5 afraid of 7
Ans: Because 5 6 7 8 9 (five see seven ate nine) -
3 newly departed reach the gate of heaven
Gatekeeper: You each need to answer a question correctly before you can enter heaven. Who is the first man
A: Adam
Gatekeeper: Correct
Gatekeeper:Who is the first woman
B: Eve
Gatekeeper: Correct
Gatekeeper: What is the first sentance Eve told Adam
C having trouble giving an answer said: Geee.... that is a hard one
Gatekeeper: Correct -
Mr and Mrs Wong had a baby.
The baby is Caucasian.
Mr Wong shakes his head and say
Two Wongs donÂ’t make a white
(word play: 2 wrongs donÂ’t make a right) -
The Bush Administration outlines its major commitment to broker a peace treaty between Israel and Palestine before Bush Jr presidential term comes to a close. It is of my opinion that Bush Jr will never succeed as the last time the Jews listen to a talking Bush, they wandered the desert for nearly 500 years. For those who catch no ball, read chapter exodus of the bible
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what teachers really mean.
1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates.
(He was caught cheating on a test).2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability.
(The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes).3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.
(He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met).4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don't intimidate her.
(The lazy thing hasn't done one assignment all term).5. Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination.
(The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away).6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers.
(Your son needs to stop socializing and start working).7. Your daughter's greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions.
(Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment she creates a class argument).8. John enjoys the thrill of engaging challenges with his peers.
(He's a bully).9. An adventurous nature lover who rarely misses opportunities to explore new territory.
(Your daughter was caught skipping school at the fishing pond).10. I am amazed at her tenacity in retaining her youthful personality.
(She's so immature that we've run out of diapers).11. Unlike some students who hide their emotion, Charles is very expressive and open.
(He must have written the Whiner's Guide). -
A Good Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"
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Soccer in Heaven.
One day in a park, Steve n Jone were sitting on a bench in a garden. Steve suddenly ask Jones. "Do you think there is soccer in heaven?" Jone reply "i don't know. if u die first, come down to earth n tell me." Steve then say " Ok, and if u die first, u will come down to earth n tell me."
The next day. Steve die in a car accident. Jone decided to wait for steve at the garden bench.
Finally waiting for 2 days, a ghost appeared infront of Jone.
Jone, "Steve!"
Steve, "I got good news and bad news to tell you jone! Good news is, yes there is soccer in heaven. The bad news is you are playing goal keeper for us this friday."
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Idiots tried hunting
Three idiots decide to go hunting. The first one says he's going to get a buck. He goes out, and indeed comes back with a buck. The other two hunters ask how he did it. He says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get buck."
So the second hunter says that he's going to get a doe. And he does. They ask him how he did it, and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get doe."So the third hunter says, "I'm just gonna shoot at anything I see."
So he goes out and comes back half a day later all beaten, bruised, bloody, and totally trashed. The other two hunters ask him what happened and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get hit by train!"
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Email
It's wise to remember how easily e-mail can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.
Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly woman whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.