1 . "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought
he was God and I didn't."
2. "I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it."
3. "I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!"
4. "Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them."
5. "I used to have a handle on life, but it broke."
6. "Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive."
7. "You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me."
8. "Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder."
9. "Earth ... is the insane asylum for the universe."
10. "NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room spinning
medicine."
11. "I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing."
12. "Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
13. "I want to die in my sleep, like my grandfather....not screaming and
yelling like the passengers in his car."
14. "God must love stupid people, he made so many of them."
15. "The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
16. "It IS as BAD as you think and they ARE out to get you."
17. "I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
18. "Consciousness: That annoying time between naps."
19. "Ever stop to think and forget to start again?"
20. "Beer - the reason I get up each afternoon!"
21. "I must be a proctologist because I work with buttheads!"
22. "That's it! I'm calling Nana!" (seen on an 8-year old).
23. "Wrinkled.... was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew
up."
24. "Procrastinate..... now."
25. "Rehab..... is for quitters."
26. "My dog....can lick anyone."
27. "I have a degree in liberal arts - Do you want fries with that?"
28. "Party - My Crib - Two A.M." (On a baby-size shirt).
29. "Finally 21, and legally able to do everything I've been doing since
I was 15."
30. "Arkansas: One million people and 15 last names."
31. "FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software."
32. "I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN."
33. "A hangover is the wrath of grapes."
34. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance."
35. "STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"