Girl : Do you love me ?
Boy : Yes Dear
Girl : Would you die for me ?
Boy : No, mine is undying love
--------------------------------------------------
1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out
of the window
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.
--------------------------------------------------
Man : How old is your father ?
Boy : As old as me
Man : How can that be ?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
--------------------------------------------------
Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's
leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give me
the menu card.
------------------------------------------
Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog"
is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
--------------------------------------------------
Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible
to teach you anything!
Son : That's why I say she's no good!
--------------------------------------------------
Manager : Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't
need much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact, I'm just the
right person in this case. You see, I won't be of
much help anyway!
--------------------------------------------------
Teacher: "How do u think Shakespeare wrote such
masterpieces?"
College student: "With a pencil, maam, either a 2B
or not 2B."
---------------------------------------------------
"Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any
brothers or
sisters who will be coming to school."
"That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear.
What did she say when u told her u are the only
child?"
"She just said, 'Thank goodness!'"
---------------------------------------------------
Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: "Singapore, Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."
----------------------------------------------------
Teacher: "Chong, u missed school last Friday."
Chong : "You're wrong, Sir."
Teacher: "Wrong, how is that?"
Chong : "I was absent, yes but I certainly didn't
miss it!"
----------------------------------------------------
A teacher was asking her class:
"What is the difference between 'unlawful'
and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up.
"Ok, answer, Joan," said the teacher. "'unlawful' is
when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal is a
sick eagle."
---------------------------------------------------
Doctor : I have some bad news and some very bad
news.
Patient : Well, might as well give me the bad news
first.
Doctor : The lab called with your test results. They
said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient : 24 hours! That's terrible!! What could be
worse? What's the very bad news?
Doctor : I've been trying to reach you since
yesterday.
-----------------------------------------------------
Patient : I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor : You've had an accident involving a train.
Patient : What happened?
Doctor : Well, I've got some good news and some
bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Patient : Well... The bad news first ...
Doctor : Your legs were injured so badly that we
had to amputate both of them.
Patient : That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a
very good offer on your slippers.
----------------------------------------------------
Patient : How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist : -90.00.
Patient : -90.00 for just a few minutes work???
Dentist : I can extract it very slowly if you like.
-----------------------------------------------------
Teacher : "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow : "No comb, Sir."
Teacher : "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow : "No hair, Sir."
----------------------------------------------------
A boy came home from school with his exam
results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do u mean 'under water'?" "They are all
below 'C' level