Joke of e week
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all jokes posted in tis forum will be review on a weekly basis. e joke that has e most replies, regardless of positive or negative replies, will be quoted onto tis thread.
tis thread is a form of appreciation for gd jokes posted and also a reminder to which type of jokes are nt welcomed by e forumers here.
not 2 mention tis thread is also a summary 2 enable easier reading for e forumers.
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view full thread hereOriginally posted by the Bear:3 residents of the Old Folks' Home were complaining about old age..
the first, a 70 year-old dude lamented:
"Darn it to heck! I can't seem to move my bowels anymore! I wake up at 9am, and my stomach feels bloated. I go to the toilet, I sit there until 10am, NOTHING! It becomes so bad that I have to get an enema! And that's embarassing!"
the second, a 75 year-old countered:
"I wish I had such problems. I can't seem to pee! I wake up at 8am, and go stand at the urinal for an hour! And just a trickle! I'm about to burst and it's just a trickle! The docs said I may need to go for an operation for my prostate, now THAT'S bad!"
the third, an 80 year-old spoke up:
"That's NOTHING! At 8am, I pee like a horse.. LITRES of the stuff. Just like a goddamned fountain. At 9am, I crap like a cow.. until there's nothing left.. I get worried sometimes."
"HUH? WHAT'S THE PROBLEM THEN?" exclaimed the two younger geezers.
the 80 year-old lamented:
"The only problems is, I only wake up at 10am.."
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=170414 -
this week?
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Famous celebrity hangs himself to death
view full thread hereOriginally posted by Gordonator:
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=173129 -
view full thread hereOriginally posted by c0mplex:4 person, journalist; engineer; lawyer and accountant, went for an interview. The boss asked each of them "what's 2 and 2 to you?". The journalist, being to the point, answered "It's 22 to me". The engineer, being very precise, said "To me, it's between 3.99999999 and 4.000000001.". The lawyer said "according to past evidences, 2 and 2 must be 4." Next comes the accountant. Before he answered, he went to close the door and returned to the boss and asked him "Depending on what you want, I can make 2 and 2 what you want!". The boss straightaway gave the accountant the job. http://sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=173290 -
view full thread hereOriginally posted by whereismyrib:
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=175235 -
those bus pic v funny sia
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Barney wishes all of you a Happy Lunar New Year!
view full thread hereOriginally posted by whereismyrib:
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=176229
shld tis be considered as a joke too?
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im too distracted by ur signature.
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See what happens when you don't apply "Ladies First"
view full thread hereOriginally posted by Gordonator: 
http://sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=177084 -
very long burger
view full thread here http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=178705 -
wow.. nice stuff.. keep them coming..
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view full thread hereOriginally posted by skeujin:posted this years ago but here a revival lah
Chapter One
One day, noodle quarrel with meat bao(bun). They had a fight but bao was too clumsy and lost badly. He was
very angry and he told noodle to stay behind if he has the guts and he'll get his pals to assist him.
Meat bao went to find bread, man tou, jian bao etc to get them to reinforce him. Along the way, they saw
maggi mee. They ah bish ah bish ah bish and beat maggi mee up and maggi mee beri puzzled why he kena beaten
up.
He said, "Why u all beat me? What have I done to deserve this?"
The meat bao said, "Noodle! Dun think u perm your hair then cannot recognise u!" http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=180750 -
view full thread hereOriginally posted by ^spidee^:Frank was excited about his new rifle. So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.
The black bear said: "You've got two choices. I either maul you to death or we have rough sex."
Frank decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it.
There was another tap on his shoulder.
This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly says: "That was a huge mistake, Frank. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have REALLY rough sex."
Again, Frank thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it.
He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.
The polar bear says: "Admit it, Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?" http://sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=182033 -
view full thread hereOriginally posted by whereismyrib:
Be creative! http://sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=183759 -
view full thread hereOriginally posted by Gordonator:highlight picture to see.
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=185012 -
A cow that carrys the whole world on it's body
view full thread hereOriginally posted by Gordonator:
http://sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=187151 -
A blonde had just got a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over.
When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road ad gruffly commanded the blonde "stand in that circle and DON"T MOVE!". He then went to her car and cut up the leather seats.
When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window out of her car.
When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face.
He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.
Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it.
He goes back to his truck and gets out a can of petrol, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.
He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.
"What is so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.
She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!" -
wahahaha! dumb blonde!Originally posted by skid:A blonde had just got a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over.
When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road ad gruffly commanded the blonde "stand in that circle and DON"T MOVE!". He then went to her car and cut up the leather seats.
When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window out of her car.
When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face.
He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.
Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it.
He goes back to his truck and gets out a can of petrol, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.
He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.
"What is so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.
She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!"