Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your
CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah....
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in
the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
===============
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
===============
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet...
it's still on my desk... sorry....
===============
Tech support: Click on the "my computer" icon on the left of
the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
===============
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen, pal -- don't start getting technical on
me! I'm not Bill Gates!
===============
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print.
Every time I try, it says, "Can't find printer." I've even
lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor,
but the computer still says he can't find it...
===============
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
===============
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the
supermarket.
===============
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged in to the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK.
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is
there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does
work.
===============
Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in
apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
===============
Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
===============
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
===============
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a
screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the
mouse, it disappears.
===============
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter "a" in the address, but
how do I get the circle around it?
===============
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem
with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under Windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a
good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is
under a window, and his printer is working fine.
===============
And last but not least:....
Tech support: Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape
keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the
middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up
the Program Manager.
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P" ... on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
