Stupid Fun: Peeps You Meet (from Maxim Singapore)
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The Army Reservist
You can smell him from three MRT carriages away
1. Insists on speaking Hokkien even though no one understands what heÂ’s saying.
2. The smell from his uniform, created from the latest nano-technology, is to mask his natural, manly, body-odour from enemies.
3. His pocket is a reservoir of army stuff; mostly melted sweets, grass and bits of paper.
4. Always ready with a Hollywood-inspired army story
5. Scrap that; ALL men have a Hollywood-inspired army story.
6. Trudges mud everywhere even though heÂ’s not reported for duty yet.
7. His uniform is a time capsule – ketchup stain from cookhouse circa 1990, red paint from extra duty in ’89, tear in uniform (crotch area) from sitting down, 2006.
8. His ability to sleep anywhere, in any position – even standing up – amazes you.
9. His actual duty is to generate income for canteen operators.
10. Wears a T-shirt under his uniform to stop rash cos itÂ’s not washed since the last call-up.
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The MRT Hog
Nothing wakes him except the sound of the train stopping at his station
1. He sleeps within two seconds of his butt touching the seat.
2. Once in a while, he genuinely falls asleep and wakes himself with his own snore.
3. Has a long line of drool that hangs down his chin and follows his head movements – until it drips on you.
4. Takes occasional peeks to check if anyoneÂ’s on to him.
5. If someoneÂ’s taken the seat beside him, heÂ’ll put his head on their shoulders until they get irritated and move.
6. Sits with his legs wide open, as if heÂ’s smuggling jackfruits in his pants.
7. Reads over your shoulder while pretending to be asleep.
8. If he canÂ’t sleep, he will be engrossed in either his newspaper, iPod or a bit of string heÂ’s found on the floor.
9. If youÂ’ve, somehow, managed to squeeze onto his spare seat, heÂ’ll sit, crossing his legs, with his shoe on your knee.
10. If he brings his kid, the kid will stretch out over two seats.
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The Football Jersey Fan
He owns more than one football jerseyÂ… cos he supports more than one team
1. Never played a 90-minute game in his lifeÂ…
2. But smells like heÂ’s just walked off the pitch.
3. Has no girlfriend because his weekends are all about football.
4. ‘Insider’ info regurgitated from what he’s read in the papers.
5. Spends the entire Monday morning analysing the weekendÂ’s match statistics on the InternetÂ…
6. Â…but cannot remember scores from last week.
7. Refers to Liverpool in the first person but is born and bred in Bedok.
8. Disgusted with girls who like football.
9. Claims to be a lifelong fan but canÂ’t even name the squad from last season.
10. Beer gut so big, he looks like heÂ’s hiding a ball under his shirt.
Has no loyalty; supports whichever team thatÂ’s winning at the moment.
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The Metal Band Fan
He wears Death Metal Band T-shirts but has no idea who they are
1. Doesn't know if his limited-edition T-shirt is from a genuine tour or not.
2. Memorised three obscure bits of trivia about the band in case anyone asks.
3. DoesnÂ’t own a single album by the band.
4. CanÂ’t name a single album by the band.
5. Or name the members of the band (not even the lead singer).
6. Thinks Def Leppard is a charity animal shelter for big cats.
7. Uses three fingers for the Horned Hand sign.
8. Moshes with the metalheads at rock concerts – with earplugs.
9. Plays air guitar but doesn't know what guitar pick is used for.
10. Only has Westlife and Blue songs in his iPod.