PONDERISMS
-
PONDERISMS
* I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
* Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
* The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
* There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
* Life is sexually transmitted.
* Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
* Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
* Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
* All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
* In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
* Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
* How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
* Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
* Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
* Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
* If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
* Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
* If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
* If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
* If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
* Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
* Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
* Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
* Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? -
-
-
sweet ....
-
-
If you have any ponderisms, can post here. See if people can answer your ponderisms or not.
-
The best 2 around ... i like ...Originally posted by whereismyrib:* Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
* Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. -
v
-
Googled something...
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right." Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?
And obviously if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up sky diving! -
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesnÂ’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"Â… but itÂ’s only a "penny for your thoughts"? WhereÂ’s that extra penny going to?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but youÂ’re ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? TheyÂ’re going to see you naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think IÂ’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
When your photo is taken for your driverÂ’s license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on GilliganÂ’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why canÂ’t he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but donÂ’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? TheyÂ’re both dogs!
What do you call male ballerinas?
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?
If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didnÂ’t he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when itÂ’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when itÂ’s in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dogÂ’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? -
pratice makes perfect and there is another saying said nothing is perfect
which saying should we follow -
BÃ¥seline, some of those u posted above are repeats of the 1st post.
-
If today is 0 degrees, and tomorrow will be twice as cold, what temperature would it be?
-
well, as the saying goes.. nobody is perfect.Originally posted by Rika Ishikawa:pratice makes perfect and there is another saying said nothing is perfect
which saying should we follow