MOTHER: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
JOHNNY: Because of absence.
MOTHER: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
JOHNNY: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
JOHNNY: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
JOHNNY: Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
JOHNNY: No, it isn't, teacher. I'm eight today.
In Sunday School, they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said,
"Johnny what is the matter?"
Little Johnny responded,
"I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
Little Johnny comes home from school at the end of a term with his report card. The report card has all D's and F's. His parents start lecturing him, and Johnny explains that everyone in his class did poorly, not just him.
"But what about David down the street?" they said. "HE brought home all A's and B's."
"Well, David is different," he retorted.
"How so?" his father asked.
"Cuz his parents are smart!"
The teacher wrote "Like I ain't had no fun in months" on the board and then she said, "Johnny how should I correct that?"
Little Johnny replied, "Maybe get a new boyfriend?"
A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils answer by reciting a short poem.
The first kid sat in the first row being a teachers pet. He stood and said My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can.
The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room not being a teachers pet nor one on the outs to much. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating my name is Sadie, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby...if I can, and I think I can.
The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back of the room. He stood up and said my name is John, and I don't give a darn about Japan but I would like to help Sadie in her plan if I can....and I think I can!
