1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted
to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as
floatation devices.
2. Hey folks, we're going to play a little game of geography trivia. If
you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive
an extra pack of peanuts.
3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the
local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airline's new
commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.
4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!!
5. Ummmmmm....Sorry......(silence)
6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)....uhhhhh....we have
to go back ....we ..we ....uhhhhhh ....forgot something.....
7. I'm sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine, however the
reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more
efficiently now.
8. Fasten your seat belt. (same tone your friend with the suicidal driving tendencies uses when you get in the car).
9. This is your Captain speaking....these stupid planes are a lot
different than the ships I'm used to.. so you'll have to give me some
leeway...
10. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and watched the in-flight movie.
11. We've now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and ... Oh noooooooo!!!!!..
12. Don't worry! That one is always on E...
13. Get the parachutes ready...
14. Drinks are on me...
15. I'll have what the Captain's having...
16. Hey capt'n take another hit man...