joking only lar....
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War not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Virginity like bubble: one prick, all gone.
Secretary not permanent fixture until screwed on top of desk.
Man's wife his better half, his mistress his better whole.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
A crowded elevator smells different for a midget..
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A single middle age woman hated attending weddings as the old ladies would prod her and say 'you'll be next !' They soon stopped that since they attended her grandmother's funeral when she started saying 'you'll be next!' to them.
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What do you say to a childless couple trying to have a baby...'have fun trying..'
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What's the difference between a bachelor & a married man?
Bachelor comes home, see's what's in the fridge & goes to bed.
Married man comes home, see's what's in the bed & goes to the fridge.-
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that."
"Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."
The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."-
Bloke in hospital with 60% burns to his legs,
Dr. says, "Give him two Viagra."
Nurse asks, "Do you think that will help?"
Dr replies, "No but it will keep the sheets off his legs!!!"-
An old married couple were having sex and the wife says, "Baby, suck my nipples!"
The man dies; autopsy said, 'Reason for death: Expired Milk' -
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lol