Stimulating jokes
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In Little Johnny's classroom, the teacher gave the class a homework assignment. She wanted them to tell the class one talent that they had and that they were especially good at.
The next day the Teacher calls on Mary. Mary got up and said "I've been taking piano lessons for 2 years. The teacher told Mary that was very good.
After all of the other students told about their talent, the teacher doesn't have a choice but to let Little Johnny have his turn. She doesn't want to call on him because she is scared of what he is going to say.
She asked Little Johnny to tell the class about his special talent.
He stood up and said, " This is my special talent". Then he stuck his tongue out.
The teacher said, "Little Johnny, I don't understand." "How is your tongue a special talent"?
Little Johnny said, "See this ball where my tongue is pierced? My babysitter said that was a special talent because not every boy that she baby sits for has a pussy grinder!" -
One day suddenly the husband has an heart attack. He says before dying, "When I die, dear, cut off my penis and attach to the wall of our bedroom. When you feel like having sex start pumping on it. "He dies and his wife does exactly what he said.
Three of her neighbors come to know about this. They plan to make a hole in the wall and insert their penis from backside.
The first man tries it. As usual the woman starts sucking and pumping on it.
The second man tries it and the same thing happens.
When the third man tries it the woman comes, cuts the penis from the wall with a knife and says, "come on darling we are shifting to another house." -
A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree, crying.
The officer stops and approaches the guy. "What's going on here?", he asks.
The guy sobs, "I was driving and picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took all my money, my clothes, my car and then tied me up.
"The cop studied the guy for a moment, and then pulled down his pants and whipped out his dick. "I guess this isn't your lucky day, pal!" -
A child custody case was held in court. The judge felt that the mother and father were both fit to be parents and therefore couldn't decide who he should grant full custody to.
So he asks the little boy, "Would you like to live with your mother?"
"No." said the boy.
"Why not?" said the judge.
"Because she beats me."
The judge says "Okay, then you'll go live with your father."
"Oh No," cried the boy, "He beats me too."
Dumbfounded, the judge asks "Okay who do you want to live with?"
"I want to live with the Pompy."
"Why?" asks the judge.
"They don't beat anybody." -
Originally posted by NG QIBO AARON AUBREY:
In Little Johnny's classroom, the teacher gave the class a homework assignment. She wanted them to tell the class one talent that they had and that they were especially good at.
The next day the Teacher calls on Mary. Mary got up and said "I've been taking piano lessons for 2 years. The teacher told Mary that was very good.
After all of the other students told about their talent, the teacher doesn't have a choice but to let Little Johnny have his turn. She doesn't want to call on him because she is scared of what he is going to say.
She asked Little Johnny to tell the class about his special talent.
He stood up and said, " This is my special talent". Then he stuck his tongue out.
The teacher said, "Little Johnny, I don't understand." "How is your tongue a special talent"?
Little Johnny said, "See this ball where my tongue is pierced? My babysitter said that was a special talent because not every boy that she baby sits for has a pussy grinder!"
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Originally posted by NG QIBO AARON AUBREY:
One day suddenly the husband has an heart attack. He says before dying, "When I die, dear, cut off my penis and attach to the wall of our bedroom. When you feel like having sex start pumping on it. "He dies and his wife does exactly what he said.
Three of her neighbors come to know about this. They plan to make a hole in the wall and insert their penis from backside.
The first man tries it. As usual the woman starts sucking and pumping on it.
The second man tries it and the same thing happens.
When the third man tries it the woman comes, cuts the penis from the wall with a knife and says, "come on darling we are shifting to another house." pawn -
Originally posted by NG QIBO AARON AUBREY:
A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree, crying.
The officer stops and approaches the guy. "What's going on here?", he asks.
The guy sobs, "I was driving and picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took all my money, my clothes, my car and then tied me up.
"The cop studied the guy for a moment, and then pulled down his pants and whipped out his dick. "I guess this isn't your lucky day, pal!" gay? -
Originally posted by NG QIBO AARON AUBREY:
A child custody case was held in court. The judge felt that the mother and father were both fit to be parents and therefore couldn't decide who he should grant full custody to.
So he asks the little boy, "Would you like to live with your mother?"
"No." said the boy.
"Why not?" said the judge.
"Because she beats me."
The judge says "Okay, then you'll go live with your father."
"Oh No," cried the boy, "He beats me too."
Dumbfounded, the judge asks "Okay who do you want to live with?"
"I want to live with the Pompy."
"Why?" asks the judge.
"They don't beat anybody." -
lol *rolls eyes~*
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lololol
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whats a pompy
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lol
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hahahahahahaha
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Pompy= Portsmouth F.C
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Lori, the pert and pretty Nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked.
"Doctor, you must help me." she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up in bed with him.
And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week. "I see." nodded the psychiatrist.
"And you want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter?" "For God's sake, no!" exclaimed the Nurse.
"I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterwards." -
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow."
"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him, "How does that feel?" To which he replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell." -
A man visiting a doctor says; Doctor I just dropped in to tell you how much I benefited from your treatment.
The doctor replied; but you are not one of my patients.
The man said: I know. But my uncle Bill was, and I am his heir. -
A man decided to go to a massage parlour for the first time.When he gets there the woman is drop dead gorgeous, great big tits, nice face and an hour glass figure.
Two minutes into the massage, his dick is rock hard then he asks if he can have a wank, 'sure thing,' she says and leaves the room.
Five minutes later she pops her head round the door and asks him if he's finished -
The Rude Customer:
An award should go to the Virgin Airlines gate attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded Virgin flight was canceled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk.
He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".
The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address micro-phone: "May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.
"We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "Fuck You!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too." -
Jill and John got married. John thought this would be a "marriage of the 90's" ....equal roles for equal partners.
So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed. Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however.
She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "Poached? I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, John brought his true love a scrambled egg. Jill wasn't having any of it. "Do you think I don't like variety? I wanted poached this morning!"
Determined to please Jill, the next morning he thought, "third time's a charm" and brought her two eggs....one scrambled and one poached.
"Here, my love, enjoy!" Jill looks at the plate and says, "You scrambled the wrong egg."
One of my daughter's wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she and her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster.
"Get the owner's manual!" her husband shouted. "I can't find it anywhere!" she cried, searching through the box. "Oops!" came a voice from the kitchen.
"Well, the toast is fine, but the owner's manual is burnt to a crisp." -
An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter. As he's drinking one drink and the green man is drinking the other, an Englishman down the bar who has had a few too many drinks says "Hey, what's that little green thing down there?"
The green man runs down the bar gives the Englishman a raspberry, SPLBLBLBLT! right in the face and runs back to the Irishman.
The Englishman mops himself off and says to the Irishman, "Hey, what is that thing, anyway?"
The Irishman replies, "Have some respect. He's a leprechaun."
"Oh, all right," the Englishman says sullenly. They all go back to drinking beer.
An hour or so later, the Englishman is really plastered. "Boy, that leprechaun sure is an ugly little b*stard!" he says. The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry again- SPLBLBLBLBT!
This time the Englishman is really mad! "Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again I'll cut his dick off!" he shouts.
"You can't do that" says the Irishman. "Leprechauns don't have those."
"How do they pee, then?" asks the bewildered Englishman.
"They don't," says the Irishman. "They go SPLBLBLBLBT." -
Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?'
She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called sexual intercourse, darling.'
Little Tony said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds.
And Jimmy 's mom wants to talk to you.. -
LOL! sexual intercourse!
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LOL!!! I like the rude custermer the best!
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Originally posted by NG QIBO AARON AUBREY:
A child custody case was held in court. The judge felt that the mother and father were both fit to be parents and therefore couldn't decide who he should grant full custody to.
So he asks the little boy, "Would you like to live with your mother?"
"No." said the boy.
"Why not?" said the judge.
"Because she beats me."
The judge says "Okay, then you'll go live with your father."
"Oh No," cried the boy, "He beats me too."
Dumbfounded, the judge asks "Okay who do you want to live with?"
"I want to live with the Pompy."
"Why?" asks the judge.
"They don't beat anybody."
HAHAHAHAHA... this joke was used on spurs last season...