(Written to a woman who accidentally walked into a men's restroom...)
Please don't feel bad, Lady.
It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that caused that guy to pee
on the guy next to him. Heck, we do that all the time. It's rare for us
guys to ever hit what were aiming for. Sometimes I go into the
washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around; just so
I'll make sure I hit something. You see, something you ladies should
understand by now is that men's penises have a mind of their own.
A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being
used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage
to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and
onto his shoe. I'm telling 'ya those little buggers can't be trusted.
After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no longer
allowed to pee like a man -standing up. I am required to sit down and
pee. She has convinced me that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise
if she had gone to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on
a pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the
toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she was going to kill me in my sleep.
Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, but because
you and I have become such good friends and you think I'm a classy guy,
I might as well be candid with you because it's a rea problem,and you
ladies need to be understanding. It's the dreaded "morning wood".
Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to
pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no
matter how hard you try, you can't get that thing to bend, and if it
don't bend you can't aim, well hell, if you can't aim you have no
choice but to piss all over the wallpaper and that damn fuzzy toilet
seat cover you women insist on putting on the toilet.
And
by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers,the
friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to
use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to
control ourselves for that perfect aim.
Now sometimes,
when you're newly married, (and I know the guys in here will back me up
on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy
thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until
the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then that compressed
fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seat
comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie.
So
us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it's just not safe. I
tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife. I told
her... look, it won't bend. She said, "sit down like I told you to do
all the rest of the time." OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with
"morning wood". Well it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet
seat, and before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath
towels hanging on the wall across the room.
Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you
start to pee the pee shoots out from the crack between the bottom of
the toilet seat and the top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of
your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on to that damn
matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in front of
the toilet.
I have found the only effective maneuver to
deal with this morning urinary dilemma is to assume the flying superman
position laying over the toilet seat.This takes a great deal of
practice, perfect balance, and split time precision but it's the only
sure way to get all the pee in the bowl during the first morning pee.
chop it off.
hahaha ! great !
SIT DOWN N PEE.....or squat down n pee.brother
good
just sit and pee
is it that difficult?
Originally posted by Tizi Melissa Othman:just sit and pee
is it that difficult?
it should be - wait for 'morning wood' to be over, then 'just sit and pee'
=)
Originally posted by GIB:(Written to a woman who accidentally walked into a men's restroom...)
Please don't feel bad, Lady.
It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Heck, we do that all the time. It's rare for us guys to ever hit what were aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around; just so I'll make sure I hit something. You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men's penises have a mind of their own.
A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling 'ya those little buggers can't be trusted.
After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no longer allowed to pee like a man -standing up. I am required to sit down and pee. She has convinced me that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise if she had gone to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on a pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the
toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she was going to kill me in my sleep.
Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, but because you and I have become such good friends and you think I'm a classy guy, I might as well be candid with you because it's a rea problem,and you ladies need to be understanding. It's the dreaded "morning wood".
Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter how hard you try, you can't get that thing to bend, and if it don't bend you can't aim, well hell, if you can't aim you have no choice but to piss all over the wallpaper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women insist on putting on the toilet.
And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers,the friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to control ourselves for that perfect aim.
Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know the guys in here will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie.
So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it's just not safe. I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife. I told her... look, it won't bend. She said, "sit down like I told you to do all the rest of the time." OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with "morning wood". Well it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the wall across the room.
Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you
start to pee the pee shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on to that damn matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet.
I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning urinary dilemma is to assume the flying superman position laying over the toilet seat.This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split time precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl during the first morning pee.