This guy goes to the Olympics and sees a guy carrying a long pole.
He asks - Are you a pole vaulter?
Guy replies - No I'm German, and my name is Hans, not Walter.
Pole Vaulter and other jokes.
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At a world brewing convention in the States, the CEOs of various Brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day's conference.
Bruce, CEO of Fosters, shouted to the Barman: "In 'Strylya, we make the best bladdy beer in the world, so pour me a Bladdy Fosters, mate."
Bob, CEO of Budweiser, calls out next: "In the States, we brew the finest beers in the world, and I make the King of them all gimme a Bud."
Hans steps up next: "In Germany ve invented das beer, verdamt. Give me ein Becks, ya ist Der real King of beers, danke."
Paddy, CEO of Guinness, steps forward "Barman, would ya give me a doyet coke wid ice and lemon. Tanks."
The others stare at him in stunned silence, amazement written all over their faces. Eventually Bruce asks, "Are you not going to have a Guinness, Pat?"
Paddy replies: "Well, if you fookin' pansies aren't drinkin', then neither am I".---------------------------------------------------------------------------A man was walking by a pet shop when he saw a parrot with a string attached to each of its legs. The pricetag displayed on the perch showed $5000.Curious about the hefty pricetag, the man asked the shopkeeper: Hey, why is this bird so expensive?Shopkeeper: Pull the string on the left foot and it will say hello in spanish, and the other one and it will say hello in chinese.The man was impressed, but had one more question: What if you pulled both strings simutaneously?Parrot: I'll fall off my perch you idiot!-------------------------------------------------------------------------------A man was playing golf when he teed off and the ball hit the top of a tree and rolled back to the same position.And old man came along and said: When I was your age, I could hit over this tree three times over.Taking it as a challenge, the man tried again to clear the tree with all his might, to the same results.The old man pipes up: Of course when I was your age, this tree was only knee-high. -
lol
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except for the first one the rest very goooood. -
Originally posted by SBS2601D:This guy goes to the Olympics and sees a guy carrying a long pole.
He asks - Are you a pole vaulter?
Guy replies - No I'm German, and my name is Hans, not Walter.----------------------------------------------------------------------------
At a world brewing convention in the States, the CEOs of various Brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day's conference.
Bruce, CEO of Fosters, shouted to the Barman: "In 'Strylya, we make the best bladdy beer in the world, so pour me a Bladdy Fosters, mate."
Bob, CEO of Budweiser, calls out next: "In the States, we brew the finest beers in the world, and I make the King of them all gimme a Bud."
Hans steps up next: "In Germany ve invented das beer, verdamt. Give me ein Becks, ya ist Der real King of beers, danke."
Paddy, CEO of Guinness, steps forward "Barman, would ya give me a doyet coke wid ice and lemon. Tanks."
The others stare at him in stunned silence, amazement written all over their faces. Eventually Bruce asks, "Are you not going to have a Guinness, Pat?"
Paddy replies: "Well, if you fookin' pansies aren't drinkin', then neither am I".---------------------------------------------------------------------------A man was walking by a pet shop when he saw a parrot with a string attached to each of its legs. The pricetag displayed on the perch showed $5000.Curious about the hefty pricetag, the man asked the shopkeeper: Hey, why is this bird so expensive?Shopkeeper: Pull the string on the left foot and it will say hello in spanish, and the other one and it will say hello in chinese.The man was impressed, but had one more question: What if you pulled both strings simutaneously?Parrot: I'll fall off my perch you idiot!-------------------------------------------------------------------------------A man was playing golf when he teed off and the ball hit the top of a tree and rolled back to the same position.And old man came along and said: When I was your age, I could hit over this tree three times over.Taking it as a challenge, the man tried again to clear the tree with all his might, to the same results.The old man pipes up: Of course when I was your age, this tree was only knee-high. -