Ten gadgets to get you sacked
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Ten gadgets to get you sacked
By Tech Digest
26th July 2006 10:08 GMT
Tech Digest It's hot, your boss is evil, you never got that promised pay-rise. It's hot, your colleagues hate you, and you're fed up with sardine-like commuting. Oh, and did I mention it's really hot? What better time then to jack in your job to spend more time with your sofa, beer-fridge and television? But if you're going to go, do it with a bang rather than a whimper, and get your ass sacked. We've rounded up ten gadgets that should do the job...
1. Office Prankster calculator
Do any modern offices still use calculators? I thought people had RSS-mathematics-reader technology for that kind of thing nowadays. Or Wi-Fi abacuses. Anyway, your boss is bound to get narked if you get this gadget - it consists of a remote receiver which you hide on their desk, and a transmitter disguised as, yes, a calculator.
Simply place the remote receiver somewhere discreet- shall we say, at the back of the new guyÂ’s monitor? (Make sure it is in direct sight of the transmitter though, the units use infra-red light to communicate, like your TV remote)
Using your remote transmitter -cunningly disguised as a calculator- you select a sound effect carefully calculated to cause maximum annoyance, and press the appropriate button!
Choose from Wolf whistle, A buzzing fly, Computer Modem, Burp, Orgasm, or the classic Fart
Or if that delicate little selection doesnÂ’t take your fancy, you can even record your own!
Guaranteed to get your work colleagues sniggering, but donÂ’t blame us if you get a black eye if your target doesnÂ’t see the funny side!
Remote transmitter and receiver
6 Pre-recorded sounds
Record your own sound
Infra-red remote control
Range 20 ft (7m) approx
Requires 3x AAA batteries (Included)
Calculator acts as remote control only, does not have calculating function
2. Beer machine
Think making own brew beer is difficult, expensive, time consuming? Wrong. With the new Beer Machine you can brew 28 pints in just 10 days, and couldn't be easier to use. A beer mix and yeast are included – just add water. Perhaps best of all, the cost per pint of brewing with the Beer Machine is around 50p; sure to put the pub and your local offie to shame.
To get started, simply pour water into the Beer Machine's airtight cask, add the beer mixture and yeast provided, seal the cask and wait. It really is that simple! See our diagram below for more details of how this miracle micro-brewery works:
Because the Beer Machine is small enough to fit in the fridge (despite the amount it can hold), you don't have to piddle about decanting your booze into bottles. Simply pour it straight from the built-in tap as if pulling a pint. However, if you haven't got the space in your fridge, the Machine does come with six bottles; with the tap system you won't spill have your beer when transferring it.
There is one other unpleasant aspect to traditional home brewing – the smell. If you've ever wondered what someone stewing their socks in cabbage water smells like, just ask anyone who's made home brew the old fashioned way. However, the Beer Machine features a revolutionary airtight ‘wrap-around' system, meaning there's no nasty stench to knock the budgie off its perch.
Next time you're planning a party or a big night in with the boys, don't bother buying in the cans – just switch on your Beer Machine.
3. Backwards clock
If your boss is a stickler for time, you could easily get sacked by turning up a couple of minutes late and blaming a freak dog-buttering incident. Or you could do it more imaginatively, by swapping their office clock for this mirror-image model, which ticks backwards. Just to mess with their heads, like. If they get really confused, they'll let the office go home early. Or just you (and never let you come back). £9.99 from I Want One Of Those.
All those years of learning about the little hand and the big hand are suddenly out of the window, and you find yourself incapable of telling the time at speed. Makes the act of checking the time less mundane and more insane, and of course also gives you the perfect excuse for being late.
Features
Black and white quartz wall clock.
The numbers on the clock are in the directly opposite spot to where you would imagine.
The hour, minute and second hands move in an anticlockwise direction.
The black outer frame is made of plastic and the clockÂ’s face is made of glass.
Requires 1 x AA Battery (not included).
Size 29 x 29 x 3cm. -
5. Cyberman voice changer helmet
Because nothing makes a sales meeting go with a swing more than some idiot in the corner constantly interrupting in the voice of a Cyberman out of Doctor Who. This voice changer helmet converts your speech to Cybertalk, although there's also an option to spew out classic phrases like "You will be deleted" (best used every time you get rid of an email). Be warned, if your boss is a Dr Who geek, this may earn promotion and son-I-never-had status. £30 from the usual toy outlets.
6. Shrieking chicken
It's a toss-up what will happen first if you buy this gadget - the corporate heave-ho from your boss, or the literal heave-ho-out-the-window from your colleagues. It's a 17-inch rubber chicken (and size is important in these things) that makes "the most annoying noise in the world" when you squeeze it. I can only surmise that it sounds like Bonnie Langford doing her Crazy Frog impression to a backing of Polish death metal. Maybe. £6.95 from BoysStuff.
Everyone needs a rubber chicken in their lives and this one even comes complete with a crazy shrieking noise.
Just give the 17inch high chook a good squeeze and listen for the most annoying noise in the world to come out of its open beak! The noise that comes out of this chicken is without a doubt extremely irritating and can have a profound effect on people! Either they crack up laughing and just want to squeeze the Shrieking Chicken time and time again, or, they will run screaming in the other direction.
The Shrieking Chicken is great for practical jokes around the office or even at home.
If you're feeling particularly adventurous you could even strap it to your car as a novelty car horn! -
7. Cube World
Hmm, this is a strange idea - interactive LCD cubes with little virtual men "living" inside them - it's like the illegitimate Tamagotchi child of Apple and Ikea. They provide endless amusement with their capering about - there's over 100 animations - and can even interact with each other. So why would they lose you your job, assuming you don't have a "no self-conscious wackiness" clause in your contract? Check the review on the site from Pippa in Southsea: "My boss bought me two sets of these. Bit silly really, as I haven't done any work since." YOU'RE FIRED! £19.95 per pair from I Want One Of Those.
Each cube has its own inhabitant, with their own set of tricks, games and general odd behaviour. Slim, Dodger, Scoop, Whip, Handy, Dusty, Mic and Hans will get up to all sorts of stuff, like playing basketball, juggling, snake-charming, the list is as long as it is random. Not only can they entertain themselves, they're also interactive and will react to you pushing buttons on the cube, and are motion sensitive - so roll the cube around and they'll crash about too. As well as being an individual blast to play with, they can meet and play with each other. Click the cubes together, side by side or on top of each other, and they'll interact with each other, playing games, hopping from their own cube into someone else's, even having a punch up!
You can connect up to sixteen cubes together in any combination, and you never can tell what the little dudes will get up to. They're deeply cool, compellingly random and you just won't be able to help yourself becoming unhealthily attached to your own little world.
Features
Pack of 2 interactive cubes with LCD displays.
Each cube has its own stick character with their own personality and games.
Each cube contains a motion sensor so when you turn or shake the cubes the characters will react.
Characters available are Scoop and Slim (in one pack), Dodger and Whip (in another pack), Handy and Dusty (in one pack), or Mic and Hans (in another pack).
Cubes can be played with individually or can be connected to create a 'Cube World'.
Once connected the characters can interact, visit each others cubes, play, pester and protect each other.
A maximum of 16 cubes can be played together.
Action buttons start the games and interactions.
Stick games include: -
Slim: showing off his pull ups
Dodger: bouncing
Scoop: playing with his dog
Whip: jumping ropes.
Handy: Fixing things
Dusty: Constantly cleaning
Mic: Spins on his decks
Hans: Works out
100 animations are possible in Cube World, ranging from group hugs to bungee jumping. -
9. Rock Beat drumsticks
You got rhythm. You got soul. You got a desk that's demanding to be drummed on. So drum on it with these electronic drum-sticks which allow you to live out your Phil Collins fantasies (well, not the ones involving dumping your wife by fax) from the comfort of your office chair. They can switch between snare drum, tom-tom and crash cymbal at will - by your second-run through of the drum solo from Led Zep's "Moby Dick", you'll be in the warm embrace of burly security guards. £9.95 from Firebox.
These ingenious electronic sticks represent a huge advance in the field of pretending to play the drums, as you don't need an accompanying drum kit to start knocking out a few funky beats. That's because Rock Beat Drumsticks feature nifty built-in speakers that blast out a variety of drum sounds every time the rubber tips hit a surface or strike the air with anything more than a tap.
Nifty buttons change the sound from snare drum to tom-tom to crash cymbal, and you can also make a right Ringo out of yourself bashing along to a tune. Better still, bright LEDs within the Rock Beat's durable tips mean you can flail around in the dark. Any more sophisticated and you could join Pink Floyd on stage for an impromptu jam (although you'd probably be bundled off and sectioned in the Rod, Jane and Freddie home for the musically insane before you played your first comedy count-in). -
10. Super Slingshot catapult
Because if all else fails, a constant stream of high-speed foam projectiles will have your boss reaching for his firing...well, whatever implement bosses use for firing people. More adventurous readers might swap other objects for the foam balls - stones, mouldy fruit, atomic warheads... £4.95 from BoysStuff. ®
Sling shots have a bit of a bad reputation for breaking windows and your Mum's favourite ornaments, but the old days of sling shots are gone and the new breed steps in to take its place.
Enter the Super Slingshot Catapult! Ready, Aim…Fire! This is no ordinary slingshot; the Super Slingshot Catapult is a glass-friendly slingshot that isn't a danger to the neighbour's glasshouse. It comes complete with three foam balls which will do no harm to your ornaments and is designed for use indoors. Your kids can turn the lounge room into a war zone without being a threat to your best vases or ornaments – so everybody wins.
The Super Sling shot features wider set arms for better sight, a unique and very gripable handle, an elastic stretchy cord for immense sling shot power and of course, three foam balls specially designed for easy placing in the slingshot.
This product is unsuitable for children under the age of eight years. Please play safely and thoroughly read all warnings and instructions provided. The Super Slingshot is not to be used with the intention of harming humans of animals. The Super Slingshot Catapult measures 22cm in height. -
cool
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the Shrieking chicken looks cool
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The chicken is irritating and fun, the cube one is fun too...and cubes to cubes can interact.
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No. 9 may be mis-used.
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how?Originally posted by FireIce:No. 9 may be mis-used. 
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use no. 9 on the bus and see how many pple start screaming at you
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I like Number 3.
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i want the cubes!!!
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x2Originally posted by ndmmxiaomayi:I like Number 3.