Need help with argumentative writing
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Dear SgF forumers, i would like to request help on a argumentative essay set by my english teacher, in accordance for a test this wednesday
I need opinions and advice on the essay, which i have written
Should Capital Punishment Be abolished?
Capital Punishment, by far , is the worst form of deterrence against severe crimes commited by citizens, either foriegners or Singaporean people.
While i agree it serves as a chilling form of deterrence to implement a policy of "Think twice before you act", it may also serve as Crimes against humanity.
When a person, yes, has harmed someone severely with a point of intention to kill, it is deemed a murder charge , which carries the mandatory death penalty or life imprisonment with no chance of a parole.That person will have to be either be behind bars for either 20-35 years, depending on each judge's sentence and the extent of his psychological state of being during the crime taking place.
In another sequence, smuggling drugs into singapore, or exporting more than 5g of controlled items, such as heroin and ecstasy also carries the death penalty.While smuggling drugs can be dangerous and can be easily influence people to carry out this form of crime, it does, not in anyway, input violence against anyone, nor threaten the economy of singapore.
I am sure that there are alternatives to capital punishment.I would like to suggest that counselling and reptitive anger management be reccomended for those at high risk that commit severe crimes and prisons visit to the death row prisons in which the prisoners have a short talk with them to encourage not to follow in their footsteps
Taking a human life is a crime, but it also is a crime to take a life, without judgement.God is the only power capable, not the common people.
Regards.Thanks
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If im not wrong a delta force commander once siad something like "Just kill them all and let god do the rest."
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not very structured in my opinion... or maybe i am taught to write differently.
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first look seems not very structured. Later I got more time look again to give comments.Originally posted by Deadly:not very structured in my opinion... or maybe i am taught to write differently.
Main thing: No strong thesis statement -
Ok, this is the format of how I would approach an essay
Intro + thesis statement.
=> In thesis statement, list down and summarize the points that you are going to discuss (maybe 3 to 4 points)
Paragraph dedicated to Point 1
Paragraph dedicated to Point 2
Paragraph dedicated to Point 3
Paragraph dedicated to Point 4 if any
Give mini conclusion
Paragraph dedicated to any possible doubts that others may have (eg Some people may believe that ...... However, ......). Counter-argument.
Final Conclusion, with a summary of what you have written, and a final statement on your stand. -
I DONT KNOW WHAT IS CAPITAL PUNISHMENT!!
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Quite rigid and predictable wor. Placing counter-arguments at the end of your every point makes up a better structure. Oh and remember to include tearing down of counter-arguments to reinforce and accentuate the coherence and validity of your main points.Originally posted by eagle:Ok, this is the format of how I would approach an essay
Intro + thesis statement.
=> In thesis statement, list down and summarize the points that you are going to discuss (maybe 3 to 4 points)
Paragraph dedicated to Point 1
Paragraph dedicated to Point 2
Paragraph dedicated to Point 3
Paragraph dedicated to Point 4 if any
Give mini conclusion
Paragraph dedicated to any possible doubts that others may have (eg Some people may believe that ...... However, ......). Counter-argument.
Final Conclusion, with a summary of what you have written, and a final statement on your stand. -
I only putting down my A level econs tried and tested method + GP tried and tested method combinedOriginally posted by S.KCH:Quite rigid and predictable wor. Placing counter-arguments at the end of your every point makes up a better structure. Oh and remember to include tearing down of counter-arguments to reinforce and accentuate the coherence and validity of your main points.
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where are your counter arguments?
your paragraphs aren't meaty enough- try to explain, elaborate and give evidence.
and your topic sentence for your argument isn't very distinct -
Perhaps you should open by first defining/explaining what is "capital" punishment.
For every asserrtion you make, you ought to explain the reason behind your assertion. For example, you claim that capital punishment is the worst form of detterent sentence. Don't just leave it hanging there. Explain the basis of your claim. This is what argumentative esays are about.... not just make sweeping claims without any basis. Anyone can do this, y'know? -
I am using this as suggested by unclerbutcher
TAS SystemOriginally posted by unclebutcher:for argumentative/expositary essays, basically you have to follow the TAS system:
Thesis
Antithesis
Synthesis
i.e.
take both sides of the issue, discuss each side's pros and cons, then make a stand. -
Color coded and the brackets contain my comments.Originally posted by Shanghai_Grand:Dear SgF forumers, i would like to request help on a argumentative essay set by my english teacher, in accordance for a test this wednesday
I need opinions and advice on the essay, which i have written
Should Capital Punishment Be abolished?
Capital Punishment, by far , is the worst (subjective= no go) form of deterrence against severe crimes commited by citizens, either foriegners (spelling) or Singaporean people (repetition).
While i agree it serves as a chilling (subjective again = no go) form of deterrence to implement a policy of "Think twice before you act", it may also serve as Crimes against humanity (need to rephrase).
When a person, yes, has harmed someone severely with a point of intention to kill, it is deemed a murder charge , which carries the mandatory death penalty or life imprisonment with no chance of a parole.That person will have to be either be behind bars for either 20-35 years, depending on each judge's sentence and the extent of his psychological state of being during the crime taking place.
In another sequence, smuggling drugs into singapore, or exporting more than 5g of controlled items, such as heroin and ecstasy also carries the death penalty.While smuggling drugs can be dangerous and can be easily influence people to carry out this form of crime, it does, not in anyway, input violence against anyone, nor threaten the economy of singapore.( You have gone off the point and did a leap into mandatory sentencing)
I am sure that there are alternatives to capital punishment.I would like to suggest that counselling and reptitive anger management be reccomended for those at high risk that commit severe crimes and prisons visit to the death row prisons in which the prisoners have a short talk with them to encourage not to follow in their footsteps (any evidence that this works at all?)
Taking a human life is a crime, but it also is a crime to take a life, without judgement.God is the only power capable, not the common people.(too subjective - you are talking about your religious belief not others - that gets throws the whole topic off the point )
Regards.Thanks
The worst part - you didn't define what capital punishment is.
