Friends Don't Let Friends...
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When it comes to friendships, most people think they just happen. But are there any responsibilities in being a friend? Just what is expected of a true friend?
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Originally posted by breytonhartge:
Patience, trust, forgiveness, tolerance, compassion, companionship, courage, forthrightness, etc, etc and love.
[b]When it comes to friendships, most people think they just happen. But are there any responsibilities in being a friend? Just what is expected of a true friend? [/b] -
in those I think TRUST, FORGIVENESS and TOLERANCE are most important.Originally posted by Bontakun:Patience, trust, forgiveness, tolerance, compassion, companionship, courage, forthrightness, etc, etc and love. -
Dunnoe..Originally posted by breytonhartge:in those I think TRUST, FORGIVENESS and TOLERANCE are most important. -
Somebody you can call and just cry on the phone for an hour.
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and that too...Originally posted by MooKu:Somebody you can call and just cry on the phone for an hour.
nice to see you here....and welcome... -
The continuation of my initial post... as written by David Treybig...
On a recent trip, the slogan on a T-shirt caught my eye. It read, "Friends don't let friends eat farmed salmon." The phrase grabbed my attention. I, too, prefer to eat wild salmon, and I think it tastes even better when I catch the fish myself. But it wasn't just the fishing connection that hooked me. It was also the concept of friends looking out for each other.
Perhaps you've also seen or heard the phrase about friends not letting friends do bad things. I've heard "Friends don't let friends drive drunk" and "Friends don't let friends do drugs." Perhaps you can add to the list. The underlying concept behind these phrases is that each of us has the responsibility of helping our friends keep out of trouble and harm—to stay on the right path and avoid the wrong.
But telling friends that they are doing something detrimental is hard to do, and many believe they should support their friends no matter what their choices. Furthermore, most people don't want friends who will tell them that they are doing something they shouldn't be. According to motivational speaker Andy Andrews, "When asked what they want in a friend, 80 percent answer, 'Someone who accepts you as you are'" (The Seven Decisions video). Most simply want friends who will support them no matter what they do.
What all of this means is that slogans about friends not letting friends do something they shouldn't are asking people to go against the majority opinion. So which is it? What should a real friend do? Rather than looking to human opinions, let's see what the Bible says about friends correcting friends.
God's Word tells us that friends are supposed to support each other. As Job explained, "Those who withhold kindness from a friend forsake the fear of the Almighty" (Job 6:14, New Revised Standard Version). Almost everyone can agree that being kind to a friend is important, but how do we do this? -
It is really hard to point out a friend mistake for many will be displease about it especially if u remind them in a curt manner. Often a quarrel ensues after it but upon reflection yr friend should be able to understand what u have done. True friends will not shy away to help corrects friends' behaviour. However when telling them their mistake a friend should be mindful of the circumstances.
One of the taboos about pointing out a friend mistake is to do it in front of a group of people. What u did will embarrass them. No one likes to be embarrass and because of this even if he know he is at fault, he will surely try to refute whatever u say. It is best to remind them of their wrong doings privately.
Like what my father says " A true friend points out your mistake and prevent you from repeating it. Sometimes what he said might not be to your liking but that is the truth. Accept it and become a better person. Such friends are truly the ones u should treasure." -
Its like many subjects, like what is the best type of leaders, or which girls are the best to have a relationship with. I guess its pretty broad to talk about
Let me add one to this pool. Which is, true friends are people who stick to their values, even if you disagree with these values. They are still better than people who are shifty. I cannot find trust in the latter group
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Yes one more thing about real friends. Real friends will not divulge any of your secrets.
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Two mistaken ideas
Consider those who believe they should always agree with friends whether the friends are right or wrong. These people call this being loyal. But in reality, it is misplaced loyalty.
Think about it. Do you want a friend who is loyal to you or loyal to the truth? Compromising the truth isn't loyalty; it's deception—even if it is supposedly done out of kindness. Real friends will be loyal first to the truth and secondarily to us. In following this order, our friends can help us likewise be loyal to the truth.
Mistaken loyalty is one wrong idea regarding friendships. Abandonment is another.
In order to keep from agreeing with a friend who is wrong, some abandon their friends whenever a problem arises. They'd seemingly rather disappear or pretend not to notice than to deal with what is really happening. These people are what some call fair-weather friends. They are willing to be our friends as long as everything goes well. But when the weather changes—that is, when a problem arises—they change as fast as the weather.
Yet Proverbs 17:17 says, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." Real friends don't desert when things get tough.
This doesn't mean we shouldn't ever end a friendship—because sometimes we should if a friend purposefully lives contrary to God's values. What it does mean is that we shouldn't end a friendship just because a friend with godly standards occasionally has a problem. Under these circumstances, real friends help each other get through and solve their problems. These are all-weather friends—the kind that will stick with us throughout our lives. -
very true.Originally posted by laurence82:Its like many subjects, like what is the best type of leaders, or which girls are the best to have a relationship with. I guess its pretty broad to talk about
Let me add one to this pool. Which is, true friends are people who stick to their values, even if you disagree with these values. They are still better than people who are shifty. I cannot find trust in the latter group -
true friends do not impose their values and beliefs onto their friends, even though such values and beliefs are in direct conflict with ourselves.
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interesting statement, but how do you be friends with someone who is in total conflict with yourself (hypothetically speaking...)Originally posted by Chin Eng:true friends do not impose their values and beliefs onto their friends, even though such values and beliefs are in direct conflict with ourselves. -
what if the friend's values was to beat up their friends?Originally posted by Chin Eng:true friends do not impose their values and beliefs onto their friends, even though such values and beliefs are in direct conflict with ourselves.
anyway seriosuly what is the values of a friend are different, like say gambling or financial planning or view of women as objects, etc -
it all depends on why you want that friend, and what you see friendship as.Originally posted by breytonhartge:interesting statement, but how do you be friends with someone who is in total conflict with yourself (hypothetically speaking...)
for starters: there must be some common ground, otherwise, friendship does not happen. You see, you used an extreme situation: TOTAL CONFLICT. This is quite oxymoron.... no two friends are in TOTAL conflict with each other otherwise they'd not be friends.
TOTAL conflict WILL not result in friendship. if your purpose of friendship is to convert the other person to your view, then yup, unless the conversion happens, friendship will die. if your purpose of friendship is to share that commoness (is there such a word?), than that friendship will prosper.
I have friends who are close because: of our common faith (religious) of our common hobby (interest) of our common philosophy (outlook in life) all of the above. -
This is personal as it all depends on what one defines as a friend, and whether these issues come into conflict into each others' life philosophy. The question each must answer: how much does opposing values encroach into our self's values. There are friendship that breaks because one cannot tolerate or accept the other's POV.Originally posted by hisoka:what if the friend's values was to beat up their friends?
anyway seriosuly what is the values of a friend are different, like say gambling or financial planning or view of women as objects, etc -
Another post... just to boost up my count....
I am guessing the next train of thought is: what do you do with a friend that is doing something that is wrong? -
why not what if the friend is doing something right but its detrimental to you whether because he took your chance or because the right decision is bad to you for example he reports you for cheatingOriginally posted by Chin Eng:Another post... just to boost up my count....
I am guessing the next train of thought is: what do you do with a friend that is doing something that is wrong? -
The hardest talkOriginally posted by Chin Eng:Another post... just to boost up my count....
I am guessing the next train of thought is: what do you do with a friend that is doing something that is wrong?
One of the most difficult aspects of being a true friend is telling someone that he or she is doing something wrong. Yet if we are honest with ourselves, we know that occasionally we are in need of a little guidance and encouragement to make good decisions. We don't inherently have all the answers to life's questions (Jeremiah 10:23). And while we can always pray and study God's Word for guidance, it is also helpful to have a friend who will tell us when we're about to make a mistake.
Affirming the value of correction from a friend, Proverbs 27:6 says, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful."
Real friends are people who will always tell us the truth—even when it is unpleasant to do so. Real friends give us much-needed reality checks—reference points that can help us know what is true and what isn't. It is this measure of friendship that identifies those who truly care for us. These are the kinds of friends who are always there for us—even when we run into adversity. -
How to tell a friendOriginally posted by Chin Eng:Another post... just to boost up my count....
I am guessing the next train of thought is: what do you do with a friend that is doing something that is wrong?
Assuming you need to tell a friend that he or she is making a mistake—something that will surely happen sooner or later—what can you do to make the message easier to deliver and easier for your friend to receive? Consider following these biblical principles:
• Ask God for wisdom. Knowing when to approach your friend and how to best do so requires wisdom. James 1:5 says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him."
• Use a normal tone of voice. Proverbs 15:1 says, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Don't raise your voice as people typically do in an argument or confrontation. Use the same tone of voice that you do in normal conversation.
• Be kind. Remember that you're telling your friend about his or her problem because you care. Friends love each other even when they are relaying unpleasant information (Proverbs 17:17). Be truthful regarding what needs to be said, but don't add to your friend's pain unnecessarily.
• Encourage a godly change. Most people respond to positive encouragement. Affirm the good character your friend normally displays. Tell your friend that you know this problem is out of character for him or her. Then suggest some better courses of action in a humble, respectful way (Galatians 6:1).
• Offer to help. Finally, show that you are a true friend by offering to help him or her change and go in a better direction (Romans 15:1).
Let's all be true, all-weather friends whether we're giving or receiving correction. Remember: "True friends don't let friends . . ." -
actually not really an extreme situation, you can be friends with a person when you are younger and have the same ideals and outlooks, but as you grow up, your friend and you change because of life circumstances etc... then the two who were once friends and still are come to have different outlooks and opinions which are in TOTAL conflict, then what?Originally posted by Chin Eng:it all depends on why you want that friend, and what you see friendship as.
for starters: there must be some common ground, otherwise, friendship does not happen. You see, you used an extreme situation: TOTAL CONFLICT. This is quite oxymoron.... no two friends are in TOTAL conflict with each other otherwise they'd not be friends. TOTAL conflict WILL not result in friendship. if your purpose of friendship is to convert the other person to your view, then yup, unless the conversion happens, friendship will die. if your purpose of friendship is to share that commoness (is there such a word?), than that friendship will prosper.
I have friends who are close because: of our common faith (religious) of our common hobby (interest) of our common philosophy (outlook in life) all of the above. -
Eh... on a side note:
Isn't it God's arrangement for us to meet with the people who are now in our lives? Be it those who has views and values in conflict with ours. As long as we are patient and understanding, we can always talk about it calmly and peacefully. Normally its better to talk in one on one situation or with 1 or 2 close friends on both side who can help reinforce the relationships between all sides.
But have you ever wonder that sometimes for the good of a friend, we may have to leave that friend alone and let him/her see the difference in life and ponder about it before approaching us? Someties direct confrontation never works well.
Different people requires different approaches. Some can be confronted, some has to be left alone, some has to take a long time and some just needs to see what we see and ponder about it. It can be many things on how to tackle issues relating to friendships. -
still can be friends, in my humble opinion,Originally posted by breytonhartge:actually not really an extreme situation, you can be friends with a person when you are younger and have the same ideals and outlooks, but as you grow up, your friend and you change because of life circumstances etc... then the two who were once friends and still are come to have different outlooks and opinions which are in TOTAL conflict, then what?
a true friend is one who can look at all your mistakes and still accept you without condemnation, can see all the differences and still accept you as who you really are.