loving love or person?
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onli a thin line separates these 2 forms of love...in fact many dun noe the difference...
loving love is perhaps one of the most selfish form of love, it desires to take, possess n sap others dry.
loving person on the other hand is loving sacrificially, it doesnt possess, it doesnt desire onli to take, it gives willingly...though tis form of love is hard to give, it is the type tat is most healthy n noble...
many i have seen have fallen into the trap of loving love...most of them come from broken homes, had broken r/s in the past etc...so they develop the mindset tat it doesnt matter whether they love the person, so long the person love them...tats enuff...
well, wad do u forumers have to say? -
what about the most common one: loving sex
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I would have thought that loving love would be more a mindset of being in love with the idea of love and not in love with the person per se?Originally posted by despondent:onli a thin line separates these 2 forms of love...in fact many dun noe the difference...
loving love is perhaps one of the most selfish form of love, it desires to take, possess n sap others dry.
loving person on the other hand is loving sacrificially, it doesnt possess, it doesnt desire onli to take, it gives willingly...though tis form of love is hard to give, it is the type tat is most healthy n noble...
many i have seen have fallen into the trap of loving love...most of them come from broken homes, had broken r/s in the past etc...so they develop the mindset tat it doesnt matter whether they love the person, so long the person love them...tats enuff...
well, wad do u forumers have to say? -
I would have thought that loving love would be more a mindset of being in love with the idea of love and not in love with the person per se?
yes i agree wif u...sadly, i noe many who dunno the diff. btw these 2...i myself too had to be enlighten by a married man several yrs ago...nw tat i noe the diff. i always shake my head when i encounter such cases...another way to bring across tis concept is being in love wif urself n nt wif the other person...its onli cos u r in love wif urself tat u seek after the idea of being in love...wanting to possess, take n sap others dry of their love so tat u can be satisfied... -
I think regardless of whether you know or do not know the difference, there is a selfish part within all of us that will want to sap others dry, and if we do not watch ourselves, we might allow it to...Originally posted by despondent:yes i agree wif u...sadly, i noe many who dunno the diff. btw these 2...i myself too had to be enlighten by a married man several yrs ago...nw tat i noe the diff. i always shake my head when i encounter such cases...another way to bring across tis concept is being in love wif urself n nt wif the other person...its onli cos u r in love wif urself tat u seek after the idea of being in love...wanting to possess, take n sap others dry of their love so tat u can be satisfied... -
double...
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just do not see the whole issue about loving sex... why do you love sex? Loving sex is just like what the thread starter said... it is a selfish love, seeking only to cater to one's own needs.Originally posted by OO_OO_OO:what about the most common one: loving sex -
hmm... don't think its benefical to comment on this type of issue/question, furthermore, its not our place to be judgemental on others, the last thing we need is for someone to jump in and start comdemning others or passing judgement on another person.Originally posted by onceinabluemoon: -
Can't even love, don't know.
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I am only interested in the teaching on matter like this... no need to be judgmental...Originally posted by vince69:hmm... don't think its benefical to comment on this type of issue/question, furthermore, its not our place to be judgemental on others, the last thing we need is for someone to jump in and start comdemning others or passing judgement on another person. -
Psalm 89:47-48Originally posted by onceinabluemoon:I am only interested in the teaching on matter like this... no need to be judgmental...
47 Remember how short my time is;
For what futility have You created all the children of men?
48 What man can live and not see death?
Can he deliver his life from the power of the grave? Selah
Even King David knew how short our time on earth is. And it is not for us to know the times and dates and the length of our lives, all we know is that they are in the Father's hands.
Isaiah 57:1
1 The righteous perishes,
And no man takes it to heart;
Merciful men are taken away,
While no one considers
That the righteous is taken away from evil.
How do you not know that Isaiah 57:1 could not apply to this person? -
??? Casino operator ?Originally posted by breytonhartge:Psalm 89:47-48
47 Remember how short my time is;
For what futility have You created all the children of men?
48 What man can live and not see death?
Can he deliver his life from the power of the grave? Selah
Even King David knew how short our time on earth is. And it is not for us to know the times and dates and the length of our lives, all we know is that they are in the Father's hands.
Isaiah 57:1
1 The righteous perishes,
And no man takes it to heart;
Merciful men are taken away,
While no one considers
That the righteous is taken away from evil.
How do you not know that Isaiah 57:1 could not apply to this person?
OK I am being judgmental... maybe there are good casino operators... just like there might be righteous rapists and murderers... -
its a pretty big jump from a casino operator or manager as was this person's position to a rapist or a murderer.Originally posted by onceinabluemoon:??? Casino operator ? OK I am being judgmental... maybe there are good casino operators... just like there might be righteous rapists and murderers...
A manager for a casino is like any other manager in any other organisation, a rapist and a murderer are totally not even the same... you are not comparing apples with apples. -
He was not a mere manager. He was the Chief Executive Officer. The Organisation carries his family name. His name was Kerzner. The Sentosa bid was put in by Kerzner-CapitaLand... does that make him liable then, you think?Originally posted by breytonhartge:its a pretty big jump from a casino operator or manager as was this person's position to a rapist or a murderer.
A manager for a casino is like any other manager in any other organisation, a rapist and a murderer are totally not even the same... you are not comparing apples with apples. -
from your train of thought I percieve that you consider that it is this person's fault for the woes that a casino can inflict on an individual.Originally posted by onceinabluemoon:??? Casino operator ? OK I am being judgmental... maybe there are good casino operators... just like there might be righteous rapists and murderers...
That is the problem with society today, many do not want to take responsibility for their own actions, or to admit that they have a problem. It is a person's choice to CHOOSE to go to the casino, you cannot legislate for everything, otherwise, we might as well have gone right back to the start in the garden of eden and asked Yahweh to not give us free will, which in itself is an oxymoronic idea as the choice to give up free will is in essence free will anyway. There will always be something that a person can blame the authorities for or someone else for, I think that one should take more heed of ones responsibilities. -
still a rapist and a muderer inflicts grevious bodily harm against another person and violates their being, does this person do any of those things to another? I think not.Originally posted by onceinabluemoon:He was not a mere manager. He was the Chief Executive Officer. The Organisation carries his family name. His name was Kerzner. The Sentosa bid was put in by Kerzner-CapitaLand... does that make him liable then, you think?
What is so wrong with the casino? It is a commercial enterprise just like any other commercial enterprise, or do you consider a person with a serious shopping addiction different from someone who is addicted to the casino, with so many free credit cards out there and various sales going on at any one time, will you also blame the owners of the shopping franchises for the woes of these shopping addicts? -
this discussion is going off topic, if you would like to I am happy to discuss this with you in another topic.
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How about at the new topic I created?Originally posted by breytonhartge:this discussion is going off topic, if you would like to I am happy to discuss this with you in another topic. -
actually from personal experience, i find tat ppl who come from broken families r more prone to loving love. tat is cos they did nt receive the kind of love they needed when they were growing up. hence, when they grow up, they desire being in love more than loving a person. so whoever can give them the most love, there their heart wil be. however, no man is perfect. n there will always be someone betta out there. so when such ppl meet a betta person, they leave the current one so as to be tgr wif the betta one. tis partially explains y ppl hop from one love r/s after another without settling down.
another group of ppl who r prone to loving love r those who have been let down b4. perhaps in previous r/s, ppl were unfaithful to them n tis cause them to lose faith n confidence in r/s. hence, they choose to find someone who love them rather than someone whom they love. so they will marry someone who love them deeply even though they may have little/no feelings for them. its a vicious cycle cos by doing so, they hurt those who truly love them. n in turn those who love them may become like them-loving love... -
thank you for sharing your insights, so the question can be asked, how does one know whether we love love or not?Originally posted by despondent:actually from personal experience, i find tat ppl who come from broken families r more prone to loving love. tat is cos they did nt receive the kind of love they needed when they were growing up. hence, when they grow up, they desire being in love more than loving a person. so whoever can give them the most love, there their heart wil be. however, no man is perfect. n there will always be someone betta out there. so when such ppl meet a betta person, they leave the current one so as to be tgr wif the betta one. tis partially explains y ppl hop from one love r/s after another without settling down.
another group of ppl who r prone to loving love r those who have been let down b4. perhaps in previous r/s, ppl were unfaithful to them n tis cause them to lose faith n confidence in r/s. hence, they choose to find someone who love them rather than someone whom they love. so they will marry someone who love them deeply even though they may have little/no feelings for them. its a vicious cycle cos by doing so, they hurt those who truly love them. n in turn those who love them may become like them-loving love... -
thank you for sharing your insights, so the question can be asked, how does one know whether we love love or not?
to noe whether we love love or not, we muz ask ourselves the following qns...1) r we more interested to receive than to give? 2) if the person level of love towards us drops over time, will we stil want to be wif tis person? 3) if someone else who show greater love comes along, will we leave our current partner n start a r/s wif tis new person? 4) r we often attracted to wad the person can do for us than who the person is?
loving love is like taking drugs. u need more n more of it to get the same amt of satisfaction. tat can perhaps also explain y sex can be appealing n y ppl hop from one partner to another. so if someone betta comes along, we may end up starting a r/s wif tis person cos he/she can meet our needs n pamper us more. its a very self-serving type of love tat aims onli to benefit oneself at the expense of others. to put it plainly, its selfish love.
u may argue, well love is selfish...but i would like to qn the meaning of tis statement. love is se;fish doesnt mean to be selfish towards ur partner/spouse. it means tat in cases when ur rival is ur best frend for eg, u wil nt be generous in giving up the one u love jus cos he/she is ur best frend or is getting on in age n hence need to find a partner soon. tat is wad is menat by love is selfish.
if u stil insist tat love is selfish means being selfish even to ur partner/spouse, then let me ask u, where then is sacrificial love? to sacrifice means to give up sth precious without expecting anything in return. u do it willingly. can u be selfishly loving someone yet be sacrificial towards him/her? can a person who desires onli to receive give sacrificially without expecting returns?
we r often attracted to gd acts of kindness n care. when we r down n tis person of the opposite sex comes along to comfort us, we can have the false sense of 'love'. in fact, tis feeling is more of gratitude rather than love. tis is nt saying tat u cun start a r/s wif tis person. tis person may be someone u truly love however, one shld take time to examine the frendship. to find out whether the feelings for tat person is more than gratitude. tat person may have treated us well at tat period of time cos we were in need. but he/she may nt treat us the same way once we r out of distress. so the best thing to do is to take time to examine the frendship, be in love wif the person for who he/she is. do nt love tat person solely for wad he/she did for u in the past. tat could be a one-off experience.
i have seen so many ppl rushing into r/s juz based on a one-off experience or cos the opposite sex can give them enuff love. they r nt so interested in whether they love the person or not. some believe in the lie tat u can start the r/s 1st then build up love for tis person. while tis may be possible, can anyone guarantee tat the love will definitely be built up? if theres a guarantee, y is there an increasing rate in divorces? y nt juz be frends n then see if the love can be build up. once the love is build up, then we can start the love r/s. y muz we rush in? tis act of rushing in is another sign of loving love. being desperately in need to be loved by others.
to conclude, tis act of loving love has detroyed many r/s. worse, it may have disillusioned many ppl of the beauty of true love. ppl say tat true love has extinct. i feel they say such things cos they have nt loved the rite way. loving love leads to hurt n sufferings n they will eventually disillusion ppl abt the beauty of true love... -
that is why true love is a decision and not feeling...Originally posted by despondent:to noe whether we love love or not, we muz ask ourselves the following qns...1) r we more interested to receive than to give? 2) if the person level of love towards us drops over time, will we stil want to be wif tis person? 3) if someone else who show greater love comes along, will we leave our current partner n start a r/s wif tis new person? 4) r we often attracted to wad the person can do for us than who the person is?
loving love is like taking drugs. u need more n more of it to get the same amt of satisfaction. tat can perhaps also explain y sex can be appealing n y ppl hop from one partner to another. so if someone betta comes along, we may end up starting a r/s wif tis person cos he/she can meet our needs n pamper us more. its a very self-serving type of love tat aims onli to benefit oneself at the expense of others. to put it plainly, its selfish love.
u may argue, well love is selfish...but i would like to qn the meaning of tis statement. love is se;fish doesnt mean to be selfish towards ur partner/spouse. it means tat in cases when ur rival is ur best frend for eg, u wil nt be generous in giving up the one u love jus cos he/she is ur best frend or is getting on in age n hence need to find a partner soon. tat is wad is menat by love is selfish.
if u stil insist tat love is selfish means being selfish even to ur partner/spouse, then let me ask u, where then is sacrificial love? to sacrifice means to give up sth precious without expecting anything in return. u do it willingly. can u be selfishly loving someone yet be sacrificial towards him/her? can a person who desires onli to receive give sacrificially without expecting returns?
we r often attracted to gd acts of kindness n care. when we r down n tis person of the opposite sex comes along to comfort us, we can have the false sense of 'love'. in fact, tis feeling is more of gratitude rather than love. tis is nt saying tat u cun start a r/s wif tis person. tis person may be someone u truly love however, one shld take time to examine the frendship. to find out whether the feelings for tat person is more than gratitude. tat person may have treated us well at tat period of time cos we were in need. but he/she may nt treat us the same way once we r out of distress. so the best thing to do is to take time to examine the frendship, be in love wif the person for who he/she is. do nt love tat person solely for wad he/she did for u in the past. tat could be a one-off experience.
i have seen so many ppl rushing into r/s juz based on a one-off experience or cos the opposite sex can give them enuff love. they r nt so interested in whether they love the person or not. some believe in the lie tat u can start the r/s 1st then build up love for tis person. while tis may be possible, can anyone guarantee tat the love will definitely be built up? if theres a guarantee, y is there an increasing rate in divorces? y nt juz be frends n then see if the love can be build up. once the love is build up, then we can start the love r/s. y muz we rush in? tis act of rushing in is another sign of loving love. being desperately in need to be loved by others.
to conclude, tis act of loving love has detroyed many r/s. worse, it may have disillusioned many ppl of the beauty of true love. ppl say tat true love has extinct. i feel they say such things cos they have nt loved the rite way. loving love leads to hurt n sufferings n they will eventually disillusion ppl abt the beauty of true love... -
I Corinthians 13:4-8 (Amplified Bible):Originally posted by despondent:yes i agree wif u...sadly, i noe many who dunno the diff. btw these 2...i myself too had to be enlighten by a married man several yrs ago...nw tat i noe the diff. i always shake my head when i encounter such cases...another way to bring across tis concept is being in love wif urself n nt wif the other person...its onli cos u r in love wif urself tat u seek after the idea of being in love...wanting to possess, take n sap others dry of their love so tat u can be satisfied...
4 Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.
5 It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].
6 It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.
7 Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].
8 Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. -
i recall a real life case i saw on tv...tis happened in taiwan. the guy was enlisted for National Service n had to spend most of his time in the army camp. so b4 he went in, he told his frend to help take care of his galfrend. as time went by, tis guy realised tat his galfrend didnt seem as close to him as b4. she seem to be hiding sth from him. curious, he decided to check it out...
in the end he found out tat his galfrend was nw the galfrend of his frend...they had gone on a secret r/s without him noeing. infuriated, he confronted both of them. instead of admitting she had done him wrong, the gal qn him: "where were u during tis time when i needed u most? during tis time, its ur frend who had been there when i needed someone." in the end, she concluded:" well then, take it tat i have done u wrong." from her tone n words used, u can see tat she dun care much abt howthe guy feel. she cared more for herself, whether she is receiving the love n care she needs. to make things worse, the guy's frned, didnt even feel guilty over wad he did. instead, he simply said:" when it comes to r/s, its always hard to say."
well, one thing the guy's frend didnt realise was tis. the gal was obviously in love wif love. n if she could break up wif her bf to be wif him, she could jolly well do the same thing to him qwhen another betta guy comes along...