loving love or person?
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but then no one ever really knows for sure right?and if the friend was a true friend in the first place, he would not have done that to his friend...Originally posted by despondent:i recall a real life case i saw on tv...tis happened in taiwan. the guy was enlisted for National Service n had to spend most of his time in the army camp. so b4 he went in, he told his frend to help take care of his galfrend. as time went by, tis guy realised tat his galfrend didnt seem as close to him as b4. she seem to be hiding sth from him. curious, he decided to check it out...
in the end he found out tat his galfrend was nw the galfrend of his frend...they had gone on a secret r/s without him noeing. infuriated, he confronted both of them. instead of admitting she had done him wrong, the gal qn him: "where were u during tis time when i needed u most? during tis time, its ur frend who had been there when i needed someone." in the end, she concluded:" well then, take it tat i have done u wrong." from her tone n words used, u can see tat she dun care much abt howthe guy feel. she cared more for herself, whether she is receiving the love n care she needs. to make things worse, the guy's frned, didnt even feel guilty over wad he did. instead, he simply said:" when it comes to r/s, its always hard to say."
well, one thing the guy's frend didnt realise was tis. the gal was obviously in love wif love. n if she could break up wif her bf to be wif him, she could jolly well do the same thing to him qwhen another betta guy comes along... -
the pt i am trying to put across here is tat its obvious the gal is loving love. she cared onli for her own need n since they were met by another guy, she then chose to be wif him...abt the guy, yes i agree if he realli was a frend, he wun do tis...
abt the gal, she probably fell into the trap many have fallen into...tat is to love based on feelings rather than choice...if she feel loved, she will continue r/s. if she dun feel loved, she ends r/s. so many ppl r basing love solely on 'feeling' alone. love experts will say tat tis isnt how love shld be...we shld choose to love or nt to love n the choice depends on the person himself/herself...it has nothing to do wif the other party...so often i hear ppl choosing to stop loving their partners cos of sth their partners did or didnt do...they fail to see tat they themselves had contributed to the breakup as well... -
that is why i said before, true love is a choice...Originally posted by despondent:the pt i am trying to put across here is tat its obvious the gal is loving love. she cared onli for her own need n since they were met by another guy, she then chose to be wif him...abt the guy, yes i agree if he realli was a frend, he wun do tis...
abt the gal, she probably fell into the trap many have fallen into...tat is to love based on feelings rather than choice...if she feel loved, she will continue r/s. if she dun feel loved, she ends r/s. so many ppl r basing love solely on 'feeling' alone. love experts will say tat tis isnt how love shld be...we shld choose to love or nt to love n the choice depends on the person himself/herself...it has nothing to do wif the other party...so often i hear ppl choosing to stop loving their partners cos of sth their partners did or didnt do...they fail to see tat they themselves had contributed to the breakup as well... -
AgreeOriginally posted by breytonhartge:from your train of thought I percieve that you consider that it is this person's fault for the woes that a casino can inflict on an individual.
That is the problem with society today, many do not want to take responsibility for their own actions, or to admit that they have a problem. It is a person's choice to CHOOSE to go to the casino, you cannot legislate for everything, otherwise, we might as well have gone right back to the start in the garden of eden and asked Yahweh to not give us free will, which in itself is an oxymoronic idea as the choice to give up free will is in essence free will anyway. There will always be something that a person can blame the authorities for or someone else for, I think that one should take more heed of ones responsibilities. -
Hmm... interesting.Originally posted by Yaffa:I Corinthians 13:4-8 (Amplified Bible):
4 Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.
5 It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].
6 It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.
7 Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].
8 Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].
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And turning the table around, how would you know if your partner loves you or loves love?Originally posted by despondent:to noe whether we love love or not, we muz ask ourselves the following qns...1) r we more interested to receive than to give? 2) if the person level of love towards us drops over time, will we stil want to be wif tis person? 3) if someone else who show greater love comes along, will we leave our current partner n start a r/s wif tis new person? 4) r we often attracted to wad the person can do for us than who the person is?
loving love is like taking drugs. u need more n more of it to get the same amt of satisfaction. tat can perhaps also explain y sex can be appealing n y ppl hop from one partner to another. so if someone betta comes along, we may end up starting a r/s wif tis person cos he/she can meet our needs n pamper us more. its a very self-serving type of love tat aims onli to benefit oneself at the expense of others. to put it plainly, its selfish love.
u may argue, well love is selfish...but i would like to qn the meaning of tis statement. love is se;fish doesnt mean to be selfish towards ur partner/spouse. it means tat in cases when ur rival is ur best frend for eg, u wil nt be generous in giving up the one u love jus cos he/she is ur best frend or is getting on in age n hence need to find a partner soon. tat is wad is menat by love is selfish.
if u stil insist tat love is selfish means being selfish even to ur partner/spouse, then let me ask u, where then is sacrificial love? to sacrifice means to give up sth precious without expecting anything in return. u do it willingly. can u be selfishly loving someone yet be sacrificial towards him/her? can a person who desires onli to receive give sacrificially without expecting returns?
we r often attracted to gd acts of kindness n care. when we r down n tis person of the opposite sex comes along to comfort us, we can have the false sense of 'love'. in fact, tis feeling is more of gratitude rather than love. tis is nt saying tat u cun start a r/s wif tis person. tis person may be someone u truly love however, one shld take time to examine the frendship. to find out whether the feelings for tat person is more than gratitude. tat person may have treated us well at tat period of time cos we were in need. but he/she may nt treat us the same way once we r out of distress. so the best thing to do is to take time to examine the frendship, be in love wif the person for who he/she is. do nt love tat person solely for wad he/she did for u in the past. tat could be a one-off experience.
i have seen so many ppl rushing into r/s juz based on a one-off experience or cos the opposite sex can give them enuff love. they r nt so interested in whether they love the person or not. some believe in the lie tat u can start the r/s 1st then build up love for tis person. while tis may be possible, can anyone guarantee tat the love will definitely be built up? if theres a guarantee, y is there an increasing rate in divorces? y nt juz be frends n then see if the love can be build up. once the love is build up, then we can start the love r/s. y muz we rush in? tis act of rushing in is another sign of loving love. being desperately in need to be loved by others.
to conclude, tis act of loving love has detroyed many r/s. worse, it may have disillusioned many ppl of the beauty of true love. ppl say tat true love has extinct. i feel they say such things cos they have nt loved the rite way. loving love leads to hurt n sufferings n they will eventually disillusion ppl abt the beauty of true love... -
And turning the table around, how would you know if your partner loves you or loves love?
simple...u juz observe the r/s...does ur partner take more than give most of the time? does ur partner get demanding abt u spending time wif him/her, spending money on him/her n less understanding towards ur busy schedule? did ur partner come out from previous r/s where he/she was hurt? (tis may lead to loving love so u need to observe carefully). does ur partner have the tendency of going out wif other ppl of the opposite sex when u r unable to go out wif him/her? nw its perfectly fine for ur partner to go out wif other ppl of opposite sex but if tis happen very often when u cun spend time wif ur partner, then u shld look into the situation.
ppl loving love r constantly on the lookout for love..so they will search for love anywhere at any cost. tats y u have ppl loving sex, hopping from one r/s to another...if their current partner cun meet their requirements for love, they simply search elsewhere. most imptly, ask ur partner wad he/she tinks love is. if he she tells u tat love is based on feelings n emotions, then tink twice b4 getting attached to tis person cos feelings n emotions fluctuates over time...the wisest thing to do is to choose someone who noes tat love is nt juz a feeling but also a choice...in fact, love being a choice shld take priority over love being a feeling...
love counsellors will agree tat couples stay married until they die for the simple reason tat they love their partners cos they chose to do so n nt cos they feel loved by their spouse n hence stay in the marriage...u may argue tat they stay married cos of their children...well tats true but again its based on a choice...they choose to stay married cos they love their children...n they love their children nt based on feelings but by choice...tink of how rebellious children nowadays can be, yet most parents stil love their own...
nw tat is wad i call true love... -
Pardon me for my directness, knowing so much about love, then why are you stil despondent?Originally posted by despondent:simple...u juz observe the r/s...does ur partner take more than give most of the time? does ur partner get demanding abt u spending time wif him/her, spending money on him/her n less understanding towards ur busy schedule? did ur partner come out from previous r/s where he/she was hurt? (tis may lead to loving love so u need to observe carefully). does ur partner have the tendency of going out wif other ppl of the opposite sex when u r unable to go out wif him/her? nw its perfectly fine for ur partner to go out wif other ppl of opposite sex but if tis happen very often when u cun spend time wif ur partner, then u shld look into the situation.
ppl loving love r constantly on the lookout for love..so they will search for love anywhere at any cost. tats y u have ppl loving sex, hopping from one r/s to another...if their current partner cun meet their requirements for love, they simply search elsewhere. most imptly, ask ur partner wad he/she tinks love is. if he she tells u tat love is based on feelings n emotions, then tink twice b4 getting attached to tis person cos feelings n emotions fluctuates over time...the wisest thing to do is to choose someone who noes tat love is nt juz a feeling but also a choice...in fact, love being a choice shld take priority over love being a feeling...
love counsellors will agree tat couples stay married until they die for the simple reason tat they love their partners cos they chose to do so n nt cos they feel loved by their spouse n hence stay in the marriage...u may argue tat they stay married cos of their children...well tats true but again its based on a choice...they choose to stay married cos they love their children...n they love their children nt based on feelings but by choice...tink of how rebellious children nowadays can be, yet most parents stil love their own...
nw tat is wad i call true love... -
well, 1stly, despondent has been my nic ever since more than 5 yrs ago...back then i was very despondent wif life...no partner, no gd grades, hardly any frends...
2ndly, i choose to keep tis nic as a reminder to me nt to be despondent...also, i am rather despondent abt my helplessness to help others in tis area of r/s...some i tok to simply tell me to MYOB. i meant to help but they shove me away...despondent cos i see so many ppl getting hurt in loving love r/s yet they r too proud to seek help...when help knocks on their door, they juz shove it off...tats y i decided to post in forums hoping i can help ppl here... -
Really nice of you.Originally posted by despondent:well, 1stly, despondent has been my nic ever since more than 5 yrs ago...back then i was very despondent wif life...no partner, no gd grades, hardly any frends...
2ndly, i choose to keep tis nic as a reminder to me nt to be despondent...also, i am rather despondent abt my helplessness to help others in tis area of r/s...some i tok to simply tell me to MYOB. i meant to help but they shove me away...despondent cos i see so many ppl getting hurt in loving love r/s yet they r too proud to seek help...when help knocks on their door, they juz shove it off...tats y i decided to post in forums hoping i can help ppl here...
Maybe not everyone is appreciative, but im sure many more are. Don't give up, kay?
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hey blu_sky r u christian? ur posts sound like u r...
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yes, but i back-slided.Originally posted by despondent:hey blu_sky r u christian? ur posts sound like u r... -
have to agree with this...Originally posted by despondent:love counsellors will agree tat couples stay married until they die for the simple reason tat they love their partners cos they chose to do so n nt cos they feel loved by their spouse n hence stay in the marriage...u may argue tat they stay married cos of their children...well tats true but again its based on a choice...they choose to stay married cos they love their children...n they love their children nt based on feelings but by choice...tink of how rebellious children nowadays can be, yet most parents stil love their own...
nw tat is wad i call true love... -
are you back from sliding?Originally posted by blu_sky:yes, but i back-slided. -
hey brey havent seen u a long time in forums..welcome back!!!
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thanks... I have been here and there... feel free to post any new topics... you post some insightful ones... thanks.Originally posted by despondent:hey brey havent seen u a long time in forums..welcome back!!!
How are you? Hope you are well. -
no, not back yet....Originally posted by breytonhartge:are you back from sliding? -
keep hanging in there... as vince would say.Originally posted by blu_sky:no, not back yet.... -
for me...eh i m both..
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sometimes i still feel like goin back. at other times, i think i am juz lazyOriginally posted by breytonhartge:keep hanging in there... as vince would say.
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by both you mean you are still sliding or climbing back? we are here to help if you need any...Originally posted by nuttawood1990:for me...eh i m both.. -
we have all been there...Originally posted by blu_sky:sometimes i still feel like goin back. at other times, i think i am juz lazy -
brey i tink wad he meant was he is both loving love n person...if tats the case, i realli wonder how tats possible...
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selfish n...willing to give..
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pls elaborate wad u mean by selfish n willing to give....selfish in wad sense n willing to give in wad sense?