An Armani underwear ad featuring David Beckham has sent the English tabloids into meltdown, some suggesting the football icon may be smuggling more than a budgie. "Is that John Darwin's canoe in your pants or are you just pleased to see us?" wondered the Sun, in an editorial headlined Swollenballs.The editorial, written by BBC football presenter Adrian Chiles, questions why Beckham chose to do the ad in the first place. "You've got money, status, respect and fame - then someone says: 'Armani want you to do a picture wearing tight white pants with your legs as wide open as the hole in England's defence,' " he wrote.
"Why would you say yes? The only reason is that you have no talent other than to be in daft pictures like this. " ... As for what's stuffed down there, my guess is a rather soft aubergine."
The Sun then hazarded a few other guesses as to the contents of Beckham's Armani togs, suggesting it might be his son Brooklyn's hamster, Scientology brochures from Tom Cruise, or perhaps a pair of festive baubles.
Fellow tabloid the Daily Star also took a few pot shots at David down under, in an article headlined What the heck is in Beck's kecks? Suggestions included troubled singer Amy Winehouse - beehive included, Osama Bin Laden, the never found Iraqi weapons of mass destruction, the Tardis from Doctor Who or wife Victoria's old breast implants.
The Daily Mail, however, took a rather more serious view of Beckham's foray into the world of underwear marketing, decrying his poster as "gay erotica" and the man himself as "the male equivalent of a Page Three tart". "But then what else should we expect from the man who, along with his wife, has done as much as any modern celebrity to destroy the value placed by our society on self-respect and self-restraint," questions the tabloid.
" ... what kind of a father - of three boys - exposes himself draped across the world's billboards in his posing pouch, looking like the male equivalent of a Page Three tart?
"Airbrushed and two-dimensional, it is truly an image that reflects the man," A little below the belt, perhaps.
Marketing executive Giles Fraser said: "Whilst this campaign puts paid to those football pundits who say Beckham is too shy in the tackle to be an effective performer these days, it marks a new stage in the evolution of Brand Beckham.
"With his football career now effectively in the twilight zone he has to grab the headlines in other ways and join the crowded ranks of the tabloid sensation creators.
"His brand will get a short-term boost from this but it can only be diluted long-term by this campaign. What price Becks and Posh in "I'm a Celebrity?" in winter 2008?"
Armani said: "He represents a notion of modern masculinity: as sports hero, husband and father. "There was a time when soccer players were not always considered to be fashion role models. David Beckham has helped to change that."
Beckham - who has featured in numerous saucy snaps in the past - said he met Armani when he designed suits for the England squad. He said: "My wife and I have become friends with him, so I'm happy to be working with him now."
