10 things we hope to see from Big Phil at Stamford Bridge

• zocoss

  14 Jun 08, 12:18

  

   

  The latest fiery manager checks in at Chelsea and Luiz Felipe Scolari, or Big Phil to you and I, is set to be as big a character as Jose Mourinho.

  Here are 10 things we hope to see in his first year at the Bridge.

  1. Describes himself as the 'Really Special One' in his first press conference and starts talking about Shaun Wright-Phillips as 'Little Phil'.

  2. Drafts in Gene Hackman as his assistant to confuse the opposition.

  3. Has an affair with Cheryl Cole.

  4. Replaces a distraught Jose Mourinho as the face of American Express.
  
  5. Poses naked for Lucien Freud so Roman Abramovich can have another picture for his office.

  6. Names his untouchables as Florent Malouda, Hilario, Steve Sidwell, Salomon Kalou and Tal Ben Haim.

  7. Floors Patrice Evra in a mass brawl.
  
  8. Puts even more sand on the Stamford Bridge pitch and introduces a Brazilian style beach football competition.
  
  9. Recalls Khalid Boulahrouz from loan spell at Seville and appoints him captain.
  
  10. Uses an umbrella on the touchline to keep his Armani tracksuit dry.