English Angle: Ten Things Rafa Benitez Should Do Before Sell
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It seems inevitable now that the Basque pass-master will leave Anfield, but Goal.com’s Mike Maguire thinks there are much more important matters that Rafa needs to attend to first...
Liverpool fans, it’s time to be honest – Xabi Alonso is all but on his way to Real Madrid. You didn’t want it to happen, he (initially) didn’t want it to happen, and perhaps even Rafael Benitez didn’t want it to happen, despite his previous attempts to sell off his fellow Spaniard.
Considering that the boy from the Basque Country has just come off a season in which he displayed the sort of composure, consistency and class that even Steven Gerrard never could in a central playmaking role, it would be sheer madness to even consider selling him... right?
With that in mind, we’ve compiled a list of suggestions that will hopefully keep Benitez so busy – and satisfy his financial, squad-balancing and Madrid-pleasing needs – that he simply won’t have time to ditch one of his most valuable players.
So, without further ado...
Ten Things Rafa Benitez Should Do Before Selling Xabi Alonso:
10. Shave the goatee. C’mon now, Raf – it’s had a good run, but it’s time to move on. You need a fresh look. Maybe a Mohawk.
9. Throw away that heart-shaped pendant with a picture of Gareth Barry inside. The moment’s gone. He’s run off with Sparky Hughes and there’s nothing you can do about it – his bank balance is bigger.
8. Buy back Robbie Keane. With Xabi gone, someone will have to step into the first team – thus leaving a space open on the bench for the impish (and very, very expensive) Irishman.
7. Sell Fernando Torres and bring back Emile Heskey. Offloading your most influential players is all the rage, apparently. ‘El Nino’ suffered through injury last term, so he’s in danger of being traded in for an inferior, English equivalent (as per Xabi-Barry last summer).
6. Make David N’Gog captain. He is the future, of course, and will be an ‘Untouchable’ once Torres’ move to Tranmere Rovers is completed. The most talented Frenchman ever to grace Anfield, Bruno Cheyrou notwithstanding...
5. Quadruple Lucas’ wages. It’s about time his salary matched his contribution to the team. I mean, he’s Brazilian – so surely he deserves it?
4. Give Alvaro Arbeloa to Real Madrid for free – and promise never to humiliate them by a record margin again. Does what it says on the tin. Five-goal drubbings begone!
3. Sell his stake in Pukka Pies. Not only would this provide an instant revenue boost, but the lack of freebie pastries would save millions in cash that would usually be spent on ever-roomier suits.
2. Flog all the club’s league titles and European Cups to Manchester City. They need history, Rafa needs money. It’s a win-win situation.
1. Rename the Kop the ‘Michael Owen Stand’. It’d be every bit as popular with the fans as selling one of the best midfielders in Europe. -
LOL @ no. 8!
nice nice, just for laughs.
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i can only say if rafa follow those 10 steps. he must be an idiot.
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why no mention of his former assistant? the bald headed coach?
should hire him back though.
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Originally posted by marcteng:
why no mention of his former assistant? the bald headed coach?
should hire him back though.
Pako??? -
Originally posted by Patrik:
Pako???bingo. where is he now?
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Originally posted by marcteng:
bingo. where is he now?
Eh....dunno leh.. lolI was rather sad when he left.
Anyway,Liverpool has this knack of selling whoever i liked!!!
HAHA
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Originally posted by Patrik:
Eh....dunno leh.. lolI was rather sad when he left.
Anyway,Liverpool has this knack of selling whoever i liked!!!
HAHA
oh who u liked then? robbie? pasko and who else?
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Just for laughs eh? Ok this is also just for laughs..
10 things Alex Ferguson must do before the season starts.
10) Sell Rio Ferdinand, Park Ji SUng, Wayne Rooney, Michael Carrick and John O Shea to S League clubs Gombak, SAF, Tampines.
9) Buy Alam SHah, AHmad Latiiff, Mustafic Fahrudin, Kenji Arai, John Wilkinson.
8) Have the chef prepare cow and dog shit with mee rebus, super urine mix with cheap whisky and gin drink, and rotten oranges for the players and staff every training session.
7) Learn how to speak Bahasa Indonesia so can visit Indonesia again as a pre-season tour stop.
6) Publicly declare that all of Man U's success is only because he did a brillant job as manager and without him Man U is nothing. The players wont get anywhere if not for him.
5) Write an autobiography entitled " Why I am so successful "
4) Write a will
3) Change the shirt sponsor to Durex condom
2) Sack all his coaching and medical staff, replace them with those from the Malaysian League
1) Demand a different player to suck his dick everyday
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a dog never change its habit of eating shit lol. case in point, note taken
what a cretin
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Originally posted by marcteng:
oh who u liked then? robbie? pasko and who else?
Patrik Berger!Luis Garcia!
Harry Kewell!