Are you the last one single?
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By Lori Gottlieb
ItÂ’s almost like a bad breakup: One of the most painful things about dating can be losing your partner-in-crime, the person who went with you to Saturday night movies, Sunday morning brunches, and even family occasions. IÂ’m not talking about losing your lover. IÂ’m talking about losing your best single friend, and while itÂ’s not quite the same as a breakup, it can leave you feeling just as lonely and abandoned.
But just because your buddy suddenly has a significant other (whoÂ’s not, well, you) doesnÂ’t mean your friendship is doomed. In fact, if you embrace the change, it might not only strengthen your friendship, but help you flex some dating muscles yourself. Here are some tips:
1. Beware the green-eyed monster. It’s natural to feel like the last man (or woman) standing when your friend — the one with whom you’ve shared all of your dating adventures — is no longer dating. If there were two of you, you reasoned, you weren’t losers, you were pals who hadn’t yet found The One. But now, your friend has found someone special and you haven’t, and — while you’re happy for your friend — you wish it had happened to you first. It’s an envy double whammy: Not only are you jealous of your friend’s relationship status, you’re probably also jealous of his or her new lover, who seems to have replaced you entirely.
Here’s some advice from L.A.-based dating coach Evan Marc Katz of www.e-cyrano.com: Make sure you separate the issues. “You don’t have much choice in the matter, so better to be supportive and happy for your friend than to let envy chip away at your relationship,” he says. “Unless this pal is marrying the person of your dreams, there’s no real reason to be envious.”
Need another positive way to look at the situation? Cindy Chupack, the author of The Between Boyfriends Book: A Collection of Cautiously Hopeful Essays (www.betweenboyfriends.com) and a former writer on Sex and the City, suggests that instead of focusing on the envy, “Try to think of it as just more proof that love exists, and that good single people are out there, and that maybe you’re next to find someone.”
2. Get out there. Admit it: Hanging out with your single friend may have made weekends more entertaining, but if going around two-by-two really helped with your dating life, you’d be in a relationship right now. Being forced to fly solo, on the other hand, might move you out of your comfort zone just enough to make you more proactive on the dating front. Maybe you’ll take up a new hobby, like salsa dancing or scuba diving, which can expose you to potential love interests. Or, as Cindy Chupack says, the situation “might force you to find new single friends, who might lead you to new and improved prospective dates in their social circles.” And, she adds, there’s nothing wrong with stepping out alone on occasion, “since a person alone is sometimes more approachable.”
If you’re not ready to venture out without your buddy just yet, Evan Marc Katz suggests starting out with online dating. “It’s the perfect way to generate your own social life without ever leaving the house,” he says.
3. You don’t have to feel like the third wheel. Don’t assume your now paired-up buddy wants to leave you behind. Jennifer, 30, a marketing manager, feels like she almost lost her single gal pal for no reason when she found her special guy. “When I met my boyfriend,” she says, “my best friend started avoiding me. She said she didn’t want to be the third wheel, but the truth is, I needed her as much as she needed me.” It makes sense: Sure, your friend may be spending a lot of time with his or her significant other, but outside friendships are important to the paired-up, too. “It’s not like I want to spend every waking moment with my boyfriend,” Jennifer says. “Besides, there’s not that much difference between being single and dating. You still want to talk to your best friend about what’s going on in your life—both in and out of the relationship.”
Patty, 34, a single recruiter whose close friend recently got into a relationship, suggests reserving a special night just for girl time. “This way,” she says, “resentment doesn’t build and you won’t feel like you’re always having to hang with her and the boyfriend.”
And while you probably wonÂ’t be spending as much one-on-one time with your formerly single friend, Evan Katz advises letting go of expectations that nothing is going to change. The reality is that most relationships change over time and this way, he says, you wonÂ’t be disappointed by the new arrangements.
4. Talk about it. Don’t bottle up those feelings of abandonment and resentment. Then again, don’t lash out, either! David, a 35-year-old newlywed lawyer, says that both friends should talk about how awkward they feel instead of pretending nothing’s wrong. “My best buddy had to act like he was happy for me, but I knew he was miserable inside,” David says. “And I had to pretend I didn’t know he was miserable, because I thought it would make him feel worse if I called him on not being happy for me.” Once David had the courage to talk openly with his friend about what was really going on, not only did their friendship get stronger, but they both felt relieved that they could be themselves and express themselves around each other again.
5. Take advantage of the benefits. Instead of wallowing in feelings of loneliness, adopt a new perspective. Dating coach and author Evan Marc Katz says he doesn’t mind so much when a good friend gets into a relationship because he realizes there’s a potential pay-off for him. “Having a friend who’s part of a couple could potentially double your social circle—because you now have this person’s friends as part of your life as well,” he says. And Patty, the recruiter, sees another advantage: Your friend, she says, “has been through all the hassles of the dating game and now she’s working through the typical issues in a relationship. So you can learn from your pal’s dating experience and put those lessons to use” as you go through your own dating dilemmas, too.
While watching your best single buddy get paired up can be hard, if you put the advice above into action, it can wind up being a positive experience—both for you as a single person and for your friendship, too.
Lori Gottlieb (www.lorigottlieb.com) is the co-author of I Love You, Nice to Meet You: A Guy and a Girl Give the Lowdown on Coupling Up.
Source - Original article -
one of my experience in posting : never post more than 10 lines...
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x2Originally posted by ispyyy:one of my experience in posting : never post more than 10 lines... -
read until my eyes "fight chicken"Originally posted by ispyyy:one of my experience in posting : never post more than 10 lines... 
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btw, can summarise to not more than 50 words because Cowboy very busy
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i wonder who will read...
lol so long...
summarise in 10 words please... -
Wa.... sibei long leh..
Very lazy to read...
Hhahahaha -
Top 10 Signs You Have Been Single For Too Long
Number 10: You assume you repulse all women
When a girl walks by and smiles, most guys take it as an ego-boosting compliment. But being single for a prolonged period can start to wear on your confidence. Before you know it you start assuming these flirtatious glances are really smirks at your expense, probably aimed at your frumpy hair or bad outfit.
Confidence is one of the most important things a girl looks for in a guy. Losing confidence often happens when you are out of the game for too long, and attracting anyone (let alone someone you are actually interested in) will be difficult.
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Number 9: You develop bad eating habits
It takes a lot of effort to cook for one, and falling into the age-old trap of eating like a bachelor is easy. ItÂ’s also really unhealthy and kind of gross. If your cupboards are filled with food that can be cooked in less than five minutes, youÂ’ve probably been on your own for too long.
It doesnÂ’t take much to set you on the right path. Head to the grocery store for a big order and shop for the basics like rice and pasta, pick up a spice rack and invest in cookbooks that specialize in simple meals for one. It might be easier to just pop a dinner into the microwave, but when it comes time to cook for a potential girlfriend Hungry-Man Classic Fried Chicken Dinner isnÂ’t going to cut it. Practice the art of cooking and your dry spell will end faster than you can boil up some Kraft Minute Rice.
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Number 8: You gush about your feelings to women
What’s another sure sign that you’ve been single for too long? You answer your female acquaintances’ small talk questions like, “How are you doing?” with long, emotional diatribes on your lonely single life. Even that cute barista making your morning coffee can be overwhelmed with deep, personal insights as you desperately search for some female compassion.
You shouldnÂ’t bottle up all those sentiments, just learn to pick and choose who hears them and when you let them out. See a shrink or call your mom, but just make sure you donÂ’t try to woo a girl with your emotional ramblings.
If you're in the market for a cat and a mail-order bride, watch out...
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Number 7: Your dating standards plummet
It would seem that going without action for too long lets certain chemicals build up in a manÂ’s brain. Because much like beer, the concentration can build up and soon enough the dumpy girl down at the video store or the 40-year-old cougar at your local watering hole starts to look pretty damn good.
ItÂ’s important to be conscious of this transformation. Failing to do so can result in being stuck in a relationship with the kind of girl who would normally make you shudder. Worse yet, youÂ’re then blacklisted as the guy who once dated the bucktoothed, moustachioed, hobbit girl. Keep your chin and your standards up, and the right girl will come along.
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Number 6: You get a cat
ItÂ’s perfectly reasonable for anyone forced to go without companionship for a long stretch of time to seek friendship in a pet. But before you go running off to the pet store in search of camaraderie, there is one immutable fact you need to consider: Girls think that guys who own cats are weird.
Instead, consider getting a dog. They’re cute, loyal and seldom nag you to get your feet off the table or put out the garbage. Better yet, Fido acts like a veritable chick magnet and will help bust you out of your rut quicker than you can say, “Fetch.”
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Number 5: You surf mail-order bride sites "out of curiosity"
Envisioning a lonely, solitary future can drive some men to take very desperate measures like ordering a bride off the internet rather than facing the prospect of cooking and cleaning for themselves forever.
Stay in a slump long enough and you might justify having a little look around on one of these sites. “How bad could it be?” you might say. “She’ll be grateful for all I’ve done for her, she won’t know anyone here so she won’t leave me, and if she is even half as good-looking as this picture, I’m set!” This kind of rationale will inevitably leave you trapped in a dead-end relationship, heartbroken, that much poorer, and quite possibly the laughing stock of your community.
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Number 4: You look at female friends as potential girlfriends
Complete strangers are ignoring your advances, speed dating takes too long, your computer is too slow for internet dating, so whatÂ’s left? Your friends, of course. They like you enough to hang out once in a while, so is it such a stretch to take it to the next level?
In most cases, the answer is yes. The girlfriend boat sailed away long ago and she probably looks at you more like a brother than a potential bed buddy. Not only that, but chances are you havenÂ’t been on your best behavior around her in the past, so all that farting, sexist humor and whoring around youÂ’ve done in her presence gives you quite a bit of baggage to start off with. ItÂ’s understandable that you would start to consider these girls as potential girlfriends, but you are probably much better off keeping them as girl friends.
The No.1 sign that you've been single for too long... -
Number 3: You play too many video games
Hey, getting your fill of video games while you are single is a good idea. When you do eventually hook up with a girl thereÂ’s a good chance your gaming days are over. But putting in endless hours of Wii antics a night is bad for your body, your brain and your chances of ever getting laid again.
It isnÂ’t just video games that single guys will overdose on: ItÂ’s easy for bachelors to fall into the boozing, sports-watching, golfing-any-time-you-want lifestyle that drives girls crazy. ItÂ’s hard to break these hedonistic ways, but these are the sacrifices youÂ’ll have to make if you donÂ’t want to end up sad and alone.
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Number 2: You consider your motherÂ’s dating advice
It is hard-coded in a motherÂ’s DNA to try and help their single sons find a date. Unfortunately, that usually involves her best friendÂ’s hairdresserÂ’s cousin who ends up being a hefty, hairy spinster with buzzing ovaries. So, relenting to mommyÂ’s matchmaking prowess is definitely a step backward.
That isnÂ’t to say you should completely ignore this rich source of potential girlfriends. Instead, give your mom a list of attributes you look for in a girl and let her use that to judge her extended network of ladies accordingly. This way, your mother still gets to meddle in your love life without wasting your time or the time of her cousinÂ’s therapistÂ’s 300-pound, bowlegged sister.
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Number 1: You Google old flames
Thanks to the internet, a quick little snapshot of just about anyoneÂ’s life can be found simply by Googling their name. So if you find yourself up late at night typing an ex-girlfriend's name into the search box, wondering what she's been up to and hoping maybe, just maybe, you guys could work out your decade-old differences, you should stop immediately and take a long, cold shower.
More recently, networking sites like Facebook and Friendster have taken cyber-stalking to a whole new level. These personal-page sites offer a glimpse into your exesÂ’ social life complete with pictures, diaries and more. ItÂ’s OK to look (morbid fascination is only human), but donÂ’t attempt to contact her unless you donÂ’t mind being tagged a shameless, creepy stalker. -
When u free,
can read mah.
Damn i read eveything. -
definitely not me...Originally posted by popikachu:i wonder who will read...
lol so long...
summarise in 10 words please... -
sibei long leh? can summarise onot. school teach me how to summarise things. i see also can pengsan
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Originally posted by soleachip:
But u must have confidence in urself before this affects u.
Number 10: You assume you repulse all women
When a girl walks by and smiles, most guys take it as an ego-boosting compliment. But being single for a prolonged period can start to wear on your confidence. Before you know it you start assuming these flirtatious glances are really smirks at your expense, probably aimed at your frumpy hair or bad outfit.
Confidence is one of the most important things a girl looks for in a guy. Losing confidence often happens when you are out of the game for too long, and attracting anyone (let alone someone you are actually interested in) will be difficult.
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dis thread only proves tt the singles here all cannot or not able to read long passages
i hope this trait is not wad turns ur potential partners off -
ahem.Originally posted by theSquelch:dis thread only proves tt the singles here all cannot or not able to read long passages
i hope this trait is not wad turns ur potential partners off
sweeping statements. -
No more than 2 syllables at a time.
No more than 7 words per post.
Anything more than that means you're a boring dread.
Don't post things that require dictionaries.
Post no brainers such as what you had for lunch. What computer games you're playing.
I had char peng and I'm playing Dark Mirror on my PSP. -
ermOriginally posted by soleachip:No more than 2 syllables at a time.
No more than 7 words per post.
Anything more than that means you're a boring dread.
Don't post things that require dictionaries.
Post no brainers such as what you had for lunch. What computer games you're playing. I had char peng and I'm playing Dark Mirror on my PSP.
got 8 char limit u knw. -
Char?Originally posted by seotiblizzard:erm
got 8 char limit u knw. -
character.Originally posted by soleachip:Char? -
Eh 7 words.
lol
i thought 7 characters.
paiseh my mistake. -
At work, already see so much long winded email.. now this one even worse.. see liao, also dun understand... haha