hmm....
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Two Guys, ? Brains?'
Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One guy said to his friend,
'Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow.'
The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend, 'Did you mark that spot?'
His friend replied, 'Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat.' The first one said, 'You stupid fool!
What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?' -
A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically to her husband, 'I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day! What do you think it means?'
With certainty in his voice, the man said, 'You'll know tonight.'
That evening, the man came home with a small package and handed it to his wife. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the package to find a book entitled, 'The Meaning of Dreams.' -
Three science students went to a pond.
The physics student said he wanted to calculate the density of water
and jumped into the pond.
Then the student of mathematics said that he wanted to calculate the
depth of the pond and followed the physics student.
The chemistry student waited for about an hour, then finding no trace
of the two, he left concluding that both were soluble in water. -
Father: If you pass your examination, I will give you a two-wheeler.
Son: Will it be a scooter or a cycle?
Father: As you wish.
Son: And if I fail?
Father: Then I will give you a three-wheeler--a cycle rickshaw. -
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School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that
you can die Rich.
Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her masters.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated
by feminine waterpower.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the
Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through 'the
minds of either'
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number
present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room:A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and
everybody disagrees later on.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Boss:Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are
early.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your
Confidence after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by
bills.
Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you
actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to
decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions..
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise
after death -
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
Girlfriend : '...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?'
Boyfriend : 'Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday'.
Teacher : 'Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I beshowing?'
Student : 'Brotherly love'.
Teacher : 'Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say
prayers before eating?'
Sam : 'No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good
cook'.
Teacher : ' Can anybody give an example of
COINCIDENCE?'
One Student : 'Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time