To: SPGs From: Ang Mo
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Dear SPGs (sarong party girls):
I have a bizarre story to tell you: the opposite of the SPG phenomenon exists on the other side of the world. I also have some good advice for those of you who want to marry an Ang Mo, toward the end of my column here.
As a former multiyear Singapore resident (son of an expat), I was too young at the time to perceive the existence of the SPG phenomenon. But now, as an adult soon to return to Singapore, I have been studying the country intensely, and came across this SPG thing in the literature. I almost fell out of my chair laughing, because it's exactly the reverse here in Silicon Valley (near San Francisco).
You see, we have a very painful excess of single 20-35-year-old males in this area (not even including our large gay population). As you can see from browsing local dating sites, e.g. craigslist, males seeking females outnumber the opposite by something like 4-to-1. The typical single Caucasian male is an engineer making around US$100K/year. Generally, these are honest men with good personalities. While many of them are slobs, plenty are also very fit and dress quite well. Anyway, it's easy to make more money by cashing in on stock options, working overtime, or impressing the boss. But it doesn't matter as far as dating is concerned, because the women have armies of men from whom to choose. (A typical woman can expect roughly 100 email responses to a photo ad requesting a date. "Hot" women can get over 10K replies.) Worse still, it seems like most of us agree on what we want: Asian women. I say "worse" because this makes the competition so much more intense.
Let me give you an example. My colleague at work is a fun, honest man who is liked by most of his peers. Any woman would appreciate his easygoing personality. He's also well-built, and dresses in a way that many women would find attractive. Finally, he's loaded -- probably worth over US$1M. In his early thirties, he would appear to be an ideal marriage target. While in other countries, you might expect him to be kidnapped by gangs of single women, such is not the case in Silicon Valley. He recently married an overweight, rather unattractive woman who wouldn't turn a head at a party. Granted, she is a very sweet and well-educated woman. But this guy is prime marriage material. I would expect to see him with one of those models you see on TV (not that he doesn't love his wife). Without being confrontational, I asked him about his dating history. He let me know that, while he lusted after some other women, he knew he didn't have a chance with them, so he gave up. The point is, his story is hardly unique. And what about the guys who don't have his looks, money, and cool personality? Forget it. They go home, surf internet porn, and play video games while their bank accounts accumulate stubstantial sums of money that will probably pay for their medical care later in life, and not much else.
Despite the 100K+ single Caucasian male engineers around here, it's rare to find an Asian woman married to one of them: the women generally marry other Asians, leaving the engineers to their miserable lives, buried in money they can hardly spend. Once in a while, one of these men decides he cant' take it anymore, and ditches his fat money job for an anything-that-pays-the-bills job in Asia or South America. But by and large, they seem to stay addicted to the money until their bodies rot by spending too much time in front of a computer.Now, why do you suppose we could have huge numbers of Caucasian men interested in the small supply of Asian women, but the latter usually end up marrying other Asians? It's not that the Asian women don't appreciate the Caucasians' interest. It's that the men, as truly desparate as they are, generally refuse to marry the Asian women! The reason is that these women have grown very aware of their coveted status over the past couple decades, and have become, as a rule, snotty at best and outright rude at worst. They usually ignore the polite, well-dressed men who greet them warmly (to say nothing of the drunken fools who dare approach). The snottier ones will often sneer at the man, as though he was scraped off her shoe. If these women do actually respond, they may spend an ethusiastic hour socializing with him, only to give him a fake phone number at the end of the night rather than to politely decline his invitation for a date. Those few times that a date does occur, it generally leads to nowhere because the man quickly discovers that she wants to live a millionaire lifestyle, but is not willing to contribute much to the bank account even though she also makes a large salary. Marriages do happen, but they seem to be of only 2 types: (1) a wealthy engineer and a fresh-off-the-boat (FOB) Asian, whose personality has not yet been corrupted by the snotty Asian American female majority around here and (2) the engineer and his highly educated but unattractive Asian wife, who married because neither thought that they could do any better.
So I just find it amusing that the Caucasian engineers around here are in some sense like SPGs: just as SPGs dress up, flirt forcefully, and maybe even put on accents, in order to attract the Ang Mos, the engineers around here (other than those who are stuck at their keyboards 24/7) dress up, buy luxury cars, and keep themselves fit, in order to go out to fancy bars and try their luck at approaching the Asian women. If a guy can land one such hot date per year, he's easily in the top 10%. He'll need to withstand disgusted sneers, fake phone numbers, unreturned phone calls, and plenty of women who promise to show up for a restaurant date, but never do. In some sense, his second best outcome is to be politely but rapidly rejected, because then he can move on without wasting too much time. It's normal to expect to go have to introduce oneself to 100 women in order to get a good date, or maybe 1K to find a girlfriend.
You really don't understand what it's like unless you live here: at midnight on a weekend, it's perfectly normal to have twice as many men in the bar than women. Higher ratios are not at all unusual.
The obvious solution, of course, is to increase the number of female laborers imported into the country. But the US immigration laws are airtight, so there's no hope for the male engineers except to leave the area.
By the way, as hard as the Asian women are to date, the Caucasian women do not invoke much interest from the Caucasian men. There are a number of reasons for this: (1) like the Asians, they seem to want equal rights (no problem there) without equal responsibilties (big problem), (2) they generally graze on American processed food that's rich in sugar and starch, which makes them big mammas by the time they hit 24, (3) they tend to act less feminine, because they think it turns them into sex objects. As to point (3), they completely fail to see that men can appreicate both their bodies and their brains at the same time, so they just seem to give up on their bodies in order to emphasize their intelligence. The men then lose interest and look to the Asians, who are generally very attentive to both their bodies and their brains.
On the other hand, I have observed a pleasing trend in recent years, in which the Caucasian women are increasingly dating Asian men. The Indians seem to be the most popular (perhaps on account of their generally pleasant personalities and good ethics), followed by Chinese. (It keeps society in balance, so we Caucasian males should encourage this trend by hooking up our Asian pals with our Caucasian female friends.)
So how about SPGs? Do they usually want to get married and have families (big red flag for most Ang Mos), or are they willing to date men who are dating other SPGs at the same time (which will tend to result in sustained interest from the Ang Mo). (You need to understand: your typical Ang Mo -- the Americans, for starters -- have grown up in a society where half of marriages fail in about 5 years, leaving him to make huge monthly payments to a former wife for the rest of his life -- who might hate him at this point, not necessarily with much justification -- while seldom seeing the children he loves. So marriage is very scary for him, without extremely good reason. Worse, he realizes that Asians have giant extended families that apply all manner of intense social and financial pressure that he is probably not interested in bearing.) While most Ang Mos are not looking for a different woman every night, they will tend to be most interested in women who are willing to date them on an as-requested basis, alternating with a small group of other candidates. They should be willing to accept the same arrangement from you. If they aren't, dump them because they probably won't treat you fairly otherwise.
Now, if you're an SPG looking for a lasting marriage in financially stable circumstances, you should consider dating a local Singaporean. I'm not saying that Ang Mos never marry SPGs; this is false. But the problem is that the typical Ang Mo expat lifestyle is unsustainable: most expat assignments last a few years at best, after which he will be sent back home to live a most modest lifestyle. Or, he'll realize that he needs to save much more for retirement (a common problem with middle-aged people in the West), so he'll eventually have to cut out the excess spending. On the other hand, the local guy who takes you to a nice restaurant, but presents a coupon in order to lower the cost of the meal, is probably a more financially stable partner in the longterm. Of course, if you're just looking for fun while you're young, then go for the fun guys willing to spend enough to create some excitement, and enjoy. And by all means, date across cultural lines! Just don't forget that the older you get, the harder it will be for you to marry. That said, you are probably better off learning how to invest in stocks or start your own business, rather than to depend on the men of the world. That way, you can use your youthful freedom without worrying that you will go broke down the road.
But if you absolutely, positively insist on marrying an Ang Mo, then you must learn to date several (up to 10) of them at the same time (and make it clear up front that you are doing so), then wait many months if not a few years for one of them to propose to you. (Don't waste time proposing to him.) If an Ang Mo can't accept your popularity, dump him. And of course, you don't need to act like a stupid bimbo. You also don't need to be submissive (not that it's a bad trait in a woman -- just unnecessary). Just don't be obnoxious. Let him take the lead in all matters romantic. If you pay a few bills from time to time, that will leave a very good impression. (If he doesn't let you, don't push the matter.) Find out what he thinks is sexy about your appearance, and consistently dress in that way (but with different outfits so as to keep things interesting). Talk to your doctor about good nutrition and proper exercise, and do both faithfully every single day. Whatever you do, don't play "hard to get". In other words, don't pretend that you're busy when you're not. If you do that, you're likely to get many more interested men, but they will tend to be losers who are desparate to chase you. You are much better off making yourself available to the men who interest you, so long as you are free from other duties. If your availability makes him lose interest quickly, then you don't want to marry him anyway.
A bit more on clothing: do not under any circumstances waste your money (or his) on designer clothing. Men could not care less whether you're wearing Chanel or WalMart, as long as you look good. Definitely, dress attractively, but do not pay more for a name. (You'll just look like a high-maintenance fool.) That money belongs in your investment account, making you rich. If a man gives you "name brand" clothes, make it clear that you appreciate the gift (and he need not return it to the store), but you would be just as happy with a high-quality "noname brand". He will likely be impressed with your practicality, and will have more money to spend on you otherwise.
Bottom line, be courteous and honest with Ang Mos. While you might come across as direct, Western men generally appreciate a woman who makes her interest (or lack thereof) clear, and her desires straightforward. If he can't deal with a polite "no, thank you", move on.
And do not be ashamed of your Singlish or nonWestern accent! Ang Mos who like SPGs did not travel half way around the world to meet a woman who sounds their neighbor back in Texas. While fluent command of the English language is always helpful, many of us Ang Mos find your unusal accents and expressions quite alluring! Same goes for your skin color: most of us just don't care either way, so save money and ditch the skin whitener, already. (In Silicon Valley, incidentally, the blacks are the alpha males. I'm happy to see them dating the Caucasian females in the area, since it prevents the latter from bitching about how the "Asian women have taken our men".) Buy a gym membership, or more organic veggies, instead!
So SPGs, please take stock of what you are willing to contribute to, and what you desire from, you relationships. Then pursue the men who interest you most -- with neither embarrassment nor hesitation. These intercultural pursuits are healthy for society!
Finally, to the Ang Mos out there like myself, I would urge you to always be straightforward but gracious with the SPGs. Never allow your popularity to breed arrogance, for you never know when you might get transferred to Silicon
Valley!
Sincerely,
Ang Mo Joe -
so ur point is? i lazy to read. summary pls
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knn... so long... din even tink of reading tat crap...
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Summary in less than 10 words prease.
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i think the guy run away le.
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Nope, I didn't run away. But I can't really summarize it in 10 words. Basically, if you're interested in the SPG phenomenon, I suggest you read it. There is no pill to cure laziness.
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can i +1....?
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At least shorten it by 1 paragraph boh? See liao can cause eye pain for the day de leh.
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OK, OK, here are the main points:
1. SPGs in Singapore are similar to Ang Mo engineers in Silicon Valley.
2. Cross-cultural dating is a great idea (despite its difficulties) that promotes peace and fun.
3. Ang Mos are not so easy to marry, so SPGs need to be aware of some issues if they want to marry an Ang Mo.
4. If you are too lazy to read the article yourself, please forward it to your SPG friends. I would like them to share their reactions with this forum.
Thanks,
Joe
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read the whole blardy thing...
haiya.. basically is that the spgs here all chiong for the angmoh guys.
over at SV is all the angmoh guys--rich and available--chiong for gals cos there not enuf gals so have to settle for much less than wat they are capable of.
opposite la.
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ok.
so u wan me to go silicon valley?
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"so u wan me to go silicon valley?"
Ha! Of course. But you can't (not easily, anyway) because the immigration laws are so strict. We are not even allowed to bring women in for "dates". Believe it or not, we must prove that we met them in their country first (by showing photos), and intend to marry them within 90 days. Otherwise, the women are generally not allowed to come here unless they have a work or education visa. Clearly, this policy is not going to solve the problem because it does not allow SV men to date women outside the US, other than by travelling to other countries. It is not realistic for us to go to Asia for a week, find a wife, then bring her back!
On the other hand, we need a lot of doctors and nurses here. If you have any single female doctor or nurse friends, tell them to investigate "travel nursing" near San Francisco. They will be very welcome here!
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i heal broken hearts.
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ok...
hmm...
let's see...
ok i just merely scroll thru the whole thing >.<"
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i can't believe i read the whole thing.+___+
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Originally posted by stellazio:
i can't believe i read the whole thing.+___+
then give a summary please >.<"
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Originally posted by popikachu:
then give a summary please >.<"
over here we have girls wanting to marry an ang moh man.
over there, there is an abundance of ang moh men who finds it hard to get a girl, and the asians they get, unless they're the cream, they usually get a oversized ones.
and alot of those men over there are actually well to do earning 100k per year but yet they find it hard, so they move abroad in the hope of finding a woman.
contrast basically. and also a little bout the clothings and snotty attitude that asians generally have there because they are considered in demand too.
seriously what is so difficult with reading a wall of text. even reading a few paragraphs of it will give you the general idea of what it is all about.
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Originally posted by stellazio:
over here we have girls wanting to marry an ang moh man.
over there, there is an abundance of ang moh men who finds it hard to get a girl, and the asians they get, unless they're the cream, they usually get a oversized ones.
and alot of those men over there are actually well to do earning 100k per year but yet they find it hard, so they move abroad in the hope of finding a woman.
contrast basically. and also a little bout the clothings and snotty attitude that asians generally have there because they are considered in demand too.
ohh i see...
wha i didnt really expect you to write a sum up sia...
it was merely a joke actually >.<" -
maia lee
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LOL u must have spend a lot of time typing this compo out by yourself .
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Originally posted by skeujin:
can i +1....?
i up u ah... +2
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good for insomnia.
nites..
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hmm...
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too fcuking long. but the front did make some sense
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what a load of tosh.