Locked.
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ok...this is a repost of my story...I thought it might be able to bring some laughes to the people in SC. Hope you all enjoy.
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Forward
This topic is dedicated to all the woman out there who proclaim themselves as pretty. This is not a declaration of war on them, but just a recent recall of the many nights of deep thoughts and many happennings in my life. This is also a opening to the inner parts of my life, all the sugar and spice in my life, and it is what slowly mould me into what I am, how I think till this day.
Disclaimer
I will not disclose any names here as I dun know if my exs are as open as I am about the relationships, I have to respect that. For those of you who knows who I am talking about, meaning you might actually know me or the person I am talking about, please refrain from saying that you know who the person is. It will definitely help.I dun mind replys since I expect some of you to have similiar sentiments about growing up this way. I just want this thread to be one where I can laugh at myself and at my own blunders and my past. I hope that you all can laugh at it together with me and enjoy what you read.
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Yes, I thought I was lucky, all along I told myself so. Why? Well, all of my girlfriends are pretty. They all are either the prettiest among the social group they are in, the prettiest in class, the prettiest in school blah blah blah. Yes, I am a lucky man. But do call me shallow, for I am, and I have been so damn shallow that I never learn. I am not a goodlooking guy, nope, definitely not one that ppl will turn thier heads at, not especially as eloquent and well-learned as many here. But yes, I have had pretty and plenty, and I meant really pretty girlfriends. Well, but listen, and you will say that this is one hell of an unlucky guy.
Part I---Elementary School of Relationships
Call me a late bloomer, I have been chasing girls for a long while before that, and in fact I first chase a girl in Primary 3, that was like 9? But I only got my first girlfriend that I dare to bring around and show my ah beng friends(Yes, I was one of them), at the age of 16. She is pretty, smooth white skin, long hair, big eyes, she is one of those high class lians, one of those whom you will turn around and look at. She belongs to the famous group of chio bus in a certain Secondary School at that time, and of course she is the prettiest among them. Well, I can't say I love her, now to think of it, it was more like puppy love, very dreamy. Well, I was better looking at that time, as most will agree but definitely dun make it to hunk status, but I sing well and I write poetry. Easy way to get girls at that age I tell you, especially if you are an ah beng, and not many ah beng do things like this. Well got her by writing her a poem declaring my love for her, was together for 4 happy months, the first kiss was passionate, I am a first timer, and well, I must say she is pretty experience for her age. Things were going well, we do things that were new to us then, going to the movies, eating ice-cream, you know the first love kind of things but then soon things starts to go downhill, she told me she likes this hunky tan guy, and ask me to go for a tan, I told her will not make a difference since I dun have a bod like his, she took offense and told me that I dun really love her(well the truth is I dun), she then starts to nitpick at every little thing I did not do for her. I meant it is not like she asks for them, she justs expects me to do them without her telling me. Things like, "Why you never go and buy me a new pen? Didn't you notice that the ink in my pen is almost use up?" Well, I suppose maybe I am not sensitive enough. Did try to salvage the R/S, starts to be damn observant, try and find out her every need, starts to do things for her without her telling me and well, I did suceed, but the problem is that she dun seem to appreciate them at all.
"I was thinking of you suddenly, and I decided to go and buy the Big Bunny Milk Sweet you like so much for you. Thought, you will be happy."
And her response, "Oh, ok." Puts it into her pocket and carried on walking.
Hmmm..I did wonder if I did something wrong. but nope I dun think so, for it is not about the timing, for it is always the same later, nor is it her mood, PMS or no PMS it is the same.
Well we broke up, but she is the one who dumped me, she ran off with another guy, Tall Dark and handsome. I asked her what happen, she just say that it doesn't seem to matter what I do anymore, she dun seem surprise, nor feel anything especially happy when I do things for her anymore. And she complains that I am not romantic enough. She said that I should learn how to be romantic. Well it is over finally after 4 months.
I did not hold on too long, was definitely sad for awhile, but I remembered it is only like 1 week or so, I got over it by telling myself, I did my best and that it is her who did not treasure me. Yah, I know it is the most typical consolation you can give to yourself, but hey it did work since I was still rather young, I suppose, I managed to believe that crap. Also the fact that I dun believe that the first will be the last also helped.
Well, looking back at it then, I was telling myself, that hell, I should have been more sensitive right at the beginning, and that it would be my duty to anticipate and feel what my girl will need. Poems and songs are only good at the beginning, they dun last. People can be tired of them pretty fast, but then again, if they appreciate you, it would not matter if you do it at all in the first place.
Lessons learned in Part I
1) Learn to be sensitive
2) Poems and Songs dun last and they are just part of you.
3) Dun make stupid mistakes like rejecting a request.
4) Learn to be romantic. -
I think you should start reposting your old threads. Interesting read. -
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interesting...
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Part II --- Growing up, the wrong way. maybe.
Life goes on, started to go poly, life was uneventful, but since I was paying for my own education then I have to work, and I found work in the last place I thought I will be, TCS. Started off in the background work, then was having a short stint as a part-time actor, and that is when I really started to work out. starting to develope what you might call a man's body, was a bit of a Gym fanatic, it is wonderous what the enviroment can do to you. Started to take supplements and all, work out in the gym, my normal routine work out would seem so impossible now to me, 2 hours in the gym, then to the track for a 5 km run then to the swimming pool for a 20 lap swim. I do it like 3 times a week, and was seriously feeling good about myself, it is those times that I will look at myself in the mirror for a longer period of time then now definitely. Nothing much to look at now. Also I lost contacts with a lot of my ah beng friends after I went to poly. There were some skirt-chasing done during this period of time, but nothing really memorable that I can put my finger on.
Got to know my second serious girlfriend in TCS, let's just say she is in the glamour business. And yes, she looks good, again fair flawless skin, a smile that captivates, sparkling eyes, and a great body. Oh yah she is rich too, she is one year older than me, drives a Honda CRX, I do feel rather inadequate then, but I guess the developments in my bod makes up for the confidence. Was dating her for awhile(her paying most of the time really), then one fine day, while she is driving me home, I pop the question. she told me she will have to think about it, but she did not take long, just an hour later. The next day we are offically the newest couple on Caldecott. (I thought it sounds good, ha ha)
We were like glue, always out together, I will normally meet her after school, and she will be paying for alot of the places we go to. The supplementary card her father gave her was more than enough for us to have a good lifestyle. I am always over at her apartment, since her parents were travelling most of the time. Till now I am still not very sure what her father do, but I vaguely recall, her telling me that he is a consultant or something. Most of the time, it will be just me, her and the maid. But what I really love are the weekends when the maid goes out.
Though it was pretty embarrassing once, when I was sleeping over and her parents came back home. I went out to the living room in my boxers. Damn, I thought I am done for, but strangely, the parents just stare at me wide eye, and quietly went into their room. I even had breakfast with them the next day. And guess what, the next weekend that I slept over, she took out a box of condoms, and I ask her since when did she start to buy those (Safe Sex was still a very new concept in that time), and she told me her mum gave it to her and ask her to practice safe sex. WOW! This is surely an open minded parent.
Anyway, this time, I learnt from my previous experience and I learn to be romantic. I still do the singing and the poem stuff, guess they are a part of me even until now, I still do them, they allow me a channel of expression which always satisfy me, but this time I cut down on it. Afterall I have a better bod to put my stakes on now.
She is very fun to be with, she has no inhibitations when she is with me and feels totally comfortable, we are simply crazy together, doing stuff that are sometimes weird in public, things like going to the fountain and taking a walk in it. We simply enjoy each others company.
My attempts at being romantic were pretty ambitious, and it was easy since her house is empty most of the time, and it is a good thing she has a car. We will go to the beaches and some really secluded place. On her birthday we went to a rather secluded part of the loyang beach, I brought some petrol from the petrol kisos. I alighted the car first, while she is unpacking the food and other stuff that we brought. I use the petrol to write and draw the words, Callan and XXXXXX forever on the sand and then lit the fire, it was a beautiful sight although it was pretty smoky, we had to move to another part of the beach for the fear of authorities coming down to catch us for the bonfire. Then we had champange and sandwiches on the beach, I managed to save up and bought her a small ruby ring. She was so touch, and truly happy. We counted stars and I sang her some love songs. It was truly a beautiful night as I now still recall. Well, like I said this time I learn how to be romantic, and she did say that I was the most romantic guy she has been with, but to think of it, she was still pretty young then, so if she met more guys she might not have said the same.
I also made an attempt to be sensitive, but no matter how hard I tried it did not seem to work out for me, it just seems too fake for me to do things like that. I sometimes think that such things should be from the heart and not done on purpose, it will be like I have some ulterior motive for my actions then. I will try but in a half hearted kind of way. but she did not really mind about that. She is more of a realist, and the type that likes to get things done herself, she seldom calls me up and ask me to do something for her. In fact sometimes I think all she wants from me is just companionship and an official person she can get physical with and not be guilty about it.
But I have a problem, I was so damn possesive. I dun like the idea of her talking to other guys at the work place, she is the friendly type, and will simply talk to anyone, and when she goes out with other guys, I simply cannot take it. I am at the age when I feel so insecure about myself, I might be looking my best then, but I still have the weak and frail ego within me. We quarrel often over this problem of mine. She is young and she definitely have the rights to choose, and it did not occur to me then that I was in the wrong by not giving her what she needs, I am still insensitive remember? She also complains to me that I seem to be giving her too much attention that it suffocates her. I have to admit that it is so, the insecure me did not allow me to leave her alone when she needs to be.
In the end we spilt up, at the end of 8 months, we were already quarreling very often, and we both dun think that things will work out. I am too possesive and she is not willing to give up her social lifestyle for me. We belong to different worlds too, as she is simply too rich and it makes me feel like a kept man. Also there is the problem of her needing to go overseas for her Fashion Design Degree. We parted on a good note though, but I heard that she got together with a french guy soon after she went overseas.
Sad to say we did not manage to keep in contact, she wrote me a letter 2 weeks after she went abroad, but that was the last letter, I did write back, but there was no reply. And I did not bother anymore as my life starts to go into motion again as a new lady enters my life....
Lessons learn in part 2
1) Possesiveness is only good in adequate quantities.
2) I cannot accept a woman who does not relies on me, I need to feel wanted.
3) Romantism works! -
HAHA interesting
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Part 3 ---- It is always better to be loved by someone?
My second girlfriend left me, I got over her in awhile, during this time, I was constantly understanding what it really meant by not being possesive. And after watching some drama series(yes, they do help in the dramatic way.), I come to realise that it is all about trust, about how confident you are about yourself, about how confident you are about your girlfriend. It seems to me that if you trust your girlfriend enough, it does not matter if she is going out with another guy or not, it is all in the mind set that you are still the one she loves, and the one she wants to be with. If you cannot be sure about that, it shows a sign of low self confidence and immaturity. Here sensitivity plays a part too, I am still learning how to be sensitive, it is no easy task. If you are not sensitive enough and just let your confidence rule your head, it will be over and she might be running off with your best friend before you know it. Hmmm...tough, tough.
Anyway, I was bumming around for awhile, doing the usual cheeky stuff, trying to pick up waitresses and pretty girls. Was going out with this waitress for a week or two but we did not work out, she is ok looking, but she sure has an attitude problem. She is constantly playing hard to get with me, she knows I do like her, and hell, I know she likes me too, but I cannot stand the way she will go to great lenghts to try and make me comply, going out with her for that 2 weeks was like having a mental warfare with her everyday. And that is when I realise how tiring mind games can be, for i was worn out soon enough. So I told her sorry, I have had enough and I am not going to put up with such bullshit anymore, well I dun think I regretted that, I managed to get a few french kisses from her anyway, I am going to take that as payment I suppose for putting up with her for awhile. ( Yah, I am a bastard, but thinking this way sure helped me to move on.)
Then, I decided that I want to be with a girl who loves me, a woman who will want me, love me and treat me like gold. Tough, I am not Tom Cruise you know, but somehow I told myself I must at least have the chamce to be loved by someone more than I love her, it is tiring to be giving always. And I dun think anyone would be complaining about being treated like a king.
I quitted the TCS job, it is pretty tiring, and I thought that I have had enough of showbiz, too superficial for me, and I thought I was superficial enough to handle it. So I got this part time sales promoter job from Whirlpool Singapore. It is a job with more regular timing, and I get to meet alot of people, I like to know more people, and I like a big social circle, and so I like the job. and it is also here that I got to know my third girlfriend when I am 19. She is tall I tell you ppl only 18 years old and already 1.7m, long sexy legs, black layered hair, atheletic body, and an exploding bosom. Yes, she is a 36C, and hell I cannot stop staring at them when I first met her. It is pretty embarassing as I think she notice it too. She was there walking around as she is waiting for her friends, I took the excuse of wanting to introduce some products to her to talk to her. Yeh, I am a cheap, low down and desperate buaya. but of course she gently decline. Well, something got over me, most probably her chest :p, I was telling myself, man I have to know this girl!!! So I switch topics also instantly.
"Even if you dun want to know my products, at least know me, my name is Callan, What's yours?" I have already extended my hand for a handshake and it would definitely seem impolite of her to not even shake my hand.
"Ermmm...XXXX....sorry I have to go...my friends are waiting for me." She shook my hand and turn around almost immediately.
"Ermm, why not I give you my number, you can call me if you want to, I really would like to know you better." I scribble my number on a piece of paper.
"Ermm, ok...." She took the paper and took a look at it.
"Ermm, why your number so funny one? I never see this type of number before"
"Oh, it is my Handphone number" I am beaming, yeah I know this heavy metal case will come in useful somehow though nobody really calls me.
"You have a handphone?!?" She was surprise.
Well, she call me up after 3 days on the pretex of checking to see if I really have a handphone, but I took the chance and ask her out, She did not agree. but she call me the next day and asked me out for coffee. We met up, things went smoothly and we started to date. She is a passionate person, emotional too, but somehow I like it, and I have to say I did my fair part of the courtship, but things went into auto mode after awhile, after one movie, I just held her hand and she did not say anything and we were on our way. Things went pretty fast for the 2 of us, she is the only child, not having many ppl to talk to and is calling me all the time, she is stuck like glue to me alot, I like the feeling of being love initially. she does a lot of things for me, cares about me alot, and yes, she wants me, she is always telling me she needs me, always asking me why I dun seem to mind her talking to other guys and going out with them, wondering if I really do lover her. The fact is I do, I know just that after the previous lessons, I learn to trust, and she is already showing me so much security that to me, I will always be on her mind and I dun feel bad about her going out with other people. Yes, I trust her, but the problem here is that she is too good to me and that she dun trust me.
Let me explain, you might find it weird for me to say too good, but the fact is the expectation she has of me. She expects me to return her love in the same amount she gives me, and it is scary. Well here is an example of how much she loves me. I do have a pretty bad temper then, and there were times when I just want to be alone because I am in a bad mood, but the problem is that she dun understand this need I have. Once I was so pissed off, that I shouted at her to get out of my face because seeing her makes me feel like shit. and you know what her reaction is? She came over, hug me and put her face behind my head, and then proceed to tell me that she dun want to leave me alone, and that she wants to stay by my side, and if I dun want to see her face, I dun have to as she will put her face behind me. Instead of feeling graditude, I push her away and ask her to get lost once again. She just sit there and crying, not wanting to go despite my many shouting. To me, it is scary, I will not know how to repay such patience, and it seems like she is giving me pressure to pay attention to her. I feel enclose in my own world again not wanting to come out. It makes me want to drift away from her because I fear that I dun know how to pay her back with my love which I actually doubt if it is enough.The other problem is that she dun trust me, she is very possesive due to the fact that she has given so much and pf course her insecurities. She does not like it when I am talking to another girl, and she will quarrel with me if I am to go out with any other girl other than her. And if I spent too much time with my friends she will complain that I dun care for her anymore. It seems strange to me that this is actually happening to me as it seems that now my role has reverse from my second girlfriend. and now I truly understand the reason why she told me she needs her own space, because now I feel it too. and the more she did this to me the more I want to move away for the fear of my own space being invaded.
Thing did not go well, we carried on for awhile about 7 months, of which 4 months I was not really happy, but I did carried on and bear with it as I was also enjoying the perks of being pampered. I dun know if I should let her go because I am wondering if it is really me that is in the wrong.
Another thing I dun really like about her is the way she goes so public about our sex life. In fact most of my friends even the gals seems to know that we are doing it somehow, I did ask her why as a lady she is not actually embarass about it. And her explanation being that it helps her to stake her territory, so that other people will know that I belong to her and especailly the gals will stay away. Frankly, initiatlly I am more amused then angry, for it is not common that I find a woman like that. But then it gets to a point where she seems to enjoy telling them how often we do it and how much we enjoy it and all. Yes, she does have a high sex drive just like me, and I have to admit that the times spent under the sheets were happy. But it does not mean that you have to show it so obviously. It gets to a point where my friends will take a look at me and say, "You just did it right? How many times this time?" I makes me look pretty bad like I am some wild swinger or something and that our relationship to others is one that is based on physical desire, which of course is definitely untrue.
But frankly the way we ended was pretty dissapointing, though she says she loves me so much and that she cannot go on without me, she dumped me for another guy. We were quarrelling at that time and was not speaking much to each other. Then this guy who was liking her for awhile fell sick, got his mum to call her, requesting her to visit her son, and so she went in order to spite me. And as expected the guy ask her leave me for him while sick in bed, yah yah, the guilt trick work once again. She gave me a call after the visit and the conversation is as such.
"Callan, XXXX ask me to be his gal..."
"SO?!?"
"I want to know your opinion on it..."
"Well, if you want to go, then go! No need to ask me. If you think he can make you feel better go by all means, you dun seem to be satisfied with what I do anyway!"
"I thought you might say so...I was thinking that this might be your answer...but now that I hear it from you, I am more sure of what to do."
I was silent for awhile...
"I need to feel wanted, and you dun seem to want me, while he seems to need me so much..."
"No need to explain yor actions, if you want to go, then just go"
After that I put down the phone. I was confused, as I began to doubt if she really does love me, for it seems like if she does, why does she say such things. Again I did not dwell for too long, but it did take me awhile to put my thoughts into perspective, it is only after a month that I am able to tell myself that I should forget about this whole thing and that we were just trying to accomodate each other. It is only then, that I begin to be sensible and logical enough to really move on.
But the funny thing is that I heard the guy dump her for another girl 3 months later, but I never asked her about it as I only heard this from her friend, she did not call me for a long time. Not until recently...which I will talk about it later on.
Life went on for a while, and I went on a couple of dates but did not really managed to put my life into another relationship until I am 20 yrs old.
Lessons learn in part 3
1) Maybe I am too unpossesive this time round.
2) To be love by another might not necessary be a good thing after all
3) I am not the type that can accept someone so possesive too.
4) First impression do count in trying to chat up girls.
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cool . great work .. abit sad too .
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I think the article will really help alot of ppl here.
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Ehm ... interesting
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nice.. maybe i should do post on MY love story. lol.. then everyone post thiers n we have a massive library load of things for those out there to compare , research and execute. =D But then again...
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btw.. good read. ;p kekeke....
i like the metal case part. hahahaha ... damn.. i shouldve worked in sales. So cheesy and lame ,but it works.
Oh.. n the ah beng part with the poems n stuff. kekeke.. i remember writing a poem . haaha..
oh oh oh.. the boxers part...lol.. like waking up in new years.... at the girls place. At least parents no tell u come down sit n have lunch with them. hahaha
Anyways keep it up dude . ;p
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Nice story. And you are a good story teller. Keep it up.
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Part 4 --- Heartbreak Hotel
After my breakup with my 3rd girlfriend, I bum around for awhile, and I entered my final year in Poly. I decided to go back to my father's company and help him out after sorting out our differences. My dad and I were never on good terms but we somehow managed. Coincidentally I met my fourth girlfriend because of that. She is the first one I really loved truly without a doubt, but then she is also the one that broke my heart to pieces. She is very pretty, I was tolded that she look abit like Annabelle Francis, and she works out alot. Also she loves dogs like I do. She is a very mature woman, 4 years older than me, know what she wants, logical and decisive, love her for those but as fate will put it, those are the reason she dumped me too.
I thought that this time round we will last, I finally learn the meaning of being sensitive, of just being possesive enough, of how to be romantic, and in fact I was thinking to myself that I am the best I can ever be. But I guess I was wrong, I wrote this part in the form of a short story as I feel it is the best way I can bring across the sadness in me during that time. Hope you people enjoy.
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She is sitting there, looking at me as I came walking thru the door. I smiled, walk over and introduced myself.
"Hi, My name is Callan, I'm here to pick up the flims that are supposed to be ready today."
" Callan? errmmm, Pardon me but where are you from, I am not that sure as I'm new here."
She smiled that innocent smile, one so captivating, so unforgrtable.
"Oh! No wonder I have not seen you before. I'm from XX press. So when did you start working here?"
"Today's my first day." She smiled again. "Isn't XX press In Delta, and you came all the way here!?"
"Yup, no choice, the prices are lower here. So I think I will see you around often, yes?"
"Yup, and by the way my name is XXXXXXXXX." Smile again.
XXXXXXXXX, a name that lingers on my mind for days, a name I doubt it will ever be erase from my memory for this life.
Sparks flew, we started to date, and one fine day romance landed in my life again.
The day is raining, rain seems to be flying down like splinters and I was outside...
*drool....*
"Hi, where are you? It is raining heavily outside are you caught in the rain? I am bored so I thought I call you."
"Me? I am stuck in the middle of nowhere, you dun sound too well, are you ok?
"Feeling quite bad actually, had a fever last night and woke up with the fever gone but the nose running."
"Anything I can do to help?"
"You? Nah, it is ok, but I sure wish I can have some Haagen Daz now, always feel good to eat some ice-cream even if my nose is running."
"Ice-cream? I dun think so...."
"Ok, boss is here, dun want him to talk, he knows I have been calling you."
"ok bye!"
"bye!"
Turning around I was determined to do something for her, I wanted to make her feel better. I hop into a cab though I was quite broke that day and went down to CK Tangs, I bought some haagen Daz and then with little money left took a bus to her workplace. I alighted with the sky still raining, I took a long and wet walk towards her office.
"Is XXXXXXXXX around?" I asked the girl sitting next to the desk she normally sits.
"She is in boss's room. You looking for her? It is not off work yet you know? And why are you so wet?"
"It is ok, I will wait for awhile."
Just as I turn around she is standing there...
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!? And why are you drenched?"
"I thought I bring some ice-cream....Coffee Ice-cream?"
"How did you know I like Coffee ice-cream?!?"
"Magic....my heart told me." I smiled
Her tears started to flow, and we sat down and ate soggy ice-cream together happily, we are an item by the evening.
Things went very well for us, we are very much in love. We never had any disagreements, but we are both very proud people, it is a good thing we did not have any.The night was humid, we laid in each other arms, one of the few things we like to do together most.
"XXXXXXXXX, do you think we would ever be together? I meant really togehter, you know live together, have kids, watch each other get older?"
I ran my fingers thru her hair, so silky, so smooth.
"You mean get married?!?" I was surprised by the bewildered look on her face. I am not sure if it was surprise or disgust that she is feeling.
"Well, yes if you put it that way." I tried to sound neutral and indifferent to it.
"I dun know, it was never on my mind before this. Anyway, you are going NS in 1 month and still have yet to build your career yet. You know what I like about you?" She said as she is sitting up.
I continued to look at her eyes, hoping to find the answer. To me, it's like the wisdom of the universe is in there.
"I like the way you think about your future, I like the way you plan your life for bigger things in life. You are an ambitious person, so keep it that way." She did not wait for my answer to come.
I nodded, just like a little boy. I always feel helpless before her. Maybe it's the fact that she is 4 years older than me. Maybe it's because I treasure her too much. Maybe it's just because I'm in love....
She is quiet today. Something on her mind. I know, but I dun know what.
"XXXXXXXXX, is anything wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing." A simple reply to a simple question.
"You want to go and have some dessert? Cheese Cake?"
She didn't seem to hear me.
"How about some Tiramitsu? We can go to Hilton."
"Callan, we need to talk." I anticipated that. She continued, "I dun think we should carry on."
"You not feeling well? Did you go to a doctor? I can sent you...."
"Callan, I meant breakup...." Soft and meek might her voice be, it was like a bomb to me.
"WHAT?!?" I was stunned but quickly recompose myself. "Is anything wrong? Something at work? I understand how you feel, You want to share...."
"Callan....Stop." She is now looking at me so intensely. "There is nothing wrong at work, nor anything else, it's just me." She paused. I keep quiet.
"It's XXXXX" She finally broke the silence. "Who is that?!?" I am confused. "XXXXX, XX Adverts." I kind of recall the name. But it was foggy. I choose to remain silent.
"He proposed." That was it. I blew myself. "WAHT DO YOU MEAN HE PROPOSED?!? DO YIU MEAN YOU WANT TO MARRY HIM?!? IF THIS IS A JOKE I'M NOT AMUSE!"
She started to sob. I knew I frightened her. I have not shouted at her before. She was too good to be treated like that. I tried to cool my head, Nothing but hot air came in.
"So?... I am waiting for an explanation. I think you at least owe me that." I mellowed.
"I met him, he didn't know about you. He was nice. It just started like that." She is not making sense, so unlike her, I must have really frighten her.
"Ok, so what? What started?" I am denying myself.
"We went out. He is really nice.......he has what I need, and you are going NS soon..... I MADE A MISTAKE, OK?! BUT SPARE ME, OF THIS TORTURE! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"
That's what my gal is like, so strong minded, never will she allow herself to break down infront of me. I think she is losing it. I turned and leave.
I could not sleep. I dun want to go back home. There's just all these flashback in my mind. I just sat there, alone in the night, alone in the park, nothing but my thoughts to accompany me. I feel so alone. I finally got tired of the loneiness, and decided to sleep in hope that I find something in my sleep.
I did not go to school, nor to work. I took leave, I switch of my beeper and phone. I do not want to face anyone, with my failure. I closed the door of the chalet, and did not open it for 3 days.Ring...Ring... "Hello....Hello?".......drooo...
I knew it is her. It is the 5th time this week. I have cool down alot since the "cold turkey" chalet. My logical nature did not allow me to dwell on my mistakes for too long. I told myself I have to move on. I will not go down. But still I decided to look for her.
She is sitting in front of me, looking down, playing with her own fingers. For once she looks like a little gal to me.
"How are the preparation going on?" I spoke first.
"It is fine." came the short reply
"You called me?" She nodds quietly.
"What for?" I prompted.
"I need a favour from you...." She paused to think. "Can you keep this down? XXXXX still doesn't know about you and me. And I dun think it will be good for him to know."
"I will not tell, but I am not sure about the others..." Trying to find an excuse.
"They do not know about it yet, and those who do promised not to tell." She stopped me. "It's you I worry about."
"What about the wedding?!?" I am confused.
"We will be migrating to Aussie. The wedding will be there." She explained.
"When will that be?"
"A few more months, once the papers are ready.... Callan......I would like my things back."
"What things?!?" Again confused.
"My photographs...things I left at your place. Just to be safe..." She smiled that smile again.
She never fails to surprise me. I expected myself to be the one in control. But again she conquered me with her demure aura.
"I'll take it with me the next time we meet."
"Just leave it at my house, my mum will be there."
"Ok..." I am dissapointed.
That was the last time I spoke to her face to face. Last thing I heard, all went well, and she has since migrated to Australia. Never heard from her. And now thinking back, I should have kept a pic of her, to remember her by. She is becoming foggy to me and most probably I only remember her name and that smile of hers in a few years time.
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After her I did not have any girlfriends for 3 years, no one I had any concrete feelings for just a few on and off kind of things as I know I am still not ready for anything yet. Maybe I was still healing myself then, I dun really know. All this time, I was in NS, it gave me a lot of time to think things through, about what really went wrong. I realise that most probably I am still not good enough, XXXXX is educated, successful, just 28 and the creative director of an advertising company, good-looking and hunky, he plays Rugby and could easily pass off as a male model, well-mannered and gentlemanly, I know he would not have come between us if he knows about us, and till this day I believe he is still in the dark about him being the 3rd party or maybe I was the real 3rd party, I'll never know. And of course, I was still unsure about my future going to NS in just 2 weeks , definitely not as good-looking, and I stop working out for awhile and definitely is losing points in the charms department. I lost completely to him even though I got to be with her first and him later (at least that's what I knew to be). The times that we were together did not mean much to her when it comes to logical thinking. she made the right choice.
I still feel sore about it every now and then, but I dun think of her so much now, it is only when people talks about her or on occasions like this that I recall everything that happened. But I have already move on, though the thought of her still does haunt me when it passes by.
After her like I said there are a series of woman that I have met, though they never become my gf, I still will like to share my experiences with them with you people, that is if you are interested, do tell me if you want to know about them, then at least I will have something to write on. For those of you who wants to know about my most 2 recent relationships, I am sorry, but they are rather dear to me and they surf the net oftens and come to this site, it will not be nice as there are also many people who knows what happen between us. So I will have to omit that part. I hope you all dun mind. But HEY! I am the author anyway!
Lessons learnt in Part 4
1) I still have a lot of room for improvement I am not perfect.
2) Shit still can happen no matter what you do, sometimes fate works in funny ways that does not seem fair.
3) Pride is useful only when it is needed, at other times it is just plain useless.
4) If you love someone hard enough, you will really know what it truly means to love someone. -
am going to share some parts of my life where I did not make it as a couple with the girls I dated.
Part 5 --- Indian Marriage? Hell, now I am scared to think of it
After my BMT, I was one of the few lucky bas*tards that was posted to the police to assume the role of a NS Inspector. Well, they say I struck the jackpot of my life, yeh I agree I did, and I was grateful, the experience was totally different and I dun have to charge up any more hills. Anyway, I have to go through the 9 months of training in the academy before I can get my rank, and during this period of time it was pretty peaceful except for the fact that I was diagnosed with a serious sinus problem and have to undergo an operation for it. And because of this I was going in and out of the hospital alot and get to be home while my comarades suffer in the academy as I can't swim nor run or my nose will start to bleed and get stuck to my ears with mucus(Serious! The doctor advise the operation because I might go deaf if i dun. Sorry to the guys in my squad, but you all were great!) As I have a lot of free time on my hands I still carry on with my favourite past time chasing skirts. :p
I got to know this indian gal, though I can't recall excatly how, she was cute. She is able to communicate with me on a pretty comfortable level. I would not say that she is fantastically beautiful but she does have nice eyes and quite a powerful figure of course and I have to compliment her for that. I guess what I was attracted to was more her intellect. She is a trainee teacher, and is my age. She has this ability to be interested and find beauty in almost everything, which I appreciate alot when she is with me. Well I suppose I am that type myself and when you find someone like that, you somehow connect in someway. Simply she speaks my language, and I speak hers.
We agree to start going out though I was pretty skeptical about an inter racial relationship. But I thought she is good company so why not anyway. But strange enough I got to know her real well, and she like me is straight forward and frank when it comes to conversations and I appreicate that part of her very much. And of course I got to learn how to appreciate indian beauty, and I know how good she can look when she dresses up, definitely classic beauty. And surprisingly unlike the initial impression I have of indians she is rather soft spoken. I guess it is because she comes from a family where the family is largely made up of people working in the educational field. In fact her father is a retired teacher himself.
We got along really well, and I am beginning to think that it is actually possible for us to cook something out of it. So I took her to West Coast park one fine day to watch the sunset, thinking of poping the question that day. We were sitting on the bench, bathing in the rays of the evening sun, and I was just waiting for the right moment to ask her then suddenly...
Her: "Callan, do you think we are doing fine?"
Me: "Well yea, we click pretty well..." Ok she created the perfect opportunity for me.
Her: "You think we should develope further? I dun want to hang on in this position in a relationship for too long."
Damn! She beat me to it, she is even more eager than me about going into a relationship. I am quite surprise actually.
Me: "Ermmm.....yea...I was thinking of asking you that too..."
Her: "I find your company very comfortable, and I like it when you are around me...makes me feel very secure, but there are some doubts on my mind and I think I should clear them with you first before we come up to anything."
Me: "Errmmm...ok...I think it is better that way too....so what is it?" I am eager to find out myself too.
Her: "Well, my father is old, I want to settle down too, and I need commitment in the relationship I want to go into..."
Me: "ok I agree, I believe in commitment too..."
Her: "So my question is, I want to get married in 2 years time, can you do that?"This caught me off guard, seriously I never thought about anything like that...I meant, damn, who will go and think about such stuff when we are just dating?!??!
Me: "Ermm....I dun know XXXXXX, it seems abit too fast to think about something like that isn't it? What I meant by commitment is more on a more shallow level....you know....ermm...I never gave it much thought before."
Her: "Well, you should if you want to go into a relationship with me, I am not the type that just go into a relationship for the fun of it, I think about things in the long run."
Me: "I understand...but....isn;t it a bit too early to think about something like that?"
Her: "Not for me, for me it is something very important. I will not go into a relationship if I dun think marriage can happen."
Me: "Ok....I understand, but I dun think I am ready for a commitment at that level yet."
I was damn frank, it is the only way for me.
Her: "But I thought you like me..."
Me: "I do....but I really dun think I am ready for something this big yet."
She became very silent, we did not talk much after that, we just sat there, I feel pretty guilty. As the sunset, we were both drown in our own thoughts. To me, I am definitely not ready to go into something that serious now. Not when I have just dated her for something a month. We are talking about marriage here, it seems almost impossible for me to imagine anything close. But at the same time I was thinking if I should give it a shot. Nah, I dun think it is possible, I dun want to give her any false hopes. Talking about false hopes, I also wondered if I did give out any wrong signals to her to my intentions of a relationship. I serious cannot recall myself doing anything like that.
We left the place as it is becoming late, the mood was very different from when we came here. Both of us dun know what to say, it is pretty tense for the both of us.
Me: "So I guess it is best for us to stop seeing each other."
Her: "But dun you even want to try? I think I can love you very much."
Me: "That, I dun know...things are still pretty raw for us to say that yet, you know?"
She is silent once more, I think I am making things very clear to her now, I really cannot give her the type of commitment she is asking for. I meant to even think of it, I will just have come out of NS in 2 yrs, I still have a long way to go.
Her: "Can I kiss you? I really like you, at least let me know how it is like to kiss you. I want you to be special"
We kissed, and frankly I regretted doing that, I think it only make her feel worst. Her eyes were welling up when I sent her home. We stopped seeing each other after that night, I dun think it would be healthy for her, she should go out and meet guys who are ready for something like that, not me, I am not at that level yet. I cannot handle the thought of commiting myself to her and her alone, right even before we are officially a couple. I feel very enveloped by this topic in fact...andvery much wanted to draw myself away from this topic. Maybe I was never meant to be in any permanent relationships.
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Lessons learnt in Part 5
1) An attraction of the minds can actually happen in this era of lust and superficial people.
2) It is better to know the expectations of the other person before things go out of control.
3) It is not a good idea about the last kiss and last request kind of stuff, it makes it more painful actually.
4) I am definitely not ready for commitment in a marriage. (I am just reaffirming myself.) -
wow... never a boring moment in your life.
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had an interesting time reading your stories until i forgot to reply the girl i was smsing!!!
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Ok, I know some people might not be very comfortable about me speaking on this or even think that I'm a kiss and tell but I am just here to share my perspective and recollections on this issue. If you are expecting ranchy wild stuff that I am going to write, I would say that you can forget it. I was trying to put my thoughts into chronological order but sad to say, it was difficult, so for the rest of the parts I will just write according to the events as some of the events are actually related to each other.
Part 6 --- One night stands, the aftermath
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After my breakup with my 4th girlfriend, I was trying to pick myself up, it was not way even though I can tell myself to move on after the chalet. The hurt and pain was still there and I did not really move on. Life was vry much mandane and I only have one subject to take for my final year and is just waiting to go into the Army, during this time, I grew fat. Yes, most probably it is depression but I just eat alot, I stop working out, not doing much everyday and my mind was still hanging around the breakup. In fact I put on about 15kg in about 3 months. It is pretty drastic, and I dun really care about my personal outlook that much. I grew long hair and did not cut my hair till I entered Army.
By the time I entered the Army, I was a whooping 93kg. I entered the obese company as I am overweight when they did my PES grading. I did not really care, I just want to get it over and done with anyway. And I told myself that the Army will be a good place to take my mind off things. And it sure is, during my BMT, I placed my mind totally on training, trying to be the "best" I can be(I'm quite a slacker really). The training paid off, I lost 18kg in the 4 months I was there, going down to a more acceptable 75kg. After my POP parade, I was looking good, I can carry off wearing my cap sleeves and tight Tees once again. I got a very nice tan, and basically I am looking good.
During the one week of break I was having, me and my platoon mates planned to go partying. We decided to go Mambo. On the night itself I was there early, I have not enjoyed myself for a while and was having a great urge to party. I reached the place at 8p.m. which is unusually early, the place is still quite deserted. So I took a sit at the bar counter waiting for my mates to join me at around 9. I waited, and at 9.30p.m. still no one came. I was becoming fustrated, I called one of them, and they told me the actually went to Sparks, amd ask me to go over. I was pretty mad and I took my beer drank it and slam the empty mug on the counter. Then it is only that I notice a young pretty girl sitting beside me.
"Why are so angry? Cool down."
"Nah, it's my friends, they are suppose to meet me here and now they are at Sparks leaving me alone here."
"Hey! Same here too! My friends are asking me to go over to sparks as I am alone here!"
"Serious?"
"Yeh, but I dun want to go over so early, I want to stay around here for awhile more since I already paid for the cover. We can go together later if you like."
"Ok, I dun feel like meeting them now anyway."
So I ordered one more mug of beer and we carried on talking. She is quite a conversationist and we talk alot about trival stuffs. I can't recall how much we drank, but I remembered ordering a couple of Tequlia shots, and we were pretty high. Suddenly the topic turn to sex. I can't recall how but it did somehow. She was telling me she just broke up with her boyfriend and I told her I just did too. Something came over me and I ask her something I never would have ask anyone."So did the 2 of you did it?"
"Did what?" She was quite high...
"You know..." I showed her hand signs.
"Oh....that...of course lah!" I am surprised by her forthrightness.
"What about you?" she ask cheekily.
"Nope, still virgin." I lied, I dun know why but I just dun feel comfortable about telling her about it.
"REALLY? Wow! Rare breed!!!" I am quite embarass actually.
"You never thought about trying meh?"
"Of course lah...but this type of thing want to try means try one meh?" I was quick to defend myself from the image of a nerd.
"Aiyah....you want to try I let you try lor..."
Shocking!!! I am actually being picked up by a woman whom I have only known for the last hour here. This is definitely a new experience for me. It is the last thing that I can imagine happening to me. I got pretty excited about the whole thing, I meant hey I never had a girl approach me like this before!!! Somehow, she pesuaded me to agree saying that we can go her house as there is no one at home and all. Eventually I fell to the temptation. I popped into her car and off she drove me to her house, I went into the living room not knowing what to do...I meant I really dun! It is the first time I am doing something like that!!!
Ok, sad to dissapoint you people, but I never did it, I chicken out at the last minute as I really dun believe that something like that was happening to me(I was young), also at the last minute before I went for the full thing....my handphone rang and it is my friends waiting for me wondering why I am taking such a long time. I took the chance to give her an excuse (yeah I chicken out) for not wanting to do it as my friends are expecting me. She is pretty unhappy about it, but still she drove me to Sparks and we split up from there.
That was the first close encounter I had. I was wondering if I would have done it if not for my friends calling me.
Then, there was a second time, this time I remembered the date clearly, 2nd Jan 2000. The day after the millenium countdown (Note: I gain back quite abit of my pounds this time round, and is definitely fat now.) , I finished my duties in the morning and a few of us planned to go down to Studio East at night to party the party we missed out on. There I met a long lost friend. She migrated to HK when we were very young, primary school in fact and came back to visit a relative for the festive season. She looks pretty good now and I would not expect her to look like now referring to her child like looks then. Most of my friends did not turn up as they were too tired to come. In the end it is only me, my long lost friend and 2 other friends of mine. Both me and my firend did not dance much as we sat around drinking and catching up on each other's lives. She got very high, and was later totally drunk, I was high too, but I still managed, so I asked my friends to go back first and I sent her back to her hotel.
She is totally wasted and I did not want to leave her alone just like that in her room. so I stayed around till she is more sober. she then tell me she feels like vomiting, and I helped her to the toilet, she vomited. Then she told me she wanted to take a cold shower to sober up, and before I step out of the toilet, she has alreayd taken off her dress. I was there staring wide eye at her not knowing how I should react to it. Then the funniest thing happened, she smiled at me and ask if i just wanted to look or join her in the shower. Seriously I was stunned by this question and I dun know what to say. She just lead me into the shower and undress me and the rest I shall say is history.
I woke up in the morning, and I am still wondering if I did wrong. I did not feel good, in fact I felt guilty. to me my concept of making love needs to be based on feelings, and if you dun feel for the person what I have done is just lust. The session was good but emotionally and spiritually I was not satisfied, I felt that the night before was pretty empty. There was no feelings nor emotions attached to it. Attraction yes, but defnitely not emotions. On the whole I feel bad in fact.
When she woke up, she was smiling, and she hugs and kiss me, then I ask her.
"So when is your flight back?"
"Tomorrow morning..."
"Ermmm...you want to keep in contact? I tihnk we can develope somemore..."
"Callan.....I already have a boyfriend back in Hong Kong. Sorry."
"WHAT?!? oh...then why did yo still do it with me?"
"ermm....I dunno....horny I guess. Nonetheless it has been great, thank you." She kissed me and got up to wash her face.
I was thinking to myself, damn ****, I feel like a used tissue. Now I understand the differences in making love and having sex. There is no connection on the emotional level when it comes to having sex, and when you make love, there is actually a unison of the soul, the body and the mind. I told myself I will never have sex again, I will only make love, having sex feels bad. It is empty, unfeeling and in someway I feel dirty. I guess the swinger lifestyle is just not for me. Eversince, no matter what I will reject all one nights stands. (Not that there are many left for me to reject anyway)
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Lessons Learnt in Part 6
1) There is a difference in making love and having sex.
2) One night stands are not for me, I can actually feel bad after that.
3) It does not matter if you look good or not, if someone is horny and you look decent enough, they will want you. -
Wow... nice stories.. more more ...
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lol interesting stories
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Part 7 ------- Sleepless in Singapore
I am sure many of you here who are familiar with the net here have overseas friends, and some even overseas lovers. Well, I am no exception. It was during my NS, it is one of those boring days when I am lazing around in the office looking for something interesting to do. So I decided to check one of my very seldom used Email accounts which has been lying around for a long time. Ok, it is filled with junk, over flowing, this is one of those that I used to register for adverts and other useless stuff. I was about to delete to whole junk of it when I notice a rather unfamiliar Email address, ok they are all unfamiliar, but this one caught my eye somehow, so I decided to take some effortto go through it since I am bored anyway. It goes something like...
"Hi Callan,
My name is XXXXX, I am from Sweden, I am an SBC, yea Sweden Born chinese. I am currently looking for friends in Singapore as I might be coming over to study over here next year, I came across your email in the ecircles database and am hoping to make a friend. Will you be my friend? Please write to me soon, I will be waiting. Hope to hear from you soon.
Regard
XXXXX"
I am wondering, it dates back to about a month from that day. I am wondering if it is just another one of those marketing scams, but the email is one of those from hotmail. Well, I was thinking it is only courtesy that I reply, and it might not hurt, this is a junk mail box anyway. I wrote back in similiar capacity given a brief introduction of myself and apologise for the late reply stating that I was out of town. How can I leave an impression that I am using a junk mail account to correspond right? Anyway, I am not really expecting a reply it has been one month anyway.
4 days later, I decided to check my mail again, I was anticipating something dispite the fact that I told myself there was nothing, and true enough, a new mail with her addy came in. I went through it and found her to be genuine, she is indeed someone looking for a personal friend. After that we went through serveral email exchanges, and I found her to be a rather interesting person. She sounds conservative but yet, the way she express herself is like one who is like a tigeress wanting to jump out into the wild from her cage. And yes she is faster than me in asking for a picture in the end. I am wondering if I should, afterall as I said I am no great looker, but then as I hesistated I told myself, what the hack, it is not like I am really gonna meet her anyway, and if she decides not to write anymore after the photo exchange I can jolly save my time from someone insincere. Gees, I am also hoping she looks great though, what a hypocrite I am.
I took a photo using the office digital cam and send it over, she states that she will mail me her photo by the next mail. My hearts pound with anxiety and excitment as I reach for the mouse and push the button. It is the first time I am sending someone a picture of how I look over the internet and the experience is exhilarating. I posted it, and tried not to think about it too much. But the thought huanted me, yea it did, the experience of the possibility of being rejected by someone even as a friend without even knowing who that person is or how she looks like is simply intolerable, it seems to me like I am on a cliff and not knowing if the wind is going to blow me off. Fear, mystery, and excitment bounds my mind throughout the day. I am breathless most of the time.
The next day, I eagerly checked my mailbox, she did not reply. I waited for another day, she still did not reply, ok, I thought this is going to be the end of it. I self comforted myself, at least I did not waste anymore time. And I finally got over it in a day, though it was not easy. But 4 days later came her mail, I seriously dun know why I am still continuing my checks on that mailbox. It must be the buaya nature in me that is urging me on, NEVER GIVE UP! NEVER SURRENDER! It was ringing through my mind as I saw that mail. Her reply....
"Dear Callan,
I am sorry for the late reply, but it was snowing heavily and the phonelines were down, could not go online till today. Recieve your photo, thanks alot, I am sorry I did not sent mine as promise but I thought I will save that till I see you personally. Yes, I want to meet you when I come over for a trip next month. I hope you are agreeable to that idea, but if you insist I will still sent my photo to you first......
Regards
XXXXX"
Well, you might have guessed my reply, I told her it is ok, I dun need her photo, blah blah blah, the physical ergonomics of a person is not important in a friendship, blah blah blah, and that I hope to meet her soon, blah blah blah....ok I was bull****ting, I was dying to know how she looked like , I was scared to death to see her, what if she turns out otherwise? What if...what if....what if I die before I meet her?!?! I was paranoid. Ok I know I am strange but hey it is the first time I am doing something like that, it is like making love, you ****ed up the first time round somehow too.
The month's wait is very much suffering, there is an air of mystery around me all the time, everything is like a mystery to me, MY VERY FIRST NET DATE!!! I Decided not to dress up, not to pose and even considered the option to behave llike a silly boy. I thought she might be thinking I am funny, but hey I dun wanna be funny! I wanna be cool, suave, and intelligent, as I like myself to be, and yes I told myself, that is what I should be. Though I often wondered if I can really pull such an image off all the time.I was at the airport, I was trying to be composed, I am half expecting someone to tap on my shoulder half the time, and wondering if the person who walk past me is her the other half of the time. And Finally my mobile rang, it was her, she is suppose to call me when she reach SG, I almost forgot that. Her voice is a bit horsie. Yeah horsie, there is an unfamiliar slang to her voice and she asked me where I am I told her I am at the air bus waiting area. She asked me how to get there and I directed her on the phone, and there she was finally in front of me when she appeared. And all I can see then, is the big big words SEX on my mind. She is gorgeous, long leggy 19yr old chinese girl, swaying hips, and tight firm upper body, thought she is abit on the big side I expect that since she is not local. her pouting lips are a firey bright red from her lipstick. She has a little mole near her eyes, and it seems so sexy to me.
She was dragging her luggage in one hand and reaching her hands out in the other, my hand shot out immediately like what my other lower body part is hoping to do. but as a gentleman who is suave and cool I am suppose to be steady and composed. And I tried my best to be. I barely managed my hello with the smooth tone I alway used, my uneasiness is definitely showing.
"Hi....I am Callan."
"I know...I hope I did not over dress, I dun really know the cultural here and I am dress up as in those magazine I saw which my friend brought over from here." She said shyly.
"Ermmm....well...you look great....really.....I think I am under-dressed." I cooed.
"YOu look ok, I like guys who dress like that it makes me feel comfortable when they are comfortable with themselve." She was like she is entertaining me.
"Ermm...of course. anyway let.s get a cab to you hotel." I am so guilty I wanted to hide myself. comfortable my foot, if only she can see how much I am shaking underneath my skin.
We went to the Elizabeth Hotel, some small hotel in the back end of Orchard. I suggested staying there as it is more economical. but frankly I am not too sure. she was here for only 4 days anyway before she goes on to Aussie. After settling down, I brought her around the orchard area, and as the same for all ladies, her first intention is to shop. We move around after dinner, from complex to complex. I was tagging behind as her excited self seems to known her way naturally. Isn't it the same for all woman when it comes to shopping? Well, we finally sat down at Swensen at Crown Prince and she told me she is so happy to be in Singapore, she wanted to come here since 2 yrs ago. But unnoticingly the big words that were on my mind seems to be dissolving away like sugar by her warm and friendly personality. She is a great conversationist, she talks alot thought her English is not that good, she is a Native Swedish but she can speak English but not fluently. I taught her Some Cantonese and chinese and some Hokkien Vulgarities. She say she wanted to know when someone is speaking bad about her. *shrugs*
We had fun for the next few days, I enjoyed her company thoroughly, but I somehow seems to be liking her. She is a really great gal, but though that, I am not sure, I think she is being just really friendly. On the morning she is suppose to leave, I called her, she was packing up, we went partying till quite late the night before and I was surprise that she woke up so early, I asked her what she thinks of Singapore now.
"It is a good place, but I wished that it is bigger. Too bad, the place is small for me. I want a place with more place to go."
"You meant you are not coming back?"
"Maybe for a short trip..."
"Hmmm...so you will miss anything here?"
"YOU? hehehe....really, you good friend to me, I love you."
"Ermm...Love you?" I was beaming inside...
"Yeah, I love good friends. You make me a very happy person here."
"Oh...XXXXX, do you happen to think that I will make a good BF?" Crossing my fingers.
"You? Of course! You are very gentleman. I like you alot, but I have boyfriend back in Sweden. You are like him very much, I think that is why I feel comfortable with you." I can sense that she is rejecting me....
"Oh, can I meet him someday? Will he be coming to Singapore?" I am trying to be a good host ain't I?
"He is going Australia with me, to study there next year, maybe we will come Singapore together."
"Ok, I sure hope to see him soon! so what time you want me to send you to the airport?"
"My plane at 4. You want to come at 2?"
"Ok. see you."
After she board her plane I am at the viewing gallery, watching her, imagining her on the plane, she is leaving....gees...I am rejected....ok, I did not ask, but I guess you know what the answer will be anyway. but she is really good company beyond the sex bomb impression at first.
After she went back to Sweden, we carried on our communication via email, but slowly as the date for her to go to Australia for her studies, the mails slowed, and my final mail to her is asking if she will bring her BF to SG to meet me up and why she has not been writing. Well, that was my final mail, that was coming to 2 yrs, and I have had not reply from her since. I guess, most probably she dun want to meet me anymore. Somethings are better left undiscovered.
Lessons Learnt in Part 7
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1)A hot babe might not be an exhibitionist who sents her photo around to others all the time, she might want to look for a true friend though that was not exactly on my mind.
2) A sex bomb might just be a facade to a great friend. The image sheds as you peel away the sex from your mind.
3) Sometimes, when a woman rejects you, in the nicest way possible, let it be, dun persist, she really is trying to be nice and not giving you false hopes. -
Originally posted by Callan:
ok...this is a repost of my story...I thought it might be able to bring some laughes to the people in SC. Hope you all enjoy.
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Forward
This topic is dedicated to all the woman out there who proclaim themselves as pretty. This is not a declaration of war on them, but just a recent recall of the many nights of deep thoughts and many happennings in my life. This is also a opening to the inner parts of my life, all the sugar and spice in my life, and it is what slowly mould me into what I am, how I think till this day.
Disclaimer
I will not disclose any names here as I dun know if my exs are as open as I am about the relationships, I have to respect that. For those of you who knows who I am talking about, meaning you might actually know me or the person I am talking about, please refrain from saying that you know who the person is. It will definitely help.I dun mind replys since I expect some of you to have similiar sentiments about growing up this way. I just want this thread to be one where I can laugh at myself and at my own blunders and my past. I hope that you all can laugh at it together with me and enjoy what you read.
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Yes, I thought I was lucky, all along I told myself so. Why? Well, all of my girlfriends are pretty. They all are either the prettiest among the social group they are in, the prettiest in class, the prettiest in school blah blah blah. Yes, I am a lucky man. But do call me shallow, for I am, and I have been so damn shallow that I never learn. I am not a goodlooking guy, nope, definitely not one that ppl will turn thier heads at, not especially as eloquent and well-learned as many here. But yes, I have had pretty and plenty, and I meant really pretty girlfriends. Well, but listen, and you will say that this is one hell of an unlucky guy.
Part I---Elementary School of Relationships
Call me a late bloomer, I have been chasing girls for a long while before that, and in fact I first chase a girl in Primary 3, that was like 9? But I only got my first girlfriend that I dare to bring around and show my ah beng friends(Yes, I was one of them), at the age of 16. She is pretty, smooth white skin, long hair, big eyes, she is one of those high class lians, one of those whom you will turn around and look at. She belongs to the famous group of chio bus in a certain Secondary School at that time, and of course she is the prettiest among them. Well, I can't say I love her, now to think of it, it was more like puppy love, very dreamy. Well, I was better looking at that time, as most will agree but definitely dun make it to hunk status, but I sing well and I write poetry. Easy way to get girls at that age I tell you, especially if you are an ah beng, and not many ah beng do things like this. Well got her by writing her a poem declaring my love for her, was together for 4 happy months, the first kiss was passionate, I am a first timer, and well, I must say she is pretty experience for her age. Things were going well, we do things that were new to us then, going to the movies, eating ice-cream, you know the first love kind of things but then soon things starts to go downhill, she told me she likes this hunky tan guy, and ask me to go for a tan, I told her will not make a difference since I dun have a bod like his, she took offense and told me that I dun really love her(well the truth is I dun), she then starts to nitpick at every little thing I did not do for her. I meant it is not like she asks for them, she justs expects me to do them without her telling me. Things like, "Why you never go and buy me a new pen? Didn't you notice that the ink in my pen is almost use up?" Well, I suppose maybe I am not sensitive enough. Did try to salvage the R/S, starts to be damn observant, try and find out her every need, starts to do things for her without her telling me and well, I did suceed, but the problem is that she dun seem to appreciate them at all.
"I was thinking of you suddenly, and I decided to go and buy the Big Bunny Milk Sweet you like so much for you. Thought, you will be happy."
And her response, "Oh, ok." Puts it into her pocket and carried on walking.
Hmmm..I did wonder if I did something wrong. but nope I dun think so, for it is not about the timing, for it is always the same later, nor is it her mood, PMS or no PMS it is the same.
Well we broke up, but she is the one who dumped me, she ran off with another guy, Tall Dark and handsome. I asked her what happen, she just say that it doesn't seem to matter what I do anymore, she dun seem surprise, nor feel anything especially happy when I do things for her anymore. And she complains that I am not romantic enough. She said that I should learn how to be romantic. Well it is over finally after 4 months.
I did not hold on too long, was definitely sad for awhile, but I remembered it is only like 1 week or so, I got over it by telling myself, I did my best and that it is her who did not treasure me. Yah, I know it is the most typical consolation you can give to yourself, but hey it did work since I was still rather young, I suppose, I managed to believe that crap. Also the fact that I dun believe that the first will be the last also helped.
Well, looking back at it then, I was telling myself, that hell, I should have been more sensitive right at the beginning, and that it would be my duty to anticipate and feel what my girl will need. Poems and songs are only good at the beginning, they dun last. People can be tired of them pretty fast, but then again, if they appreciate you, it would not matter if you do it at all in the first place.
Lessons learned in Part I
1) Learn to be sensitive
2) Poems and Songs dun last and they are just part of you.
3) Dun make stupid mistakes like rejecting a request.
4) Learn to be romantic.this is just puppy love i think, poes and songs writing is a talent for you, not used to chase girls. it's ok to reject requests but have to take into consideration wat kind of request they are. mistakes are made so that one can learn from it and move from there. you do not really have to learn to be romantic. too romantic, ppl will think tht you are very flirtaous like that.
the way i see it, the girl got tired of you and she left with another man, she did not know what she wanted and neither did you because both of you are too young.
-
Originally posted by Callan:
Part II --- Growing up, the wrong way. maybe.
Life goes on, started to go poly, life was uneventful, but since I was paying for my own education then I have to work, and I found work in the last place I thought I will be, TCS. Started off in the background work, then was having a short stint as a part-time actor, and that is when I really started to work out. starting to develope what you might call a man's body, was a bit of a Gym fanatic, it is wonderous what the enviroment can do to you. Started to take supplements and all, work out in the gym, my normal routine work out would seem so impossible now to me, 2 hours in the gym, then to the track for a 5 km run then to the swimming pool for a 20 lap swim. I do it like 3 times a week, and was seriously feeling good about myself, it is those times that I will look at myself in the mirror for a longer period of time then now definitely. Nothing much to look at now. Also I lost contacts with a lot of my ah beng friends after I went to poly. There were some skirt-chasing done during this period of time, but nothing really memorable that I can put my finger on.
Got to know my second serious girlfriend in TCS, let's just say she is in the glamour business. And yes, she looks good, again fair flawless skin, a smile that captivates, sparkling eyes, and a great body. Oh yah she is rich too, she is one year older than me, drives a Honda CRX, I do feel rather inadequate then, but I guess the developments in my bod makes up for the confidence. Was dating her for awhile(her paying most of the time really), then one fine day, while she is driving me home, I pop the question. she told me she will have to think about it, but she did not take long, just an hour later. The next day we are offically the newest couple on Caldecott. (I thought it sounds good, ha ha)
We were like glue, always out together, I will normally meet her after school, and she will be paying for alot of the places we go to. The supplementary card her father gave her was more than enough for us to have a good lifestyle. I am always over at her apartment, since her parents were travelling most of the time. Till now I am still not very sure what her father do, but I vaguely recall, her telling me that he is a consultant or something. Most of the time, it will be just me, her and the maid. But what I really love are the weekends when the maid goes out.Though it was pretty embarrassing once, when I was sleeping over and her parents came back home. I went out to the living room in my boxers. Damn, I thought I am done for, but strangely, the parents just stare at me wide eye, and quietly went into their room. I even had breakfast with them the next day. And guess what, the next weekend that I slept over, she took out a box of condoms, and I ask her since when did she start to buy those (Safe Sex was still a very new concept in that time), and she told me her mum gave it to her and ask her to practice safe sex. WOW! This is surely an open minded parent.
Anyway, this time, I learnt from my previous experience and I learn to be romantic. I still do the singing and the poem stuff, guess they are a part of me even until now, I still do them, they allow me a channel of expression which always satisfy me, but this time I cut down on it. Afterall I have a better bod to put my stakes on now.
She is very fun to be with, she has no inhibitations when she is with me and feels totally comfortable, we are simply crazy together, doing stuff that are sometimes weird in public, things like going to the fountain and taking a walk in it. We simply enjoy each others company.
My attempts at being romantic were pretty ambitious, and it was easy since her house is empty most of the time, and it is a good thing she has a car. We will go to the beaches and some really secluded place. On her birthday we went to a rather secluded part of the loyang beach, I brought some petrol from the petrol kisos. I alighted the car first, while she is unpacking the food and other stuff that we brought. I use the petrol to write and draw the words, Callan and XXXXXX forever on the sand and then lit the fire, it was a beautiful sight although it was pretty smoky, we had to move to another part of the beach for the fear of authorities coming down to catch us for the bonfire. Then we had champange and sandwiches on the beach, I managed to save up and bought her a small ruby ring. She was so touch, and truly happy. We counted stars and I sang her some love songs. It was truly a beautiful night as I now still recall. Well, like I said this time I learn how to be romantic, and she did say that I was the most romantic guy she has been with, but to think of it, she was still pretty young then, so if she met more guys she might not have said the same.
I also made an attempt to be sensitive, but no matter how hard I tried it did not seem to work out for me, it just seems too fake for me to do things like that. I sometimes think that such things should be from the heart and not done on purpose, it will be like I have some ulterior motive for my actions then. I will try but in a half hearted kind of way. but she did not really mind about that. She is more of a realist, and the type that likes to get things done herself, she seldom calls me up and ask me to do something for her. In fact sometimes I think all she wants from me is just companionship and an official person she can get physical with and not be guilty about it.
But I have a problem, I was so damn possesive. I dun like the idea of her talking to other guys at the work place, she is the friendly type, and will simply talk to anyone, and when she goes out with other guys, I simply cannot take it. I am at the age when I feel so insecure about myself, I might be looking my best then, but I still have the weak and frail ego within me. We quarrel often over this problem of mine. She is young and she definitely have the rights to choose, and it did not occur to me then that I was in the wrong by not giving her what she needs, I am still insensitive remember? She also complains to me that I seem to be giving her too much attention that it suffocates her. I have to admit that it is so, the insecure me did not allow me to leave her alone when she needs to be.
In the end we spilt up, at the end of 8 months, we were already quarreling very often, and we both dun think that things will work out. I am too possesive and she is not willing to give up her social lifestyle for me. We belong to different worlds too, as she is simply too rich and it makes me feel like a kept man. Also there is the problem of her needing to go overseas for her Fashion Design Degree. We parted on a good note though, but I heard that she got together with a french guy soon after she went overseas.
Sad to say we did not manage to keep in contact, she wrote me a letter 2 weeks after she went abroad, but that was the last letter, I did write back, but there was no reply. And I did not bother anymore as my life starts to go into motion again as a new lady enters my life....
Lessons learn in part 2
1) Possesiveness is only good in adequate quantities.
2) I cannot accept a woman who does not relies on me, I need to feel wanted.
3) Romantism works!what is meant to be will be. i think they key thing here is to learn to trust your partner i think.
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Originally posted by min_min:
this is just puppy love i think, poes and songs writing is a talent for you, not used to chase girls. it's ok to reject requests but have to take into consideration wat kind of request they are. mistakes are made so that one can learn from it and move from there. you do not really have to learn to be romantic. too romantic, ppl will think tht you are very flirtaous like that.
the way i see it, the girl got tired of you and she left with another man, she did not know what she wanted and neither did you because both of you are too young.
read on till part 7. :)
Anyway thanks for reading.
-
Originally posted by Callan:
Part 3 ---- It is always better to be loved by someone?
My second girlfriend left me, I got over her in awhile, during this time, I was constantly understanding what it really meant by not being possesive. And after watching some drama series(yes, they do help in the dramatic way.), I come to realise that it is all about trust, about how confident you are about yourself, about how confident you are about your girlfriend. It seems to me that if you trust your girlfriend enough, it does not matter if she is going out with another guy or not, it is all in the mind set that you are still the one she loves, and the one she wants to be with. If you cannot be sure about that, it shows a sign of low self confidence and immaturity. Here sensitivity plays a part too, I am still learning how to be sensitive, it is no easy task. If you are not sensitive enough and just let your confidence rule your head, it will be over and she might be running off with your best friend before you know it. Hmmm...tough, tough.
Anyway, I was bumming around for awhile, doing the usual cheeky stuff, trying to pick up waitresses and pretty girls. Was going out with this waitress for a week or two but we did not work out, she is ok looking, but she sure has an attitude problem. She is constantly playing hard to get with me, she knows I do like her, and hell, I know she likes me too, but I cannot stand the way she will go to great lenghts to try and make me comply, going out with her for that 2 weeks was like having a mental warfare with her everyday. And that is when I realise how tiring mind games can be, for i was worn out soon enough. So I told her sorry, I have had enough and I am not going to put up with such bullshit anymore, well I dun think I regretted that, I managed to get a few french kisses from her anyway, I am going to take that as payment I suppose for putting up with her for awhile. ( Yah, I am a bastard, but thinking this way sure helped me to move on.)
Then, I decided that I want to be with a girl who loves me, a woman who will want me, love me and treat me like gold. Tough, I am not Tom Cruise you know, but somehow I told myself I must at least have the chamce to be loved by someone more than I love her, it is tiring to be giving always. And I dun think anyone would be complaining about being treated like a king.
I quitted the TCS job, it is pretty tiring, and I thought that I have had enough of showbiz, too superficial for me, and I thought I was superficial enough to handle it. So I got this part time sales promoter job from Whirlpool Singapore. It is a job with more regular timing, and I get to meet alot of people, I like to know more people, and I like a big social circle, and so I like the job. and it is also here that I got to know my third girlfriend when I am 19. She is tall I tell you ppl only 18 years old and already 1.7m, long sexy legs, black layered hair, atheletic body, and an exploding bosom. Yes, she is a 36C, and hell I cannot stop staring at them when I first met her. It is pretty embarassing as I think she notice it too. She was there walking around as she is waiting for her friends, I took the excuse of wanting to introduce some products to her to talk to her. Yeh, I am a cheap, low down and desperate buaya. but of course she gently decline. Well, something got over me, most probably her chest :p, I was telling myself, man I have to know this girl!!! So I switch topics also instantly.
"Even if you dun want to know my products, at least know me, my name is Callan, What's yours?" I have already extended my hand for a handshake and it would definitely seem impolite of her to not even shake my hand.
"Ermmm...XXXX....sorry I have to go...my friends are waiting for me." She shook my hand and turn around almost immediately.
"Ermm, why not I give you my number, you can call me if you want to, I really would like to know you better." I scribble my number on a piece of paper.
"Ermm, ok...." She took the paper and took a look at it.
"Ermm, why your number so funny one? I never see this type of number before"
"Oh, it is my Handphone number" I am beaming, yeah I know this heavy metal case will come in useful somehow though nobody really calls me.
"You have a handphone?!?" She was surprise.
Well, she call me up after 3 days on the pretex of checking to see if I really have a handphone, but I took the chance and ask her out, She did not agree. but she call me the next day and asked me out for coffee. We met up, things went smoothly and we started to date. She is a passionate person, emotional too, but somehow I like it, and I have to say I did my fair part of the courtship, but things went into auto mode after awhile, after one movie, I just held her hand and she did not say anything and we were on our way. Things went pretty fast for the 2 of us, she is the only child, not having many ppl to talk to and is calling me all the time, she is stuck like glue to me alot, I like the feeling of being love initially. she does a lot of things for me, cares about me alot, and yes, she wants me, she is always telling me she needs me, always asking me why I dun seem to mind her talking to other guys and going out with them, wondering if I really do lover her. The fact is I do, I know just that after the previous lessons, I learn to trust, and she is already showing me so much security that to me, I will always be on her mind and I dun feel bad about her going out with other people. Yes, I trust her, but the problem here is that she is too good to me and that she dun trust me.
Let me explain, you might find it weird for me to say too good, but the fact is the expectation she has of me. She expects me to return her love in the same amount she gives me, and it is scary. Well here is an example of how much she loves me. I do have a pretty bad temper then, and there were times when I just want to be alone because I am in a bad mood, but the problem is that she dun understand this need I have. Once I was so pissed off, that I shouted at her to get out of my face because seeing her makes me feel like shit. and you know what her reaction is? She came over, hug me and put her face behind my head, and then proceed to tell me that she dun want to leave me alone, and that she wants to stay by my side, and if I dun want to see her face, I dun have to as she will put her face behind me. Instead of feeling graditude, I push her away and ask her to get lost once again. She just sit there and crying, not wanting to go despite my many shouting. To me, it is scary, I will not know how to repay such patience, and it seems like she is giving me pressure to pay attention to her. I feel enclose in my own world again not wanting to come out. It makes me want to drift away from her because I fear that I dun know how to pay her back with my love which I actually doubt if it is enough.The other problem is that she dun trust me, she is very possesive due to the fact that she has given so much and pf course her insecurities. She does not like it when I am talking to another girl, and she will quarrel with me if I am to go out with any other girl other than her. And if I spent too much time with my friends she will complain that I dun care for her anymore. It seems strange to me that this is actually happening to me as it seems that now my role has reverse from my second girlfriend. and now I truly understand the reason why she told me she needs her own space, because now I feel it too. and the more she did this to me the more I want to move away for the fear of my own space being invaded.
Thing did not go well, we carried on for awhile about 7 months, of which 4 months I was not really happy, but I did carried on and bear with it as I was also enjoying the perks of being pampered. I dun know if I should let her go because I am wondering if it is really me that is in the wrong.
Another thing I dun really like about her is the way she goes so public about our sex life. In fact most of my friends even the gals seems to know that we are doing it somehow, I did ask her why as a lady she is not actually embarass about it. And her explanation being that it helps her to stake her territory, so that other people will know that I belong to her and especailly the gals will stay away. Frankly, initiatlly I am more amused then angry, for it is not common that I find a woman like that. But then it gets to a point where she seems to enjoy telling them how often we do it and how much we enjoy it and all. Yes, she does have a high sex drive just like me, and I have to admit that the times spent under the sheets were happy. But it does not mean that you have to show it so obviously. It gets to a point where my friends will take a look at me and say, "You just did it right? How many times this time?" I makes me look pretty bad like I am some wild swinger or something and that our relationship to others is one that is based on physical desire, which of course is definitely untrue.
But frankly the way we ended was pretty dissapointing, though she says she loves me so much and that she cannot go on without me, she dumped me for another guy. We were quarrelling at that time and was not speaking much to each other. Then this guy who was liking her for awhile fell sick, got his mum to call her, requesting her to visit her son, and so she went in order to spite me. And as expected the guy ask her leave me for him while sick in bed, yah yah, the guilt trick work once again. She gave me a call after the visit and the conversation is as such.
"Callan, XXXX ask me to be his gal..."
"SO?!?"
"I want to know your opinion on it..."
"Well, if you want to go, then go! No need to ask me. If you think he can make you feel better go by all means, you dun seem to be satisfied with what I do anyway!"
"I thought you might say so...I was thinking that this might be your answer...but now that I hear it from you, I am more sure of what to do."
I was silent for awhile...
"I need to feel wanted, and you dun seem to want me, while he seems to need me so much..."
"No need to explain yor actions, if you want to go, then just go"
After that I put down the phone. I was confused, as I began to doubt if she really does love me, for it seems like if she does, why does she say such things. Again I did not dwell for too long, but it did take me awhile to put my thoughts into perspective, it is only after a month that I am able to tell myself that I should forget about this whole thing and that we were just trying to accomodate each other. It is only then, that I begin to be sensible and logical enough to really move on.
But the funny thing is that I heard the guy dump her for another girl 3 months later, but I never asked her about it as I only heard this from her friend, she did not call me for a long time. Not until recently...which I will talk about it later on.
Life went on for a while, and I went on a couple of dates but did not really managed to put my life into another relationship until I am 20 yrs old.
Lessons learn in part 3
1) Maybe I am too unpossesive this time round.
2) To be love by another might not necessary be a good thing after all
3) I am not the type that can accept someone so possesive too.
4) First impression do count in trying to chat up girls.u seems to be from the 外貌�会 de member