The Truth About Cheating
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by
In his research he discovered that a man will most likely cheat if he feels unappreciated and unloved by his wife. This is absolutely true and I have been telling clients that for years. The reason anyone has an affair is because their needs are not getting met in their primary relationship and most often, these needs are emotional rather than physical.
At the same time, why are women not appreciating the men that then end up cheating? In most cases it’s not because the wife is simply a b-itch, but it’s because the man is behaving badly, is not stepping up to the plate in the marriage, or is not being loving and appreciative of her.
So it’s a vicious cycle. The man stops being as a good a partner he once used to be, or the marriage becomes a family and the man does not step up to his share of the responsibilities and being there. The wife feels less appreciative and loving because she feels less supported, cared for and loved. The man feels less appreciated and eventually may go out and find a girlfriend to make him feel better about himself.
This also applies to long term relationships that are not marriages and also applies to women who end up cheating.
So how are you supposed to negotiate the murky waters of relationships so as to avoid the devastation of cheating in your relationship? I don’t yet know if The Truth About Cheating goes into this, but here is my 4 step plan.
1. Appreciate what you husband/partner is doing for you, your family, around you, regardless of what else he may not be doing. This may be hard, but you would want it done for you, and it will preserve the love in your marriage/relationship.
2. If there are things that bother you about what your partner is doing or not doing, how he/she is treating you or not treating you, ask for change in a loving, respectful way. Ask for change repeatedly if it is important to you.
3. If you need to, get professional help as an individual or a couple to try to help your partner make the changes necessary to help you both be happier with each other. You may also need to make changes to function better in your relationship.
4. If there are problems in your marriage or relationship, things you have repeatedly asked him (or her) to change and the change is not forthcoming, make a choice. Choose between:
(a) Make peace with your partner as he/she is because obviously there is not going to be the change you want. That means you let go of what you want completely and make peace with what is.
(b) Leave because you can not live with the marriage/relationship and your partner the way things are and obviously there is not going to be the change you want
Affairs happen when both partners can not make peace with how things are, but can not leave. The non-cheating partner can not make peace with how she is being treated and retaliates by trying to make her husband feel bad about his unwillingness to change his behavior.
And he does feel bad and can’t live with feeling bad. Instead of encouraging change in him, feeling bad drives him into the arms of another woman.
You may think it should not be this way, but it is.
That is why it is so important to pick a partner who can most naturally give you what you want in a relationship, so that you do not have to pull teeth to get your needs met. If you happen to be single and you want to make sure that your next partner is highly compatible with you, get my Who Do You Need eCourse, which will help you figure out just whom you need to be in a relationship with.
And secondarily, that is why it is so important to deal with relationship problems and issues as soon as they occur, rather than letting them fester and grow worst. I don’t yet know what tips this affair book has for improving marriage, but I am sure they are great. And if you want more good ideas that will work to improve your marriage, take a look at three ebooks I have crated for marriage improvement.
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i lub u noah
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Originally posted by laurence82:
i lub u noah
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communication is still the important key.
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marriage needs effort
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Hmm.. Somehow this article doesn't seems to cover much of the whole perspective of course... Then again, it's not surprising because it can really be quite a complex issue...?
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i agree rlsh and candiz but sometimes pple assume that he/she would know as if is common sense so never talk abt it
marriage looks tough
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Originally posted by Devil1976:
Hmm.. Somehow this article doesn't seems to cover much of the whole perspective of course... Then again, it's not surprising because it can really be quite a complex issue...?
ya lol so what abt your views why men n women cheat le
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it is tough that is why it takes two hands to clap. you dun learn how to manage a marriage until u get married.
because when you get married, you will see the other half's weakness you cannot see when you guys are dating. that is why it is advisable to go for marriage classes if the couple decides to get married to learn abt each other's expectations abt marriage.
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but whether the person cheat a not, it's up to the person's personal choice. yes the choice could be influenced by many factors but the factors cannot force the person to make the choice.
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Originally posted by rlsh07:
it is tough that is why it takes two hands to clap. you dun learn how to manage a marriage until u get married.
because when you get married, you will see the other half's weakness you cannot see when you guys are dating. that is why it is advisable to go for marriage classes if the couple decides to get married to learn abt each other's expectations abt marriage.
well-said... it's a choice definitely but most people don't see it as one so they always claim circumstances force them...
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Originally posted by Noahtay:
ya lol so what abt your views why men n women cheat le
Various reasons... It could be external forces, it could be within themselves.... It could be purely who they are, it could be what they're made to become.... -
A point to add. Despite all said and the 'loop holes'. Love Coach Rinatta might not be so wrong with his approach.
5 cents' worth.
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Originally posted by tinuviel07:
well-said... it's a choice definitely but most people don't see it as one so they always claim circumstances force them...
Experts
rlsh n tinyguess i need more dating
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Another article.. *yawn*
maybe i should write own article. lol
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Originally posted by Devil1976:
Various reasons... It could be external forces, it could be within themselves.... It could be purely who they are, it could be what they're made to become....icic guess i am too pure
to think if u treat your other half nice n meet his/her needs u r good gf/bf but in the end he/she still leave 
... that make so much sense haizzz human r so hard to understand ...... -
Originally posted by BadzMaro:
Another article.. *yawn*
maybe i should write own article. lol
cheer badzmaro come come write an article i love to read it
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Originally posted by Noahtay:
Experts
rlsh n tinyguess i need more dating
u dun need more dating to know ba. actually communication is important in every relationship not only just in relationship and marriages and the choices part applies to all situations as well.
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Originally posted by Noahtay:
icic guess i am too pure
to think if u treat your other half nice n
meet his/her needs u r good gf/bf but in the end he/she still leave
... that make so much sense haizzz human r so
hard to understand ...... it's not wrong to want to meet your other half's needs. it's just that there are many factors to consider. maybe the person you met are not meant for you. humans are complex in their thinking as their age matures. it's a blessing to be simple.
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By putting the blame on their partners and external forces, cheaters hinder themselves from looking deeper into the problem. If monogamy is not for you, don't choose to be faithful and set yourself up for failure.
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Originally posted by soleachip:
By putting the blame on their partners and external forces, cheaters hinder themselves from looking deeper into the problem. If monogamy is not for you, don't choose to be faithful and set yourself up for failure.
that somethings to think about
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Originally posted by Noahtay:
icic guess i am too pure
to think if u treat your other half nice n meet his/her needs u r good gf/bf but in the end he/she still leave ... that make so much sense haizzz human r so hard to understand ...... Hard to understand and at times pointless to understand.... Understand already also can't do anything about it...
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Originally posted by candiz:
marriage needs effort
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Originally posted by Devil1976:
Hard to understand and at times pointless to understand.... Understand already also can't do anything about it...
ok ok how about trust each other then
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Just wondering...is the ability to mask / hide your infidelity the reason to keep consuming the forbidden fruit?