ADAPTED FROM 8 MILE SCREENPLAY
First Battle: Arsenic Wenger v Jose M, season 2004 - 2005
Arsenic:
This guy is a smoke artist, coming here to the Prem huh?
You better off shooting yourself off with Roman AÂ’s hand gun
Playing this league will leave you lost without a paddle floating like a geek.
You aren't in Porto, this the Major League.
You the new kid on the block, IÂ’ll smack you back to the boondocks
Jose Mourinho, you look like a hoe hoe.
You and your arty-farty. Go manage in a league with Mick McCarthy.
And what I tell you, you better use it. This league is for rock stars, not lovers of Willie Nelson music.
Silly man, youÂ’re a hack. You just follow Roman so you can just get your 2 cents back.
And when this season wraps up, youÂ’re going to look as stupid as Alex F when I got him smashed up.
IÂ’m going to master this season, like I did when I went unbeaten.
I donÂ’t know why they let you in on the EPL, you need to take your ass across to Portugal to rot back in Hell.
Jose M:
This guys thinks his teamsÂ’ very nice, but heÂ’s a nothing if he canÂ’t take the championship twice
His whole team looks suspicious – only Paddy V and 10 bitches.
I look like a hoe, right? ThatÂ’s ok. My team is as right as yours is gay.
A collection of whinnies. So funny. You throw away a 10-point lead like I can throw away money.
And you compare me to Mick McCarthy? When you canÂ’t even beat big Sam and his geriatric army?
Talk about the Roman A, you just look on in envy, got nothing to say.
And talk about smashed up, like you did to Alex F huh?
Tell you what A. Talk to us one day, when you and your team walk away with the European Cup.
You are a disgrace. I can take this league like a rabbit in a turtle race.
Come seasonÂ’s end youÂ’ll see me with a great smile. You listen to your rock music when I pull away from you by 8 mile.
ADAPTED FROM 8 MILE SCREENPLAY...PART 2
Second Battle: Alex F v Jose M, season 2005 - 2006
Alex F: [AF boots off Keano and shows everybody how tough he is]
I spit on you and your money! Sue me!
This League may be a horror flick but the Scotsman doesnÂ’t die in this movie!
Battle with me? You got to be kidding! That really makes me believe you have no interest in living!
You think anybody will listen to the shit you say? My spats with Arsene are more interesting any day!
We get involved with pizza and spaghetti, you just sound like dribble from a baby!
Ever since Porto I wanted a piece of you, so I can make you eat me and commit suicide to.
Even without Keano as my leader, I'll still have enough to murder your side and eat your liver!
I used to like your silly show, but when you gotta go, you gotta go!
I Hate to do this and I'll like our little shit to last, so I'll take pictures of my rear-end so you won't forget my ass!
Sure, you had one season - that's ok. But now I'll end your ass with fuck you but have a nice day!
Jose M:
Boy, I think you were a little hard on Keano your leader.
So nice to see you fucked by Villarreal, Lille and Benfica.
This guy keeps screamin'! He's paranoid.
Quick! Someone get his ass another steroid!
He and Wenger sayin' BLAH-BA-DE-BLOOM-BLAH-BLOOM-BLAH-BA-DE-BLOOM-BLAH!
I ain't hear a word you said.
BLAH-BA-DE-BLOOM-BLAH - you sound like you and the misers missing it in bed!
Didn't you listen to Arsene the last time, Meat-head?
You're sayin' the same shit that he said!
Matter of fact, look at your fixture.
So many losses and draws - thatÂ’s gotta to kill ya!
Common man! Make your team suspenceful!
Get some meat in your midfield instead of fielding 5 pencils!
And donÂ’t come to me unless you a get a better replacement for Keano than Alan Smith and his washed-up utensil.
And eat my liver?
I got 'nuff cash to make Wayne, Rio and Ruud shit you and say "see ya!"
And I'll even throw in a tip for you to go get Alan Shearer!
You can't hack it. And season's end, Glazer is going to put you in a sack-it.
Want pasta? Go siesta. I'll get your ass and Wenger's done well before Easter.
ADAPTED FROM 8 MILE SCREENPLAY...PART 3
Third Battle: Rafee B v Jose M
Look Look
While Jose just likes to talk tough
This psycho is nothing but all gassed up.
His ego inflated by a Russian Czar
But who's afraid of the Red Mafia?
1 billion, 2 billion, 3 billion 4
Howzbout that, Jose, want some more?
"I want 10 titles, 10 cups!" your master said.
DonÂ’t deliver and I'll have your head, cut you, bleed you before you're dead.
Hey Jose? Got something to say? Against me?
I am a Spanish bum. I did struggle at LFC.
I did sign Crouch. He did shoot blanks. My Harman did get fucked by your Essien tank.
I did get jumped 4-1 by all of your mother-fuckers.
But I did beat you when it really matters.
And you can whine all you want about THAT goal being dubious.
But my team did win the Champions League, all the way screamin' "FUCK THEM CHELSEA BITCHES!"
This is the Kop. Home of heart and soul. Surprised?
You should be. In this place passion means more than wallet size.
DonÂ’t understand me? Ask Steven G.
Don't you ever try to judge me.
You don't know what the fuck I have to carry.
Shankly, Fagan and Bob Paisley
Who have you got? Gullit and Vialli?
You're at Chelsea only for the money!
For a buck and a half you'll be out, next training Roman A's lesbian army!
You're so fucked up full of Roman's shit, if that lemon came in a cup you'd probably drink it.