[Jokes] Relax & Laugh
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If u guys got any , pls contribute here .
Thanks .
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When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in
his son's medicine cabinet, he asked
about using one of the pills.
The son said, "I don't think you should
take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive."
"How much?" asked Grandpa.
"$10.00 a pill," Answered the son.
"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to
try one , and before we leave in the
morning, I'll put the money
under the pillow."
Later the next morning, the son found
$110 under the pillow. He called
Grandpa and said, "I told
you each pill was
$10, not $110.
"I know," said Grandpa. "The
hundred is from
Grandma!" -
一ä½�女å�，开出å¾�å©šæ�¡ä»¶æœ‰ä¸¤ç‚¹
1.�帅
2.�有车电脑去帮她�寻 结果:象棋
è¿™ä½�女å�，ä¸�æœ�æ�œå‡ºçš„结果å�ˆè¾“å…¥
1.è¦�有漂亮的房å�
2.�有很多钱电脑去帮她�次�寻的结果:银行
æ¤å¥³å�ä»�然ä¸�失望，继ç»è¾“å…¥æ�¡ä»¶
1.�长得酷
2.��有安全感结果�出的结果是:奥特曼
æ¤å¥³å�ä»�然ä¸�失望，还继ç»è¾“å…¥æ�¡ä»¶
1.�帅
2.�有车
3.è¦�有漂亮的房å�
4.�有很多钱
5.�长得酷
6.��有安全感电脑去帮她�次�寻的结果:奥特曼在银行里下象棋。
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Story 1
Ah Lian ask shopkeeper: Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee, boh?
Ah Chek : Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up to the 'nee'(breast) one.Story 2
Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it to her. So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his girlfriend. 'This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!'
'Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!' said Ah Lian.
'Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!'
So Ah Lian said, 'Let me try! I wan, I wan!'
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the & accelerator.
The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post.
'Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see lah!
Wah Piang eh!' screamed Ah Beng.
'Solee, solee, pai sei lah! No lah, I tot hor, 'R' for racing mah!'*
Story 3
The Titanic was sinking, and there weren't enough lifeboats.
So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy waters to make room for women and children.
To the British he said. 'You must act like gentlemen.' They jumped.
To the Americans he said, 'You can be heroes.' They complied.
To the Germans he said, 'It's the rule.' They obeyed.
To the Japanese he said,' It's the consensus.' They obliged.
Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came up with the appeal: 'Free life jackets for those who jumped.'
Story 4
3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian are at the army supply base to collect underwear. The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
Ah Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah! Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?
Tambi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?
Tambi: January, February, March.....One month one.
Story 5
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the DJ to play the song 'Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti' (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys bread). The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to re-select another song. The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a bigfuss, claiming the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down. Finally, after long talk with Ah Bengs, the manager found out that Ah Bengs actually asking for the song 'Unchained Melody' by the Righteous Brothers.
Story 6
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and want to get down to the ground floor. As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to number 2. It was then followed by a G. As they not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea what does the letter G mean. Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G. When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so impressed and asked the first Ah Lian, 'Wah low!!!, how you know one?' The first Ah Lian reply smugly, 'Easy lah.. G for Gero mah...'
Story 7
Santa Singh (remember him?) just graduated from Law school and decided to apply for a job in the most prestigious 'Lee & Lee Law Firm'
During the interview, Mr. Lee KY looked at Santa Singh's resume, thinks for a while and said, 'Well, I would need to discuss your application with my wife.'
And went off to discuss Santa's application with his wife. Lee KY's wife said, 'C'mon, don't you know that we only hire lawyers with surnames beginning with 'Lee' only? Of course, we can't hire Santa Singh!'
So Lee KY told the bad news to Santa Singh about his rejection.
Few days later, Santa Singh came back to the same company and request for another interview and Lee KY said, 'Look Santa, I have already told you that we only hire.......'
when Santa Singh interrupted him and said, 'I know, I know. I have just changed my name.
Lee K Y looked at Santa Singh in surprise and asked, 'What is your new name then?'
On this, Santa Singh replied, 'Surname Lee, Last name, Manga!' (Manga-Lee) -
haha... knn FT uses his jokes in library...
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haha dunno con opps i mean xian how
many gers with these jokes liao......
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(1) To make it straight, she pulls it..
To make it stand, she rubs it.
To make it stiff, she licks it.
To put it in, she pushes it.
It's hell of a job threading a needle!!!
(2) A guy donated blood to his girlfriend.
When they broke up, he wanted his blood back.
The girl threw a bloody kotex at him and said,
'I'll pay you in monthly installment.'
(3) Girl in cinema turns sideways and whispers to
her boyfriend.
'The man next to me is masturbating!'
Bf: 'Ignore him.'
Gf: 'I can't.'
Bf: 'Why not?'
Gf: 'He is using my hand!'
(4) The Bio teacher draws a huge PENIS on the board
and asks 'Does anybody know what this is?
Dirty Harry says 'Oh, it's a penis and you
know dad's got 2 of them?'
The teacher says '2 of them?'
Harry says 'ya! The little one he uses
to pee and the big one to brush mum's teeth.'(5) 4 miracles of a woman:
Getting wet without taking a shower
Bleeding without getting hurt
Giving milk without eating grass
Making boneless meat hard. -
(6) What is the smallest hotel in the world?
The answer is 'Vagina Inn'
It accomodates only 1 standing occupant with his 2
baggages left outside.(7) Unborn twins saw a penis approaching.
1st: Papa coming, papa coming.
2nd: U fool, it's uncle lah. Papa never comes
with raincoat!(8) A hubby said to his wife, 'I will take a
photo of your breast and frame it..'
The wife said to husband, 'I will take a photo of
your penis and enlarge it.'(9) A girl at 15 is a SURPRISE.
At 25, she is the RIGHT PRICE.
At 35, a GRAND PRIZE.
At 45, a CONSOLATION PRIZE..
At 55, she is a DOOR PRIZE, and
at 65, a GIVAWAY PRIZE.(10) What did Snow White complain about after having
sex with the 7 dwarfs?
Snow White said, 'I would rather have 7 inches at
1 time. Not 1 inch 7 times.' -
(11) The vagina is the world's best
rehabilatation center.
Even the most violent and aggresive penis comes out
humbled, head bowed and reduced in size.
(12) A loving husband had 'I Love You'
tattoed on his dick.
When he got home, he showed it to his wife.
She said, 'There u go again, trying to put words
in my mouth.'(13) Lady was trying on dress.
Husband: 'Your bum is as big as a BBQ pit!'
Later in bed, husband said, 'Want to do it?'
Wife: 'It's a waste lighting up a BBQ pit for
a small sausage.' -
Subject: Business Lesson
Kevin wanted to have sex with a girl in his office,
but she belonged to someone else...One day, Kevin got so frustrated that he went up to
her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me
have sex with you. But the girl said NO.Kevin said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on
the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the
time you pick it up. "She thought for a moment and said that she would have
to consult her boyfriend... So she called her
boyfriend and told him the story.Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the
money very fast, he won't even be able to get his
pants down."So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour
goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his
girlfriend to call.Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and
asks what happened.She responded, "The bastard used coins!"
Management lesson:
Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!
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> > First time sex
> >
> > A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to
> > meet, and have dinner
> > with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl
> > announces to her
> > boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and
> > make love for the
> > first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex
> > before, so he
> > takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He
> > tells the pharmacist
> > it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy
> > for about an hour. He
> > tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and
> > sex. At the
> > register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
> > he'd like to buy, a
> > 3-pack, 10 -pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the
> > family pack because
> > he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time
> > and all.
> > That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents
> > house and meets his
> > girlfriend at the door. 'Oh, I'm so excited for you
> > to meet my parents,
> > come
> > on in!' The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner
> > table where the
> > girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to
> > say grace and bows his
> > head.
> > A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with
> > his head down.
> > 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
> > Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the
> > girlfriend leans over and
> > whispers to the boyfriend,
> > 'I had no idea you were this religious.'
> > The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea your
> > father was a
> > pharmacist.' -
One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary!!!
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
lILY $hihThe next day, the employee recieved this letter of reply:
Dear llLY
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
Yours truly,
Manager -
> haa.. this is beng smart...
>
>
> Ah beng was walking along his work area one day and saw his fren Ah mute,
> Ah mute can't speak so he needs to use sign language to communicate.
> Ah mute signal why Ah Beng isn't at work.
>
> Ah beng than look around and gathered some leaves under the tree and stand
> on them.
> He look at Ah Mute and pointed down at the leaves.
> Ah Mute is now confused..
>
> Later Ah Sian pass by and saw Ah Beng standing on the leaves.
> Ah mute than signal Ah Sian on what is Ah Beng trying to say..
>
> Ah sian than type down in his handphone and show it to Ah Mute.
> "Aiyo so simple, Ah Beng Is On Leave!"
> -
Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar: India ..
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb
explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order sir, so I made it sequencely..
Museum Administrator: U stupid..That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken!!
Sardar: Thanks God!!! I thought it was a new one..
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God!! I have lost my hand, oh!!
Sardar: Control yourself sir.. Don't cry.. See that man. he has lost his head. Is he crying?Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is ""All India Radio! """NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE:
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr.....Dhhuuuurrrrrrrr......
Inteviewer Shouts: Stop it !!!!!
Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrr.. dhup dhup dhup dhup...... Stop ready sir..Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.
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Well done Bros.........Gd Jokes.
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ah beng and his friend went to a karaoke lounge. so ah beng requested the DJ to play a song call "ah cheng buay lo ti" ( ah cheng buy bread ).
the DJ told ah beng dont have this song and ask him to re-select another one. ah beng got angry and claim the DJ insulted him.
The manger intervene. finally after some talking, the manager solve the problem when he told the DJ that the song ah beng requested was actually " unchained melody".
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Some tears as well........
57 CENT CHURCH
>
> >
> >
> > A little girl stood near a small church from which she had been turned
> > away because it was 'too crowded.'
> >
> > 'I can't go to Sunday School,' she sobbed to the pastor as he walked by.
> >
> > Seeing her shabby, unkempt appearance, the pastor guessed the reason
> > and, taking her by the hand, took her inside and found a place for her
> > in the Sunday school class. The child was so happy that they found
> > room for her, and she went to bed that night thinking of the children
> > who have no place to worship Jesus.
> >
> > Some two years later, this child lay dead in one of the poor
> > tenement buildings. Her parents called for the kindhearted pastor who
> > had befriended their daughter to handle the final arrangements.
> >
> > As her poor little body was being moved, a worn and crumpled red purse
> > was found which seemed to have been rummaged from some trash dump.
> >
> > Inside was found 57 cents and a note, scribbled in childish
> > handwriting, which read: 'This is to help build the little church
> > bigger so more children can go to Sunday School.'
> >
> > For two years she had saved for this offering of love.
> >
> > When the pastor tearfully read that note, he knew instantly what he
> > would do. Carrying this note and the cracked, red pocketbook to the
> > pulpit, he told the story of her unselfish love and devotion.
> >
> > He challenged his deacons to get busy and raise enough money for the
> > larger building.
> >
> > But the story does not end there...
> >
> > A newspaper learned of the story and published It. It was read by a
> > wealthy realtor who offered them a parcel of land worth many
> > thousands.
> >
> > When told that the church could not pay so much, he offered to sell it
> > to the little church for 57 cents.
> >
> > Church members made large donations. Checks came from far and wide.
> > Within five years the little girl's gift had increased to $250,
> > 000.00--a huge sum for that time (near the turn of the century). Her
> > unselfish love had paid large dividends.
> >
> > When you are in the city of Philadelphia , look up Temple Baptist
> > Church , with a seating capacity of 3,300. And be sure to visit Temple
> > University , where thousands of students are educated.
> >
> > Have a look, too, at the Good Samaritan Hospital and at a Sunday
> > School building which houses hundreds of beautiful children, built so
> > that no child in the area will ever need to be left outside during
> > Sunday school time.
> >
> > In one of the rooms of this building may be seen the picture of the
> > sweet face of the little girl whose 57 cents, so sacrificially saved,
> > made such remarkable history. Alongside of it is a portrait of her
> > kind pastor, Dr. Russell H. Conwell, author of the book, 'Acres of
> > Diamonds'.
> >
> > This is a true story, which goes to show WHAT GOD CAN DO WITH 57 CENTS.
> >
> > Please send this back. (You'll see why.)
> >
> > St. Theresa Prayer (cannot be deleted)
> >
> > REMEMBER to make a wish before you read the prayer. That's all you
> > have to do. There is nothing attached. This is a powerful novena.
> >
> > Just send this to four people and let me know what happens on the fourth day....
> >
> > Do not break this, please. Prayer is one of the best free gifts we
> > receive. There is no cost but a lot of reward.
> >
> > (This is true)
> >
> > (Did you make a wish?)
> >
> > If you don't make a wish, it won't come true. Last Chance to Make a Wish.
> >
> > May today there be peace within.
> > May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
> > May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
> >
> > May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love
> > that has been given to you.
> > May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
> > Let this presence settle into our bones, and allow your soul the
> > freedom to sing and dance. It is there for each and every one of you. -
A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting
for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates.She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her "Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her."Which word?" the woman asked.
"Love."The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.
About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.
While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"
"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I travelled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancunand I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.
"Which word?" her husband asked."Czechoslovakia."
Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry... There will be Hell to pay later!
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Pls give yourself few min to read this...
和�一女人約會？
�婚了廿一年後，我發�了一種別出心�的方法,�以讓愛的�花永�新鮮。After being married for twenty-one years, I found a unique way to refresh my love life.
ä¸�久以å‰� ，我和å�¦ä¸€ä½�女士約會，其實那還是我妻å�的主æ„�，Not long ago, I was going to have a date with a lady, and the idea came from my wife.
有一天她說：「我知é�“妳很愛她。ã€�我很驚è¨�，立刻çˆè¾¯èªªï¼š
「但我愛的是妳呀ï¼�ã€�「我知é�“ï¼Œä½†ä½ ä¹Ÿæ„›å¥¹å‘€ï¼�ã€�One day my wife said: I know you love her. I was shocked: The one I love is you! She said: I know, but you love her too.
我妻å�è¦�我去看的女士是我的æ¯�親。The lady that my wife asked me to visit was my mother.
她已經寡居了å��ä¹�年，然而我忙碌的工作和身為二個å©å�父親的責任，令我分身ä¹�術，以致很少有時間和她相è�šã€‚She has been alone for nineteen years. I was busy with my job and my children, so I had no time to visit her.
那晚，我打電話給她，邀約她第二天和我一起�晚�和看電影。That night, I called her and invited her to have dinner with me and to watch a movie after that.
ã€Œæ€Žéº¼äº†ï¼Œä½ é‚„å¥½å—Žï¼Ÿã€�她å•�é�“。' What happened? Are you alright?', she asked.
�親是那種會�為晚上那麼晚打電話，��然邀約她，一定�會有什麼好事的人。
「我想如果有機會和妳單ç�¨ç´„會，一定很有æ„�æ€�。ã€�我回ç”。I answered: I was just thinking that if I have the chance to date with you alone, I am sure it will be very interesting.
她想了一會兒，然後說：「我�常樂�。�
After a while, she said: ok.
那個星期五下ç�以後，我開車去接她時，心裡有一點緊張,The Friday came. After I knocked off from work, I fetched her at her home. I felt a little bit nervous.
å› ç‚ºå¾žæœªåš�試é�Žé€™æ¨£çš„約會。because I had never been on a date with my mom before.
當我到�她家時，我看她�這樣的約會，似乎也有一點緊張。When I reached her house, I found that she seemed a little nervous too..
她在門內ç‰è‘—，身上穿著大衣，裡é�¢é‚£ä»¶ç¦®æœ�
還是最後一次慶��婚紀念日所穿的呢�She was in the suit which she wore during her last wedding anniversary with my dad and was waiting for me in her house.
她的é 髮還特æ„�æ�²äº†ä¸€ä¸‹ï¼Œè‡‰ä¸Šçš„微笑åƒ�天使一般。She had done her hair specially and was smiling like an angel.
上了車後，她得æ„�洋洋地說：「我告訴我的朋å�‹ï¼Œæˆ‘è¦�和我的兒å�外出約會，他們都好羨慕，迫ä¸�å�Šå¾…è¦�è�½è�½æˆ‘們約會的情形。ã€�When she got into my car, she proudly said: all my friends were jealous of me when they knew that I'm going on a date with my son.
我們去一家雖�豪�，但�分雅致，溫暖舒�的�廳。We went to a restaurant which was not expensive but was warm and cosy.
我�親挽�我的臂彎，好�第一夫人一般。
My mom held my hand as if she was the wife of the president.
å…¥åº§ä»¥å¾Œï¼Œæˆ‘å¿…é ˆå¹«å¥¹çœ‹è�œå–®é»žè�œï¼ŒAfter getting her seated, I helped her to order her food,
å› ç‚ºå¥¹çš„çœ¼ç�›ç�¾åœ¨å�ªæœ‰å¤§çš„å—æ‰�看得見。because she could only read the big capital letters.
用é¤�一å�Šæ™‚，我抬起é 來，看到æ¯�親æ£åœ¨å‡�視我，When we were eating, I found she was staring at me,
å˜´è§’å¸¶è‘—æ‡·èˆŠçš„ç¬‘å®¹èªªï¼šã€Œè¨˜å¾—ç•¶ä½ å°�æ™‚å€™ï¼Œç¸½æ˜¯æˆ‘ç‚ºä½ çœ‹è�œå–®çš„。ã€�「那ç�¾åœ¨å¦³æ£å¥½å�¯ä»¥ä¼‘æ�¯ï¼Œè¼ªåˆ°æˆ‘來為妳æœ�務了。ã€�我回ç”。She smiled and said: I remembered that during your childhood, I always ordered the food for you.
I answered: Then now is your chance to take a rest and let me serve you.
一�享用晚�，我們一��天，�得很愉快，
We kept talking during our dinner,
談了許多最近幾年來，å�„自生命ä¸çš„一些事。
Sharing about our life and some special events happening these few years.
我們�得太久了，所以趕�上電影。當我�她回到家門�，We talked for a very long time until we missed the movie.
When I fetched her back to her house,
她說「我è¦�å†�å’Œä½ ä¸€èµ·å¤–å‡ºï¼Œä½†ä¸‹æ¬¡è®“æˆ‘ä½œæ�±å¥½å—Žï¼Ÿã€�我ç”應了。She said: I'd like to date with you again, but please let me pay the bill the next time. I agreed.
回家後，妻å�å•�æˆ‘ï¼šã€Œä½ çš„æ™šé¤�約會如何？ã€�
When I got back to my home, my wife asked: how's your date with your mom?
「é�žå¸¸æœ‰æ„�æ€�，比我想åƒ�的好多了ï¼�ã€� ~我回ç”。
' It was interesting and fun, beyond my expectations', I answered.
幾天以後，æ¯�è¦ªå› å¿ƒè‡Ÿç—…çŒ�發而去世。這事發生得太çª�然了，A few days later, my mom passed away due to heart failure. It happened unexpectedly
讓我完全措手��。I wasn't prepared for it at all..
ä¸�久以後，我收到一å°�信，裡é�¢æ˜¯ä¸Šæ¬¡æˆ‘å’Œæ¯�親約會的那家é¤�館的一張收據，上é�¢æœ‰ä¸€å¼µå—æ¢�å¯«è‘—ï¼šã€Œæˆ‘å·²å…ˆä»˜äº†è³¬ï¼Œå› ç‚ºæˆ‘ç¢ºå®šè‡ªå·±ä¸�å�¯èƒ½å†�æœ‰æ©ŸæœƒåŽ»äº†ï¼Œä½†æˆ‘é‚„æ˜¯ä»˜äº†å…©äººä»½çš„è³¬â”€â”€ä½ å’Œä½ çš„å¦»å�。
ä½ çµ•å°�想ä¸�到那一晚的約會å°�我有多大的æ„�ç¾©ï¼Œæˆ‘æ„›ä½ ã€‚ã€�Soon after this, I received a letter with a receipt of the restaurant where I had dinner with my mom, and a message: I have already paid the bill for our next date. Even though I know I probably won't have the chance to date with you anymore, I still pay the bill for two persons: you and your wife. You will never know how much the date meant to me, I love YOU.
從那一刻起，我深深體會，一定��時說：
ã€Œæˆ‘æ„›ä½ ã€�，並且è¦�常常撥出時間給我們所愛的人。At that moment, I realize: We must always spare our precious time for our loved ones and tell them that we love them before it is too late.
ä¸–ä¸Šæ²’æœ‰ä»»ä½•äº‹æ¯”è‡ªç„¶å¦‚ä¾†å› ç·£å’Œä½ çš„å®¶åºæ›´é‡�è¦�，
å¤šèŠ±æ™‚é–“å’Œä»–å€‘åœ¨ä¸€èµ·ï¼Œå› ç‚ºé€™äº‹çµ•ä¸�能拖延到「以後有時間å†�說 ...ã€�。There is nothing more important than your family; spend more time with them before it is too late.
「樹欲é�œè€Œé¢¨ä¸�æ¢ï¼Œå�欲養而親ä¸�å¾…ã€� 是人生一大憾事。
Don't have any regrets in our life.
~{ 愛無分 ,愛有份}~
ä¸�è¦�ç‰åˆ°çˆ±å¾—太迟，ç��惜现在。ç¥�您辛ç¦�ï¼�
轉寄 �為好�西�和好朋�分享
Forward this, share it with all your friends and family members, because we should share good things with them.
æ¯�一å°�信，都帶著我å°�ä½ çš„ç¥�ç¦� ^_^
Regards from me to you in this letter ^_^ -
A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.
Teacher: What is your problem?
Boy: I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and
I'm smarter than she is. I think I should be in the third-grade too.The teacher took the boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in
the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation
was.The principal told her that he would give the boy a test and if he failed
to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and
behave. She agreed.The boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agreed to take the test.Principal: What is 3 x 3?
Boy: 9Principal: What is 6 x 6?
Boy: 36And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade
should know. "I think the boy can go to the third-grade", said the
principal. The teacher said she had some of her own questions to ask. The
principal and the boy agreed.Teacher: What is it that a cow has four and I have only two?
Boy: (after a moment) Legs.Teacher: What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?
Boy: Pockets.Teacher: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious
and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy: Coconut.Teacher : What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the
answer, the boy was already answering.
Boy: BubblegumTeacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a
dog does on three legs?
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the
answer...Boy: Shake hands.Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy: Yep.Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I
get wet before you do.
Boy: TentTeacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The
best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large vodka
peg.....
Boy: Wedding Ring.Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me,
you feel good.
Boy: NoseTeacher: I am a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy: ArrowTeacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat
and excitement?
Boy: Firetruck.Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' and if u dont get it u
have to use your hand?
Boy: Fork.Teacher : What is it that all men have one. It is longer for some men than
for others. The pope doesn't use his. Normally a man gives it to his wife
after they're married?
Boy: SURNAME.The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send this
Boy to the University. I got the last ten questions wrong myself! -
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough str ength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
And send this to five bright people who have enough sense of humor to take it! -
4 PROFOUND THOUGHTS BY MEN
Thought 1
When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
Thought 2
The average man's life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going, Forty years
of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners
wondering too.Thought 3
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you
take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The
man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.. The man was
astonished.He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again
the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car
will run over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed,
just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.The man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice
answered. "Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I
got married?"This is the Best !!!
Thought 4
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her
father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached
the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed
some thing in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given
to the father by the bride.The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to
divulge the secret and say something. So he announced "Ladies and
Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raised his hands
with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally,
finally returned my credit card to me."The whole audience including the priest erupted in laughter .......... all
except the poor Groom ! -
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, 'How about that?
I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence' the farmer says.
'This is a special day for me, so I'm celebrating.'
'This is a special day for me too, so I'm also celebrating!' says the woman.
'What a coincidence!' says the farmer!
As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'
'My husband and I have been trying for years to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!'
'What a coincidence,' says the man.
'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'
'That's great!' says the woman.
'How did your chickens become fertile?'
'I used a different cock,' he replied.
The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.' -
Pain of a married man!!!!!
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly. "Yes I do" she replies.
The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?"
"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued.. "Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"
"I remember that too" she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have been released today!"