Relationship Qn...
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How do you enter a relationship, when you have the mindset that, "nothing is forever"? Like...you really really like this lady, and she likes you too, but you hold back from getting into a relationship with her, cause you have this great fear that you might hurt her in the future, and you KNOW that you guys won't be together forever, cos face it, marriages also can be broken up...kinda disillusioned lah crap. I guess maybe some can call it commitment phobia, but its deeper than that...
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Whether you are commited to the relationship or happy go lucky. make sure that you are in-sync with your partner.
If one party of much more committed then the other it will be very unfair to him or her. -
the same way you climb a mountain without a summit
one step at a time
it is very eay to be discouraged when they try to look at the entire EXPANSE of any relationship
the conflicts that are bound to occur, the arguments that would take place simply because of any adults different perspective, background and life experiences.
the ENTIRE possible length of the journey sounds intimidating. How the HELL am I going to be with this same person for... 30/40/50 years!!!!!
As such, why bother?
If the person is using commitment phobia as an excuse to you, then sorry, don't suppose you'd get far. But if the person genuinely is afraid, well just put in your real efforts day by day, week by week, month by month. and focus on the view you get, the higher up you go. It isn't about conquering the person for life... it's about the quality of your journey as you move along, for yourself and for someone else ba. -
One simple thing : Just go for it if its right!
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just enjoy the moment you have lah.....
dun keep thinking about forever love.. you do not understand the world man.. -
if u never try, u never know
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love each other as if each day was the last.
no point wondering about the future since u cant predict the future anw, so why give yourself (and your partner) extra worries? -
The First Secret - The Power Of Thought
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Love begins with our thoughts. We become what we think about. Loving thoughts create loving experiences and loving relationships. Affirmations can change our beliefs and thoughts about others and ourselves. If we want to love someone, we need to consider their needs and desires. Thinking about your ideal partner will help you recognize her when you meet her.
The Second Secret - The Power Of Respect
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You cannot love anyone or anything unless you first respect them. The first person you need to respect is yourself. To begin to gain self-respect asks yourself, "What do I respect about myself?" To gain respect for others, even those you may dislike, ask yourself "What do I respect about them?"
The Third Secret - The Power Of Giving
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If you want to receive love, all you have to do is give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive. To love is to give of yourself freely and unconditionally. Practice random acts of kindness. Before committing to a relationship ask not what the other person will be able to give to you, but rather what will you be able to give them. The secret formula of a happy, lifelong, loving relationship is to always focus on what you can give instead of what you can take.
The Fourth Secret - The Power Of Friendship
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To find a true love, you must first find a true friend. Love does not consist of gazing into each other's eyes, but rather looking outward together in the same direction. To love someone completely you must love them for who they are, not what they look like. Friendship is the soil through which love's seeds grow. If you want to bring love into a relationship, you must first bring friendship.
The Fifth Secret - The Power Of Touch
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Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and bonding relationships. Touch changes our physical and emotional states and makes us more receptive to love.
The Sixth Secret - The Power Of Letting Go
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If you love something, let it free. If it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was. Even in a loving relationship, people need their own space. If we want to learn to love, we must first learn to forgive and let go of past hurts and grievances. Love means letting go of our fears, prejudices, egos and conditions. "Today I let go of all my fears, the past has no power over me - today is the beginning of a new life."
The Seventh Secret - The Power Of Communication
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When we learn to communicate openly and honestly, life changes. To love someone is to communicate with them. Let the people you love know that you love them and appreciate them. Never be afraid to say those three magic words: "I Love you." Never let an opportunity pass to praise someone. Always leave someone you love with a loving word - it could be the last time you see them. If you were about to die but could make telephone calls to the people you loved, who would you call, what would you say and..why are you waiting?
The Eighth Secret - The Power Of Commitment
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If you want to have love in abundance, you must be committed to it, and that commitment will be reflected in your thoughts and actions. Commitment is the true test of love. If you want to have loving relationships, you must be committed to loving relationships. When you are committed to someone or something, quitting is never an option. Commitment distinguishes a fragile relationship from a strong one.
The Ninth Secret - The Power Of Passion
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Passion ignites love and keeps it alive. Lasting passion does not come through physical attraction alone; it comes from deep commitment, enthusiasm, interest and excitement. Passion can be recreated by recreating past experiences when you felt passionate. Spontaneity and surprises produce passion. The essence of love and happiness are the same; all we need to do is to live each day with passion.
The Tenth Secret - The Power Of Trust
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Trust is essential in all loving relationships. Without it one person becomes suspicious, anxious and fearful and the other person feels wrapped and emotionally suffocated. You cannot love someone completely unless you trust them completely. Act as if your relationship with the person you love will never end. One of the ways you can tell whether a person is right for you is to ask yourself, "Do I trust them completely and unreservedly?" If the answer is "no", think carefully before making a commitment.
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actually, i'm thinking about that BIG question also.. i mean even the mountains will erode to flat lands eventually, much less human beings will change... i guess it's always a gamble, since no one can ever see the outcome before the dice is rolled.
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totally agree. Some people live for the moment and i guess im one of them but when it comes to relationships that is impossible right... january i know theres no such thing as forever love thats why im asking this qn, man.Originally posted by starblue:actually, i'm thinking about that BIG question also.. i mean even the mountains will erode to flat lands eventually, much less human beings will change... i guess it's always a gamble, since no one can ever see the outcome before the dice is rolled.
And yah i tend to look at things on the whole...lol.
doomed to singlehood i guess.
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Don't waste your life seeking for something that's never as constant as gravity.Originally posted by Hellraiza:How do you enter a relationship, when you have the mindset that, "nothing is forever"? Like...you really really like this lady, and she likes you too, but you hold back from getting into a relationship with her, cause you have this great fear that you might hurt her in the future, and you KNOW that you guys won't be together forever, cos face it, marriages also can be broken up...kinda disillusioned lah crap. I guess maybe some can call it commitment phobia, but its deeper than that...
Love someone and enter a relationship with that someone when you are in love. Move on and leave the relationship when you're not in love with that someone anymore.
You can spend all your time coming out with answers and solutions to maintain a healthy and loving relationship. But if the other party doesn't want to keep the relationship anymore, there's simply nothing you can do...things just happened when it's time for them to happen.
Give yourself and the other person a chance and bask in the glow of love...
If you never try, you'll never know the answers to all your questions. If you felt uncertain about the relationship, it isn't all as bad as you think...it just meant that the ending of the story is empty and not written yet. So...go ahead and earn the courage to write the ending yourself...together with that special someone who chooses to be in a relationship with you and not anyone else.
Good luck. -
whoa nah beh, like movie script leh. I think if u tell a girl this she cfm fall head over heels in love.Originally posted by parn:Don't waste your life seeking for something that's never as constant as gravity.
Love someone and enter a relationship with that someone when you are in love. Move on and leave the relationship when you're not in love with that someone anymore.
You can spend all your time coming out with answers and solutions to maintain a healthy and loving relationship. But if the other party doesn't want to keep the relationship anymore, there's simply nothing you can do...things just happened when it's time for them to happen.
Give yourself and the other person a chance and bask in the glow of love...
If you never try, you'll never know the answers to all your questions. If you felt uncertain about the relationship, it isn't all as bad as you think...it just meant that the ending of the story is empty and not written yet. So...go ahead and earn the courage to write the ending yourself...together with that special someone who chooses to be in a relationship with you and not anyone else.
Good luck.
But too bad reality is not like this leh. If i tell a girl i wanna end things, this chapter in our life is over, and she just smile and tell me she's sad but she enjoyed that part of life and will cherish the memories, i will never worry about entering a relationship again man...reality is after shock, comes hurt, then sadness, followed by anger, and completed by bitterness. -
Originally posted by Hellraiza:whoa nah beh, like movie script leh. I think if u tell a girl this she cfm fall head over heels in love.
But too bad reality is not like this leh. If i tell a girl i wanna end things, this chapter in our life is over, and she just smile and tell me she's sad but she enjoyed that part of life and will cherish the memories, i will never worry about entering a relationship again man...reality is after shock, comes hurt, then sadness, followed by anger, and completed by bitterness. A pity that you are such a wimp...
If I've known that, I wouldn't have posted at all....
You should tell us that you are too proud of yourself and not able to accept failure in a relationship. Too cowardly enough to have this fear of being hurt in a relationship. I thought you are afraid of hurting the other person...but no...in fact, you are the one who is afraid of being hurt.
Well, I hope you can realise the wisdom behind my post...that is to encourage you and give yourself a chance at what you really desire in life...that's a relationship.
If you are seeking for a perfect solution, I can tell you there's nobody in this world that can assure you one such solution. If you are not prepared to be hurt in any relationship, then you are not ready for any relationship. And if you really do end up alone, bitter about your own poor fate and blames everyone else except yourself...then I can say that you will truly deserved the future that you are heading...doomed for solitary.
Good luck...you're going to need a lot of it. -
Friend, read properly before replying, saves you time...i take it as your previous post was for fun...no offence.Originally posted by parn: A pity that you are such a wimp...
If I've known that, I wouldn't have posted at all....
You should tell us that you are too proud of yourself and not able to accept failure in a relationship. Too cowardly enough to have this fear of being hurt in a relationship. I thought you are afraid of hurting the other person...but no...in fact, you are the one who is afraid of being hurt.
Well, I hope you can realise the wisdom behind my post...that is to encourage you and give yourself a chance at what you really desire in life...that's a relationship.
If you are seeking for a perfect solution, I can tell you there's nobody in this world that can assure you one such solution. If you are not prepared to be hurt in any relationship, then you are not ready for any relationship. And if you really do end up alone, bitter about your own poor fate and blames everyone else except yourself...then I can say that you will truly deserved the future that you are heading...doomed for solitary.
Good luck...you're going to need a lot of it.
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Originally posted by Hellraiza:Friend, read properly before replying, saves you time...i take it as your previous post was for fun...no offence.
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If you think that it is possible that you might say goodbye to her and hurt her, then you don't love her at all. For that, you shouldn't even deserve to be in a relationship with her at all.
Who are you calling friend? -
Originally posted by Hellraiza:
"'Tis better to have loved and lost,
How do you enter a relationship, when you have the mindset that, "nothing is forever"?
Than never to have loved at all."
-- Alfred, Lord Tennyson
We don't choose to love people around us because we think they are going to be with us forever. We don't choose to love people around us because we think they are always going to stay as we know them forever. There are many reasons why people love, but thinking that the relationship would never change is seldom, if not ever, one of them.
People change. Some people die, some people grow. Some change for the better, some for the worse. It's the same with relationships. And how could we expect relationships to remain status quo when the parties involved are changing all the time? If we don't want the relationship to die, then we'd have to make sure it grows. If it still perishes due to reasons beyond our control, at least we have benefitted from the experience and would hopefully become wiser in future relationships.
Some say it is the inconstancy of life that makes it worth living. If everything is going to be the same every day, what life would there be?
Go with your heart. And put aside the negative thoughts -- they tend to self-fulfilling at times. -
politeness doesn't pay i guess....Originally posted by parn:If you think that it is possible that you might say goodbye to her and hurt her, then you don't love her at all. For that, you shouldn't even deserve to be in a relationship with her at all.
Who are you calling friend? 
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well, y dont ask yourself y u still continue living when some day u gonna die... just enjoy your life to max.... get love, get anything u want...Originally posted by Hellraiza:How do you enter a relationship, when you have the mindset that, "nothing is forever"? Like...you really really like this lady, and she likes you too, but you hold back from getting into a relationship with her, cause you have this great fear that you might hurt her in the future, and you KNOW that you guys won't be together forever, cos face it, marriages also can be broken up...kinda disillusioned lah crap. I guess maybe some can call it commitment phobia, but its deeper than that... -
i think i like this answer bestOriginally posted by BrUtUs:well, y dont ask yourself y u still continue living when some day u gonna die... just enjoy your life to max.... get love, get anything u want...
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sort of agree
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It isn't always about the destination ; you've got to enjoy the journey itself.
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nice answer. perhaps caramon should read this.Originally posted by BrUtUs:well, y dont ask yourself y u still continue living when some day u gonna die... just enjoy your life to max.... get love, get anything u want... -
Cool... man..Originally posted by BrUtUs:well, y dont ask yourself y u still continue living when some day u gonna die... just enjoy your life to max.... get love, get anything u want...
Shuang Kuai