Follow ur feelings? Or Rationale?
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Taking for example....
You have this friend...
He's the only one who has smiliar hobbies as you... you can go out with any of your other friends.. but nothing beats going with him... U're never bored with him around...
However, he's weird in the sense that he's like, always acting to be a nice guy.. and u never know whats under the cover... Nice guy when he's out in real life but other than that.. he's like showing you lotsa attitude as if u're borned to endure his crap... and he has lotsa bad habits(e.g getting seriously broke and borrowing $ everywhere)... you know eventually when you grow older.. and if u still know this person.. he'll give you hell....
Will you still wanna carry on with this friendship knowing that it'll never come to a good end?
This is just an example...
what i mean is.... you know this person will make ur life horrible (maybe a burden) in future, but at the present u enjoy his accompany alot... will u choose ur feelings (like to carry on) or being rational... try to siam him?
Any other examples to share? -
BE RATIONALE!!! Feelings will come again!! That jerk not worth it!!!
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Look out for this signs:
1) he gets sad from time time when he dont get the attention from you
2) one moment he is jovial, the other he is moody
3)He misses your company but afraid to demand it from you. Instead he seeks out oppurtunitites to be with u
4) He is willing to put his life at risk for u or do stupid things for u
THIS ABOVE POINT TO SINCERE GUY -
feelings first...Originally posted by silv3rgal:Taking for example....
You have this friend...
He's the only one who has smiliar hobbies as you... you can go out with any of your other friends.. but nothing beats going with him... U're never bored with him around...
However, he's weird in the sense that he's like, always acting to be a nice guy.. and u never know whats under the cover... Nice guy when he's out in real life but other than that.. he's like showing you lotsa attitude as if u're borned to endure his crap... and he has lotsa bad habits(e.g getting seriously broke and borrowing $ everywhere)... you know eventually when you grow older.. and if u still know this person.. he'll give you hell....
Will you still wanna carry on with this friendship knowing that it'll never come to a good end?
This is just an example...
what i mean is.... you know this person will make ur life horrible (maybe a burden) in future, but at the present u enjoy his accompany alot... will u choose ur feelings (like to carry on) or being rational... try to siam him?
Any other examples to share?
rationale i save it for the last resort
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What if he's an "ice-hearted" devil? he just goes out with you because he has little or no friends coz no one can tolerate his crap? And if he ever loses you as a friend.. he'll just.. "no big deal, get over and done with.. why should i even give a damn"Originally posted by bollywoodfan2005:Look out for this signs:
1) he gets sad from time time when he dont get the attention from you
2) one moment he is jovial, the other he is moody
3)He misses your company but afraid to demand it from you. Instead he seeks out oppurtunitites to be with u
4) He is willing to put his life at risk for u or do stupid things for u
THIS ABOVE POINT TO SINCERE GUY -
Originally posted by silv3rgal:
If it is friendship and remains only friendship, then you could have the best of both worlds -- no strings attached, yet you can still enjoy his company if you still want to.
Will you still wanna carry on with this friendship knowing that it'll never come to a good end?
However, from your example, it may not be just friendship. It may lead to something else, something that does not have a good end, and that's where your rationale can save you.
Think of it like taking drugs. You feel great when you take them, but you know they'll eventually destroy you. The problem is the more you take them, the more you want them. The deeper you're addicted to the pleasure they give you, the greater the pain of pulling yourself away from their clenches. So the best way to save yourself from pain is to abstain from pleasure offered in the first place.
There is a Chinese nugget of wisdom "Short pain better than long pain". The same principle applies. Always protect yourself before indulging. -
Sounds like an invitation to trouble.... Just keep him around as a fren but look out for someone else who deserves you better and whom u deserveOriginally posted by silv3rgal:Taking for example....
You have this friend...
He's the only one who has smiliar hobbies as you... you can go out with any of your other friends.. but nothing beats going with him... U're never bored with him around...
However, he's weird in the sense that he's like, always acting to be a nice guy.. and u never know whats under the cover... Nice guy when he's out in real life but other than that.. he's like showing you lotsa attitude as if u're borned to endure his crap... and he has lotsa bad habits(e.g getting seriously broke and borrowing $ everywhere)... you know eventually when you grow older.. and if u still know this person.. he'll give you hell....
Will you still wanna carry on with this friendship knowing that it'll never come to a good end?
This is just an example...
what i mean is.... you know this person will make ur life horrible (maybe a burden) in future, but at the present u enjoy his accompany alot... will u choose ur feelings (like to carry on) or being rational... try to siam him?
Any other examples to share?
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I agree... Nice one dude..Originally posted by Tuatau:If it is friendship and remains only friendship, then you could have the best of both worlds -- no strings attached, yet you can still enjoy his company if you still want to.
However, from your example, it may not be just friendship. It may lead to something else, something that does not have a good end, and that's where your rationale can save you.
Think of it like taking drugs. You feel great when you take them, but you know they'll eventually destroy you. The problem is the more you take them, the more you want them. The deeper you're addicted to the pleasure they give you, the greater the pain of pulling yourself away from their clenches. So the best way to save yourself from pain is to abstain from pleasure offered in the first place.
There is a Chinese nugget of wisdom "Short pain better than long pain". The same principle applies. Always protect yourself before indulging.
But even as a friend.. it's very hard to endure him and his freakin lies..he seemed to be living in an illusionary world, always spinning up tales and sharing them with everyone, as if they are real, which makes him look good of course. Its very hard to keep a friendship this way when you feel like exposing him everytime he tells lies! And this guy always loves to be a wet blanket...e.g when you tell him you can't wait to graduate and find a good job,start earning bucks and buy a car.. he'd say.. " Aiya..people working in ur field (Accountancy) earn nuts...the market rate pay's only how much how much (and he stated a freakin low figure - which isn't true at all)...don't believe you can check it out yourself, don't dream too much" Instead of giving encouragement, he's just into killing your enthusiaism as well as to make himself feel better..coz he's really alot worse off than me.
Anywayz, I haven't been talking to this person for a rather long time, but sometimes when I feel bored, i'd just think about it...whether if i was right NOT salvaging this friendship. -
Originally posted by silv3rgal:
You don't need to go too far to get such entertainment. Just drop in anytime.
But even as a friend.. it's very hard to endure him and his freakin lies..he seemed to be living in an illusionary world, always spinning up tales and sharing them with everyone, as if they are real, which makes him look good of course. Its very hard to keep a friendship this way when you feel like exposing him everytime he tells lies! And this guy always loves to be a wet blanket...e.g when you tell him you can't wait to graduate and find a good job,start earning bucks and buy a car.. he'd say.. " Aiya..people working in ur field (Accountancy) earn nuts...the market rate pay's only how much how much (and he stated a freakin low figure - which isn't true at all)...don't believe you can check it out yourself, don't dream too much" Instead of giving encouragement, he's just into killing your enthusiaism as well as to make himself feel better..coz he's really alot worse off than me.
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If you can treat him like a friend, treat him like a friend. If you think he don't deserves it, don't.Originally posted by silv3rgal:I agree... Nice one dude..
But even as a friend.. it's very hard to endure him and his freakin lies..he seemed to be living in an illusionary world, always spinning up tales and sharing them with everyone, as if they are real, which makes him look good of course. Its very hard to keep a friendship this way when you feel like exposing him everytime he tells lies! And this guy always loves to be a wet blanket...e.g when you tell him you can't wait to graduate and find a good job,start earning bucks and buy a car.. he'd say.. " Aiya..people working in ur field (Accountancy) earn nuts...the market rate pay's only how much how much (and he stated a freakin low figure - which isn't true at all)...don't believe you can check it out yourself, don't dream too much" Instead of giving encouragement, he's just into killing your enthusiaism as well as to make himself feel better..coz he's really alot worse off than me.
Anywayz, I haven't been talking to this person for a rather long time, but sometimes when I feel bored, i'd just think about it...whether if i was right NOT salvaging this friendship.
It's only about a friendship, I think I'll just take it if I can handle it. Probably with the necessary 'precautions'...?
If it's more than a friendship, probably don't have to siam because I ain't got much feelings anyway? Unless I'm sort of driven to the wall or it's OBVIOUSLY coming to a BIG BANG for the relationship, I'll probably just go on? -
well.. thanks for ya advices...
I'm doing A-okay now w/o such a person in my life, i got lotsa other friends too....
Enough of my problem bah...
Lets change a subject...same topic though..
What if..
Feelings : You like this person
Rationale :This person is bad (in the long term u'll definately suffer w/ him/her)
& both of you are in a r/s. If that fella is really "Unsavable" will u still choose to be with him/her?
I had a close friend in my JC days who sticked faithfully to this guy for more than 2 years when this guy goes around messing with other girls, treating her like a maid (when they go out, she's always the one helping him to carry things when it should be the other way round), and throwing temper at her for no reason, and spending her money too,worse still,he doesnt even to acknowledge her as his gf when his friends are around!.... I asked why would she even bother about such a guy...she said she likes him and thats the only reason why she endured so much of his insensibility, but she was never happy in the r/s (perhaps once in a blue moon when he's feeling happy). -
Originally posted by silv3rgal:
There has been a theory floating around that there are a group of people attracted to partners who generally make them unhappy, not because they are masochistic and enjoy misery, but because happiness is so rare they derive an extreme sense of gratification and bliss whenever they encounter that occasional happy moment during the relationship. It makes them particularly vulnerable to exploitation, however.
I had a close friend in my JC days who sticked faithfully to this guy for more than 2 years when this guy goes around messing with other girls, treating her like a maid (when they go out, she's always the one helping him to carry things when it should be the other way round), and throwing temper at her for no reason, and spending her money too,worse still,he doesnt even to acknowledge her as his gf when his friends are around!.... I asked why would she even bother about such a guy...she said she likes him and thats the only reason why she endured so much of his insensibility, but she was never happy in the r/s (perhaps once in a blue moon when he's feeling happy).
I don't know if your girlfriend belongs to such a group. Anyway, while it may be easy to see things clearly and place judgments as a spectator, we wouldn't know how deep your friend's feelings go for her jerk of a boyfriend. Or there could some other unknown reasons as well that she is not willing to share. Sometimes, the more unreasonable things may appear to be, the darker the reasons that may be hidden from the view of the spectators. -
CHOICE.Originally posted by silv3rgal:well.. thanks for ya advices...
I'm doing A-okay now w/o such a person in my life, i got lotsa other friends too....
Enough of my problem bah...
Lets change a subject...same topic though..
What if..
Feelings : You like this person
Rationale :This person is bad (in the long term u'll definately suffer w/ him/her)
& both of you are in a r/s. If that fella is really "Unsavable" will u still choose to be with him/her?
I had a close friend in my JC days who sticked faithfully to this guy for more than 2 years when this guy goes around messing with other girls, treating her like a maid (when they go out, she's always the one helping him to carry things when it should be the other way round), and throwing temper at her for no reason, and spending her money too,worse still,he doesnt even to acknowledge her as his gf when his friends are around!.... I asked why would she even bother about such a guy...she said she likes him and thats the only reason why she endured so much of his insensibility, but she was never happy in the r/s (perhaps once in a blue moon when he's feeling happy).
Or sometimes... More like HABIT