What will you do,if you were me?
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Just wanna if you were me....What will you do?
Currently I'm attached but I was troubled with the following issues...
I got to know this guy J from my workplace...and started to be togather with him last oct even through i'm aware that he's married with kid...throughout the past 6 months, we were very happy coz even through that he needs to go back home daily and he will try his best to keep me company...which i dun mind as long as he's there to keep me company and did lots of things that make me very touched and love him very much untill i reali treat him like my hubby. Another things is that, he is now in the midst of separating with his wife...but then one day, due to prevent any further things happened, he suggested to me to pretend to be with another guy E who is interested in me so as to use it as a diversion. Slowly, i begin to fall for E as times goes by then i told him that i wanted to brek off with J...since i thought that both of us may not be able to together and i dun wan to break his marriage.
Even after i break off with him...J still havent been giving up...he still did things to hope that i could go back to him...like sending me flowers...giving me gifts...etc.Due to the fact, is that i still miss J.In march, Then i found out that i was pregent and the father happens to be J...Now i duno what to do... I wanted to keep the child and i also dun bear to leave E...
So anyone can possiblely tell or advise me what shall i do?
1) I do love both J and E... but seems like i love J more than E...sometimes..i also dunno my self...
2) Whenever i'm with E, he will question me abt J and me ...whether we still meeting each other...and i will think of J...the times we had used to be...The fact is that when i'm with J...i feel more happy sometimes than with E.
3) When i told J abt it that i'm having his child...he was very happy and keep telling me to take care of myself...ensuring me that i must have enough rest, sleep and etc..even when i used to be him...he is also care and concern abt me ....I wanted the child and should i keep the child and let J to take care of me and the baby? As he promised that he will try his best to take care of me and the baby ...
4) i 'm currently 2 mths pregent, i dunno how to tell E and my parents ...as now i'm only below 20.
Thanks... -
abort and all is settled otherwise just tell E lor he will know anyway it hink the main thing is that J doesn't want you enuff to break his marraige and i doubt you want to remain "hidden" with a child so i guess you should tell E and ask him what he thinks or ou just abbort and there are no more problems. i think abort is better since i think you are too young too anyway.Originally posted by FinalFantasy:Just wanna if you were me....What will you do?
Currently I'm attached but I was troubled with the following issues...
I got to know this guy J from my workplace...and started to be togather with him last oct even through i'm aware that he's married with kid...throughout the past 6 months, we were very happy coz even through that he needs to go back home daily and he will try his best to keep me company...which i dun mind as long as he's there to keep me company and did lots of things that make me very touched and love him very much untill i reali treat him like my hubby. Another things is that, he is now in the midst of separating with his wife...but then one day, due to prevent any further things happened, he suggested to me to pretend to be with another guy E who is interested in me so as to use it as a diversion. Slowly, i begin to fall for E as times goes by then i told him that i wanted to brek off with J...since i thought that both of us may not be able to together and i dun wan to break his marriage.
Even after i break off with him...J still havent been giving up...he still did things to hope that i could go back to him...like sending me flowers...giving me gifts...etc.Due to the fact, is that i still miss J.In march, Then i found out that i was pregent and the father happens to be J...Now i duno what to do... I wanted to keep the child and i also dun bear to leave E...
So anyone can possiblely tell or advise me what shall i do?
1) I do love both J and E... but seems like i love J more than E...sometimes..i also dunno my self...
2) Whenever i'm with E, he will question me abt J and me ...whether we still meeting each other...and i will think of J...the times we had used to be...The fact is that when i'm with J...i feel more happy sometimes than with E.
3) When i told J abt it that i'm having his child...he was very happy and keep telling me to take care of myself...ensuring me that i must have enough rest, sleep and etc..even when i used to be him...he is also care and concern abt me ....I wanted the child and should i keep the child and let J to take care of me and the baby? As he promised that he will try his best to take care of me and the baby ...
4) i 'm currently 2 mths pregent, i dunno how to tell E and my parents ...as now i'm only below 20.
Thanks...
btw i think this should be in AA or something not sure if pple will start doing maths here or start offering stupid suggestions -
Sad to say...I agree with hisoka too. If born this child will really suffer, no name sake, no birth right, no father's name in birth cert. YOu are feeling miserable enough. Dun make someone come to this world and feel as miserable as you and let ppl call the child names. End this at your generation.Originally posted by hisoka:abort and all is settled otherwise just tell E lor he will know anyway it hink the main thing is that J doesn't want you enuff to break his marraige and i doubt you want to remain "hidden" with a child so i guess you should tell E and ask him what he thinks or ou just abbort and there are no more problems. i think abort is better since i think you are too young too anyway.
btw i think this should be in AA or something not sure if pple will start doing maths here or start offering stupid suggestions -
since you are wif E now.. i guess it better to tell E wat happen.. if you jus keep quiet , that not fair to E at all. NOw you already got the baby, you should take the responsibilty , in the first place you already know that J is married and both of you wouldnt have any gd ending and yet you still do that, that very foolish of you.
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Well, it's wrong breakin up a family...u should have put urself in J's wife's shoes in the first place.. if u were to be married to J and some other younger gal comes into ur marriage, messes up with your husband and gets pregnant?
How will their kid feel?
Well this happened to my family b4...and luckily my mum was tolerant enough and dad's r/s with that *&#^(*@# is shortlived. But for that 2 years or so, I was feeling damn depressed and unhappy. U said u were happy with J.. but it was in the expense of his wife and kid... Well.. anywayz just a piece of my mind here..
Abortion's the killin of a life...it's murder! killing your unborn may be a fast way to end your problems.. but it's really unethical to do so...
well, seems like the kid's gonna pay for your sins if he/she's born. However, it's the 21st Century... I doubt a kid from a Single parent family will be discriminated by the society... just bring him/her up well and he'll be just like anyone out there...Since u have made this mistake , you should at least be responsible and not to kill your unborn to hide your sins right?
But if the kid is born, are you still going to get together with J?
Perhaps you can discuss with E if E accepts your unborn child.... -
Well...to me the truth is that i wanted to keep the child very much and then to be with J as he also wanted to be with me too...just that i also dun bear to leave E .
J ever asked me before that what is it that i like abt E ...i also dunno ...
I was thinking that i wanted to keep the child and then go back to J coz i dun wan to "kill" a innocent one... and i also feel that i wanted to be with J and J also wanted to be with me too... as J is still trying his best to be with me...
Just that i duno what to do...sometimes i at lost....that's y i post this and ask for advise... -
Then how about his wife and kid? And how about E?Originally posted by FinalFantasy:Well...to me the truth is that i wanted to keep the child very much and then to be with J as he also wanted to be with me too...just that i also dun bear to leave E .
J ever asked me before that what is it that i like abt E ...i also dunno ...
I was thinking that i wanted to keep the child and then go back to J coz i dun wan to "kill" a innocent one... and i also feel that i wanted to be with J and J also wanted to be with me too... as J is still trying his best to be with me...
Just that i duno what to do...sometimes i at lost....that's y i post this and ask for advise...
By being with J.. you are getting what u want in expense of 3 people leh....
But since if this can happen to J now, can you reassure that this won't happen again? Like he running off with another woman?
Of course when u're in this kinda situation.. its very hard to think for others liao.
But since u can jump from J to E so easily.. i bet u have alot of suitors out there.. perhaps u will run into someone who is kind enough to accept you and your child? U will never know! -
Wow..... So messy... Cant understand.....
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1 ) Quit your work, change phone number, change address, tell E u have his child. Settled. Remember this is nothing, considering the future of ur child.
2 ) Abort and leave J
3 ) Leave J and E
Abort seems to be the only way out... heck who cares...not my child. -
Oh, poor girl. This is quite a mess you got yourself in. And you are under 20. In this case you are talking about four lives here.
I agree with some of the posters here. J didn't love you enough to leave his family for you. Although you feel you are happier with him, it may be a case of "forbidden fruit taste sweeter". As for E, you have to be honest with him if you are bent on having the baby. But I fear, life ma not be the same anymore with E. And at your young age, you are confident that you can take care of the baby? You are only just starting to get a life yourself.
Please take care, stay strong and calm and speak to an adult whom you trust in your family nuclear. You really shouldn't go through this alone.
All the very best. -
So wat did J say after knowing that u are pregnant? Just asked u to take care of yourself? Did he say that he will be responsible? In the first place, since he's married, why did u sleep with him?
You are below 20..OMG! If J dun want to provide for u and the unborn child, what are u going to do? If E finds out about this, how will he feel? Betrayed and heartbreak. Have you ever thought of the consequences? Be prepared for the worst.
I dun encourage abortion. But since J is already married, it's also not encouraging for him to get a divorce. No matter what he do, he will hurt either one or both of u (u and his wife). My instinct tells me that he will never leave his wife and kid.
2 months already..can't drag any longer. Talk to J and E..talk to ur family...I dun think you can support the child by yourself if u were to bring it to this world. Whatever it is, plssssssss be responsible for your own actions. Dun want hear another news about newborn baby being thrown in rubbish chute. -
Hi~ i can see that u got a number of replies to ur questions ler~ But i share with u something about the baby issue~ i hope it will influence ur decision in the correct way ^^Originally posted by FinalFantasy:Just wanna if you were me....What will you do?
Currently I'm attached but I was troubled with the following issues...
I got to know this guy J from my workplace...and started to be togather with him last oct even through i'm aware that he's married with kid...throughout the past 6 months, we were very happy coz even through that he needs to go back home daily and he will try his best to keep me company...which i dun mind as long as he's there to keep me company and did lots of things that make me very touched and love him very much untill i reali treat him like my hubby. Another things is that, he is now in the midst of separating with his wife...but then one day, due to prevent any further things happened, he suggested to me to pretend to be with another guy E who is interested in me so as to use it as a diversion. Slowly, i begin to fall for E as times goes by then i told him that i wanted to brek off with J...since i thought that both of us may not be able to together and i dun wan to break his marriage.
Even after i break off with him...J still havent been giving up...he still did things to hope that i could go back to him...like sending me flowers...giving me gifts...etc.Due to the fact, is that i still miss J.In march, Then i found out that i was pregent and the father happens to be J...Now i duno what to do... I wanted to keep the child and i also dun bear to leave E...
So anyone can possiblely tell or advise me what shall i do?
1) I do love both J and E... but seems like i love J more than E...sometimes..i also dunno my self...
2) Whenever i'm with E, he will question me abt J and me ...whether we still meeting each other...and i will think of J...the times we had used to be...The fact is that when i'm with J...i feel more happy sometimes than with E.
3) When i told J abt it that i'm having his child...he was very happy and keep telling me to take care of myself...ensuring me that i must have enough rest, sleep and etc..even when i used to be him...he is also care and concern abt me ....I wanted the child and should i keep the child and let J to take care of me and the baby? As he promised that he will try his best to take care of me and the baby ...
4) i 'm currently 2 mths pregent, i dunno how to tell E and my parents ...as now i'm only below 20.
Thanks...
I got a female friend.. same age as me.. she got married at the age of 17. Typical shot gun marriage. At the point of time, it become those sort of situation u cant get out in. Marriage was suggested by both sides. During that time, what she feel is that is marry marry lor. Too young and immature to think of the consquences of having a marriage life and feeding a kid at such a young age bah?
After the first few months, the baby was born. Initally both of them are very happy. Cos got a nice cute little baby mah. But slowly problems start coming in, diapers, milk watever etc cost money~ and babies need a lot of attention.
All the lovey dovey talk and good old times ends like tat~~~ Money~ and how to bring up the kid become a major problem~
the father is the sort tat do nothing~ bring no money, go out with his friends to go clubbing and sleeping around with girls~ pays no attention to his family at all~ and only know how to ask money~
Lots of fights started and eventually it end up in divorce 6 yrs later~ In order not to pay mantaince for the kid, the father even lied to my friend that he will be in jail for 6 months for a offence he commited. =X
Tat is part one~~
Currently she is with someone who can accept her and her kid. and he dun mind her past at all. His family is supportive of the relationship and they are complementing marriage. ^^
Think about this bah~ of cos not everything got a happy ending de. but well, theres a will, theres a way. By the way i dun support abortion~ i believe in being responsible for ur actions.. tat meaning, to raise the kid instead of killing it. take care~~~ and think hard~~~
p.s: my advice is for this case tat "think with ur head, instead of ur heart"
women tend to think using the heart more.
Must be flexible to obtain the best results! not for this case though -
J asked for it
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p.s: my advice is for this case tat "think with ur head, instead of ur heart"
Totally agree... U should let rationale rule over feelings....
Perhaps your family can help you to bring up your child first? Talk to E..and if he's uncomfortable with the situation...then forget about him bah... it's a test of love here.. if he can't accept you and your plight, it ain't called true love anymore...
As for J... Sometimes guys can be really nice and sweet with their words...but do you even know what's really on his mind? Usually, when older married guys messes ard with little girls... it's for the fun and pleasure niaz.. in the hearts, their wife and family's still their essence of life... (which may not be your case though)
Perhaps..your true love's somwhere out there...he'll accept you and your child...with open arms.. you are still young and u won't know what's gonna be in for you in the future.. so just don't limit ur chances now... I'm sure you can live w/o a guy for the moment right? Talk to your parents , i bet you will get their full support, don't bottle things up...or maybe you can talk to some counsellors..
Pregnancy Crisis Service (Family Life Society) - Unmarried mothers and mothers-to-be having trouble coping with their pregnancy.
Tel: 6339-9770
(9:00am - 5:00pm Mon-Sat)
(Answering machine after office hours)
Hope this helps -
see many young ppl can show off the use of complicated gadgets
and their supposed intelligence but a simple tink like love, marriage and pregnancy dun know hard to handle....didn't the gals parent teach her any thing? or did her parents taught her anything about loving oneself?
u tink this guy J is so good...tthat wen he finds her pregnant first thing to do should be marry her...unless u tell me u got together just to sleep around and hav s ex....advices we can ive...but useless now if u can't handle it
tok to both party parents and get prof help....... i tink FF dun know what is luv....only appreciate 2 guys (or any other guys) who treat her nice but deep down in her heart dun know what she really wanted
i am just glad not every other girl is like u
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i just know ur in a bad position.. and you brought yourself upon this one.. so.. good luck
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guess my words about undesirable posts came true...Originally posted by 'm back:see many young ppl can show off the use of complicated gadgets
and their supposed intelligence but a simple tink like love, marriage and pregnancy dun know hard to handle....didn't the gals parent teach her any thing? or did her parents taught her anything about loving oneself?
u tink this guy J is so good...tthat wen he finds her pregnant first thing to do should be marry her...unless u tell me u got together just to sleep around and hav s ex....advices we can ive...but useless now if u can't handle it
tok to both party parents and get prof help....... i tink FF dun know what is luv....only appreciate 2 guys (or any other guys) who treat her nice but deep down in her heart dun know what she really wanted
i am just glad not every other girl is like u
anyway i think those that said make choices rationally have a point, but one thing i have to say about thinking rationally is that i feel if you think rationally then abortion is nothing wrong since the thought of killing a life(it depends on how you define it i suppose) being wrong is irrational if you will not get punished for it. not trying to argue but trying to tell her to really think rationally. -
i have been consulted with these kind of problems so many times by so many people.
At the end, i realized that all these people (including yourself) already have an answer regardless how much advice other people have given. You just try to avoid the answer that lies at the bottom of your heart(brain) and need someone to support your decision.
i think you have to sit down by yourself quietly and think through this...
A few paragraphs of posts in this forum cannot make us to understand totally your situation. Only you yourself can clear out and walk out of this situation.
Although you already have an answer, I must make my opinion know. (success rate to get in your mind is 0-1% if my opinion doesn't click with yours)
just don't abort. the kid is innocent and they are life. although you will have a tougher life, you are still considered lucky. Many people could suffer in worse situation than you in some part in this world e.g. war, hunger, entire family died of earthquake etc. It is because you are in singapore, we all are well taken care of by government (sadly? or happily? i don't have an answer for now)