Jackie Neow, a well known local comedian, artiste and director with MediaCock, has reached an historic agreement with Lucasflims to start the production of a new movie.
“I held several discussions with Jackie Neow,” said LucasFilms spokesman Georgia Binks. “And I’m happy with the plans he had for the new movie spin-off. The suggested storyline has many similarities to Star Wars, yet with an added twist to make it interesting to a local audience. It will be made into several episodes, with merchandise spin-offs for each episode to maximize income. This shall be very lucrative.”
“Very, very lucrative,” he added, waving a hand in front of the audience’s faces.
Sources revealed that the movie will be known as the “Spore Bores”. Like the original, it will feature the rise of an evil emperor through political means.
“This plot is easy to come up with,” quipped Mr Jackie Neow. “We already have a great example of this in real life. Allegedly.”
Jackie Neow revealed the plot that a politician, Minister Harilee, will use several means to slowly gain the trust of a nation, much like Senator Palpatine in “Star Wars”. Minister Harilee’s will plunge a state into crisis by a separation from a larger nation.
“This will result in the people looking to him for leadership,” continued Jackie Neow. “However, to consolidate his powers, he will secretly organise riots and communist insurgencies. Minister Harilee will create a team of storm troopers, known as the Internal Storming Department or ISD to help him put a stop to all this and gain the trust of the people.”
The nation will finally give Minister Harilee extreme powers of an Emperor in exchange for promises of security, efficiency and progress. Jackie Neow stated that “This will be the day democracy died amid cheers of the people.”
Unknown to all however, Minister HarileeÂ’s true identity, Darth Mentor, is a Shit Lord: a wielder of the dark side of the force. The Emperor intends to gain revenge on behalf of the Shit and proceeds to create an oppressive regime where his rule is absolute and another who dares goes against him will end up either bankrupt or having to go into exile.
The Emperor will take an apprentice known as Count Dupegoh. Count Dupegoh helps the Emperor to enlist the aid of mercenaries, like the mercenary Blubber Fatt.
However unknown to Count Dupegoh, he will only be warming the position before the Emperor’s final master plan is complete – to lure his son, Anehkin Fastclimber, to join him on the dark side.
“This comes the favorite part of my story,” Jackie Neow announced excitedly. “This is the part where there will be a twist in the story. Anehkin, who initially was thought to be a new hope by the people, will turn out to be a false hope as he gradually turns towards the dark side.”
Jackie continued, “Since small, he has great fear of being unable to live up to his reputation, given the general public’s opinion that his speedy rise is attributed to his parentage rather than his skill. And as we all know, fear leads to anger, and anger leads to the dark side.”
One of the defining moments of the movie will be the scene where Anehkin gives in to his anger and slaps another senator across the face.
Through his crossing over to the dark side, Anehkin becomes a true Shit Lord – perhaps the greatest in the galaxy – the much feared Darth Slapper.
Together with the Emperor, he will build a “Death Casino” to further increase their own coffers at the expense of the republic.
“When will there be a new hope then? What will happen to the people?” asked State’s Times reporter Mr Chin Kay Poh, to which Jackie Neow snapped: “Since when has there been any hope for the people?”
It is not known when the movie will be released. Said Georgia Binks, “The premiere is still sometime far, far away.”
-from
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