> > Jan 31, 2005
> > When Mr Right comes at the wrong time
> > by Janice Wong
> >
> >
> >
> > SOMETIMES, timing rather than love decides who we end up being with -
> > or without.
> >
> > Only some lucky people marry the loves of their lives. The rest marry
> > the most suitable person who comes along when they are ready to settle
> > down.
> >
> > A friend in his 20s came to this conclusion after confiding in me
> > that he had recently met a woman who is more attractive than his wife,
> > and so occupies his thoughts more often than his wife does.
> >
> > 'If only I had met her before I got married,' he said wistfully.
> >
> > But I think even if the love of one's life appears when one is
> > single, one may not be in the right frame of mind to recognise him or
> > her as such.
> >
> > And then love passes by.
> >
> > Life is littered with near misses and lost opportunities.
> >
> > I attended my ex-boyfriend's wedding last month, which triggered many
> > memories.
> >
> > We met five years ago when I was 23 and he 31. It was love at first
> > sight.
> >
> > He had an established career, was down-to-earth and steadfastly
> > religious.
> >
> > I was then working as an air stewardess and my head was - literally
> > and metaphorically - in the clouds.
> >
> > I was also - well, let's put it this way - not religious.
> >
> > Despite our differences, we were soulmates. We had the same quirky
> > sense of humour and shared long, intense overnight conversations.
> >
> > But human nature is perverse. When someone is excessively nice to us,
> > we start taking things for granted, instead of appreciating them even
> > more.
> >
> > My ex sent me to the airport, fixed my PC, reminded me to take health
> > supplements - and go to church.
> >
> > He had everything I could want in a husband - except that I was not
> > looking for one. A boyfriend was all I could cope with then.
> >
> > I loved fast cars, danced wildly at Zouk and took off on shopping
> > holidays at a whim. My life revolved around I, me and myself.
> >
> > In the six months that we were together, he popped the question
> > several times and talked ad nauseam about having children. He wanted us
> > to enrol for a Christian marriage preparation course.
> >
> > Yes, I did often fantasise about a Vera Wang wedding gown, but I was
> > at that stage of my life when I was more interested in Guess than Baby
> > Guess.
> >
> > And where - dare I admit it? - I still wanted to meet other men.
> >
> > So I was a 23-year-old with the emotional maturity of a 13-year-old.
> > Responsibility? Wasn't that for adults?
> >
> > In short, I met Mr Right at the wrong time.
> >
> > The more he talked about marriage and religion, the more I felt
> > pressured and the more pressured I felt, the more irritable I became.
> >
> > I was too impatient to compromise. Every trivial matter blew up as a
> > big deal. My mood obliterated the good in our relationship and reached a
> > point where I just wanted out.
> >
> > He was heartbroken; I was sad but relieved. He still called me
> > regularly, beseeching me to change my mind.
> >
> > The calls stopped finally after a year. Now and then, we say 'Hi' via
> > e-mail.
> >
> > I had a few painful relationships after that. Served me right, as
> > those rude wake-up calls were necessary for me to realise the
> > meaninglessness of my hedonistic high life.
> >
> > I missed the tenderness of my ex and began having second thoughts.
> >
> > Perhaps I also felt more urgency to find someone marriageable before
> > my biological clock reached zero hour. It dawned on me that I am not a
> > pixie like Peter Pan who can flit around forever. One day, I'd wake up
> > sick and alone when my fair weather friends flit away.
> >
> > But I was too proud and too unsure of my ex's reaction to call him
> > until last year.
> >
> > The first thing he told me excitedly was that he had found The One.
> > My heart tumbled to my feet. So, that's Fate.
> >
> > If only I could turn back time. If only I had met him later. If
> > only... what feeble words.
> >
> > These days, I am more circumspect. I have come to terms with my loss.
> > There is nothing I can do about timing, but I can do everything about my
> > choices.
> >
> > Sometimes, when the nights get lonely, I toy with the idea of
> > marrying a platonic friend of mine, who often assures me earnestly that,
> > if the worst comes to the worst, he'd be willing to marry me.
> >
> > But I always dismiss that. I have already made one mistake. I should
> > not make another by settling for second best merely for the sake of
> > getting hitched - only to regret it soon after, as the guy who confided
> > in me did.
> >
> > Hopefully, the best is not over but yet to be.
> >