By Mark O'Brien (Not a real name)
When I did my taxes this year I found out that I spent over $14,000 on
DATES last year. Most of that was spent on dinner and drinks in
Manhattan. Now don't get me wrong, I had some very good times, some
great sex, and some good conversations. Hell, I even made a good
friend along the way, but mainly I came away from the date feeling
extremely disappointed and with a lighter wallet. Date by date it's
not THAT much money but it all adds up fast!
In the past I had a habit of always grabbing the check and paying
whether my date was hot or not. Whether we clicked or not. Basically I
felt ashamed to let her pay. I also kept an interesting statistic and
even I was surprised that only 5% of my dates even offered to pay -
yes, you see that right - 5%! One girl in the entire year offered to
pay for the entire check. A very nice gesture. But, of course I paid
and doubt she was sincere. In light of all this evidence I knew I had
to change some things. So, this year...
I DECIDED TO NEVER PAY FOR A FIRST DATE AGAIN.
How did I do this? First, I adopted the mindset that a girl should
naturally assume she's paying for herself. Now this wasn't easy at
first but I quickly got used to it.
Then when going into the bar/restaurant/lounge etc. I would hand the
server a credit card and ask them to open tabs for us. HEY! Did you
catch that? I said "TABS". Yah, don't worry at least 95% of the girls
I meet miss that one, too. Just to make sure I usually confirm that
the server has understood me too. I do this when the date rudely
answers her cell phone or is in the bathroom (probably using her cell
phone).
Guys, you know the MasterCard "priceless" series of commercials? Well,
let me tell you, you won't understand the meaning of "priceless" until
you see one of these girls handed their own check for 3 $20 martinis
and overpriced food (that they would probably never buy on their own).
It's also very relaxing to encourage the girl to eat and drink up
because even at $20 a pop for exotic gooey blender drinks I could not
care less how many of them she has - because SHE'S PAYING.
Oddly enough, when she realizes that there are individual bills there
will a few prolonged moments of discomfort. But don't panic. Something
that took me by surprise is how many girls suddenly have to "go to an
ATM". I can't quite figure out if it's because their cc's are maxed
out on shoe purchases or that they are trying to guilt me into paying.
Well, probably a combination of both, but I'm remorseless after doing
this for nearly 3 months now. Which brings me to my date last night...
OMG!
Of course, the classy nice Irish pub I suggested wasn't good enough
for her. Nah. She needed to to go somewhere more trendy. Ok, no
problem. W?
Hudson? Meatpacking District? SoHo? Where are we going? So, she picks
a midtown hotel bar. Nice place. Little stuffy. Drinks, not bad and
Macadamia nuts on the lounge tables (complimentary), nice! Of course,
I went through my usual routine, handed the server a credit card asked
her if we can start tabs she said, "sure" and took the card while her
cell phone rang. She apologized, (she had to get it). So I moved into
confirmation mode. Our waitress even missed the 'tabs' part but she
adjusted on the fly and told me no problem. Boy, let me tell you - the
girl I was with could really throw down the drinks. She was drinking
scotch that was older than the hotel we were in. Of course I
encouraged her the whole way. She was like, wow they have Johnny
Walker BLUE label! I was like, "You ever try it?" She's like...
"Nooooooo!!!" I'm like, "Go on... just get some". She's like, "
Are you sure?". I'm like, "Look, if you want it, just get it!" So she
ordered one, then another, and finally one more... Wow, she was
probably more than a little drunk. I stuck to my Stoli and a splash of
Cran.
When the BILL(S) came, she sobered up fast. I caught a glimpse of
hers, 5 drinks plus a little finger food for $319.00! She looked
shocked and sick to her stomach when she saw 2 bills. Guess she
thought I was buying. Think again. (The old me would a soaked up the
bill but steared her away from the Blue) I had 4 drinks, no food and a
great buzz. Pricey Stoli, but overall still a good value (I ate a ton
of free macadamias and almonds) $36.00. Damn I thought, that BLUE
label will get you every time. Of course she did more than the
traditional fumble through her purse. Her face was beat red and she
was speechless. She left the bill on the table and excused herself for
the restroom. I had already paid and was sucking on some ice. The
waitress was looking concerned. I told her, "Look". Sure enough, my
date was heading out toward the front door. I slowly grabbed my coat
as the waitress ran after her. Then security or a bellman grabbed her
at the door and a small shouting match ensued.
Can you imagine, she was trying to leave - without paying!
Well, I didn't stick around to see what happened. All I saw was the
poor waitress standing just inside the front door with a small
cocktail tray. she did look concerned but not panicked. A doorman and
bellman had the girl by the arm outside and was semi-forcing her back
inside. She wasn't getting away from this bill. I paid my bill. I had
my receipt. But I couldn't help wondering why she ordered three Johnny
Walker Blues. Doesn't she know that **** is expensive? Then I wondered
if they had to arrest her while I had another drink at my local Irish
pub.
I haven't heard from her again. Too bad, she was pretty cute, too.
